Author's Note

If you want a description of Dennis, look up Big Shot in the wiki

CH. 3: The First Year

The first year or so of my life was both exciting and boring. Boring because there really isn't anything a baby could do except piss themselves, shit themselves, and cry. Believe me, I did plenty of those. Mainly because my body registered every hiss of pain as a wailing siren, and also I had no training in this body by way of keeping stuff in. I will not go into detail or remember my first experience with that dreaded changing station. I would rather not remember it at all. Anyways, It was exciting because I got to see the lives of my parents without any masking because how could a baby understand such complex concepts such as "Taxes" and "Sex". That last part was somewhat traumatizing because I could remember everything, and also I was starting to actually love my parents. Speaking of parents, they had jobs! My dads job was the Royal Guard, with the Ponyville Garrison, and my moms job was as a babysitter for the rich people or ponies or what have you of the town. I also learned that her name was Cream Heart and my dads was Flawless Victory. Sensible name for a guard. I don't know how I was born from them as they are an Earth Pony and Pegasus respectively, but I really shouldn't question the decision of fate. But I think that they had a unicorn somewhere in their family lines that genes got into me. Anyways, something happened in the first month of my life that was something exciting. It was a family reunion.

That day I was just chilling in my crib, because I had nothing else to do, when the front door opened. At first, I just thought that is was either mom or dad coming home from work, but then I looked at the clock they put on the wall for some reason, and saw it was midday. Also, because my mom and dad didn't go to work today at all. So that was pretty suspicious in of itself, because they always went to work, even on weekends. Then I heard voices that were not the voices of my mom, or the voices of my dad, but voices that sounded somewhat similar to them but were not them. It was only after a few minutes of what I assumed were them and the visitors exchanging greetings, when my mom walked into my room with a strange pony that I did not recognize. That wasn't really a concern, because I never really left the room and no-one but my mom and dad came in here. But when she came in, the strange pony rushed to my crib, and picked me out of it. I was very interested in the pony who dared lay a hoof on me while my mother was here, when it dawned on me. This was my aunt, who was saying how cute I am, and the other ponies in the house were most certainly family. It was surprising how I didn't realize this would come soon, because in families normally, someone having a kid was a big deal. What I could only assume was my aunt continued to cuddle me until my mom told her that maybe she should save some part of me for the rest.

Back on Earth, I always hated family reunions. That was because I was an introvert and hated people and social situations. And here in Equestria, It was the same, Though for some very different reasons. Don't get me wrong, I was still an introvert, I just couldn't voice that because I couldn't speak. But now, I hated it even more. First of all, I was sat in a little playpen thing in the middle of the living room, with all of my toys in it, with my entire family sitting around and watching me. I decided to play the part of the baby so that they wouldn't get suspicious of me, and somehow picked up a ring from those ring things you find in toy stores, kinda like horseshoe rings but wood, and banged it on the floor. I think I am able to pick things up with hooves because of magic, but that's not the focus currently. The family all "awww"'ed at me, which spurred me on further, picking up the ring again and putting it on the other wooden pole nearby. After that, I decided to do something I have never done before, move something with my horn.

I started the process by looking firmly at the next ring in the stack, and willing it to move. Nothing happened. I huffed in frustration, which probably looked very cute. I tried again, while hearing whispers of "I think he's trying to do magic!" and stuff like that. I also heard someone tell someone to get the camera. While that was happening, I focused all of my willpower and mind to lifting that ring a few inches off of the pole. After a few seconds, the ring was enveloped in a russet glow, and slowly, and very shakily, was lifted off of the pole. I was startled by the flash of a camera and promptly dropped it. I looked up with a "who did that?" look on my face. That was punctuated by another series of "awww's". After that, I looked at the ring again, and lifted it off the ground with a bit less resistance than last time, though it was still pretty hard, slow, and very shakily. After about 30 seconds, It crossed the half foot long distance between the poles and stuck the ring on it. After that, I laughed gleefully and clapped my hooves together, when another flash of the camera startled me, and I fell flat on my back.

A couple weeks after that, my mom decided to take me for a stroll in the park. I was pretty uneventful, other than me meeting another baby in another stroller that we walked past. I looked up over the side of mine, trying to catch a glimpse of the other one, when my mom stopped and started chatting with the others mom. I guessed they were friends. I peeked farther out of my stroller when a blond maned head popped up over the edge of the other one.

"Hello? Who are you?" The other baby said. I was at a loss for words, I could actually hold a civilized conversation with someone else!

"You- you can talk?" I said, surprised.

"Yes, I can. I think that all babies can talk to each other because we all speak in the same unintelligible nonsense."

"Holy fuck, that makes a lot of sense. Wait, are you human?"

"Yes, yes I am! Or... I was I guess. Are you?"

"Yeah! How did you die?"

"Oh, uhhhh, I was in a car crash with a semi on the interstate. How about you?"

"I fell down a large flight of stairs in the middle of the night. It hurt a lot."

"oof, I feel sorry for you man. At least I died instantly."

"Yeah, though I was knocked out after 14 steps I think. Anyways, how old are you now?"

"I'm about 3 weeks old right now. You?"

"A month and a half. Had a family reunion 2 weeks ago. Did magic there."

"Really?! God, I wish I could fly in a few weeks, unfortunately, all I can do with these wings right now is move them."

"Yeah. Oh, wait," I said, "Looks like they're done talking, hope I see you soon!"

"Yeah! Me too! Bye!" He yelled back, me and my mom walked a few feet before she turned to me.

"It looked like you really hit it off with him. D'you wanna have a playdate with him soon?" She asked with a motherly tone. Because she couldn't understand what I was saying, I just nodded vigorously.

"All right! I'll set up one a week from now if nothing happens." I smiled a big smile, looking forward to the playdate in a week.

A week later, I was sitting in my room, lifting various shapes and fitting them into their respective holes with my magic, when my mom and the other guys mom walked in, with the other guy in her arms.

"Hey Button, your friends here to see you!" My mom said.

"Sup." I said

"Sup." He reciprocated. "Also, Button? That's a strange name, and I thought mine was strange."

"Oh really? And what's yours?" I said while his mom set him down and they left the room

"Big Shot. I think it foreshadowing something."

"Yeah, well, my officially given name is Button Mash, but I will change it to my human name as soon as I am the legal age to do so."

"Oh, ok. What was it? Mines was Dennis Miller."

"Aight, mines was David Lebowski."

"Heh, nice name bro, we're D buds."

"Hell yeah man."

After that exchange, we talked and played for a few hours, I showed him magic, he was amazed, and he showed me he learnt to hover during the past week. After that, his mom came into my room and took him home, we exchanged a brief goodbye in the form of a dap up and a "see ya." In true bro fashion. After he left, I felt the beginnings of a budding friendship that would last until we both died.

After that, me and him, as well as my mom and his, met on a weekly basis. We both traded stories of our past lives and our current lives, and I learned that his dad was up in Canterlot for some official business concerning his floundering records enterprise, and his mom was a stay at home wife. One day 3 months after I met him was a bit different than the rest, because I got a tooth.

We were sitting on the floor, playing with various stuff, when I felt a pain in my mouth, though thankfully my body did not register it as a cry like hell pain.

"Ahhh, fuck," I said while rubbing my cheek, "Something's in my mouth."

"Really?" Dennis said, "Lemme see." I opened my mouth to him, and he looked inside.

"From my professional observation, you have a rare dental problem for children your age." He said, somehow finding a doctors coat and stethoscope.

"Really doc?" I said, playing into the joke, "What is it called?"

"It's called... your first tooth."

"I got a tooth?! Nice!" I said while feeling around the general area with my tongue. "I don't feel anything."

"Well that's because its just coming it, I think it'll be about a week to a few days until its fully in there."

"Oh, ok. Well, I guess I'm just gonna go tell my mom when it comes. Can't really tell her anything if she cant understand me."

"Yeah, but you can show her by opening your mouth when she feeds you. Wait, I never asked. Does she bottle feed or breast feed you?"

"Bottle, thankfully. I don't think I will be able to be a normal kid if she breast fed me. But does your mom do it?"

"Nah, she bottle feeds me to."

"K, aight." And that was the end of that conversation. We just talked about random stuff until he left and we exchanged our goodbyes. Though there was one thought on my mind brought along by my new tooth. That thought chilled me to the core. It was that with the coming of teeth, was also the coming of a devil sent by Satan himself. The Dentist.

After a week, my mom finally noticed my first tooth. She was of course ecstatic about it, and as soon as my dad came home, she told him. And he was just as excited, gleeful at not having to buy any milk anymore, until my mom reminded him that babies can only eat solid food after 6 months after being born. My dad, excited mood lessened but not dead because its only around 2 months until he can stop buying them. It was also starting to become colder, as I could see that the oak sapling's leaves in the front yard that has grown 2 inches since I came started turning red. It was a faint red, but red nonetheless, and after I saw it, I realized that Nightmare Night was coming up soon, and that the decorations will be coming out of the attic soon.

A month later, with the leaves on the budding oak tree fully red, and the Nightmare Night decor set up outside with the stereotypical giant spiders, graves, and ghosts. My parents were dressed in their costumes, my mom a wolf and my dad just in his armor. They were deciding on what I should wear, because of course I'm coming with them. They were in the living room, I was in my playpen, doing stuff with my magic but still intently listening on their conversation.

"Hun, what d'you think he wants to wear," My dad said, "because I think that the little guard uniform I bought is perfect. He seemed to love my armor." He was of course referring to the time when he came home from work one day and went to my room still fully decked out, just without the helmet on because from what I saw, that's what makes all the guards look the same. I loved his gear because that was the first time I actually saw the guards armor up close in real life instead of the show. I also loved his spear, because my fascination with everything military transcends dimensional barriers.

"I don't know Flawless, maybe its just a bit too aggressive? I don't want him to be indoctrinated into the military." My mom said

"He won't be indoctrinated. I'll make sure of that. Now, can I go get it?" That was followed by a long silence from my mom, until she sighed the sigh of defeat, told him yes, and he rushed off to go get the costume. She looked at me, sitting there with a big 3 toothed smile, and said something I didn't quite pick up, and never will.

An hour or so later, and me dressed in a little fabric guards uniform and in my stroller, strolling through the packed paths of Ponyville, and with our bags filled up with candy, we met Dennis and his mom and dad. I think its time to describe his mom and dad and also my dad. His mom was a unicorn mare with a red coat and blond mane, with a cutie mark of sparkling dishes, his dad was a earth pony stallion with a brown coat like me and a green mane with a cutie mark of a spinning record. My dad was a pegasus stallion with deep blue coat and a cloud white mane with a cutie mark of 2 swords crossing and a 4 point star in the middle. While the adults were talking, me and Dennis talked.

"Sup bro." I said

"Sup, nice fit." He said.

"Thanks man, I think I'll invent the gun or something when I'm old enough."

"I would like to see that."

"Yeah." It seemed that the parents conversation was a brief one so we parted ways after that.

The night after that progressed about the same as any other earth Halloween, just with ponies and magic. But when I woke up the next day, it was November 1st and everything was back to normal. All the decorations and costumes were back in attics and everything progressed just like a normal day. It was in the early days of December, when the weather pegasi got snow on the ground and everyone had to wear winter clothing, was when I ate my first solid food for my life. It tasted bland as fuck, but it was solid food nonetheless, so I forced it down. Then, the day after, my parents came home with a pine tree and hung up the lights. I watched from my playpen as they hung ornaments on the tree and put the star on it, then hung magic powered lights on the tree and house. That was about a week before Hearths Warming. On the eve, we had a Christmas/Hearths Warming dinner, but with no meat of course. I of course made a mess though, because I was there in a high chair. As we went to sleep that night, I started to wonder, will I forget that I was once Human? Will Dennis? I squashed those thoughts as soon as they appeared. I would not let me forget what I once was, and neither will Dennis. I went to sleep with comforting thoughts of the future of what I will do. If I could, I will try to bring the industrial revolution to Equestria, because I just need to drive a car again.

A few months after Hearths Warming, Hearts and Hooves day came about, which is really a footnote in this story, so I'm gonna skip it. Anyways, when spring came and went, I sensed that my birthday is gonna come about soon. How? Because my mom baked a cake. And my families here. And Its today. Anyways, my first birthday was a lot like every other birthday, except that my family and Dennis were there except friends. I tried to blow the candles, but I didn't have the lung strength, so I just opted to smash the cake and make as much a mess as possible because I'm a baby and I can. Then me and Dennis, now with full rows of teeth, chatted about stuff happening in our families while the adults talked about useless stuff. All in all, my first year of life was a good year, as well as my birthday. My parents are good ponies, and Dennis is a nice friend. So I am looking forward to what happens in my second year of life.