Chapters Beavis and Butthead “do” Equestria.
It was a Monday morning in early fall at Canterlot High. Students went about their morning routine, walking to school and socializing before the first class of the day began. However, the normal routing was broken as a school bus full of teenagers on a field trip pulled up to the high school, and opened its doors. The teacher of the class, Mr. Van Driessen, a tall hippie with blonde hair, glasses, and a purple shirt with a peace sign on it, vacated the bus and took in the scenery before turning to address the students.
“Welcome to Canterlot high school, m’kay” Mr. Van Driessen said, “Home of the Neighke county science fair, please exit the bus and stand in an orderly line while I get a headcount to make sure everyone is here, m’kay!”
“Uh huh huh, you said head!” A voice responded from inside the bus as most of the students began leaving the bus.
“Butthead, is that you?” Mr. Van Driessen said.
“Uh….. no!” Butthead replied, before chuckling in his trademark laugh like “uh huh huh.”
“Ugh, Beavis, Butthead, get out here will you,” Mr. Van Driessen said into the bus, “The class is waiting for you.
“Uh, but like, Beavis smashed his nads on the bumpy bus ride or something!” Butthead replied.
“Yeah, my nads are on fire!” Beavis replied, before chuckling to himself “Heh heh fire, that’s pretty cool!”
“Uh huh huh, shut up Beavis,” Butthead replied, “Don’t be such a wuss!”
Mr. Van Driessan sighed and said “If your…. Privates… are really hurt I can take you to the nurse’s office here, m’kay.”
“Um, actually, now that you mention it they don’t hurt anymore since the bus stopped, I guess I don’t need to go.” Beavis said as he and Butthead exited the bus laughing the whole way while the rest of their class rolled their eyes. Beavis was a short teenager with a long nose and wedge shaped blonde hair, and who was wearing a blue shirt with the band Metallica’s name on it, while Butthead, his partner in crime, was a teen of the same height with short brown hair with a black shirt that said AC/DC on it in yellow letters.
“Uh huh huh, shut up Beavis!” Butthead said, “The nurse is probably hot or something! If we go there, maybe we’ll like, score! Uh huh huh!”
“Well, if Beavis isn’t hurt then I don’t see any reason to go to the nurse Butthead,” Mr. Van Driessen said. “Plus, we’re already late to the science fair as is, m’kay! Not to mention I doubt the nurse would ‘score’ with two minors as that’s kind of against the law, m’kay!”
“Yeah Butthead,” Beavis said, “Scoring is all well and good but at a science fair they’ll probably set stuff on FIIIIIRE!” Beavis said, emphasizing the last word as he balled his fist in anticipation . However, he quickly balled them for another reason as Butthead swung his leg back and kicked him in the balls. “Owwwwwww!” Beavis said as he fell to the ground in pain.
“Butthead, what was that for?” Mr. Van Driessen said angrily.
“Yeah bunghole, hehe, bung hollllle!” Beavis replied from down on the sidewalk in pain, first in anger, then in amusement before continuing his trademark laugh.
“Uh, like Beavis is hurt again or something,”
“Yeah, she can like put ice on them!” Beavis added.
Mr. Van Driessen sighed and rolled his eyes before saying, “Ok fine, Butthead, help Beavis to the nurse while I take the rest of the kids to the science fair, m’kay. Once we’re situated I’ll come back to check on you!”
“Heh, you said come!” Butthead said, causing Van Driessen to roll his eyes before he left with the rest of the class towards the school.
After they entered the building, Butthead turned back to Beavis and said’ “Get up Beavis, uh huh huh, stop being such a wuss and let’s go to the nurse’s office!”
“But my nads, heh heh heh!” Beavis said still in pain, and also still laughing.
“Uh huh huh,” Butthead laughed, before saying “The hot nurse isn’t out here dumbass, she’s in there, uh huh huh, in there! So get up or I’ll kick you again!”
“Ok ok,” Beavis said before he slowly and gingerly got up. Butthead then started waking ahead of him, leaving him slightly behind.
“Huh huh, you said behind!” Butthead said to the narrator chuckling.
“Hey, stop breaking the fourth wall!” The narrator said to Butthead angrily.
“Uh, who’re you talking to Butthead?” Beavis said, still in pain.
“Uh, I don’t know,” Butthead said, “But it isn’t a chick so I don’t really care, uh huh huh!” He said in a calm voice before he kept walking.
“Uh, Butthead, Van Driessen said you were supposed to help me, remember!” Beavis said.
“I am helping, by teaching you how to do things for yourself, uh huh huh!” Butthead replied as they both passed the horse statue in front of the school.
“No really Butthead, my nads really hurt and I need helllllllp,” Beavis said before he tripped and fell backwards towards the statue. However, instead of colliding with the statue as expected, he appear to fall into it, and disappeared with a white flash, leaving Butthead standing there alone.
“Uhhh huh huh, what?!” Butthead said, confused (as usual). He then walked up to the statue to inspect it and reached out his arm to touch it. To his surprise, when he put his arm on it, it went right through the statue’s wall like it was a hologram, if he even knew what that word meant.. “Woah…. COOL!” Butthead said, before he stuck his head in and out a few times to test it.
“Uh huh, you said in and out,” Butthead said to the narrator again.
“Shut up!”, they clapped back quickly.
“Uh, no! Uh huh huh!” Butthead replied.
“I’m serious, this story is supposed flow naturally and you’re ruining it!” The narrator said.
“Uh huh huh, shut up bunghole!” Butthead replied defiantly.
“I’m warning you,” the narrator replied, “I have control over this story so you better not mess with me!”
“Uh huh huh! Don’t make me kick your ass! Uh huh huh huh huh huh!” Butthead said to the narrator.
“Ok, you know what, that’s it!” The narrator replied before, for plot convenience, they narrated Butthead tripping and falling into the statue as well.
Immediately after he did, colors flashed all around him as he tumbled between dimensions, end over end over end!. However, instead of being afraid, all he had to say through his nausea was, “This is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” In a calm voice. However, just as soon as it started, it ended and he found himself in front of a mirror in a room made of crystal. Before he could process anything else though, he heard a scream coming from Beavis, who sounded like he was in the same room as him.
“Butthead, Butthead! I’m a horse!” Beavis said in pure panic.
Author's Note
Oh boy, what shenanigans will they cause in our favorite land of pastel equines
Beavis and Butthead “do” Equestria.
“Uhhhh, what?” Butthead said to Beavis.
“I’m a horse Butthead, a horse!” Beavis replied terrified.
“Uh, You’re a whore?,” Butthead said before chuckling. “Uh huh huh, you’ve never scored!”
“No, that isn’t what I meant bunghole!” Beavis said before stepping into Butthead’s view. To his shock, and amusement, Butthead saw Beavis was a pretty pink pony with a tattoo of fire on his rear end.
“Uh huh huh,” Butthead said, “You look like a girl!, uh huh huh!”
“Oh yeah, well look in a mirror butt wipe!, heh heh heh,” Beavis said tauntingly.
“Uh huh huh, what mirror?” Butthead said turning around, “I don’t see any…” Butthead said, before his eyes focused on a mirror with a purple horseshoe frame that was behind him. In it, he could clearly see his new reflection, that of a lavender horse with a tattoo of a barnyard chick on his rear end.
“Woah…. Uh huh huh. this SUCKS,” Butthead said annoyed before chuckling again.
“Yeah, Celestia damnit!” Beavis said annoyed, “We’re never gonna score now!”
“Uh huh huh, who’s Celestia?” Butthead said.
“I dunno, I meant to say god and it just came out that way, eh heh heh!” Beavis said.
“Well whatever! You’ve never scored anyways dillhole! Uh huh huh!” Butthead taunted.
“Neither have you buttmunch!” Beavis said.
“Uh huh huh, yes I have,” Butthead said.
“Heh heh heh when!” Beavis said.
“Remember when we were at that big white building and that chick with white rubber gloves did it with me, uh huh huh, she was a FREAK!” Butthead said.
“Ohh yeah, i remember that! I met some fellow cornholios and shared the wisdom of the almighty bunghole! That was pretty cool,” Beavis said, before shaking his head and saying “But that doesn’t count, she was just doing her job or something.”
“Uh huh huh, you’re just jealous.” Butthead said.
“No I’m not! Take that back!” Beavis said angrily.
“Uh huh huh, no!” Butthead said laughing before a swift kick to the face sent him flying across the room. “Whoa, that was kick ass!” Butthead said before Beavis corrected him.
“Um, actually Butthead, it’s more like kick horse than kick ass, heh heh heh.” Beavis replied.
“Uh huh huh, shut up. Don’t make me have to kick your asses’ ass!” Butthead said.
“Again Butthead, I’m not an ass I’m a” Beavis tried to correct him before he too felt a swift kick to the face, sending him flying across the room. “Hey,” he said angrily as he got up, “Cut it out butthole! Heh heh heh!”
“Uh huh huh, no!” Butthead said before he charged at Beavis again and Beavis, not one to let his ego get checked, charged at Butthead and they both began a giant brawl in the center of the room, represented by the typical comical dust cloud used in most cartoons. As the fighting continued, they rolled about the room and knocked things over.
After their fighting had been going on for awhile, a loud voice shouted “What in the name of Celestia is going on?!” Before a pink aura of magic surrounded them and separated them.
“Hey, cut it out bunghole!” Beavis said.
“Yeah, uh huh huh!” Butthead replied, “We were just like talking through our feelings or something!!”
“I don’t think that qualifies as talking!” The purple Alicorn shouted. “Honestly, you come into the castle of the princess of friendship and start fighting? I’m pretty much obligated to get involved to help you two….” She said, before squinting and saying, “Who are you two anyway!”
“Uh, I’m like Butthead or something!” Butthead said.
“What did you just call me?” The purple alicorn said angrily.
“No no, his name is Butthead, and my name is Beavis, heh heh heh,” Beavis said, “ I am a humble piccata from lake Titicaca!”
“Lake Titicaca?” The alicorn said, “Oh that explains it, you two must be from Earth and fell through the portal.”
“Uh yeah like whatever,” Butthead said, “being a horse sucks! Can you like send us back to where the chicks have big things!”
“Yeah, me too, heh heh heh,” Beavis replied.
“With pleasure” the purple alicorn said before her eyes widened in shock. “Oh no, the mirror portal, it’s broken!”
Author's Note
Oh boy, now they’ve gone and done it with their fighting. How will they get home? And more importantly, will the sanity of Equestria survive if they don’t!
Beavis and Butthead “do” Equestria.
“Uhhhhh, what?” Butthead said, confused as usual.
“The mirror portal, the only way for you to get back to your home, it’s broken! And you’re stranded! How did this happen?!” The purple alicorn said in shock.
“Oh yeah! Uh, we may have like knocked it over earlier or something! Uh huh huh!” Butthead said.
“Oh this is terrible, what am I going to do!?” The purple alicorn said.
“Oh, I know, try setting it on FIRE! Heh heh heh!” Beavis said.
“Are you crazy?” The purple alicorn said. “Oh no, oh no no no no no no! This is bad! What should I do? I can’t handle this, I’m freaking out! Spike, SPIIIIIKE!!!!!” She called out.
“Coming Twilight,” Spike said as he entered the room, in all his dragon glory.
“Woah…. Cool! Uh huh huh!” Butthead said.
“Woah, is he like a scalie or something?!” Beavis said.
“Yes I am scaly, and a ferocious fire breathing DRAGON! See,” he said, before breathing a small stream of fire out of his mouth.
“WOAH,” Beavis said excitedly, “FIRE, FIRE FIRE FIRE! Let’s set this whole room on FIRE!”
“Ummmmm, ok,” Spike said, taken aback, before he turned to Twilight and muttered. “What’s up with them?” he said to her.
“I don’t know, I came in here just a couple minutes ago and found them fighting…” Twilight said before being cut off.
“Discussing our feelings! Uh huh huh,” Butthead said, chuckling.
“Ugh, fine!” Twilight said, rolling her eyes, “Discussing their feelings. Seems in the middle of that ‘discussion’ they broke the mirror portal.”
“Oof,” Spike said, “You think you you fix it?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t even know this portal EXISTED until relatively recently. Now you want me to FIX it?!” Twilight said before she started hyperventilating.
“Now now, don’t Twilight on me here!,” Spike said trying to calm her down, “You’re the princess of friendship, and books! If anyone can find out how to fix it, it's you!”
“True, true!” Twilight said, calming down a bit, “But what will we do about them until then!” she said motioning to Beavis and Butthead with her hoof.
“Oh I’m sure they’ll be fine.” Spike said, before a loud crash echoed through the room as a vase shattered.
“That was cool!” Butthead said.
“Yeah, let’s do that again!” Beavis said, chuckling.
“Somehow I think it’s not THEM we should be worried about,” Twilight said.
“Yeaaaaaah I see what you mean!” Spike said. “Let’s try to relocate them to the library before they break anything else shall we? That way I can keep an eye on them while you read how to fix the mirror portal!”
“Good idea,” Twilight said, before turning to Beavis and Butthead who were just about to tip over another vase. “Hey guys, you wanna see something exciting?”
“Uhhhhh, no!” Butthead said before reaching up to tip the vase.
“But I have a room filled with lots and lots of BOOKS! Isn’t that wonderful?!” She said, smiling giddily.
“Uh….no. Books SUCK!” Butthead said before he tipped over the vase and it shattered, much to the amusement of him and Beavis.
“WHAT!?” Twilight said, more angry about what he just said than the vase. “Books do not suck!”
“Uh but like if you like books you’re like an egghead or something eh heh heh,” Butthead said.
“Hey, I am not an egghead!” Twilight said angrily.
“Heh heh heh, whatever you say egghead,” Beavis said to which they both laughed.
“Grrr….” Twilight said, before taking a breath to calm down. “Egghead or not, books still don’t suck! They have everything in them, from flowers to magic spells to…”
“Woah woah wait, magic spells? You mean like the kind you use to set things on FIRE?!” Beavis said excitedly.
“Um well yes I suppose so…” Twilight said.
“Hey Butthead, maybe being an egghead would be pretty cool!” Beavis said.
“Uh huh huh, shut up Beavis,” Butthead said, “It’s not like they have books on how to score in there or anything?!”
“Oh but we DO have books on how to score.” Twilight said, trying to convince him to come with her.
“WOAH… really?” Butthead said. “That would be COOL!”
“Yeah really, we have books on how to score in hoofball, and gin, and YIKES” she said diving to the side to dodge them as they both rushed out of the room, a dust cloud magically materializing to complete the comedic effect.
“Wow…. guess they really changed their minds about books!” Spike said.
“Yeah, I always love when I can share my passions with others!” Twilight said.
“Yeah well you better share with them the directions to the library or they’re going to do to the map table what they did to that mirror.” Spike said.
“Eh heh heh yeah, one second,” Twilight said before she turned and started chasing them. “You’re going the wrong way! The library’s that way! Hey, don’t touch that, don’t…” she shouted before a crash echoed through the hall.
“That was cool!” Butthead said.
“All I can say is I hope we can fix that portal soon!” Spike said, before he turned and followed Twilight.
Author's Note
This is starting to get out of hoof
