Cross Your Fingers

Chapter II: Love or Lust

BMMM

There it is. The sound of my phone vibrating against the nightstand. There is no tone to alert me to whatever notification is trying to get my attention. I always turn off the sound on my phone other than for phone calls. I’d rather not wake up to a text if I can avoid it. Especially if it is a text from Aria or Sonata trying to pester me with another question… Or, in this case, probably trying to bother me about the fight we had yesterday. I was lucky enough that I was able to slip in the apartment while they were asleep this morning.

BMMM

Another notification… I was hoping to sleep through the afternoon, but I suppose the world has different plans for me. Opening my eyes, an instinctive groan escapes my lips. My body isn’t happy to get out of bed, but I will just have to suck it up… Reaching over for my phone, I tap the screen, seeing that it is four in the afternoon. If only it could be later. I will have to talk to Aria and Sonata at some point if I plan on leaving my room at all. Turning my phone on, I see that the notifications are texts, but not from the usual suspects. This time, they are from a person I wasn’t expecting.

“How are you holding up?” the text reads, a picture of a woman with the bright demeanor of the summer next to it. I didn’t think Sunset would text me today… We usually only text each other to hook up. Did I just think of her as Sunset? Not Shimmer? “If you ever feel that bad again, please tell me. I want to help, you know? Even if I have to cross my fingers again.” The text is accompanied by a heart and a fingers crossed emoji.

Oh… That. I forgot that she even said that last night. A part of me feels so stupid for requesting such a vulnerable thing of her. Especially now that I feel less stressed overall. God, all I needed was some sleep. Instead, I broke down and asked for reassurance like any other human. It’s so… moronic. That’s why I thought of her as Sunset. She asked me to call her that instead of Shimmer. As stupid as I feel, it didn’t feel… bad. Even though I am judging myself heavily, she didn’t. No matter what I said, she listened. I… Is it wrong to think that it felt nice?

“I’m okay. Surprised you’re texting me,” I type into my phone. The image of her asking to be friends flashes into my mind. Even though she wasn’t crossing her fingers at that time, it makes me wonder if she was truthful at that time. Not that it matters. I don’t need friends. I just… wouldn’t mind having her as a friend.

“I’m glad to hear that~ Well, I guess I can’t hear you actually.” I can imagine her voice saying that joke out loud. She’s probably giggling on her end, thinking that she is so funny. It’s a low hanging fruit of a joke, but I suppose it’s nice that she has a sense of humor. “Are you doing anything today? Around 8 PM?” A new text appears on my screen, making me raise my eyebrow.

“No. I should be free. Your libido must be high if you want to meet for a second day in a row,” I reply hesitantly, trying to think about whether or not I’d like to go over for a ‘round two’. The texting icon pops up and disappears multiple times. I wonder what she is thinking…

“I’m not lusting after you again so soon,” Sunset texts me with a laughing emoji. “A couple friends are coming over to watch a movie. You don’t have to come, but are you interested?” A movie… She’s inviting me over without the expectation of sex. I guess she is serious about being friends.

…

Why is my heart beating faster…?

And why am I smiling?

“I’m not sure the Rainbooms would be very happy to see me,” I type without mentioning how the displeasure would be shared… Pushing myself up to sit on the side of the bed, I take a deep breath. It might be fun to do something with her that is more… innocent. But would I really be able to be around her friends? Would my annoyance outweigh any potential benefit?

“I already told them I was spending time with you months ago. They won’t be mean or anything like that. I promise.” The tone of her message almost sounds pleading. From anyone else, that would be pathetic, but from her? It just seems like she really wants me to come over. And she told them? Why? What did she tell them? “It’s only going to be Rainbow Dash and Rarity. They will be on their best behavior.”

“You casually tell your friends about the amazing sex you have with a siren?” I type into the phone, almost feeling tempted to laugh. However, that joy is short-lived. I still have to give her an answer to her request after all. “I’ll see if I can,” I respond with a sigh, shaking my head. Typing another few words, I can’t help but wonder if I am making a mistake by even contemplating it. “I have to talk with Aria and Sonata first. If I get done with that before eight, I’ll come by.” Looking down, I notice my legs have been kicking up and down ever so slightly. What the hell is going on with my body? It’s like someone else is controlling my actions. Stopping my legs, I stand up from my bed. Another notification vibrates the phone in my hand.

“I don’t tell my friends about my sex life. I just said I’ve spent time with you. Not in a specific way.” Once again, the typing icon shows up on the screen. Sunset has a lot to say… “Good luck talking with them~ You’ve got this!” A smiling emoji is attached at the end of the message, providing a little extra emphasis on her positive wishes. The fact she believes in me is… inspiring. I wish I had that same level of confidence in me. Instead, I can’t help but feel dread at the idea of talking with them. The last thing I want is for us to fight again, but if they’re still mad, that is probably what will happen anyway.

Slipping on a pair of pajama pants, I quietly open the door of my bedroom. The main living area of our apartment is illuminated by pretty much every light we have. One of them is here at least… Walking slowly into the living room, I hear some movement in the kitchen area. All I have to do is look to the right to notice Aria standing at the oven. A lovely scent of spices fills the air. It smells like my favorite kind of ramen. I wonder how mad she would be if I asked for so- No. I just need to talk with her. Don’t think about food. I need to prioritize apologizing to her. Not my hunger.

“Heya, sleepy,” Aria comments without turning around. Her tone is a lot more neutral than I was expecting. I was thinking she would be filled with hate and either refuse to talk to me or devolve into yelling again. For once, I’m glad I am wrong. Aria’s body turns towards me, a bowl filled with ramen in her hand. Surprisingly, she holds it out to me with a utensil as well. “I was wondering when you’d come out.” The whole reason I am even out here in the first place is because I gathered up my strength to get this done with. I really wanted to avoid a potential fight, so I don’t blame her for wondering that.

“Yeah… I wasn’t exactly excited to get up.” Taking the bowl, I look at her with a level of skepticism. “Why are you giving me this exactly…?” We were both yelling at each other twenty-four hours ago, yet she just made me a meal? It’s like she doesn’t remember our conflict at all.

“Because you haven’t eaten today?” Aria asks me in an annoyed tone. “You know we have to eat every day. It’s important.” Her attempts to avoid the issue are clearly not going to last long. We both know what needs to be said. I just wonder if she’s willing to talk about it or not. “That and… I don’t know. I kind of took it hard on you last night,” Aria mentions with a shrug, her eyes avoiding mine. So, this is an apology meal. I have to admit that it’s nice of her to go through this effort, especially when I thought I would be apologizing first.

“Thank you. I… appreciate it,” I say quietly, looking down at the bowl. The steam coming from the food warms my face slightly, but I know if I take a bite now, it will burn the hell out of my mouth. “I’m sorry as well… I shouldn’t have accused you of not trying around here.” Aria turns her head back towards me, a surprised but somewhat grateful expression greeting me.

“And I shouldn’t have said you… got yourself fired. You probably did everything right, it’s just frustrating.” Aria rolls her eyes before making herself a bowl of the same ramen. “I’m tired of not having the money we need. I hate this stupid world.”

“You’re not the only one,” I sympathize with her, feeling my shoulders sink. If it wasn’t for the small amount of money we scammed from others before we lost our magic, I am unsure whether we would even be here or not. Would we be even poorer? Or worse yet… “One of the only things keeping me sane is having my ‘fuck buddy’ as you call her.” I look towards Aria, trying to be as genuine as I can. “But she prefers to be my… friend.”

“Are you seriously getting friends? Maybe this world is rubbing off on you,” Aria mentions before she stops walking towards me, a nervous emotion written in her eyes. “Oh, shit! If you’re falling for the magic of friendship crap, that means it’s only a matter of time before I start liking people too. Oh no…” The emo siren hangs her head, clearly saddened by the implication she might develop empathy and worse yet, emotions. Even though she clearly already feels things like regret. If she didn’t, why would she make apology ramen?

“I know. It’s weird. But we might as well try to live some kind of a life. Or we will just keep bottling up our emotions and blowing up at each other again,” I tell her with a shrug. The last thing I want is to keep blowing up at them for pointless things… They deserve better.

“Sonata is also sorry. She’s still at work, but she told me to tell you,” Aria states without making eye contact. The ramen in our hands finally stops steaming, making us both smile at each other. Taking a bite of the spicy noodles, I give her a small nod. To be fair, I already knew that Sonata is sorry. She always is after a big fight, even if it wasn’t her fault. I guess that’s because she is a people pleaser.

“Can you tell her I want to apologize as well?” I ask her quietly, taking another bite of the delicious meal. Aria looks towards me with a skeptical expression, her cheeks full of the ramen from her bowl.

“Won’t you be able to tell her yourself?” she responds as soon as she is done swallowing. Even if I am home when she gets back, I will likely be asleep. It all depends on how long this movie lasts…

“I have a… prior engagement.”

The lights flicker on the dark walls, the only source of illumination coming from the TV screen. In a moment, a man screams before a dinosaur crushes him in half with its teeth. Blood sprays everywhere as more people scream. The story makes little sense, but the voices are great. The actors really make it feel like they are terrified. That doesn’t explain why someone would think of making a movie like this though. They would have to be demented, sadistic, a hint of masochism, and narcissistic to make something as silly as this.

“That was my favorite part,” Rainbow Dash laughs, eagerly eating some of the popcorn on the coffee table. Ah, yes. Rainbow Dash. The spitting image of the person I think about when I try to visualize the fan base of a movie like this. It makes sense considering her poor taste and narcissistic tendencies. Rarity, on the other hand, has those same tendencies, but they’re shown in dramatically different ways. The fashionista, sitting on the other side of the couch, has her hand over her eyes.

“Really, darling? Gore is what gets you excited for a film? How deplorable,” she mentions with a scoff, making Sunset giggle. Even though I expected for them to be antagonistic towards me, Rainbow Dash and Rarity have actually been quite cordial. Welcoming. I can’t tell if they’re waiting for me to lower my guard or not… Just because I have been spending time with Sunset doesn’t mean that I like them… “Have you not tried something more nuanced like psychological horror?” In response to Rarity’s question, Rainbow Dash simply sticks her tongue out.

“I thought you would like movies with gore, Rarity. You seem to spend a lot of time with mature materials,” Sunset jokes to her friend. I can’t pretend to understand the context, but I’m sure Sunset is probably telling the truth.

“J-just because I sometimes spend my time leisurely reading more mature novels does not mean I like mindless torture gore,” Rarity states in a defensive tone, her normally white face now red.

“Sure. I bet you only pick the books with sex scenes because of the ‘emotions’, right?” Rainbow Dash snickers while another scream comes from the TV. Rarity’s eyes flare with anger, crossing her arms.

“I do read them for the emotions! I wouldn’t expect a brute like yourself to understand something like true love.” Rarity looks at Sunset and me for some kind of support, an awkward expression dawning on her. “You must surely feel the same, right, Adagio? From one lady to another?” Clearly, she is looking for a similar response, but I do not read romance novels. Nor do I think that I would engage with certain erotic material for the emotions of it all. I’ve never been in love. I don’t see the point…

“I don’t engage with romantic material. Especially more adult content,” I reply with a small wave of my hand, letting her know she is on her own with this one. Rarity seems even more embarrassed as Rainbow Dash starts taunting her again. However, the words seem to fade away as I realize something grabbing my hand. Looking to my side, I see that Sunset’s hand is holding onto mine, placed conveniently between us where it would be hard for the other two to see this. I… What is she doing?

“If you don’t engage with that material, then have you ever been in love? In real life?” Sunset asks me curiously in an innocent tone. Even though she is asking me like a friend, I can’t help but focus on her hand.

“What are you doing?” I ask her quietly, trying to not draw the attention of her friends. Sunset looks down at our hands before giggling to herself.

“Sorry. I just find it easier to watch scary movies when I have something to touch. Or someone.” Her gaze connects with mine again, the blue lights dancing upon her eyes. “I could ask one of the others if you’re uncomfortable with it. I’m sorry.” Her innocent tone sounds truthful enough. So, she wasn’t trying to flirt with me… Good. I was worried she was trying to make a move. Tell me something.

I’m not exactly a nice person. I would feel sorry for her if she did try something on me. I’m a lone act. I’m… Who in their right mind would flirt with me legitimately? They should know I would just put myself first… right?

That doesn’t mean I’m… uncomfortable.

“I’m fine with it,” I whisper, feeling my heart beat faster… Sunset smiles, nudging me with her shoulder.

“I’m glad you decided to come. It’s nice to spend time with friends like this.” The energy that radiates off her smile is weirdly satisfying. In a way, I might actually be enjoying this… As stupid as it sounds, spending time with her in a context other than sex is… amusing. Maybe this world can be interesting after all.

“Oh, shit. I forgot this movie is part one of a two-parter,” Rainbow Dash states with dismay as the credits start to roll. Honestly, I don't even know how it ended. Sunset was doing a good job at distracting me. I don't know why I let myself get caught up on my thoughts like that. I was supposed to be watching the movie. I wasn't that interested in the movie anyway. Or her weird actions…

“Do you have the second movie, Sunset?” Rarity asks with interest, her previously embarrassed demeanor remains only as a memory. I’m frankly surprised they are even suggesting we watch another film at this time. It’s almost eleven. Do they usually hang out late into the night?

“Yeah, I actually do. Do you all want some more popcorn too?” Sunset asks us with a smile. The other two nod, but I simply hold my hand up in the air. Standing up from my seat, I take a deep breath as my body starts to wake up again.

“Unfortunately, I should probably go. You will have to watch the sequel without me,” I tell them with a shrug, picking up my jacket. “It is late, but… thank you for your hospitality, Rainbooms,” I barely express, feeling the words burn my throat. I can’t believe that I am thanking these people, but I know Sunset would be sad if I don’t get along with them.

“It was definitely an interesting venture, darling,” Rarity responds with a nod. “It is nice to see that you are getting accustomed to this world after our little scuffle at the Battle of the Bands.” I… What right does she think she has to mention how well I’m adjusting? She has no idea how much this world has treated me like a worm… I was on top. Is it really justice that I had to fall all the way to the bottom? I did not have a choice. Now it feels like everything is against me. She’s so fucking-

Whatever… She doesn’t know what she’s saying. It’s fine, Adagio. If you let her get under your skin when she wasn’t trying to, then you’re the pathetic one. Don’t let it get to your head. She’s just ignorant. Stay composed. Breathe.

“Could you two find the movie and start it? I want to say bye,” Sunset says before standing up and slipping on some sandals despite the chilly air outside. Sunset leads me to the door, opening it in front of us. As soon as she closes it, her smile disappears. Her eyes meet mine with a saddened gaze, making me wonder why she would look at me like that. “Hey,” she whispers, the wind blowing on her face. “I didn’t make you uncomfortable, did I? I would hate it if that's the reason why you’re leaving.”

“No, you didn’t.” I can’t help but feel confused. I wasn’t trying to imply that in the slightest, but maybe Sunset has a problem with overthinking as well… “I have to hunt for a job tomorrow. I need some sleep. I’m not leaving because of anything you or your friends did. That would be incredibly manipulative of me.” My cheeks flush for a second as the image of her holding my hand invades my mind. She’s wrong for thinking I was uncomfortable. I actually kind of lik-

“Oh, that’s good to know,” Sunset replies with a sigh of relief. “I sincerely hope you find something worth your time~ You deserve some good luck after everything that has happened recently.” Despite the fact that she is referring to my loss of a job, the only thing I can think of is the way she held me yesterday. The way she tried her best to make me of all people feel better even though she had no obligation to. Out of everything that has happened recently, that is the one thing that keeps popping into my mind uninvited. “I’ll be rooting for you,” Sunset gleefully states while crossing her fingers. For luck obviously, but… Seeing that gesture makes me feel weird. Just like how she did it yesterday… Accompanying that sign were three words that… I…

“Thank you,” I whisper simply, a lack of words leading to my unusual quiet nature. Sunset wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. A gesture I do not return.

“Get home safe. Goodnight,” Sunset bids me farewell, turning towards the door of her apartment. Something inside me feels wrong. Every nerve screams at me to do something, but I have no idea what it is that I am supposed to do. This goodbye feels off. I need to say something… Something important. My throat locks up. I know I am supposed to say something, but… I can’t say that, can I? That’s so… emotional. Showing emotions towards a mortal. But she wouldn’t judge…

“I love you too.” The words push through my lips before she can open the door, making her turn her head back towards me. Crossing my fingers, I can feel embarrassment wash over me. Instantly, I regret letting those words escape. “I never replied last night. You helped me by saying that. So… I should return it.” There’s no other reason… She said it. I should say it back. To be polite.

“Thank you. That makes me feel better too,” Sunset whispers with a blush enveloping her. I’m not sure why she has such a reaction to those words. She should know that we’re both lying. None of it is the truth. “As you said before, it’s nice to delude myself into thinking that someone has the capability of caring for a person like me,” she tells me as if someone would find it difficult to care about her. She’s too nice for her own good. Anyone that can show their own emotions would find it easy to befriend her and even care about her. Anyone that isn’t me. Sunset raises her hand again, crossing her fingers with me. It’s so dumb how different the two meanings of this gesture are to one another. To anyone else, they may think we are wishing each other luck before saying goodbye. To us, we both know we’re lying to each other. But for some reason, that lie is not hurtful. It doesn’t sting at my heart. Instead, it’s almost nice. I’m the last person who should want a lie like this, but here I am. Caught in the idea that those caring words make this world not a complete waste of time…

“I should let you get back to your movie,” I tell her with a roll of my eyes. “I’m not sure why your friends like gore fests, but I hope you enjoy it.”

“Oh? So you didn’t like dinosaurs biting people?” Sunset teases me with a snicker. “Funny that you like it when I bite then~” Sunset gives me a wink, making me widen my eyes. Before I can retort, Sunset waves and opens the door, slipping into her apartment. Just like that, only the sound of the wind accompanies me. A small smile spreads across my lips. My body has been acting off all day, but no matter what I try, this stupid smile won’t go away. Walking away from the front door, I exhale through my nose. She really is a weird person.