Zen and the Art of Horizontal Refreshment

The time had come, the Grand Galloping Gala was almost here. Luna, Twilight, and her friends had gathered to go over the plan one last time. Twilight proudly unfurled a scroll showing each individual step, plus a myriad of contingencies ranging from the reasonable to the absurd. Its astonishing length rolled to stop at Rainbow Dash’s hooves some distance away. “Twilight, did you…maybe…overplan again?”

“Rainbow, this is one of the most important things we’ve ever done! I had to account for everything that could possibly go wrong. Now, before the plan even begins, Luna has to go distract Celestia long enough for us to tell everyone at the Gala what’s going to happen”, said Twilight.

Luna was delighted. “Wonderful! I’ve been gone so long, Tia and I have so much to catch up on!” With that, Luna left the group as they discussed the plan, leaving the room just as Twilight began projecting slides with diagrams on the wall with her magic. It was such a carefully laid plan, it had to work!

Luna caught up to Celestia on the way to her quarters to get ready for the Gala.

“Tia! Our first Gala since I’ve been back! I’m so excited!”, exclaimed Luna.

“Ah, sister, yes. I was hoping to run into you. I know that back before you…left…that you would usually try to encourage ponies to be wanton, or scurrilous, or sometimes even lascivious at the Gala. Can I have your word that we can avoid that kind of thing tonight?”, replied Celestia.

Luna’s eyes went wide, which she successfully failed to conceal with a wide and innocent smile. “Whaaaaat? Me? I don’t think that sounds like me…”

Celestia narrowed her eyes. It was easy to keep her secret in check when it was just her, but Luna was a wildcard, and any skill she had in dealing with her forward nature had long atrophied.

Luna continued. “Now, we can’t get caught up in little details of who wanted everywhom to fuck each other a thousand years ago. But I can promise that I won’t…personally…lead the gala into becoming some kind of orgy.”

Celestia didn’t notice the careful wording, and smiled. “Good, that will be a relief. To be honest, I’ve been stressed out thinking that you’d be trying to ‘fix’ me again.”

“Oh, no, not at all, nopony would do that, so you don’t need to see anything coming”, said Luna, considering herself to be a master manipulator at this point. She continued, “but Celestia, really, surely there’s some stallion you’ve been attracted to at some point in the last millennium! Come, sister, it’s been so long, you can tell me.”

“No! There’s not a stallion in Equestria that I’ve ever been interested in. I don’t have those thoughts.”

“Are you sure? How is it that you’ve surrounded yourself with dozens of the hottest stallion guards I’ve ever seen, almost all identical, and that’s not a sex thing?”, said Luna, laughing.

Luna had meant it as off-handed teasing, like they had shared a thousand years ago, but when she looked up at Celestia, she blanched. It was clear from the look on her face that Celestia did not take it as idle teasing.

Celestia sputtered to get her words out. “I- I- I- would NEVER do something inappropriate with one of my guards!”

Luna shifted into damage control. “Sorry! Sorry! I’m just kidding! I know you wouldn’t! Come now, sister, I know it’s been a long time, but we used to joke, remember?”

Celestia did remember, in a way, but she now had a brittle, glass-like anxiety borne of a thousand years of thinking she was the sole sire of all ponykind while keeping her own repugnant sexuality suppressed at all costs. She did her best to compose herself. Being around her sister again was going to be hard, and she would need time to get good at it again. “Luna, I--”, she paused. “I should be getting to the Gala.”

Celestia started trotting at a brisk pace toward the balcony overlooking the ballroom to make her entrance. Luna panicked. It was too early! Twilight needed more time! Celestia was supposed to go to her quarters, not go straight to the event, and the ballroom balcony was just five doors down!

“Wait! You haven’t changed into your formal regalia!”, Luna pleaded.

Celestia just needed to be away from her sister, just for the moment. “It’s just a different crown and mantle, nopony will notice.”

Four doors down. “Uhh, you haven’t told me about the guests we’ll be having!”

“I’ll introduce you.”

Three doors down. “What, uhhh, what…now…is dancing?”

Celestia cocked her head without breaking her stride.

Luna grimaced and organized her words. “I mean, how has dance changed? Since I’ve been gone?”

“It’s a formal dance, so not very different.”

Two doors down. “Uhhh, I’m sleepy! I’m too sleepy to go!” Oh, that was the worst one yet, she realized.

“That’s fine, you can take a nap, but aren’t you the princess of the night?”

One door left. She could hear the faint sounds of an elaborate musical number being struck up just through it. It was Luna’s last chance. Desperate, she braced herself, closed her eyes, and blurted out her true feelings, the words running together in rapid staccato. “Sister-I’m-worried-that-your-unhealthy-attitudes-toward-sex-reflect-some-kind-of-inner-conflict-and-I-care-about-you-and-I-want-to-talk-through-it-and-see-if-I-can-help-you-in-a-way-that-I-wasn’t-mature-enough-to-a-thousand-years-ago!”

Celestia stopped and turned, inches from the door. She looked down at the floor, and thought deeply for several seconds. “Perhaps…it would be good…to talk.”

Luna sat on her haunches, smiled, and sighed. Not only had she had stopped her sister from opening that door, she had at last made a real connection! Maybe she didn’t need this elaborate scheme after all.

“But not right now”, Celestia added. Faster than Luna could react, Celestia turned, and with her magic, silently swung the door wide to look over her Gala. She was not prepared for what she saw.