Twilight, Luna, and company galloped behind Celestia, calling out to her in turn to no avail. Upon reaching her quarters, Celestia skidded to a stop and calmly turned around, plastered on a forced smile, and spoke. “P-p-pardon me for a moment, won’t you?”, she said in a halting and unconvincing tone.

The assembled party was stunned, and took no action as Celestia silently turned and entered her quarters. She absently left the door to her quarters open, and stepped robotically into her walk-in wardrobe, shutting its door behind her.

Twilight glanced at Luna. “Um, does that door…go somewhere? Like a secret tunnel or something?”, she asked.

“No?”, replied Luna.

“So Princess Celestia, my mentor, the goddess of the Sun, and ruler of Equestria…?”, Twilight began.

“...just locked herself in her closet,” finished Luna, flatly.

“So, uhh, what now, Twilight?”, asked Applejack.

“I…don’t know?”, replied Twilight. She gently knocked twice on the door. “Um, Princess Celestia? Are you okay in there?”

She heard a voice from inside speaking quietly but quickly. Then, what seemed like a second voice! The second was more sing-song. It sounded as though they were having a dialogue, but too quiet to make out the words.

In a circle, Twilight and the rest just looked at each other nervously.

“Is she…talking to herself in there?”, asked Rarity.

Everyone looked at Luna, who just shrugged. “I have no idea.”

The conversation inside the wardrobe was getting louder and faster.

“Well we gotta do something!”, said Rainbow Dash.

“But…what?”, asked Fluttershy.

“I dunno, I say we bust in there!”, replied Dash.

“Heavens, let the lady have her privacy!”, Rarity retorted.

“Maybe she just needs cheering up?”, added Pinkie Pie.

As her friends argued, Twilight just buried her head in her hoofs. “Oh, no, I broke Celestia. I broke Celestia! I’m the pony that broke Celestia. What are they going to do to the pony that broke Celestia?”

The party split into multiple side conversations, bickering and worrying, paying less and less attention to the wardrobe, until a smattering of laughter came from inside, silencing everyone. Glancing down, they saw a bright white light shining under the wardrobe door, and heard a slight vibration, which grew to a violent shaking of the doors as streaks of now colored light strobed rapidly from inside. Everyone began backing away slowly, and as the shaking reached a crescendo, the doors exploded open, splintering on their hinges, and a shockwave knocked the ponies tumbling backward. The blinding epicenter inside the wardrobe shined brighter than daylight, and the assembled ponies averted or covered their eyes until the phenomenon finally dimmed.

There, standing at the mouth of the wardrobe, was a new being. It looked like Celestia, but a full head taller, her strong wings fully unfurled and spread wide. Her body was taut with toned muscle. Her mane was brighter and more saturated, closer to Dash’s than Celestia’s original. The unseen breeze that had once caused it to waft peacefully was now at a gale, her mane whipping behind her dramatically. Her eyes were alert and full of purpose, but with a hunger that none present had ever seen from Celestia before as she looked upon the ponies gathered before her.

Luna, Twilight, and her friends stumbled to their hooves and stared with jaws agape.

Slowly, Dash said what they all were thinking. “Woooahhhhh…hot Celestia.”

The being spoke dramatically, contemptuously. “Yes, but reborn! You poked and prodded, and now you shall have your recompense! I have been released, and Equestria shall never be the same!”

The assembled ponies suddenly knew what they were looking at: some kind of Nightmare Moon scenario, exactly as predicted. Each of them confidently shouted the name they were sure belonged to this new being.

“Nightmare Sun!”, exclaimed Twilight.

“Daybreaker!”, exclaimed Rarity.

“Princess Molestia!”, exclaimed Luna.

“Dommy Mommy!”, exclaimed Fluttershy, appearing a little bit too into this turn of events.

Applejack opened her mouth to go next, but then she and the rest just turned to Fluttershy.

“Eep”, was her only reply, before the being’s booming voice interrupted.

“No! It’s…Princess Celestia!”, she said, as a peal of dramatic thunder clapped outside. Her shoulders then drooped a bit and she spoke more plainly for a moment. “Do you all really not recognize me? …and did she just call me ‘dommy mommy’?”

“Oh!”, said Twilight, relieved, “We thought you had turned all evil and taken on a new name!”

Celestia shook off her brief confusion, grinning slowly and widely. “Oh, my little Twilight, you’re only half right! But not everypony who turns evil”, she said as she looked squarely at Luna, “has to make up a new melodramatic villain name.”

“Hey!”, retorted Luna, before thinking for a moment and relenting. “Okay…fair.”

Celestia continued proudly, “and I will unleash my dark urges on all of Equestria, and there’s not a thing you all can do about it without your precious elements…of…harmony.”

As she spoke the last few words, her haughty pride diminished, as each of the six ponies brought out their ornamental element of harmony from within their dresses. Celestia deflated a bit at the sight. This evil transformation may not last as long as she had thought. “So, you all brought those with you…?”

Twilight looked an odd mix of triumphant and apologetic. “I’m afraid so, Princess Celestia. Sorry. We’ll…we’ll have you fixed in no time.”

Celestia sat on her haunches. All that dramatic reveal, and that’s it? She didn’t even get to explain her evil plan! Well, time to get this over with, she supposed. She closed her eyes and waited for the elements of harmony to do their thing.

And waited.

And waited.

After a time, all she felt was a slight breeze, so she opened her eyes, stunned to see that she was completely enveloped in the intense rainbow beam, but it was having no effect at all. She faced the elements. She permitted them to pass over her and through her. And when it was over, only she remained.

She grinned widely and hungrily. She had no idea why, but the elements were nothing to her! Her new evil form was invincible! She looked out over Luna and the bearers of the elements, who appeared harrowed and in disbelief.

Celestia stood defiantly and smirked. “As you can see, your elements have no effect on me!”

The rest of the ponies looked to Twilight or Luna for guidance, but found them equally panicked, frozen in silence. The apocalypse was at hand. All they could do was watch, helpless.

Celestia continued, “For now, I shall feed my heart’s most malevolent hunger…”

Twilight trembled. What had she done? Luna looked down, hopeless and forlorn.

Celestia continued, “My twisted desires of the flesh shall be made real…”

Pinkie Pie’s mind reeled, trying to find laughter that would not come.

Celestia continued, “I shall seek out the mare of my choosing…”

Rarity and Fluttershy hugged, seeking peace through friendship before the end.

Celestia continued, “And do mouth stuff and perhaps even hoof stuff with her!”

Applejack shuddered and--wait? She looked up, uncertain. “Uhh, that’s it? That just sounds kinda…gay”, she said.

Twilight was briefly shaken out of her terror by this. “Applejack! Did you just use ‘gay’ as a pejorative? I know the end is nigh and country ponies sometimes have certain attitudes, but that’s no excuse for--”

Rainbow Dash cut her off. “No, Twilight, Applejack is right! That…just sounds gay. Like, literally just gay.”

Celestia grinned widely. “Oh, none of you will be gay at all when you see the depravity I shall unleash!”

Dash forgot about the existential threat for the moment. “No, not gay like happy, either! Like GAAAAY. Like, just gay.”

Celestia cocked her head. “Um, gay means happy.”

Twilight put her hoof to her mouth. Oh no. Oh no. It can’t be. After all this. After a thousand years. After all the subterfuge for literal generations. This cannot be it. She squinted slightly and looked up at her mentor. “No, uhh, they mean…homosexual.”

Celestia squinted back. “Homo-what-now?”

“Homosexual.”

The invisible wind whipping Celestia’s mane dropped to a slight breeze and she replied, matter-of-factly, “I don’t know what that is. But I’m sure my thing is different.”

Twilight glanced over. “Luna, does she really not…?”, she started.

Luna’s eyes were wide, and she just raised a hoof in an exasperated ‘how should I know?’ gesture.

This was it. Twilight was going to have to explain the concept of ‘gay’ to her princess goddess mentor ruler deity. “Um, so Princess Celestia, you know how some mares like to be with stallions, right?”

“Yes, the natural order and all, of course”, she replied coolly. Inside, Celestia started to get nervous. Could this be, like, a thing? A thing that ponies know about? No, certainly not, she had her own special and unique depraved sex fault that she’d hidden for millennia. There was no way it was a thing!

Twilight responded, “Okay, so sometimes a stallion likes to be with another stallion, and a mare likes to be with another mare.”

Celestia’s cool smile became a little more strained. “Yes, you heard of that just now, from me. It’s my thing, the thing that made me all evil.”

Very calmly, and as slowly as possible, Twilight replied. “Actually, Princess Celestia, that’s a thing that lots of ponies do. It’s…not new.” She paused for a moment, and second guessed herself, her eyes darting quickly to Luna. “And…she didn’t invent it, right, Luna?”

Luna just shook her head, too stunned and overwhelmed at the situation. Everyone looked to Celestia for her reaction.

Celestia remained motionless, saying nothing.

After several beats, Twilight carefully continued, “so, does that describe you? Are you a mare that is interested in other mares? …romantically? …or…sexually? Is that what all this is about?”

Celestia took a step back, and in a quiet, rapid staccato, said “No no no no no no no no no no no.”. She turned a full 180 degrees around, whispering disconcertingly to herself, “No…that can’t be right.” The assembled ponies gawked as she then turned slowly back toward them, and declared with confidence, “Yes. And nopony else could feel this way, so it’s definitely just me. I’m the only one in all Equestria who could be like this.”

Twilight was getting exasperated. “Celestia, it’s not even just you in this room.”

Celestia was in desperate denial, and smugly stated simply “Surely not.”

Twilight raised a hoof to point to herself. “Bi.” Seeing confusion on Celestia’s face, she added, “which is like gay and straight at the same time”. Seeing further confusion, she added, “and straight means not gay.”

She then pointed at Applejack, who responded simply, “Bi.”

She pointed at Rainbow Dash. “Suuuuuuper gay. Like, the most gay ever!”

She pointed at Rarity. “Well, a lady’s mood can change from day to day, and…”, she started, but looking around the room, she gathered that nuance wasn’t the best for this moment, so she succinctly finished, “but we’ll just say bi.”

She pointed at Pinkie Pie. “Wellllll, mostly straight, but all bets are off at the right kind of party!”

She pointed at Fluttershy, who sheepishly muttered “pan” as though it were another “eep”. Celestia started to look confused again, so Twilight interjected “which we’ll just call ‘bi’ for right now.”

Lastly, she pointed at Luna, less confident that she was allowed to even ask, but Luna, still stunned and confused, responded absently without thinking, “5th dimensional hyper-pan.”

Celestia was reeling. Her darkest sin since time immemorial was shared by everyone in the room, even her own sister? She reared up on her hind legs and slammed down as she barked a single word.

“Impossible!” Unseen thunder again clapped from outside.

Celestia continued, “Mares can’t just do things with other mares! It’s unnatural! It’s evil! It’s what makes me evil!”

Twilight stood steadfast and stern. “Celestia, it’s not just not evil, it’s common! Like half of Ponyville is gay!”

Rainbow Dash muttered an aside, “Pffft, more like 30% before I got there...”

Twilight ignored her and continued, “I know you weren’t aware that ponies were having sex, but surely you’ve seen gay couples before, right?”

Celestia’s eyes drifted to the floor as she began re-evaluating what she knew about every pony in her life, lost in the immensity of the possibilities. During this time, Luna finally found her wits, realizing the absurdity of the situation.

“Wait, sister, do you not recall the wedding of our cousin Sappho last month?”, asked Luna.

Celestia’s mind snapped out of her reverie at her sister’s words. “Yes, well, I wouldn’t call it a wedding. They were just…friends, right?”

“Celestia, they both wore white dresses! They recited vows!”

“Those…were friendship vows. Friendship is very important to--”

Luna cut her off. “Do you remember who she married?”

“Befriended”, Celestia corrected, “and I believe it was a pony named Carpet Muncher, if I recall.”

Luna’s eyes went wide. How was she not getting this? “Yes, Sappho married Carpet Muncher, who has a lovely cutie mark of a tongue licking a…”, Luna slowed, and raised her hoof in a rotating motion, gesturing for Celestia to finish the sentence.

“Pink lily! That pony must really love eating flowers”, Celestia finished innocently.

Luna slumped onto her haunches. “I give up, somepony else want to try?”

Pinkie Pie bounded to the front of the group. “Oooh, I know! Rainbow Dash, how many mares have you been with?”

“Oh, easy: five,” said Dash with confidence.

The ponies glanced at each other quizzically. “Just, um, five?”, asked Fluttershy.

“Yeah, five today,” she replied.

“No, darling, I think Pinkie is asking: how many total, ever?”, said Rarity.

“Oh, I have no idea. Twilight and I tried to figure that out one time, but she said I had to learn something called ‘scientific notation’, and that nerd stuff doesn’t put mares in beds, if you know what I mean.”

“That hasn’t been my experience”, said Twilight wistfully, before coming back to the present moment. “But I see what you’re going for, Pinkie! Celestia, Rainbow Dash has been with tons of mares! Which means tons of mares have been with her. See? Lots of ponies are gay!”

Celestia slowly sat, finally beginning to process the situation. “So, you’re saying I’m just this thing called…’gay’? Not evil?”

Twilight beamed. She was getting through to her! “Yup! That’s all that’s going on here! It’s fine!”

Applejack sidled up to Twilight and quietly asked, “Um, Twi, do you want to make sure that’s all we’re dealin’ with here?”

Twilight nodded. “Celestia, just to be sure, you just want to date a mare consensually and maybe have sex, right?”

Celestia replied, “Um, yes? You make it sound so…simple.”

Twilight continued, “Any, um, kinks?”

Celestia was confused again. “Kinks?”

Pinkie Pie interjected, “She’s asking what’s your craziest, silliest, wildest fantasy ever!?”

Celestia thought for a long time, blushing a deep crimson, taking a few moments to gather her courage. “Well, I’m in a pristine glade with a beautiful mare.”

The rest of the ponies leaned in expectantly, expecting a tawdry roleplay or kinky twist from the millennia-repressed goddess.

“And we…do kissing, and, like, sex stuff on each other”, finished Celestia.

“And…?”, Pinkie prodded.

“And…that’s it? I mean, did I mention the glade? It seems so naughty to do such a thing out in nature.”

“Yeah, I think the only kink we have to worry about here is being the most vanilla lesbian ever”, concluded Rainbow Dash.

Celestia was relieved. “So, you’re saying all of that’s okay? I’m…not evil?”

Twilight put a hoof up to her mentor’s shoulder. “No, you’re not evil. In fact, that explains why the elements of harmony didn’t do anything. If anything, shooting a bunch of giant rainbows at you might have made you a little more gay.

Tears welled up in Celestia’s eyes. So many years of guilt and repression were being washed away. She could just like mares! It was a thing! A normal thing! In a few moments, she was outright crying, and the ponies presented gathered around her in a group hug. It all made so much sense now. Her entire world fit together in a new and more complete way!

As the tears receded, Celestia asked simply, “What now?”

Twilight replied. “A long time ago, you gave me some good advice. ‘Get out there and make some friends.’ Well, that’s almost my advice to you: Get out there and make some marefriends!” Celestia hugged the group even harder.

Applejack made a quick aside to Dash. “So, is she just gonna stay, like, transformed like this? All tall and sexy-like?”

Dash whispered back, “Yeah, let her have this. Maybe it’ll help compensate for her complete lack of game.”

The two ponies nodded to each other.

Celestia spoke up once more. “I just have one last question. What is that word you used...what is...‘lesbian’?”

After a beat, the assembled ponies all burst into laughter. They forgot about the Gala and/or Orgy entirely, and spent the evening teaching Celestia the reality of love, sex, and relationships to the ruler of all things.

Just verbally, you perv.

Author's Note

And there you have it. Celestia was just the most deeply closeted pony in the history of all life in the universe, but no big deal, for as with most problems in life, it was fixed easily by an elaborate orgy-based musical number. Now she has finally, both literally and figuratively, come out of the closet.

I think this ties off the biggest questions, but I have one or two epilogue chapters in mind if there's interest.

Oh, big props to 'Neece' for calling the twist in the comments two weeks ago! What gave it away? Was it the literal closet she went in, or a few tidbits in the inner dialogue? I tried to hint it just the right amount.