Arc 0: The Beginning of the Origin

Your name is Anon, professional mansplainer.

And you just woke in a wet grassy patch that isn't your cozy bed. And you are wearing the usual black suit with the eons-old red necktie.

Upon closer inspection, you also notice that you are nowhere near home. Way too green, and the air was too dastardly clean.

Where's the cold suburbia that you waged your soul in spending your life in after taking a soulless job away from home? Where's the early morning philosophical debates with the prostitute living across you? And where is Jim the raccoon?

So many questions and little sight-related hints on how to answer those. Actually, all you can see from afar is a big ass forest and a small village nearby.

Civilization! Maybe this is merely the result of one too many beer bottle at the usual Saturday's attempt to drink and forget.

You definitely forgot how you got here. Still, your mother didn't nurture a quitter. She just vanished outright and left that job to your creepy uncle.

Now, ignoring your traumas, you make it to the village. And you realize the houses are way smaller than you thought. Not smurf-small, but either you were dealing with hobbits or non-humans.

Booze may have either sent you in a new colorful dimension, or you overdosed on your buddy Jeff's chocolate edible cookies.

There's definitely life around, but they are all hooked up behind the doors. There is a lot of fearing against you.

As a green-colored man of 5 foot 3, and 62 kilos of pure couch potatory this makes your dick longer.

Then reality kicks in as several short horses came barreling at you, tackling at you as if it was Wrestling.

You feel compelled to RKO one of those in the process.

The equine assholes wears golden armour (which you are sure is for them to compensate for being shorts) and starts shouting random shit.

"Seize the ape!"

How dare he! Or she! Or whatever!! You are not an ape, you are mentally superior to the average monkey!

'If only you could show by applying in school,' some teacher actually told you that a while ago. They didn't know better.

One of the lil guards even starts spanking you for no reason. You also are not sure why, but you can't say if you like it or not (damn you, Uncle Tim).

Eventually the ambush ends with the gang bringing you to their leader.

You are not sure if they picked this Princess Celestia because she is tall, has both wings and horn, or if she has the fattest flank around, but she sounds apologetic and kinds of give you the bureaucratic apology blowjob.

If a real one could be applied to the complex diplomatic equation.

As the sole human in this world, you receive immunity. And a house. And a monthly untaxable income.

You are now a firm believer of Sunbutt, and while the guards give you the dirtiest glares, their boss loves the pet name.

Also, the place is called Ponyville, Equestria, and talking ponies are now a thing.

Life is indeed weird and you are clearly dimensionally displaced into a new land with new rules.

At least you are still Anon the Human, and life is about to get crazier.

Author's Note

AN

Should this be a Regular story or RGRE (Reversed Gender Roles Equestria)?

Also, will Anon bone? Is Rainbro gay? Is Fluttershy Anonsexual? And will Twilight Sparkle lose her virginity before becoming an eternal virgin hag?

And lastly, can the Author obtain the supreme guru gigachaddus 69 brain rot this story is promising him?

Possibly. Stay tuned to see more crackiness at work!