6: Alone in the Dark

Gribble's Log
Date: Unknown
Location: Unknown
Time: Unknown

The darkness of the forest closes in around me. It is cold, damp, menacing, and filled with unseen terrible creatures, like the space behind my basement refrigerator. Even obscured by trees, the sky looks different than the sky over Arlen that I know and love. These stars are unfamiliar to me. There can no longer be any doubt: I have left my home planet behind.

There is still much that I do not understand. These extraterrestrial horse-creatures appear to have taken me to their home world for study and/or dissection. This bodes well for my friends and family and fellow beloved Arlenites, as it would suggest they have NOT been invaded and colonized by an evil race of bloodthirsty pastel horses. At least not yet. This discovery does not, however, bode well for the possibility of my acquiring smokes.

I write these last hasty sentences by the light of my trusty Zippo, which, if the website I bought it from is to be believed, was once a prized possession of one Lee Harvey Oswald. If there is any possibility of obtaining smokes on this planet, I must conserve fuel. As such, I unfortunately must forego further entries in this journal until sunrise, assuming I survive that long. Also, I keep burning my fingers.

In the event that I should perish, cold and alone on this hostile alien world, I make the following bequests:

To my friend, Hank Rutherford Hill, I bequeath one (1) Mason Allegro X9J Riding Lawnmower, codename "Redeemer."

To my friend, Jeffrey Dexter Boomhauer, I bequeath one (1) 1992 Dodge Grand Caravan, hereafter referred to as the "Bugabago."

To my friend, Sgt. William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive, I bequeath one (1) cannister of pure alien urine, which he has on more than one occasion mistaken for a cannister of barbicide, as well as the four (4) Molly Hatchet albums in my possession. I also grant Sgt. Dauterive full custody of my colony of Peruvian hissing cockroaches, as I believe his home to be an environment to which the roaches would readily adapt.

My Oswald Zippo I request be used to light my pyre, and subsequently burned along with my remains, assuming said remains are intact upon discovery.

Signed but not notarized,
Dale Alvin Grib—

"Ow! Dammit, I burned my fingers again."

I snapped the lighter closed and returned both it and my journal to the pocket of my jumpsuit. I got up off of the log I'd been sitting on and gazed skyward.

"Alright, stars," I said aloud. "Which one of you is the North Star?"

For the hundredth time, I reflexively reached into my pocket, only to remember that I still had no smokes. The horse-creature's strange treatment had lasted much longer than I'd expected, which came as a pleasant surprise. However, I still found it difficult to think without a cigarette in my hand.

"What in Equestria are you doing now?!?"

"AARGH!!"

I yelped in surprise as a shrill little voice suddenly penetrated the dark silence of the forest behind me. Attempting to wheel around and face my pursuer, I stumbled on a tree root and fell on my backside. A now-familiar little white horse trotted out of the shadows and stood in a pool of moonlight on the grass.

"So," I said. "It appears you've finally caught me. I didn't think you'd be able to track me this far."

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes.

"Track you? You've been stomping around talking to yourself for, like, ever! The whole forest probably knows you're here."

I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Are you going to finish me off then? Or will you take me back to your hive, for debriefing and eventual dissection?"

She stamped her hoof and grunted.

"I have no idea what you're talking about! All I know is I've been chasing you around for hours now! I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and I'm—"

She cut herself off and stared sullenly behind her into the forest.

"...and I don't know where we are," she admitted finally. "I don't think I can find my way back on my own."

She took a step towards me, her tiny horn lighting up. Instinctively I scrambled backward, bumping up against a tree. Some pine needles drifted down, landing on my shoulders and the brim of my hat.

Is this where it ends? I won't go down without a fight...

When she saw my expression, she immediately stopped her approach and doused her horn.

"Please, Mr. Rusty," she said wearily. "I don't want to keep chasing you around. I'm not going to hurt you, okay? Just please stop running away."

I brushed the pine needles off of my hat, watching her carefully. Now that I could see her up close, she didn't look all that menacing. Mostly she just looked exhausted, and maybe a little bit frightened. For the first time, I noticed how tiny she really was. Her stance was pathetic; she had left herself wide open. I could get the drop on her pretty easily, I realized, subdue her quickly and run away. However, I also realized that I was pretty exhausted myself, and I didn't really want to keep running.

"What do you ponies want with me, anyway?" I demanded.

"We don't want anything! Honest! I just... you looked like you were sick or something. We were just trying to help."

Her voice was quavering a little.

My hand reached instinctively for my non-existent smokes again, then pulled back.

"That purple one, the one with the horn like yours. What was her deal?"

Sweetie Belle looked confused.

"Wait, do you mean Twilight?"

I nodded.

"She used some kind of tractor beam on me."

Sweetie Belle looked even more confused.

"A tractor?"

Neither of us said anything for awhile.

"Listen, Sweetie Belle, if that is your real name," I began. "I don't know how you're mixed up in all of this, but you want me to trust you, right?"

She nodded.

"Well before I trust you, I need some answers."

"Okay..."

I cleared my throat.

"I have experience dealing with all manner of alien life, and I have never encountered your species before. To my knowledge, I have never wronged the ponies of the mighty Horse Planet, and yet, during a routine fumigation, I was knocked unconscious and abducted against my will. I awakened in your world, alone and without smokes, where I was promptly arrested and brought before your Overlord, the one you call 'Twilight'. If you want me to trust you, you must answer the following: One, why was I brought here? Two, what are the coordinates of this planet? Three, is there anywhere nearby where I could purchase some type of cigarette? They don't even have to be Manitobas, I will literally smoke anything you've got."

Sweetie Belle just stared at me.

"Well......" she began finally. "I......... don't really understand anything you're talking about. But it sounds like you came from someplace pretty far away. You said you were... what was it? A duck?"

"Abducted."

"Right. Well, I definitely didn't have anything to do with that, and neither did any of my friends. I'm pretty sure Twilight and Applejack didn't either. If we scared you though, I'm really really sorry. And Twilight isn't an overload, but she is really smart. If anypony could figure out who it was that... that duck-tied you... it would definitely be her."

She frowned slightly.

"But, uh, if you want her to help you, you should probably apologize for throwing sand at her first."

I scratched my chin, considering everything the little horse had told me. She sounded sincere. And until I could learn more about where I was and how I could get home, I needed someone I could trust. Someone on the inside, who understood this world.

I narrowed my eyes.

"And if I come with you, do you swear you're not going to probe me?"

Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow.

"Probe you? What does that mean?"

Briefly I explained the procedure to her. She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Eew! Why would I want to do that?"

Suddenly, a low, distant howl cut through the silence around us. Sweetie Belle moved closer to me, her head darting around, trying to peer into the forest by the dim light of her horn.

"W-what was that?"

The howl came again. I scratched my chin, listening.

"Hmmm," I mused. "It sounds like it could be a wolf. Or possibly a WEREwolf."

Sweetie looked up at me, her eyes wide with alarm.

"A where-wolf? What's that?"

"I've dealt with them before, both as an exterminator and as an investigator of the paranormal. They can be a handful sometimes."

I stood up.

"We should probably get moving."

Sweetie Belle looked up at me eagerly.

"So, do you think you can get us back to Ponyville?"

"Ma'am, I am a licensed professional bounty hunter and I have a hat that will attest to this fact, though I do not have it with me. You may rest assured that I will protect you from any and all werewolves while you remain in my company. I will, however, need you to solemnly swear that neither you nor this 'Twilight' plan on dissecting me later."

She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I promise I won't dissect you. Twilight either. Can we go now, please?"

I stared up at the night sky.

"Yes, I just need a moment to get my bearings."

"Okay."

I continued staring at the sky. Sweetie Belle tapped a hoof and swished her tail back and forth. Time passed.

"Um... well?" she asked finally.

"Yes, I just had one question. Do you happen to know which one of these stars is the NORTH star?"

Sweetie groaned.

"You have no idea where we are either, do you?" she asked miserably.

"Uh... not as such, no," I admitted.

The little pony ground her teeth, looking like she wanted to ram me again with her horn. However, another low howl suddenly echoed in the distance, followed by an answering howl from the other side of the forest. She changed her mind, pressing up against my leg instead.

"C-can we just get going please?"

As if in answer, another mournful howl echoed across the forest. It sounded a little closer this time.