Imperfect Strangers

Starlight rubbed a towel over her mane, getting the last of the water she couldn't wring out with her magic. The air in the bathroom was still thick with steam and her reflection in the mirror was a hazy pink blur. Living in just an ordinary house was like being a queen compared to her salvage boat life.

Having no second dry towel to make a turban she just brushed her mane and left it down before exiting into the crisp air of the hall. She went to the kitchen to get water. Then maybe she would go read in the living room for a while or talk if Sunburst stayed up. She turned at the end of the hall and saw that Sunburst had returned from his son's room. He stood alone in the living room seemingly not doing anything other than enjoying the fire.

Starlight got a glass of cold water and drank it looking out the window into the night. When she came out she paused in the kitchen doorway. Sunburst was just standing there staring into the flames. From her angle she could see that his face looked deeply anguished as bad as she had ever seen it. Something weighed heavily on his mind, something new. It must have been the letter she decided.

Silently Starlight padded into the room and sat on the couch with a soft squeak. She was all but certain that he could see her in his peripheral vision now but he remained staring into the fire without acknowledging her presence.

In the corner she could see the trunk sitting. He had repacked and latched it shut but it still sat there. Starlight cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“Um… Sunburst, are you okay?”

The fire snapped and he gave a long, beleaguered exhale.

“I mean, besides the obvious," she added.

“I'm very not okay,” he mumbled absently, shaking his head.

She waited a suspensefully long time for him to elaborate. Just as she was about ready to break the stalemate he spoke up again.

“He's not mine, Starlight.” His glasses glowed yellow in the light of the fire.

“What?” she blinked.

“Hat Trick… He's not my biological son… I don't have a biological son. That's what was in the letter from the trunk.”

Starlight's stomach dropped. “That's impossible,” she blurted. Wait, she thought. No it wasn't. It wasn't impossible at all. A profound sense of denial was just her immediate reaction to hearing such a gut wrenching bombshell. “How do you know that's true though?” she asked with an air of false bravado.

Sunburst turned to face her and was almost sidetracked by the unexpected appearance of her mane. He couldn't remember ever seeing her hair wet and down before.

“Trixie did a paternity test on me without my knowledge. I guess she didn't even know for sure herself.”

Starlight thought back to his ‘paternity test’ quip, the one he made the day she'd arrived back in Ponyville. It wasn't just a joke, it was an unconscious admission that he wasn't adverse to such a possibility, however small it was. Trixie had been far away and all around so many times with plenty of opportunities for infidelity at all the right venues. That was just probably her lifestyle before getting married.

The nagging thoughts Sunburst had had for years about her career were validated in a sickening terminus. He sat down next to Starlight and rubbed the back of his head as the smell of her pomegranate shampoo wafted into his nostrils.

“The math is simple,” he continued. “This supposed one night stand happened while she was on tour only about a year after we got married, her first trip since our wedding. After she came home we… well, you know how it is after you've had a drought. I always believed that was when Hat was conceived but I guess I was off by a couple of weeks.”

He covered his face with one hoof. “I don't know what to think anymore. I feel so stupid about everything. She was out there traveling and performing and partying all over while I was here teaching and raising her illegitimate foal. She had a lot of opportunities but so did I. I was never in any danger of cheating even with all the loneliness. Maybe she was just never meant to settle down.”

Starlight felt another pang in her heart as the two letters suddenly dovetailed together in her head. They painted a picture of a mare who couldn't stand still even when she wanted to.

“It wasn't like she was a deadbeat parent or she was gone all the time," he added. “But when she was gone I hated it.”

Starlight put a hoof on his shoulder. “What did she say in the letter?”

“She said she loved me and Hat. Apologized profusely and called it a lapse of judgment. She thought he was mine but couldn't be a hundred percent sure. Then she got the test back. She was too afraid to tell me but she swore it would never ever happen again. I want to believe that but all I have is old ink on paper. I'm sure she meant it when she wrote it but who knows what happened since.”

In a moment of raw disillusionment it was difficult to find anything solid to stand on. If Hat Trick was a lie then anything could be a lie. Still, there was a certain sort of bedrock foundation of one's private thoughts written in a letter unsent, second only to being inside someone's brain.

She really did regret her actions but she didn't write an apology letter for the initial cheating when it happened. At least not one that they knew of. Only when that cheating bore significant, life altering, consequences did she express it in any form. Perhaps her guilt had finally reached critical mass after seeing the test results. The absence of other apology letters didn't necessarily prove an absence of more infidelity. And an apology wouldn't mean much if she had to keep apologizing for the same thing over and over. It seemed they were now both engaged in the same cruel mental tug of war over Trixie's legacy.

“If you're not his dad then who is?” she demanded.

“It's Flim, you know, of the Flim Flam Brothers. Another traveling vagabond type.”

Starlight had a vague recollection of the two unicorns and not a particularly positive one. “You don't even know where he is, do you?” she posed. “Does he know he has a son?”

Sunburst shook his head. “It doesn't sound like he does and you're right I don't know where he is because I don't think they even have a home really. They’re always moving.”

The awful revelation had reframed everything in his marriage, his parenthood and his home life. It left a stain on it that he couldn't see through.

His lips quivered. “You know if she had just come to me and shown me that test and apologized herself we could have all talked about this together a long time ago when Hat was still a baby and I would have been upset for a long time but I probably would have stayed with her. But now with everything the way it is, I don't even know what I'm going to do.”

In the glint of the firelight she saw a pair of golden tears trickle down from behind his glasses. Instinctively she drew him into a hug. He buried his head in her chest where he began to sob.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered.

“I don't deserve your friendship,” he cried.

It was ironic in that she had thought the exact same thing about herself toward him many times in the past. He heaved and shuddered against her as she felt her own composure beginning to crumble, face tightening, eyes beginning to water but she fought it away as best she could. He took several deep breaths and swallowed the knot in his throat before sitting back up again and wiping his nose with his fetlock.

He looked so pathetic and destroyed and she had no idea what to say. It was unfair that something a dead mare did years ago could cleave his heart in two so keenly today. Their sad eyes locked and in that moment of mutual helplessness she felt an intense impulse to do something stupid.

No, I can't, she thought. It isn't right. It's too soon. It's not the right time. Just then an angry voice awakened inside her, one that had been silent for far too long. Stop saying it's too soon; it's not the right time. You've been saying that your whole life. Look at him. You can't make it worse. What is left to screw up?

Spurred on by a desperate desire to take control and stem his spiraling sorrow, Starlight prepared the biggest, nicest distraction she could think of. She grabbed him by the head, closed her eyes and leaned forward.

Their lips met softly despite her ambush. Their second kiss was a sibling of their first. Sunburst felt a jolt go through his heart and in spite of everything found himself kissing back slowly but with equal enthusiasm. Starlight kept him braced in her hooves even as she allowed him to pull away after. They broke apart and looked at each other with uncertain eyes like they’d just found a secret passage behind a bookcase.

Sunburst closed his eyes again with an experimental sort of expectancy and she came back to him, just as tenderly as before. Her return left his heart pounding and his curiosity emboldened. He charged forward, deepening their kiss.

A soft moan betrayed her lips and she curled a hoof around his head to pull him in. Starlight's heart and mind were racing. This was going a little further than she had initially planned but if he wasn't going to say stop then neither was she. She felt his hooves slide down her shoulders to squeeze around her midsection just before his tongue plunged between her lips. She took him in and pushed back enthusiastically as their mouths widened. Their hooves frantically traveled each other's bodies as they reached a sort of event horizon.

Still possessing some presence of mind, Sunburst abruptly teleported them away from the couch. Starlight appeared with him sitting on a bed in an unfamiliar room. She stole a startled glance while their impassioned kissing continued unbroken. He'd taken her to not just a bedroom but his bedroom. She toppled backward onto the mattress in a submissive move. He followed her, keeping his mouth against hers like it was his only air supply.

Now pinned underneath his body she wrapped her forelegs around his back. Starlight could scarcely believe this was happening and right here in the spot where he'd probably fucked Trixie hundreds of times before. It had been a while for Sunburst but an even longer time for Starlight. Their pent up sexual frustration resonated in the intense magnetism between their bodies and their grasping hooves swishing through manes and over curves. Everything else melted away except for the two of them in this moment and that was just how they wanted it. If this was wrong Starlight didn't want to be right.

His lips left hers and suddenly flew to the crook of her neck, his hot breath penetrating her damp fur and caressing her skin. Her chin tilted back agreeably for him. Eyes closed she sighed as he nipped at her. His teeth sent shockwaves through her body. It was impossible to explain but she couldn't ever remember feeling an intimacy with another like this. It went beyond attraction and physical touch.

He moved to her throat, the sensation paralyzing her with chills. Then suddenly he pulled away to look down at her. Their eyes met. Somehow he still had his glasses on, fogged up with the steam of his own breath. Her damp hair spread out behind her on the bed. Both of them trembled with anticipation, drinking in the tension of a momentary pause for wordless confirmation. It was respectful and so like him, an acknowledgment that they were still in control and they could still stop even after coming this far but how could they deny themselves of each other now?

Without breaking eye contact she settled her body into the mattress and reached a hoof down to guide him to his target. Another shiver took her body as she felt him nestle between her legs.

Sunburst broke their stare to look down between them. He couldn't see but he could certainly feel her inviting warmth. He looked back at his longtime friend who waited with breathless anticipation. He set back down atop her carefully laying his head beside hers. Then he eased forward with indelible conviction. She sighed gently into his neck as she felt him push inside her and then suddenly their bodies were locked together in unity. The journey to this moment was long and winding but that just made it all the more sweeter.

“You don't have to go slow,” she whispered.

At her encouragement he rocked back and forward again and the spark between them began to burn hotter. Starlight bit her lip to stifle her cries, not wanting to awaken Hat. She locked every leg around him as a natural rhythm developed in their bodies. Their inhibitions now gone, all that was left was a long denied carnal desire wrapped in thirst for emotional closeness.

Starlight's shaking hooves tightened around his tense back as their bodies collided with unbridled desperation. The problems on their minds and reservations about their actions were all but silenced under the roar of primal gratification.

“Don't worry about anything,” she panted. “Just keep going.”- - -

Sunburst softly inhaled the fruity scent of Starlight's still damp mane, his muzzle nestled into the back of her head. His glasses sat folded on the nightstand behind him. Her eyes were trained vacantly on the dresser against the wall where pale moonlight projected an intriguing pattern from the window blinds. His hoof rested on her side, rising and falling with her now relaxed breath.

It was enjoyable and even more so cathartic but what exactly did it mean in the twisted debris field that had become their world? The two of them were starving but were they starving for each other or just for someone to fill a gaping void. Starlight knew her answer but would he wake up tomorrow morning and realize that he'd made a mistake with her while he was emotionally compromised? Was this just for tonight or could it be for tomorrow night too or even the night after that until she left Ponyville and went to the other side of the planet just like Trixie would?

It felt like she was trying unsuccessfully to assemble two jigsaw puzzles into one. Her life was just sand on a beach now and every time she wrote something in it the tide would wash it away and leave her wondering if she should keep writing or just embrace the waves themselves.

“I probably shouldn't spend the night in here… even though I want to,” she murmured.

“I also want you to,” he breathed. “But you're right.”

It felt nice to hear that even coupled with the implication that their act, nay any sign of affection between them, was taboo and should be hidden from sight. No doubt any closeness of the sort would upset Hat Trick but then again he wasn't even his biological son. She was certain that Sunburst remained steadfast in his dutiful obligation to him but should the colt still possess such a large sway over his guardian’s personal life? The dynamic between the three of them seemed headed for a reformation. Hat was no longer entitled to Sunburst as a father. He was his own stallion and the colt should be grateful with his generous guardian and more accepting of his relationship choices. Or was that right? Something about it felt gross and cynical but she couldn't quite pin it down. Maybe it was because he was just a helpless little kid who had nothing now. He didn't ask for this but then again neither did Sunburst.

Starlight hated to ruin the perfect tranquility of the moment, to bring the outside world into the safe little bubble they'd made but she worried now.

“Are you going to tell him about the letter?” she asked, eyes flicking to the side as if she could look back at him.

Sunburst exhaled. “I feel like I have to.”

“But when?”

“As soon as I know what the hell I'm going to say to him.”

“Hasn't he been through enough? Do you really think he's ready to hear this right now?” This was a conversation she realized that two equally invested parents would have at night while falling asleep in their bed.

“Do you think I just shouldn't ever tell him?” he asked.

That was definitely a viable course of action in her mind. Wouldn't it be nice to live a comfortable lie like that your whole life. Would it really hurt anyone? But how could Sunburst possibly keep something so big from him?

“I have to tell him,” he reiterated. “I just have to make sure he knows that I'm still there for him no matter what.”

“Well it's between you and him. Wish I could help but, you know…” It was a strange situation to be in, an outsider pariah who just dropped in but still cared for some reason. It was just instinctual to want to see him grow up in a better environment than his mother had.

The two of them let the silence of the night creep back into the room. Starlight thought for minutes until she worried that he might be drifting off to sleep.

“Sunburst?” she called softly.

“Hmm?” he grunted.

“What do we do now?”

Though her question was vague, there was no confusion surrounding what she was talking about when she used the word ‘we.’

“I don't know,” he admitted feebly. “Things are very weird right now. I want to say you can stay here as long as you want… not just because of tonight,” he clarified. “But aren't you still leaving?”

“I…”

She rolled over to face him so that their horns crossed.

“I don't know…. But in any case I don't think I should be in your house any longer than the length I said I was going to be. This might not be too fast or too much for us but it is for Hat. He has enough happening around him already without feeling like a stranger or third wheel in his own home. I think he and I could be friends if he gave me a chance but he needs time to adjust and it's not going to happen by force. I know he's not technically yours but you're all he has in the world right now and even though it hurts I'm not going to insinuate myself into your life without his blessing.”

Sunburst’s lips set in a thin line. “That's not how it's going to be, Starlight; it won’t come to that. I’m not going to give up on either of you.”