It’s been a week since I woke up in this technicolor fever dream, and honestly, I’m starting to settle in. Kind of. Sure, I’m still a pony, and I’ve still got hooves instead of hands, but at least I’ve learned how to walk without tripping over myself every five steps. Small victories, right?

By now, I’ve come to accept that weirdness is the default setting here. Hell… if the moon suddenly started singing karaoke tomorrow, I’d probably shrug, yawn, and go back to figuring out how to brew coffee without hands. That’s the level of numbness we’re talking about.

Which brings me to today’s exciting activity: reading. With the petty God finally leaving me alone, probably sulking somewhere because I refuse to roll for anything, I could actually focus on figuring out a few things, like what my job as sheriff entails. Spoiler: no one’s told me. I’ve been winging it this entire week, and so far, it seems to be working. But if I’m going to keep up the illusion of knowing what I’m doing in order to get a paycheck, I should probably read up.

Sighing, I unlock the library door, stepping into the familiar cloud of dust and cobwebs. Like always, the place smells like an attic, with an undertone of tree.

“Alright then,” I mutter, brushing off the nearest table and dumping my saddlebags onto it. Yeah, I have saddlebags now. They’re weird, but they get the job done.

I head over to the shelves, scanning the titles for anything that looks remotely helpful. Most of the books are about magic, which isn’t exactly useful to me or for most of the population of this town, considering most are earth ponies or pegasi. But after a few minutes, I manage to find a small section on law enforcement. Finally, something relevant.

Grabbing a few books, I lug them back to the table and sit down. The first one is titled “The Sheriff’s Guide to Equestria, First Edition,” —a real page-turner, I’m sure, quite convenient at that. It’s honestly surprising how specific books can be in this world.

As I crack it open, it doesn’t take long to figure out that this job is about as exciting as it sounds. The book mostly talks about patrolling, resolving disputes, and making sure ponies don’t panic over minor inconveniences, emphasis in minor. Basically, I’m a glorified babysitter.

“Yep, that tracks,” I mutter, flipping through the pages.

The book even has a section on how to handle “Minor magical mishaps.” Examples include: “A unicorn accidentally summoning a swarm of frogs” or “a runaway weather cloud causing localized rain.”

Once I’ve skimmed enough to get the gist, I push the sheriff book aside and move on to something more interesting. My next pick is “Festivals and Traditions of Equestria”, because if there’s one thing these ponies love, it’s celebrating stuff. And I need to know when to sleep with a gun, in case the pink one decides to mess up with me, again.

The first chapter is about something called “Hearth’s Warming Eve.” And from what I can see, it’s their version of Christmas, complete with decorations, songs, and gifts. Though the story behind it is completely different to the origin of Christmas back on earth, here involves three pony tribes coming together to stop some magical freeze caused by creatures called Windigos.

“So, Christmas with a side of magical ice demons,” I mumble, flipping the page. “Surprisingly dark… who would’ve thought.”

Certainly not me, I can’t imagine these ponies fighting any kind of demon… or anything for that matter. On that note, I wonder if these Windigos are anything like the Wendigos of Algonquian folklore…

Anyways, that perturbing thought aside, the description of this holiday is... very familiar to Christmas, like… copyrightable level. Families gathering around a hearth, exchanging gifts, singing carols. It’s all very Hallmark movie, but with ponies. Honestly, it sounds kind of nice—assuming I don’t get roped into some big musical number.

The next chapter is about something called “Nightmare Night,” which immediately grabs my attention. Turns out, it’s basically Halloween. Ponies dress up in costumes, go door-to-door for candy, and tell scary stories about some ancient villain called Nightmare Moon.

Not a bad name for a villain, I would’ve expected something like Evil Fluff, but once again, this world surprises me, pleasantly at that.

I skim through the details, chuckling at some of the traditions. Kids leave candy as an offering to Nightmare Moon so she won’t “gobble them up.” Sounds like someone took Halloween and decided to add a cannibalistic princess.

“Well, at least they’ve got one good holiday,” I say, flipping the page.

I keep reading, hoping for more parallels to Earth holidays. The book doesn’t disappoint. There’s a section on “Hearts and Hooves Day,” which is basically Valentine’s Day with extra sugar and rainbows. Couples exchange gifts, confess feelings, and—oh, great—it’s also a big deal for herds.

I close the book with a loud thud, staring at the ceiling. “Why does everything here have to come back to that?” I had the bad feeling the herd thing would affect me… eventually.

Rubbing my temple, I pick up the book again and flip past the mushy stuff. The next chapter is about something called “The Running of the Leaves.” From what I can tell, it’s a marathon where ponies run through the forest to knock leaves off the trees for autumn. Sounds like an excuse to make exercise and free labor look fun. Pass.

Then there’s “Winter Wrap-Up,” where ponies manually transition the seasons without magic. Pegasi clear the clouds, earth ponies plant crops, and unicorns... apparently just stand there because magic isn’t allowed, for… some reason.

“Great,” I mutter, shutting the book. “Two holidays dedicated to free labor.”

Leaving the library, I let out a long, tired sigh. Between the dust, the cobwebs, and the information overload about this strange world, I feel like I’ve aged five years in the past hour. All I want now is to go home, maybe drink some delicious coffee, and collapse onto something soft.

As expected the streets are as cheerful as ever, with ponies going about their business with the kind of energy that makes me wonder if they’re all secretly chugging liquid happiness…. Hmm, maybe it’s drugs. Anyway, after a few minutes of walking I’m halfway to my house when suddenly, something colorful slams down in front of me, kicking up a cloud of dust and making me rear back in surprise.

When the dust clears, there’s a cyan pony standing there, her multicolored mane practically glowing in the sunlight. She’s grinning at me like she’s just scored a touchdown, her chest puffed out like she’s expecting applause.

“.....Okay,” I mumble, squinting at her. “Can I help you?”

“Hold on a sec, Sheriff!” she says, holding up a hoof. “You’re looking at the one and only Rainbow Dash! Fastest flyer in Equestria, future Wonderbolt, and all-around most awesome pony ever!”

I blink at her, unimpressed. “Congratulations?”

She frowns slightly, clearly not getting the reaction she was hoping for, but she shakes it off. “Anyway, I’ve got a bone to pick with you, Sheriff Jax.”

“Oh, good,” I say, sighing. “I was worried my day wouldn’t be complete without something stupid happening, so please, do go on.”

She glares at me, completely ignoring my sarcasm. “You stole my number one fan!”

I raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“Scoots!” she says, throwing her hooves in the air for emphasis. “Scootaloo! My biggest fan! She’s been following you around all week instead of hanging out with me.”

It takes me a second to put the pieces together. “Oh. Tiny orange. Yeah, you can have her back. Do you have a return label? Or you just pick her up and we're good?”

Rainbow’s mouth opens, but then she stops, narrowing her eyes at me. “You think you’re so cool, don’t you? Strutting around town like you’re hot stuff just because you’re the sheriff.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely what I’ve been doing,” I say flatly, brushing past her. “Now if you’ll excuse me—”

“Not so fast!” she says, darting in front of me again. “I challenge you to a race!”

I stop dead, realizing something… this one was going to make my night difficult. “A... what?”

“A race!” she repeats, grinning like a kid who just found out they get to skip school. “Whoever wins is officially the most awesome pony in Ponyville—and gets Scoots!”

I blink at her. “Wait, so you’re racing me... for custody of a child? Is… is that even legal?”

She waves a hoof dismissively. “It’s not like that! It’s about proving who’s cooler.”

“Right. That makes it so much better,” I mutter, rubbing my temple. “Look, Rainbow... Dash, was it? I don’t care who the coolest pony is, and I definitely don’t want custody of Scootaloo. So… go advertise Skittles somewhere else, taste the Rainbow and all.”

“Too bad!” she says, pointing a hoof at me dramatically. “You’re already in this and I won't back down from a challenge!”

I sigh, feeling my patience slipping away. I could argue with her all day, or try the same solution I did with the cat but something tells me that’d only make her more determined. So instead, I decide to take a different approach.

“Fine,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Let’s race.”

Her grin widens. “That’s what I’m talking about!”

“But,” I add, holding up a hoof, “we’re doing it my way.”

She narrows her eyes. “Your way?”

“Yup,” I say, smirking. “We’re having a blindfolded race. To the top of that mountain.” I point to a distant peak, easily miles away. “And we can only use two hooves to move. No wings, no magic, just good old-fashioned balance and determination.”

Rainbow stares at me, her grin faltering for a moment. “Wait, what?”

“You heard me,” I say, keeping my expression serious. “Blindfolded. Two hooves. First one to the top wins. Or are you backing out, skittles?”

Her competitive side flares up immediately. “Backing out?! Ha! As if! I’ll beat you no matter what the rules are!”

“Delightful,” I say, clapping my hooves together. “Let’s get started.”

She pulls a blindfold out of... somewhere—I don’t even want to know—and ties it over her eyes. Then she stands on her hind legs, wobbling slightly but managing to stay upright.

“Ready?” she says, her voice full of determination.

“Oh, I’m ready,” I reply. “Whenever you are.”

She takes a deep breath, steadying herself. “Alright. On your mark... get set... go!”

And with that, she starts awkwardly hopping forward on two legs, her wings twitching instinctively but staying folded thanks to her iron will to win. She stumbles a few times but keeps going, determined to prove her awesomeness or something.

I watch her for a few seconds, admiring my work without a word, until eventually I turn around and head home, wondering how long it would take her to figure out she was played.

New Banner Up!

Author's Note

I made another banner because, well, in Genshin Banners come in two. So there ya go, now we can all debate what banner he should pull for.