Twilight Sparkle was not doing well. There were many reasons to be nervous, but she tried to focus on the one that wasn't related to the alien invasion happening outside.

She hadn't learned a single thing about friendship this week. In fact, she had spent the entire time hiding in her library, watching from the window as classic colonials and barnhouses were ripped away, replaced with larger stacks that defied all material limits Twilight knew, though she was hardly going to go out and ask what they were made of.

Just twelve days ago, a fleet of massive ships had appeared in the sky over all of Equestria. The invaders, apparently named the Affini Compact, had announced themselves as only being here to help. They were apparently not from another kingdom, but from a completely different galaxy altogether. The fighting had lasted only a few days, and when news traveled that the hopelessly outmatched ponies had surrendered and Canterlot was now under Affini control, Twilight had shuttered herself away and refused to come out.

She carefully focused her kinetic magic through her horn to crack the curtain up just a little. A silvery white building covered in deep blue and green foliage larger than town hall had appeared across the street since yesterday. She closed the curtain, and went back to nervously pacing.

The discarded wrappers of compiled hayburgers lay strewn across the room. Twilight had eaten little else in the last week. The compiler in the center of her room was seemingly able to produce any meal she could imagine and countless more she couldn’t. The selection was staggering, and it took very little time for her to decide she’d be better off with what she knew. Her stomach was not pleased with her, but she had bigger things to worry about. Like what, if anything, could be done about the aliens that had invaded and conquered her home. She must have read every book in the library looking for something, anything, that could help… Whatever she was looking for, it just wasn’t here. She bit her lip, nervous energy rising. Everything around her was changing so fast, and she had just started to adapt to her new life here in Ponyville…

A knock at the front door interrupted her train of thought, making her jump. A bit of shame crept through her; she was here in Ponyville to study friendship, surely she shouldn’t be scared of a simple knock at the door? Even though it could be one of… them.

A shudder rippled through her tail as she recalled the most recent interaction she had had with an affini. It was… harrowing. It had let itself in, and its pony-like form had unraveled into a mess of vines as it seemingly scanned through the entirety of her library’s contents in a matter of minutes, all the while conversing with Twilight, and doting on… the pale blue unicorn that used to call herself the Great and Powerful Trixie.

‘The docile and submissive Trixie would like to apologize to you for its past transgressions,’ Twilight’s once-rival had expounded, after launching into an explanation about how she, or, it, had turned over a new leaf, while the mass of flowers beside them had stroked the other unicorn’s horn with what seemed like lust, before going back to rooting through her entire home.

The entire interaction had felt surreal, and Twilight felt like she had barely been present as the uncanny mass of vines and leaves complimented the extent of her collection, patted her head, and did… something that left Trixie whinnying in pleasure. In front of her, while she just gazed on in disbelief. Twilight seethed. She’d never so much as kissed another pony. She’d wanted to recoil, but it felt like something was stopping her. Like a pressure in the back of her mind, a reminder that it would be rude. So she just sat there and watched, then politely said goodbye when the affini had finished perusing her library.

The most horrifying part of all, of course, had been Trixie’s cutie mark, which Twilight shuddered to even think about…

A second knock, this time firmer, more insistent. “Twilight Sparkle, dearest, please open the door. A friend of yours was concerned about your well-being and asked me to check on you.”

Her heart froze in her throat. That was no pony speaking. The strange, melodic quality of the voice left no room for question - ponies didn’t sound that beautiful.

“Petal, I know you’re in there, would you like to let me in, or should I let myself in?”

She shook her head and composed herself. There was time for dealing with that later. “Just a moment,” she shouted down, rising to shaky hooves. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror, and blinked - she looked awful. Deep, black circles under her eyes from falling asleep in the library. Her mane, unkempt and frizzy. It looked like she’d barely eaten or slept in days.

She sighed. She’d seen worse.

She made her way down the stairs.

Lilian Ketamina, 1st Bloom, gazed down at the sophont before her. Twilight Sparkle, apparently the town’s librarian. She sounded delightful - a magical prodigy, a bit high-strung, very loyal to her friends, apparently quite important in the last pre-compact phase of this nation’s history. Beloved by everyone in town, most notably her five closest friends. From the description Lilian had heard, the six of them were apparently a functional part of some kind of magical weapon. Strange, but every indication was that they were genuinely good for each other, and it was clear that they were not to be separated.

It came as no surprise, then, that these friends, after not having seen her for a week, had started to worry about her. They clearly knew her well. Twilight was a mess, and her attempts at feigning annoyance did very little to belie her obvious fear. Lilian felt a few vines twitch at the sight. This sophont clearly needed help. An instinctive urge grew within her, and the sway of her tendrils became more rhythmic. Her core pulsed slightly louder, and, somewhere buried in her vines, flowers started to unfurl.

She hoped she was better at hiding her blatant hunger than Twilight was at hiding her fear.

“Why good morning, petal! My name is Lilian Ketamina, She and Her, but you can call me Lilian. Do you know why I’m here, dear?” She reached a vine out to pet Twilight's mane as a greeting, which the pony recoiled from very slightly.

“I’m Twilight. Twilight Sparkle. No, I don’t know why. Did Princess Celestia send you? I know I haven’t been keeping up on my studies, but I can explain…”

“I don’t think little Cellie has any such complaints, actually, she has much more important concerns now… or perhaps a lack thereof.” Lilian noticed the flash of anger that Twilight tried and failed to suppress with interest. “I’m here to do a little checkup on you! Several of your close friends expressed worries, since they haven’t seen you in a bit!“

The adorable little sophont seemed to twitch, composure slipping for a moment as she gazed up and met Lilian’s massive, deep eyes for a second. And another. And another.

Lilian smirked. Exhausted, analytic minds tended to find it so easy to get lost in the complex, swirling patterns that played across the metallic backdrop of their eyes, and Twilight was very obviously exhausted. Her core twitched - it would be so easy to sweep this adorable little pony up in her vines and give her the care she so clearly needed… Lilian shook off her instincts. She had known Twilight for less than two minutes. It would be downright uncouth to claim and break her right then and there. Even if a part of her core thrummed at the thought.

Maybe more than two minutes. Hmm. No, if her suspicions were true, there was no need to rush things. She slowly and purposefully blinked, and watched as Twilight followed suit, shaking herself from her hyperfixation.

“Twilight, dear, do you know why I’m here?”

This time the question clearly registered, and Lilian chuckled to herself as the little pony in front of her pointedly kept her eyes down.

“You said my friends were worried about me. I really couldn’t tell you why, though. I’m fine. Honestly! I’ve just… been doing a lot of reading.”

Lilian let slip a brusque laugh. “Twi, petal, you haven’t left your home in a week. You look like you’ve barely slept. Are you sure that you’re alright?” A gentle throb of her vines near her core synchronizing pushed the thought into Twilight’s mind with a bit more force.

For a moment, Twilight seemed to ponder the question, before snapping to attention with an anxious expression. “A week?! It’s been a whole week? Of course I’m not alright! I haven’t written my letter to Celestia! I spent all week inside, and I haven’t learned anything new about friendship!”

The warm smile on Lilian’s face lasted roughly a second. She sighed. This was not the answer she had been looking for. “Dear, I really don’t think that’s the most important thing right now…”

But Twilight was undeterred. “I’m supposed to send Princess Celestia a letter on what I learned about friendship every week! If I don’t send it today, I’ll be… Tardy! A bad student!”

Lilian blinked, and laughed. She had visited the former ruler of Equestria before coming to Ponyville, and it was unlikely Celestia had even noticed. “Twilyflower, I don’t know why you’re so concerned about being tardy. I promise it’s not the end of the world, dear.”

Oh roots, that did not reassure the little equestrian. She continued, hesitantly.

“...But if that’s your main worry, it seems like something we can easily solve. You still have most of the day to learn something new about friendship.” She gazed down at Twilight, letting the smile playing across her mask be matched by a thrum from her core, pausing until the pony’s eyes rose to meet hers. “Besides, I can help you.”

Twilight softly murmured back as their eyes met. “You can help me…?”

“Good girl.” Lilian wiggled slightly in glee as she saw Twilight’s breath catch in her throat. Stars, what a seed. She let out another chuckle, then turned before she accidentally entranced the pony in front of her again. “Come, Twi, let’s go see the outside world. You certainly won’t be finding any friendship alone in your library. I’m sure your friends will be glad to see you out and about as well.”

Within her woven body, vines were already reaching for a tablet and beginning to fill out a notice of intent to domesticate. She was going to make Twilight Ketamina the happiest floret in all of Equestria.

The pony sighed, and nervously followed Lilian back outside.

“I guess I could go see them, yes… I wouldn’t want anypony to be worried about me!”

Twilight almost resented how good it felt to stretch all her legs after so long inside. Certainly, Ponyville looked different - even aside from the massive habitation units ("habs", as the Affini termed them) that towered over the few traditional pony constructions the Affini had left standing, the population looked very different. Everywhere Twilight looked, she saw the imposing forms of other Affini, many carrying one of Twilight’s neighbors in their vines. She was briefly stunned at the sight of Mayor Mare, giggling like a child, clearly off of her mind on drugs, as she melted into the headpats and scritches of the massive alien whose back she was riding.

Twilight shuddered, and shifted her focus to… Lilian. The Affini were breathtaking beings. This one was enormous, larger than Princess Celestia, and had four sparkling eyes that looked like metallic gemstones. Lilian stood on legs that looked like tree trunks woven from ivy, and her body was made of some kind of woven plant matter, with many blue and cyan petals fluttering freely, with a few tinged pink mixed in. Her ear-like antennae scanned the wind, and in place of a mane or tail, she had long vines that faded to a bluish tinge at the end. They writhed like tail hair in a turbulent wind. Her mimicry of a cutie mark was a large cyan flower.

Twilight’s first direct interaction with the creatures that had invaded Equestria had been a stock introduction of sorts, given by an enormous mare of vines that showed up at her door. She had called herself Miss Avendula, and been flanked by a sort of handyman that looked like a bumblebee named Byre. He had installed a box in the library that used a form of magic she had never heard of called ‘hypermetric phase crystallization’ to produce any physical object she wanted, or dispose of trash just the same.

Miss Avendula had given her a tablet of metal that could display rolling scrolls of information and images, far faster than any dragonfire could transmit. It had been an incredible font of knowledge at first, until she discovered it had a social tab. She had hurled the thing into the closet when she came upon images of Princess Celestia doing things that she would never do with one of the Affini. Twilight didn’t need false information clouding her mind, nor the temptations of drifting thoughts about joining her mentor.

The things she had learned before swearing off touching the tablet again were troubling. About florets, about domestication, about the tendencies of the affini themselves. Twilight wasn’t sure if Lilian was like that or not, but she at least seemed to just be very friendly so far.

In spite of everything changing so quickly, there were still a decent portion of ponies who seemed to be simply… coping with things. Thriving, even. The market was bustling, with ponies and plants alike plying their wares - even though actual payment was a thing of the past. Quite a few ponies weren’t wearing collars, to Twilight’s relief, but most of them were walking. Even pegasi, oddly enough.

“So,” she said, trying to break the ice. “Are you leading me anywhere in particular?”

Lilian’s voice was unreasonably beautiful, an ethereal chorus that somehow reminded her of the Royal Canterlot Voice. “Well, you seemed quite worried about learning a lesson about friendship. I think the best way to deal with that task involves seeing your friends. I bet seeing how things have changed will be quite educational! Plus, we can help reassure them that you’re okay.”

Twilight nodded. It made sense. “Who was worried about me? And… how’s everyone else been handling things?”

Lilian smiled down at her, and Twilight couldn’t help but blush. Why was she so pretty?

“Well, dear, I heard from most of your friends! They really care about you… and I get the feeling this isn’t the first time you’ve spent a week locked in your room.”

Lilian ignored Twilight’s glare and continued: “As for how your friends have been handling things, I’d say, on the whole, very well. Applejack and Rainbow Dash seem to be enjoying a well-deserved vacation together at the Apple farm… Rarity has moved in with her new owner…”

“Rarity got domesticated? What did she do to deserve that?!”

Lilian’s laugh felt soothing. “Oh, Twilight, domestication is not a punishment. Especially in little Rarity’s case. She begged her owner to take her. There’s a video on the Overnet, if you’d like to see it! It’s very cute~”

Twilight blinked, trying to take this in. Rarity, deciding she wanted to be a pet? Giving herself to one of these plants after only a few days?! Her left eye violently twitched at the thought of the Overnet. “No, thank you, I’ll ask her about it myself. It seems like we’re going there first anyways.”

“Ooh, very astute! Good girl. Anyway, Rarity isn’t the only friend of yours who has been happily domesticated. Pinkie Pie was actually the first voluntary domestication in Ponyville, and we’ll be seeing her and her owner later when we pick up supplies for the picnic. It’s going to be a beautiful day for it.” Lilian winked with both eyes on the right side of her head.

Twilight sighed. Rarity had thrown her, she had always been surprisingly grounded, but Pinkie Pie? Twilight was not surprised; that pony loved to party, and apparently xenodrugs made for pretty crazy parties. The only more obvious candidate for domestication was Fluttershy.

Something sparked in Twilight’s brain at the thought of Fluttershy. She looked around again, and, as she had suspected earlier, the skies were surprisingly clear of Pegasi. “What about Fluttershy?” Twilight asked on a whim.

Lilian’s voice felt more dissonant as the two of them came to a stop outside the Carousel Boutique. “Let’s worry about Fluttershy later, petal. For now, why don’t you go inside and say hi to Rarity? I can’t imagine you’ve met many florets hiding in your library; this will be an excellent opportunity to learn something new about friendship!”

Author's Note

Cowritten by me and Sheepwave; art by Sheepwave.

A shitpost that spiraled wildly out of control. We hope you enjoy this deeply cursed piece of smut.