Anon checked his basket, lifting the silky covering and counting the supplies held therein. He'd already counted at least a dozen times before that - but he'd also always wanted to be a baker.

That was a lie, and he knew it... Whatever.

In the distance, Derpy swayed gently in place, clearly suppressing the urge to bounce, lest she risk destroying something belonging to somepony.

It was Sunday, Hearts and Hooves Day - the day hearts are melded or broken, and sometimes both.

Alright, Anon - this was it. As they say, there are no second third impressions. Yep. Gotta make this date count.

He felt his legs bending funny at the knee as he walked towards her, as though they were made of jello. Did he look funny as he walked? Had he remembered to wear his lucky socks?

Christ on a bike, Anon, you've dated before. Stop behaving like a schoolboy.

Anon was so busy scolding himself that he hadn't noticed Derpy waving at him. She stretched her neck as high as it would go as she waved, seemingly of the impression that if she came closer to his eyeline, he'd be more likely to see her.

Oh, Derpy... Didn't she know that humans can't look down?

In a moment of karma that Anon likely should have seen coming considering his conversation with Twilight on Friday, he tripped over a protruding piece of cobblestone in the path, almost losing his entire lunch haul and ending the date right then and there.

He quickly recovered, brushing himself off like nothing had happened. Derpy's waves had stopped and she instead held her hoof up to her lip in concern with a furrowed brow. "Anon!" she shouted, rushing over to him. "Are you alright?"

"Yep. Yeah, I'm good," replied Anon. "Just biped problems, y'know?"

"I don't know. But, I don't know much to be honest." Derpy emitted that same goofy, breathy laugh Anon had heard a couple of times last night.

"Hey now, none of that!" Anon grinned and, feeling bold, playfully ruffled her mane; she batted him away with a hoof while adorned with a smile of her own. "Now come on; let's go inside. I figured we could meet up here and buy some muffins together." Derpy's smile grew bashful as Anon tapped his little straw basket. "And then go and have a nice picnic in the park."

Derpy's face froze with her mouth slightly agape, a blush slowly creeping up her face. Anon shuffled in place at her lack of a response and said, "Uh... Yeah, sorry. I know it's cheesy and a little boring."

Derpy snapped out of her trance and looked up at him with a shy smile. One of her eyes tried its absolute best to remain trained on him, but it eventually lost its grip and swung limp in the bottom of her eye socket, Defeated. "No no, it's perfect! The park is real pretty."

Derpy turned and looked to the door, a wobbly smile accenting her blushing cheeks and folded ears. Anon felt his crooked human heart pulse. Easy now, Anon. Don't want to end up in horse hospital, do we?

Anon wordlessly pushed into Sugarcube corner and marched up to the counter like he wanted to see the manager.

Several ponies, including more than a few couples, sat and munched on their confections with glee. When Anon was met without service, he glanced left and right for the pink hurricane.

Huh. That was odd. She pretty much always worked at this hour.

Anon would swear on this even with both feet and perhaps an arm in the grave - he had blinked and Pinkie had appeared. Right behind the counter. If the universe ran on frames, she would have skipped into his view between two of them. Had she been hiding?

"Heya, Anon! And Derpy!" Pinkie smiled sweetly up at Anon after giving Derpy a wave. Derpy stood next to Anon, her side mere inches from Anon's leg. Derpy looked at the floor and attempted to cover her face with a wing. Pinkie gasped, gaining at least four seconds of airtime.

"WAIT! Are you two on a date?!" Sugarcube Corner went quiet, the only sounds heard being jaws crunching and the mushing of food slithering down greedy gullets.

"Yup," said Anon, hearing Derpy mewl next to him. He glanced down at her, and then around at the surrounding ponies, that same familiar ghost pulling at the back of his collar. "We are..."

"That's awesome! Congratulations." At that, the babble of the establishment returned. Anon felt his mood brighten and his heart swell in thanks; you could always count on Pinkie Pie.

"Thanks, Pinks. Could we get a bag of, I dunno..." He looked down at Derpy, and she met his gaze with a smile. "How hungry are you, Derpy?" chuckled Anon.

"Uhm..." A high-pitched growl concluded her speech before she could even begin to tell her tall tale of famine, causing Anon's laughter to pick up. Pinkie found herself giggling as well.

To Anon's surprise, Derpy did not respond with much embarassment. She instead giggled herself and said, "Maybe a little."

"In that case - we'll take three blueberry muffins, and three chocolate muffins please, Pinks." Anon winked at Pinkie, and she got the message.

"Alrighty, comin' right up!" In a blur, Pinkie disappeared and then reappeared with a warm bag. "Here ya go! Six muffins for the blushing mare and her tall, hairless, minataur-like-thing coltfriend!"

Anon groaned, "Pinkie... Please, not today..." Derpy watched Anon's frustrated expression with amusement.

Derpy spoke up in a hushed voice. "Oh, he really is tall, and... And silly!" Derpy lowered her head and chuckled as though she'd just drawn a weiner on the first guy to fall asleep at the function.

Anon couldn't help but smile at her valiant effort with a glint in his eye. "We can work on that, Derpy. I'll have 'em rolling off your tongue in no time!"

Pinkie watched the pair gravitate towards the door. She didn't feel even remotely offended that they forgot to say goodbye to her. In fact, as she watched them leave and continue their light banter, she felt all fuzzy inside.

"Right! Let's get this party started," declared Anon.

He dug through his picnic basket as the pair set up on a small incline by the pond. They had a wide and yet short tree to rest their backs against if they needed it, its branches reaching over them in a gnarled, jagged attempt at sheltering them from the sun.

The park was busy, but not bustling. Unsurprisingly, considering the occasion, it was filled with couples, much like themselves.

Well... Anon looked down at himself.

Not too much like themselves.

As Anon poured the pair a drink each from his trusty giga-flask from Earth, he noticed a couple on the other side of the park that caught his attention. It was a stallion sitting with a yak, clearly giving each other goo-goo eyes.

Derpy noticed his mood brighten a mite as he pulled some sandwiches free from the basket and laid them out before her. "You feeling daring, Derpy?" Anon rubbed his hands together mischievously.

"Ooo, I think I might be!" she said with a little bounce.

"Good, because one of these sandwiches is a trap. You don't have any allergies, do you?" asked Anon, with a grin.

"You didn't!" exclaimed Derpy with a squee.

"Uh huh. Yup, I certainly did," chuckled Anon, "and whoever lands the trapwich has to go for a swim to end our date." He pointed over at the pond. "In there."

Derpy gasped, her wings springing to attention. "Well, I don't have any allergies, so let's do it!" she pumped a hoof in the air.

"Alright, well best of luck to you." Beaming, Anon then began flipping a butter knife between his fingers and preparing to slice up some sandwiches. Derpy watched his movements with fascination.

Anon raised an eyebrow and placed the butter knife down, testing a theory. As expected, one of Derpy's eyes followed his hand, and soon her head followed suit, tilting down to face the blanket beneath their tushies.

He lifted the knife back up and balanced it on a finger. He then gripped it by the blade and moved his arm from side to side...

Derpy's head followed his movements like a moth to a flame. However, his motions did not cease, and she eventually blinked, looking up at him in confusion.

When she saw his smug grin, she fell to her side and chuckled, knocking over her drink in the process.

She gasped and looked down at it, biting her lip. She looked back up to Anon and appeared ready to apologise, but he was faster.

"Whoops. That's two for two now, Derpy - didn't take you for a fan of America's favourite pastime." He gave her a teasing smile. "Nice work, champ!" He offered her his palm for a high-five, and despite the anatomical differences, Derpy got the message.

Her smile returned and she reached up to bap his outstretched hand with a hoof, her eyes closing as she did so. But then, her eyes opened once more and she placed a hoof to her chin in thought.

Anon moved to pour Derpy another drink with a gentle smile gracing his features, and as he carefully filled her small cup with not-grapejuice, she asked, "What's 'America'?"

Anon paused, her now-filled cup held between a finger and thumb. A static feeling tickled behind his ears and he felt the want to shiver a singular, body-wracking shiver.

He wasn't averse to talking about his old world at all, or anything like that. No, this was different. With everything that had happened recently, Anon neared the end of his very serious consideration. His mind toiled and segmented, its different components tugging and tearing at each other for control.

... Should he tell her? He had only really known this mare for a couple days, but he couldn't help but feel that if he seriously wanted to pursue a relationship, he would need to show her who he is. Or rather, who he was, and what the world he came from was really like.

That was the kind of thing one could not keep from their partner forever; so, why not lay out his cards from the beginning? He had already shown her a glimpse of who he is, and she had been plenty receptive.

The morbid temptation to fill in that final piece of the puzzle accelerated his breath. He really didn't want to let any of those monsters loose, but it felt like a necessity.

It wasn't like he wanted to trauma dump his woeful tale of displacement and subsequent loss upon anyone, or give a precise, comprehensive detail of human history... The mere thought of both of those scenarios made him almost as repulsed as that one time he had seen Celestia's super secret photo album as part of a prank gone wrong.

Though, he knew one pony who would likely demand that comprehensive history lecture anyway, once he uncorked his internal bottle. Ugh.

No, something far more simple and to the point would work to ease the tension writhing in his gut and give his potential partner the honesty she deserves in entering this relationship - the rest could come down the line.

More than that, though, he wanted to know about her. He had spent last night and most of today gulping down every last morsel he could draw from her, and would ensure he'd continue to do so.

And like the greedy pig of a human that he was, he hadn't given her an inch in return.

Breaking his classic human thinker pose, he glanced down at the adorable little mare, and she tilted her head at him in confusion.

A smile graced his lips. Yes. He wanted to know everything about this little ray of sunshine, and so he should probably give at least a little bit back.

That was when Anon had an idea.

It was probably worth a shot, right? Yeah, Anon was always brimming with nothing but the very finest selection of ideas.

Best case scenario? Derpy and his close friends understand his circumstances and perhaps even find the whole thing fascinating, drawing he and Derpy closer to each other as a result.

Worst case scenario? They all run screaming, he blows his chances at a kind and adorable marefriend, and he is imprisoned as a danger to the country.

Awesome. Sounds like a plan.

Derpy leaned closer to him and gingerly placed a hoof upon his knee. "Anon? You don't have to answer, you know," she said. Her beautiful smile returned. "I understand."

Anon perked up and looked Derpy in the eyes, matching her smile with a more reserved one of his own. As Derpy's left pupil drifted up towards Celestia's ex, his smile widened.

"It's alright, Derpy. I just got lost in thought for a moment, there." Anon placed Derpy's cup beside her, the orange juice inside sloshing up near its edges before settling down. "Oh, here." He pulled some napkins from the basket and layered a couple over the wet stain on the edge of the blanket from her previously spilled beverage.

Derpy lightly gasped and said, "You really did think of everything, didn't you? You already know me so well." She giggled into her hooves.

"Actually, Derpy, that reminds me..." Anon looked back down to the sandwiches and finally began cutting them up. His eyes widened. "Oh, actually, first of all - sorry for keeping a hungry lady waiting for so long."

Anon handed her a paper plate with four sandwich halves resting upon it and then winked at her. "Best of luck with those!" He then grabbed a big bag of potato chips, tore them open and set them in front of the pair so that they could dip into it freely.

Derpy placed her hooves to her mane and groaned, though the toothy grin ripping across her muzzle told a different story. "Ah! I'm so nervous..." she squeaked.

Anon chuckled and grabbed a few sandwiches of his own. "If you're still hungry, I have other snacks and some more sandwiches in here, so just ask."

Derpy nodded before apprehensively biting into her sandwich. Upon discovering it was safe, her ears perked up. "Ooh, this is kind of exciting, actually!" She bounced in place a couple of times, coming dangerously close to losing another drink to the still-thirsty grass on her left.

Anon chuckled with mirth and bit into his own sandwich, relaxing his tightened shoulders once he verified the lack of trappage present on his sandwich. "So, Derpy. What do you like to do for fun?"

Derpy perked up and placed a hoof to her chin. "Hmm... Well, I like to read, and sometimes even go bowling. Although... They're usually pretty reluctant to let me back in there nowadays, eheh."

A nearby couple skirted around the pair with an apology before Anon replied, "Ah, well that sounds pretty fun. I actually haven't been bowling in pony land yet."

Derpy gasped, "We should go together sometime!"

"That sounds awesome-sauce, Derpy."

As she was taking a sip of her drink, Derpy's eyes widened and she leaned back towards him, gently tapping him on the knee with a hoof. "Oh, I also like those new movie things. I've only seen a few, but they're amazing." Anon's eyes widened at this news. "H-How about you, Anon? What do you like to do?"

Just as he was about to reply, his eye caught a few mares approaching from his right, with their eyes trained on him and looking just about ready to declare an interspecies armageddon.

Upon taking a closer look, Anon recognised the obvious leader of the mares as the brown mare who had berated him last night.

Oh no... No no no, come on, Anon - overcome your nature and think fast here!

"Hold on a second - what's going on here?!" the mare shouted, her attention focused upon Derpy as she now stood before the pair with her cronies flanking her on either side.

Anon noticed Derpy's expression sink, its anchor to his heart almost flooring him right there and then. "We're on a date in the park," said Anon, with as little emotion as possible. "Can we help you?"

The mare stammered out some indignant splutters and said, "Do I look like I'm holding a banana to you? Just get up and leave! This isn't fair!"

"Seriously? Just leave us be, lady. You're not entitled to us leaving upon your demand. Get lost." He took a slow sip of his juice, training his eyes on her all the while. Derpy caught the harsh gaze of one of the mare's silent companions and shrivelled into herself somewhat, cradling her plate protectively to her chest.

Once Anon had placed his drink back down beside him, the brown mare stepped forward and picked it up before splashing its remaining contents in his face. "Oh look - you've got something on your cheek, you filthy monkey," she snarled.

The human elected not to respond, instead merely continuing to watch her without wiping his sopping face. His poker face had been chiselled in stone by the very finest of ancient craftsmen.

"And you, mailmare! What are you doing here with that... That thing?! Where are your standards? It isn't even a stallion!" Derpy momentarily frowned and moved forward to reply, but as the brown mare's crony stepped over and kicked her drink over, she flinched back again. Anon felt something bubble and ripple along the muscles of his arms; it crawled up his neck and locked the joints of his fingers.

Nah. This wasn't going to continue.

Anon moved to respond with a dark look in his eye. The crony to the mare's left had noticed his expression and nervously tapped her shoulder.

But, to Anon's surprise, Derpy beat him to the punch.

"H-He isn't a monkey. And he's l-lovely... You're just j-jealous that he got a date and you didn't!" Despite her jitters and blatant nerves, Derpy's expression held firm and she did not flinch away from the mare looming over her. Anon's eyes widened.

The three mares gawped at Derpy's sudden outburst, and the entire gathering entered a complete silent stand-still.

Anon's brow set and he moved over to his basket. He pulled out the flask and leaned across to retrieve Derpy's cup and fill it back up for her. He glared at the mare standing beside Derpy as he slowly placed the cup beside Derpy's leg. The mare shuffled in place with a bead of regretful sycophancy dripping around her brow.

"Yeah, as if. I'll find a stallion or ten in no time..." declared the mare. "L-Let's go, girls. Leave this freak and her pet to stink up the park." With that, she turned and trotted away with a flick of her tail, grunts scurrying in tow.

Clicking his tongue, Anon turned to face Derpy with a sudden smile. "Some ponies, huh? Thanks for sticking up for me; you didn't have to do that, y'know."

Despite his light tone, Derpy could see right through his optical windows and into the raging storm of hurt slamming against the glass. "She's just a nasty mare, Anon." she said. "Please don't take anything she says to heart." Derpy placed her hoof upon the back of his hand he was using to prop himself up.

Anon looked down at it and resisted the urge to flinch away. With a chuckle, he said, "Yeah. Screw her, right?"

Derpy then returned his laugh and said, "Yeah... S-S-Screw her!" She retracted her hoof and released a breath at the end of her speech, smiling with joy at having successfully forced the offensive word past her lips.

Anon then leaned closer to Derpy and said, "Oh yeah! I never got to show you that hand trick last night, did I?"

Derpy gasped and placed her hooves to her cheeks in excitement with a shake of her head. Anon smiled to himself, glad to see her back in good spirits.

"Watch closely, now..." Anon then held out his hand, bringing his other hand out alongside it. Derpy watched with fascination as she munched on her final sandwich.

He brought his pointer fingers together, with his other fingers retracted from her view. He then covered the pointer of one hand with the pointer of the other, and brought it down across his knuckles. Once his moving pointer finger uncovered where the other had been, the covered pointer finger had vanished.

Derpy gasped once more and dropped her sandwich to her plate, turning to face him completely. Anon's pointer finger retracted away from the bottom knuckle of the other hand, gradually revealing his pinkie finger now outstretched behind it. He repeated this motion several times, with Derpy's head following it like a lazer.

After Anon finished and began to laugh, Derpy cheered and clopped her hooves together with her eyes closed. "That was amazing, Anon!"

"It's really nothing special, Derpy, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!" He reached back down for his own sandwich. "So, you're the local mailmare - how long have you had that gig running for?"

Derpy settled back down in her original spot and retieved her sandwich. She scarfed down the last of it before responding, "For a few years now, I think. Time really does fly." She laughed. "And so do I!"

"That you do," said Anon, rustling through the chip bag with a chuckle. "So do you enjoy it? You often seem to have a smile on your face whenever I see you flitting through town with your cute little outfit on."

Derpy's cheeks flushed. "I absolutely do. Ponies sometimes get a little mad at my clumsy flying," she said, looking down at her plate. "But, I really enjoy getting to stretch my wings and complete my route."

"What about you? Where do you work?" asked Derpy, finishing off her drink before reaching for some chips.

"I work for Mayor Mare at the moment. She calls the job a 'legislative administrator' role, but all I really do is file some papers and help approve anonymously-submitted requests," replied Anon, digging through the picnic basket to retrieve his flask and top up Derpy's drink.

"You approve your own requests?" asked Derpy with incredulity as he leaned across her.

Anon flinched back and stared ahead of himself in confusion. "No no, I mean 'anonymous', as in they're submitted by ponies who..." His speech trailed off as he watched Derpy's mischievous, giggling expression partially hidden behind a hoof.

Anon blinked several times, never in his life having been happier to have been outplayed.

With a toothy grin, the man snatched Derpy's now empty plate, and as he piled a few more sandwich halves upon it he said, "Oh, you better hope you don't get the trapwich here, Derpy, or you're getting hurled into that pond tail-first in three seconds flat!"

Derpy excitedly breathed out a few of those goofy chuckles he was very quickly growing fond of. "I'll be sure to cross my hooves, then!"

Anon simply sat in silence, watching her from the corner of his eye with a smile as she grabbed one of the sandwiches. She glanced at him sheepishly a few times before taking a bite. She breathed a sigh of relief and pumped a hoof in the air. "Ahah! I did it!" she cheered.

A couple of birds rustled and flew off from the branches above her head, and Anon moaned in dismay. There were so few sandwiches left now that he had half of them on his plate. Despite there being a couple left in the basket, the chances of his sandwich being trapped were now dangerously high.

Oh well, this wouldn't be the most he's ever lost on a coin toss.

He breathed a heavy sigh as he grabbed his own sandwich, preparing to bite into it. Derpy sipped from her cup and then watched him with excitement, licking her lips as she rustled around the bottom of the chip bag.

With quivering fingers, Anon took his bite. Derpy held her breath with an expectant smile as she bit her bottom lip.

Anon coughed with the food still in his mouth. His eyes began to water and he tried to pass off a heave as him swallowing. With a physical flinch, gulped it down and then looked down at Derpy with a wobbly brow. "S'good. B-Better luck next time, Derpster," he wheezed.

Derpy frowned cheekily and leaned closer to him. "Oh, good," she purred, "then you won't mind finishing that totally-not-a-trapwich off so we can get to the muffins, would you?" Anon glanced back down at the sandwich held between his fingers as Derpy chortled in his left ear.

"S-Sure. One sec." Anon moved to take another bite, but froze with the sandwich between his teeth. Wincing his eyes closed, he willed his teeth to do their due diligence, hoping Discord would show up to momentarily banish his tongue to a pocket dimension.

With a heavy sigh, Anon dropped the trapwich back to his plate with a thud. "Aha! I did it!" cheered Derpy. "I'm the winner!" Derpy stood to her hooves and literally jumped for joy, pumping her hooves alternately.

Anon placed his hands to his head and rubbed his temples. With a resigned expression, he turned to Derpy and said, "Alright, a deal's a deal..." His expression turned smug as he sucked in his lips. "Go ahead and throw me in the pond, then."

Derpy stopped her jumping and looked over at Anon. With her standing and him sitting on his backside, the two were a similar height. She lifted a hoof and leaned back, her eyes scanning his body as though searching for a point of leverage. Nibbling on a hoof, she came closer to him and gingerly tugged at the arm of his shirt. "O-Okay... Here goes! Hnng!"

To her dismay, despite her struggling and slipping on the blanket, Anon had not budged an inch. In fact, he let himself fall totally limp, plopping down on the checkered blanket in his best impression of the beloved Smarty Pants. He grinned up at her in challenge, and she decided to change her tactic.

She shuffled around behind him and pushed at his back. She successfully rolled him onto his stomach, but found herself unable to flip him again. As she strained and pulled under his shoulder, Anon burst out laughing and quickly stood to his feet.

"A spectacular effort, Derpy! Here..." Anon walked over the the edge of the pond and spread his arms out wide. "I'll let you do the honours."

Derpy bounded over to him, stopping just shy of his towering form and peering up at him with a grin. "A-Are you sure, Anon?"

"Yup. Like I said, a deal's a deal. Let me have it!"

Derpy giggled and took flight, placing her hooves to his broad chest and giving him a gentle push. The push had been so gentle, in fact, that Anon shook his head with a smirk and flung himself back with her motion.

A few nearby ponies at the pond's edge yelped at the resulting splash as Anon's large form plunged into the pond's murky water. Several looked to him with concern or even sympathy, but once he resurfaced with a loud gasp and subsequent joyous laugh, a few of them began to snicker with him.

Derpy stomped her front hooves in excitement as she watched him before running away from the pond's edge. After a few seconds, she came speeding back towards the pond at full pelt. However, instead of the leap she intended, she tripped over her hooves at the pond's edge and planted face-first into the water beside him with a yelp.

Anon furrowed his brow in concern at first and moved to dig through the water for the bubbly mare, but this was short lived, as after a second or two, Derpy exploded from the surface of the pond in hysterical laughter. She turned to face Anon with a triumphant grin. Anon matched her enthusiasm, with Derpy suddenly growing quiet once she noticed all the attention they were getting from nearby ponies.

She smiled gently at Anon and said, "Anon... What was in that sandwich, anyway?"

He scoffed and stuck out his tongue as he made his way to the pond's edge and lifted himself out. He offered her a hand, which she gratefully accepted. "Oh, nothing too terrible. I just put some peanut butter, mayo, apple spread and pickle juice on it."

Derpy screwed up her muzzle and said, "Eww!"

"Well I would say 'don't knock it 'til you try it, but uh..." He yacked out his tongue again and smacked his lips with a grimace. "Yeah..."

Derpy shook off the loose water in her coat, causing Anon to flinch back with a chuckle. He looked down at his soaked clothes and said, "Hey, how about those muffins? I know we're soaked, but how 'bout we take one for the road?"

"Sure! I'd love a muffin." Derpy bounced back over to the blanket.

Anon stepped back over to the basket and retrieved the bag they'd gotten from Sugarcube Corner. He reached in and asked, "Blueberry or chocolate?"

"Hmm..." Derpy placed a hoof to her chin and went silent, flipping her hoof to the left and right as what appeared to be the most difficult inner battle of her life waged war against her tongue. "B-Blueberry! No, chocolate!"

Anon chuckled, "It's fine, Derpy - we got plenty of both, remember? You can obviously have more than one."

Derpy bonked herself on the side of the head and stuck out her tongue. "Right, of course. Um, then surprise me!"

"Alright. Here ya go," chirped Anon, handing her a blueberry muffin.

"Thanks, Anon," she said. Anon nodded his head and moved to pack away the contents of the picnic back into the basket. Considering how little there was, it only took him a matter of seconds.

"Alright, we're all set." He reached back into the basket and pulled out a blueberry muffin for himself. "We all good to go?"

"Yup!" Anon set off walking, and Derpy followed after him.

The pair had walked together from the park all the way back through to the marketplace, still wet, but not so drenched, from their fun in the sun.

"I had a really nice time today, Anon..." murmured Derpy, munching on a chocolate muffin.

"Me too. I had a lot of fun. Say..." Anon stopped walking, prompting Derpy to do the same as she faced him and tilted her head. "Do you think you'd be interested in, you know... Another da-"

"-Yes!" Derpy's wings extended and she very nearly tackled him. "Oh, s-sorry..."

"No problem, Derpy. S-So, I was actually thinking earlier." Anon casually looked at his nails. "You know how you mentioned earlier that you like those new 'movie' things?"

Derpy's expression lit up and she nodded eagerly. Anon took a deep breath, settling his shoulders and driving away the creeping fingers knocking at his skull. "Well," he continued, "I actually have some human movies back home. F-From my old world."

Derpy's jaw dropped, and unfortunately for her, so too did the rest of her muffin.

She didn't seem to notice, though. "Human movies?!" she squealed. "You have them, too?"

"Yup, we do." He set down the picnic basket beside him. "I was thinking we could invite a few of my friends to have a movie night with us. You know - make it a little more casual?" Derpy beamed at Anon with excitement. "It's okay if you don't want to." He fiddled with his fingers. "We could always do something else. Oh! Like that bowling date. That sounds great."

"No no, a movie night would be amazing! We..." Derpy paused and looked down at her hooves. "We'll have plenty of time to do all kinds of different things, so we c-could go bowling another time." Derpy's finishing statement was posed more as a question, as she peered hopefully up at him with one of her eyes.

There was the response. The response he had been simultaneously hoping for and dreading as though his life depended upon it.

"G-Great! Sure. I'll even get us some food and stuff..." said Anon. Derpy nodded her head with a shining smile. "How about next weekend? We can meet everyone here and then go to my place."

"I can't wait, Anon..." Derpy's cheeks were flushed. She had hung on his every word, naturally stepping closer to him over time.

"Oh, and here." Anon dipped an arm into the basket and produced the bag of muffins. "Have the rest of these muffins; I know how much you love 'em."

Derpy's gaze flicked over from his face and down to the bag. Her mouth opened. "A-Are you sure, Anon? You paid for those..."

"One hundred percent," replied Anon, with a wink. She took the bag from his hand with a grateful nod. "So, I'll see you next week?"

"Absolutely!" Anon set off walking back towards his home with a little wave. "Bye, Anon!"

"See ya, Derpy!" he replied.

Derpy dug into the bag in search of another muffin. However, when she leaned over the edge of the bag, she noticed something odd.

Nestled in among the large, airy delicacies sat a smaller muffin. It was grey in colour, much like her coat, with some small wings to match sprouting from the sides of it. They appeared to be made of icing. It also had a small, cream-coloured blob of icing at the top, which seemed to be whipped icing, giving it a wavy texture, like her mane.

Derpy's confused face broke out in a giddy grin when she noticed the pattern of light grey icing bubbles dotted around the edge of the muffin's raised surface.

She lifted the muffin out of the bag before letting the bag itself drop down to the floor with a gentle smack. Joyful tears welled in the corners of her eyes as she looked back across the marketplace in search of Anon - but he had already gone.

She didn't really want to eat it, but... He had thought of her when he had this made.

Letting it go stale and rot would be awful! As much as she wanted to cherish it, eating it almost felt more right in that moment. And so, she peeled back the paper from the bottom and moved to take a bite.

That was when made another discovery - delicately inserted into the base of the muffin was what appeared to be a small piece of paper, or something of the sort. It had been inserted as such that just a small edge could be seen sticking out of it, and so Derpy battled for a moment in order to get a grip on it with her teeth.

One wrong move here, and she could drop this beautiful gift. Sweat began to form on her brow as she focused every inch of her attention into ensuring she didn't mess this one thing up. She begged herself to just put her clumsiness aside for this one important task.

With a careful tug, Derpy successfully pulled the item from the muffin, falling back on her rump. She panted, visually checking to make sure she was still holding the muffin. To her immense relief, it remained unharmed. After carefully placing the muffin back into the fallen bag for now, Derpy observed the item she had pulled from it.

It appeared to be a folded piece of paper. Had he left her a note, or something like that? She gasped - or maybe a love letter?! With a blush, she unfolded the paper and froze. It was an envelope.

In a feverish hurry and with trembling hooves, she opened it up, only to find it was... Empty?

Confused, Derpy closed the envelope and looked closely at what was written on the front. It simply read:

To,
Anon

From,
Derpy

After thinking for a few moments, her expression softened and she smiled to herself. She held the envelope close to her chest and closed her eyes, remaining careful not to wet the envelope with her still damp coat.

This time, a single drop of salty liquid stained the stone beneath her hooves.

Well, it was time. After a week of agony, he was finally going to see Derpy again. Could he call her his marefriend yet? He didn't really know how those things worked here, so he wouldn't want to risk offending her. This was to be their second date ever, after all.

Okay, Anon. He'd show Derpy a piece of his past, and if he was fortunate, perhaps he'd find out a little more about her as well. As the man peered off into the orange glow of the afternoon sun, he felt a great wave of some obscure emotion wash through him. Hopefully that wasn't connected to you know who in any way...

"Seriously, Anon, she's gotta be the one! You know? The one, one."

Ugh. Maybe inviting Prowler had been a mistake.

"Coropral Heartbreaker, dude, you said that to me a week ago about the other mare," groaned Anon.

"Nah, but I'm being serious this time. That was just a Hearts and Hooves fling thing," said Prowler, standing next to an unimpressed Rumble. "I'm Seriously serious now - look." Prowler sat back on his haunches and gave Anon his best attempt at a masculine resting face, even tilting his chin around to test different angles as he did so.

Anon smacked a palm to his forehead and rubbed at it with irritation. "Okay, Spermacus, Derpy is going to be here soon. So please, just stop being... You." He sighed, closing his eyes.

"Jeez, dude, alright. I'll behave, or whatever. Oh, is this her now?" Prowler turned his head to the sound of approaching hoofsteps from around the corner of the quiet marketplace.

Anon's countenance brightened at the sound, and he leaned across slightly to get a better view. Rumble watched him with a snicker. However, upon seeing a notebook held in a distinct lavender aura round the corner and the purple pony accompanying it, Anon's elated expression sunk like even his best attempts at skimming pebbles as a kid.

She appeared to be deep in thought, and so rammed into the backside of Rumble, nearly giving him an unwelcome backdoor visitor in the form of her horn in the process.

Rumble, the massive stallion that he was, didn't so much as budge when she bonked into him, and so she was sent tumbling to the ground.

"Owowowow..." Twilight rubbed at her head with a wince before noticing her company.

"Y-Your majesty, my apologies." stammered Rumble, moving to help her to her hooves.

"Maaaan, this is gonna be so weird, having a movie night with our boss..." Prowler jutted his head forward with a pout and a deadpan.

"Th-Thanks, Rumble." Twilight said as she cleared her throat and turned her attention to Prowler. "Well, since Anon is finally showing some of the stuff he's had hiding under his bed for the past year, I wouldn't miss this opportunity for the world." Anon's eyes widened in shock.

She picked her notepad back up and tapped her quill to it. "In fact, from what I've seen of humans so far, this very well could change the world." Anon bit his lower lip and began to sweat. For God's sake, Spergle - control yourself, girl...

Anon zoned out Twilight's continued rambling and tried to listen for Derpy. That was when he heard it. The distinct distant cry of a pony in dismay over some kind of damaged personal possession, and the accompanying high-pitched apologies coming from his favourite mare.

A smile broke out on his face and he looked toward the source. Prowler glanced at Rumble and rolled his eyes, prompting Rumble to shake his head in disappointment at the feather-brained stallion. Prowler scowled.

"Hi, Anon! Sorry I'm a little late; I had to s-sort out a few things on my way here," Derpy panted, placing a hoof to her chest in an effort to slow her breathing.

"No problem, Derpy. I'm so happy to see you! Feels like forever," replied Anon. Derpy flew close to him, and Anon glanced nervously at his friends. The pair then shared the most brief, awkward hug Rumble had ever seen. Did they even touch each other?

Twilight was practically rocketing into the stratosphere at the sight. She knew that pushing Anon to go to that event had been a good idea, but this... She began scribbling down in her notepad with a stupid grin on her face. As Anon and Derpy watched her do this, he gave the grey mare an apologetic grin.

"Okay then, let's be off. Follow me, if you dare!" announced Anon.

Everypony in the group chuckled besides Prowler and Twilgiht, with the latter absently following behind the group while continuing to scribble in her pad.

A short time later, the group found themselves in the hallway of Anon's humble home. Anon instinctively moved to ask his company if he could take their coats, only to realise that asking that here might get him a scream rather than a thanks.

"Your place still reeks, Anon. Is this what humans smell like?" asked Prowler. Anon glared daggers at him as he walked into his bedroom.

He had cleared away all the nonesense off the floor and rolled in a sofa from the living area. Now that was a task his back was still yanking his chain over. With everything moved out besides his bed and computer setup, it was a decently large, open and yet cozy space, if he did say so himself.

"Well, take a seat, folks. The show starts in ten, so get your refreshments ready asap," Anon flourished an arm with a bow.

"Show-off..." murmured prowler. Twilight continued to beam at his words and scribble down notes.

Prowler and Rumble seated themselves next to each other on the far right side of the long sofa, with Twilight taking a seat on Anon's bed. Anon raised an eyebrow at this, but once he saw her edge her way to the foot of it in order to get even closer to the screen, his head merely shook instead.

He sat down on the opposite end of the sofa from Prowler and Rumble, next to the bed, and Derpy immediately snuggled between his body and the soft, wide arm of the sofa. Anon blinked at this, growing hot under the collar and wondering what to do with his arms. For now, he elected to keep them at his sides.

Thankfully, he'd been able to afford a pretty big monitor back home, so it was plenty large enough for everyone to see it just fine from this distance. He'd even rearranged his desk a little to have the monitor more centralised and easily visible.

"N-Nice, this should work," stammered Anon, resisting the urge to reach over and yank on Prowler's wings to silence his snickers. "Oh, I almost forgot. I'll go get the snacks..."

Anon stood up and then returned a minute or so later with a small table and a few packets of various chips and candies.

"I put an extra large pizza in, too, so we'll have some actual food soon. Try not to spoil your appetite."

"Yes sir!" chirped Prowler. However, a strange choking sound followed as Rumble roughly elbowed him in the ribs. As Rumble muttered something in Prowler's ear, Anon stood to take the first movie he had prepared on his desk.

"These are movies on disks that I can use to play them with my computer."

Twilight's expression exploded with excitement at the prospect. "WHAT?! How does that-"

"-Later, Spergle. The tech is mostly deprecated in my world now, but they do still make them." Anon slotted the disk into his computer. "I suppose now is probably the time to tell you all that I'm actually an actor in these movies I'll show you tonight."

Everypony gawped at him. Derpy appeared starstruck, her eyes twinkling in the light from his monitor.

"Yeah, that was my job back home... I was a B-list actor, heh... M-Make of that what you will." He sat back down beside Derpy and she leaned over across his lap.

"You were a movie actor?! That's amazing, Anon!" sang Derpy, her wings twitching at her sides.

"Eh, I'm not too surprised, to be honest," quipped Prowler. "He always was a bit of an actor."

This time, Anon really did reach over and grab at his wings. Prowler pulled away with an antagonistic, boisterous laughter until he was all but sitting in Rumble's lap.

Rumble sighed and picked the stallion up with one hoof before slamming him back down on the seat beside him. With a thankful glance in Rumble's direction, Anon continued, "I've picked three movies for us to watch, tonight. It's early enough that we should get time for 'em all."

He coughed into his fist and then smiled at Derpy, trying to ignore the irritating scribbling sound of Twilight's notepad. "The first movie is a fun slice-of-life movie. I have a pretty minor role in it, but I'm there..." Anon's brow wobbled. "The second movie is a slasher movie, and the last one is more of a romance comedy. I've heard that romance comedies are pretty popular here."

"What's a 'slasher' movie?" asked Twilight, with a now unrestrained excitement. Anon felt close to losing his lunch.

"... As I've told you before, my world is extremely dark and cruel when compared to yours." He looked Twilight in the eye. "It's a movie about a human killing other humans." A sickened feeling stirred within his gut as he felt Derpy jerk slightly against his side. "Crazy, awful crap like that actually happens in my world, s-so making movies about it only makes sense."

Anon then turned to Prowler, now noticing his fearful expression. Something inside of the man started to break. "You might like that second one actually, Prowler," said Anon, with a small, forced grin.

"Wh-Wha? That sounds awful!" said Prowler, instinctively drawing closer to Rumble as he spoke. Anon began to feel a form of panic building within his cheeks, his fingers and brain demanding more oxygen than they were allowed.

"Well, spoiler alert, but I'm one of the victims in the movie." At that, Prowler leaned back towards Anon with a confused expression, looking him up and down.

"Then how are you...?"

"It's a movie, son. That's why he isn't dead. Moron," grumbled Rumble.

"Oh, no..." Anon looked down to find Derpy gripping at his shirt with a quivering lip. "I don't know if I want to see that, Anon..." she whispered.

Anon grabbed her forehoof and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's alright, Derpy. It's not real, remember? And it happens largely off-screen, anyway, so you won't actually see it."

Anon fiddled with his hands, appearing visibly distressed. Derpy wrapped her hooves around his arm, prompting Twilight to gasp and continue scrawling. "Okay, Anon; I'll watch it. I can tell that this is important for you."

Anon swivelled his head to face her and said, "You never know - you might love the rush. None of it is real, and the special effects used are way better than anything that exists here."

"Really?!" shouted Twilight, prompting everyone else to flinch.

"Yes, Twilight. Now watch, Twilight," grumbled Anon.

With that, Anon stood from his seat and leaned across his desk. As he hovered his mouse over the 'play' button, he hesitated. After having been frozen for several seconds, his features trembled somewhat.

He almost leaped into the air when he felt something touch his hip. He turned to find Derpy holding a hoof to his side and giving him a warm smile. She nodded her head, and he hit the button.

Well, he made it. They watched all three movies. Anon resisted the urge to pat himself on the back. It had been one of the most stressful nights of his life, but he made it through. Now he just had to deal with the fallout and the questions. He'd already answered so many from everypony present.

"Bookly, please... Leave me be," said Anon, leaning back into the sofa with his arm wrapped around Derpy.

Wait, when did they get like that? Anon paused and stared directly ahead of himself. He gave his arm a gentle tug, not daring to move it otherwise.

So soft...

Despite having been here for a year, Anon had barely had any physical contact with anypony. Perhaps shaken a few hooves, tackled Prowler and Celestia a few times... But that was about it.

Anon's face flushed a deep red and he let his arm fall limp around her shoulders.

"But Anon, you have to tell me how those 'cars' work!" whined Twilight.

"I told you - I don't know, Sperg! Other humans make them - it's the same as with the computer." He looked down to Derpy and rolled his eyes. "And besides, how can you still be thinking about stuff like that when you were puking up your guts earlier when that guy got his head lopped off?"

"Anon, please don't mention that again!" moaned Prowler.

"Don't be a wimp, Toweler. Looking real wet and floppy right now, dude," teased Anon. His ears were graced with the musical sound of Derpy giggling next to him. "Like my severed leg." He then gasped in laughter as Derpy lightly shoved him in the left side of his ribs for that.

Anon peeked down at her with a wink, and she shook her head at him with a reserved smile. "Don't speak about that, Anon!" whined Derpy. "Your leg is fine... See." She patted him on the thigh.

She... She patted him on the thigh? Anon lifted his arms on instinct as he swallowed his accumulated spittle.

"Y-Yeah, it's f-fine. Yep," stammered Anon. The room went silent.

To Anon's horror, Twilight once again broke the silence by beginning to scribble on her pad. This caused Prowler to bust out in hysterics, and Anon cradled his burning face with a hand.

Derpy appeared confused and asked, "What's wrong, Anon?"

"All good, Derpy. All good." Anon looped his arm back around her shoulders and cleared his throat.

"You know..." Prowler mused. Anon sighed internally. "After seeing all the human females in those movies..."

"Don't, Piledriver. Don't," pleaded Anon.

"Careful, son," growled Rumble, leering at Prowler.

"Say, Twilight, are you sure you can't get me a ticket to visit the human world?" asked prowler, before yelping as Rumble audibly clonkled him on the head.

Twilight stopped her scribbling and screwed up her face. "Huh?" she asked, with incredulity.

"No, Twilight. Ignore him, Twilight," droned Anon. He grew quiet and then stood up from his seat, rubbing the back of his head as he walked away.

"Hey, you alright, son?" asked Rumble, perking up in his seat and giving Prowler the stink-eye.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Just going to the bathroom."

"If you're sure..."

Derpy watched Anon go, deflating into her seat. She looked over to Anon's computer, and while she felt sickened at the thought of the horrible movie they watched, she found herself flushing at the cheeks at the thought of the last one. Perhaps there was more beauty in Anon's world than he gave it credit for.

Minutes passed, and Anon had not yet returned. Prowler scoffed and looked at a watch that he wasn't wearing. "Taking a dump while his date is waiting right here." said Prowler. "Psh. Humans, am I right?"

"Right about what, Prowler? What about humans? I have a complete list - here," chirped Twilight, floating her notepad around to face the stallions.

"N-Nothing, Princess Twilight..." muttered Prowler as the pitch of his voice shifted upwards and his eyes grew sunken.

Without saying a word, Derpy stood from her seat and began searching for Anon's bathroom. She bonked her head on one of his bookcases on her way there, but it was a proud piece of human ingenuity, and so it held firm without toppling.

She came across a closed white door with a brass handle. Looking up at the door, she lifted a hoof and gently knocked. "Anon," she called, "are you in there?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm here. 'Sup, Derpy?"

Derpy thought to herself for a moment. "Can I come in?"

She didn't receive a response right away, but after some time the human sighed out a response. "Sure..." With that, Derpy creaked the door open and entered the room. Anon was sitting on the edge of his bath tub.

It didn't look like he had been crying, but he was very clearly in distress, if the tired eyes and limp wrists were any indication.

Derpy slowly approached him before perching up on the edge of the bath tub next to him.

... That is, until she slipped and fell into the tub with a thunk.

"Woah! You alright there, Derpy?" asked Anon. When she chuckled in response and held out a hoof, Anon gripped her by the barrel and effortlessly lifted her back to sit beside him once more.

Derpy's face grew flushed, appearing surprised by just how easily he had lifted her from the porcelain cradle. "What?" chuckled Anon. "Derpy, you weigh like seventy pounds, or something like that."

Derpy wriggled a hoof on the edge of the tub, avoiding eye contact with him as she smiled to herself. "Y-Yeah. That's true."
She looked off to the side and steeled her nerves. "Anon...?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't have to be so afraid, you know."

Anon swallowed in an inaudible gulp and croaked, "Afraid of what?"

"Afraid to show everypony your past. Where you came from." She looked up into his face, drawing his attention. She smiled at him, and she wore it beautifully. The dim light of the moon from the window above their perch cascaded through its frosted glass, bathing her beautiful features in a cool glow.

"I can't imagine being in your position, Anon. You're a really strong po- person. You know that?" She placed her hoof on his hand; his fingers twitched, but their contact remained firm. "I need you to know that. I know that you're hurting, with your loved ones so far away, but..." Anon's eye twitched, and she took notice.

"I'm sorry, Anon. I'm such an airhead, so I know I'm not the best pony to be giving advice on anything, but..." Her hoof curled around the side of his palm, as though asking permission, and he naturally lifted it. She wrapped her hoof around his fingers, and he closed them to lock the two souls together in a comfortable embrace.

Anon noticed Derpy's breath hitch the moment their appendages embraces. "I just think you should know that I am happy you're here, right now," she said, as her left eye drifted over to eyeball his shower. "I'm sure all your friends feel the same way, and showing us your past hasn't changed that. I don't think any less of you."

Anon felt that familiar feeling welling within him.

It was that same feeling he felt during that most stressful night of his life, where he put everything on the line for a chance at this. That feeling pressured his eye sockets, wetting his eyes and driving an instinctive need to wipe. But he didn't. He let it burn.

At Derpy's words, the shadows in the room didn't seem quite so menacing. The disturbing, distant calls from beneath his bed settled and reduced to whispers.

"Hey, Derpy..." said Anon, his deeper voice rattling the porcelain beneath them. "Our date last week - uh, d-did you get the...?"

Derpy's smile spread, the rest of her face remaining stationary. He felt her squeeze his fingers the smallest amount. And then, she nodded.

"Oh, good. Heh. Was just making sure..." trailed Anon, looking away over towards his sink. He heard Rumble, Prowler and Twilight laughing together in the distance from the other room. He smiled.

Despite what he'd lost... Yeah. Things were going to be just fine.

After a few more moments of silence, Derpy said, "A-Anon... Can I ask you something? I would really like you to be honest with your answer."

Anon blinked and looked down at her, gently squeezing the hoof he still held in his hand. "Of course. You can ask me anything, Derpy."

"What do you think of my... M-My eyes?" Anon could feel her gaze locked on his face with intensity, and yet he didn't worry. He didn't flounder or blunder; such a thing was impossible. "I know it's just a silly thing to worry about, b-but-"

The answer rolled off his tongue like clockwork. "-It isn't silly, Derpy. Not in the slightest." When she moved to lower her chin, he cupped it with his pointer finger and directed her gaze back to his own. Her eyes widened at what she saw. "I think your eyes are beautiful." Her mismatched orbs began to water. "They make you special, and most importantly, they're part of what makes you... You."

Derpy watched his expression carefully. What she saw there was nothing but staunch resolution and a passionate honesty. Her lips spread in a wobbly smile and she squinted her eyes closed, allowing a few tears to drip down and land on the back of the gentle hand that held her hoof.

Derpy sniffled a couple of times, and Anon rubbed her shoulder with his free hand. "And besides, Derpster," he said. "Look at me! I mean, look at your cute little wobbly eyes, and then look at my big hairless self. You're the one putting up with imperfection here, little miss."

Derpy's grip on his hand strengthened and she leaned in closer to him. "What?! Absolutely not. I think you're lovely on the inside and the outside. Those hands of yours are pretty." She thinks back to moments earlier when he lifted her from the tub. "A-And your big strong arms, and your kind smile..."

"Okay, okay, Derpy - that's enough!" said Anon, waving her off with his free hand, his face ablaze. "... I could say the same about you. I have met some great ponies in this world, but..."

Derpy blinked up at him with concern at the change in tone. Anon continued, "Sometimes, I just-" He sighed with frustration. "Sometimes, I go to sleep at night worried that this will all have been a dream." The man looked down at his lap. "Your world is so much nicer than mine that I still have a hard time believing it's real, even a year later... Especially now with you. I just... Want to know that it's real..."

Derpy did not respond at first, simply allowing him to calm his breathing.

As Anon cradled his head with his free hand, Derpy said, "I don't know, Anon... Tell me..." The man sensed her growing closer to him from his left side as she leaned closer.

What was happening? WHAT WAS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?

"... Does this feel real to you?" She kissed him on his cheek. Brief and simple. But for Anon, his entire world just exploded. An entire universe of electrifying colour and life danced and swirled in and out and around through his eyes, mouth and ears. All of his senses stood on end and his body locked up, unresponsive to anything beyind his newfound personal paradise.

For her part, Derpy flinched away from him and tucked her shoulders into herself, her face an inferno burning in the soft chill of the night.

A whistle sounded from the door, ripping Anon from heaven and back down to the tiling beneath his feet.

"Damn - feeling bold, are we? A kiss on the cheek? You even let me have a front row seat to that sweet ape on equine action, phoowee!" cheered Prowler, as he leaned against the door frame while reared on his hind legs.

Derpy wondered what it was at first. It had sounded like the distant rumble of an approaching train, but... They weren't close enough to any stations around here. No, as the sound escalated, its source became clear. As Anon's growling grew to a roar, Derpy placed a hoof to her lips and held back a laugh.

"Toweler, you little feathery runt - get your ass over here!" shouted Anon as he flew from the edge of the tub and chased a now panting Prowler through the house.

Derpy smiled to herself and clopped back down to the tiling. She took a brief glance around the room, until her gaze landed upon the mirror positioned above Anon's sink. She reared onto her hind legs and rested her gooves on the edge of it.

Upon viewing her reflection in the mirror, she took note of her gaze being just like that of a normal pony. However, as a few seconds passed, her right pupil drifted off to the side and then swung around to rest at an odd angle. And yet, as she looked upon it - she smiled

As she heard Anon screaming at Prowler in the distance, that smile grew. Grew into a big, cheesy smile.

With her mind buzzing, she clopped back down and moved out through the hall to rejoin the others. Making sure to avoid the bookcase this time. She took a seat alongside the still ranting Anon, and he instinctively hooked an arm around her side.

Moments later, a gentle popping sound filled the room, and all grew silent.

Standing in the middle of the room was none other than Princess Celestia, retired Princess of the Sun, and Equestria's ex-ruler.

As if on impulse, everypony in the room besides Anon bowed their heads.

"Oh, no no, my little ponies. I'm no longer your princess. Please, lift your heads." said Celestia, in that gentle motherly voice she was so reknowned for. Rumble and Prowler were starstruck, while Twilight was beaming.

Anon, however...

"Ugh, what do you want, crone?" Despite their nature, Derpy smiled at Anon's words, immediately getting a decent idea of what to expect from these two together.

Celestia stopped and looked between Anon and Derpy, her invasive gaze settling firmly upon Anon's grip locked around her side.

In a bizarre, disturbing stunt of body morphism, Celestia's gentle visage twisted up into the biggest, most mischievous grin anyone in any universe had ever seen. None would dare contest it. Twilight and her guards held fearful expressions at the sight.

Yes, even Rumble. Not that one could blame him.

"... Well hello there, Anon!" said Celestia, her uncanny grin remaining marbled forevermore. "I got your letter, my little human. In fact, that's why I'm here right now." She produced a piece of paper with her magic and waved it in front of the man's face.

Anon growled. "Don't you dare..." Celestia's gaze slowly scanned the room, until it eventually settled on something peeking out from the small gap between his bed and the wall beside it. "D-Don't you dare! No, Celestia. No!"

"Oh! And what is this?" Celestia pulled her gift from its hiding spot and slowly floated it over to herself, making sure everyone present watched her do so. She unravelled it in a swift grand reveal and audibly gasped upon seeing its cover.

Her expression shifted to one of exaggerated concern. "I didn't know you were into such things, my dear little Anon!" she said as she flicked through the pages, lifting her eyebrows once in a while.

Anon almost perished right there on the spot. This was too much. He silently prayed that some ultra harmony god would come down and smite this uber-granny to a week long vacation.

Twilight gawped at the magazine, and then over at Anon. "Anon, if I knew you were this lonely, I would've recom-"

"-Not another word, Purplesmart! Not another word!" screeched Anon.

Derpy watched the entire scene unfold with a grin so wide it ached her cheeks and brought her close to tears.

"I didn't think you would keep such things in your room, Anon... But, I won't judge you for it. It's perfectly natural behaviour, dear," said Celestia, with the most patronising glaze Anon had ever had the experience of beholding. "Well, anyway... Back to the letter."

Anon's eyes bulged out of his head and he looked to Derpy with depseration as Celestia turned her hind-quarters to him and said, "Okay - go ahead! You promised! Let me have it, Anon."

Anon roared the unrestrained shout of a man beyond his limits - a man who had gone further beyond than any of his ancestors had thought possible. "Oh, I'll let you have it alright! Get over here, grandma!"

Prowler and Derpy burst out in laughter at the short chase that ensued, with Celestia easily dodging Anon's enraged grapples.

Rumble stammered, "P-Princess Celestia, perhaps you'd like to stay and watch some human movies with us?!" Anon paused and looked at Rumble with immense betrayal.

"Oh, you're having a movie night? I had no idea!" proclaimed Celestia, with a caked-on layer of sarcasm so thick that it could double glaze the windows. "That sounds lovely, my little pony."

As Anon made to grab Celestia again in his fury, Twilight had her jaw rammed through the floor in horror at her teacher's behaviour.

For her part, Derpy settled back into her seat, watching Anon in particular with an adoring gaze.

However, she soon noticed Celestia's discarded letter on the floor, and her curiosity got the better of her. She grabbed the letter and discreetly walked back to the doorway for some space. Upon reading it, she grinned to herself and let loose a goofy laugh. It read:

Next time I see your flabby old flanks, I’ll stick that magazine up your ass!

With it was an accompanying image - a crudely-drawn Celestia cartoon with a rolled up magazine sticking halfway out of her backside.

Derpy placed the letter back down on the floor and looked to her hoof. She then glanced back up at the still-rampaging human before returning her gaze to her foreleg. She closed her eyes and imagined that feeling - the feeling of his warm fingers wrapping around her stubby appendage.

Despite the disappointment she felt upon opening her eyes again and finding her hoof not to be wrapped with his fingers, she smiled. A warm feeling flowed through her veins and drew her back towards that sofa. Back towards that silly, tall, strong alien she had grown so fond of.

She glanced through the window to her left and watched the letterbox outside, illuminated by the gentle caress of the moon. She thought back to his special gift to her that was now sitting proudly upon her dresser at home, and then even further back to their first meeting...

She fully intended to fulfil that promise.

After whispering an insincere advance apology to the letterbox, she looked back to Anon once more. She hadn't known him for all that long, but she knew her intended path. She knew she wanted to see where it led, and she wished to tred it with that special alien over there by her side.

Her heart fluttered at the thought of what their future could hold in store for them, and that they would share it with their hearts beating together.

Hoof in hand, and hand in hoof.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading!

This was my first attempt at a fic written in this format, so I would love to hear what you guys think in the comments.

Hope everyone had a lovely Hearts and Hooves Day this year, and remember to always stay true to who you are.