Chapter Two.

“Snrk.”

The noise escaped my nostrils without prompting, as a hoove continued to carefully prod the side of my head.

“Boozey? Are you okay?”

Cracking an eye open, I stared up at the pink blur until it finally settled into the familiar form of my new friend.

“Mmmyep.”

The party pony nodded at that, letting out a sigh of relief before hopping away, giving me a chance to slowly glance up and look around.

…Where the fuck-oh right. Pony land. And drinks with Pinkie Pie. Huh.

Assuming my memories weren’t betraying me, after the cider, things had escalated to her inviting me over to her place for a party. Namely my expected ‘Welcome to Ponyville!’ party or whatever.

Said welcome had to be delayed considering we’d gotten a little distracted drinking, all while Pinkie interrogated me on what my likes, dislikes, party preferences and various other opinions were, presumably to prepare for said aforementioned welcome party.

Blinking slightly, I glanced down at the now empty bottle cradled beneath my hooves, and slowly sat up, a blanket falling off of me as I did so.

A quick look around confirmed things. I was in the funny bakery place, my counterpart idly sorting through things behind a counter somewhere, excitedly humming to herself.

Admiring the sight of the dozen or so empty bottles stacked atop said counter in a pyramid of fragile glass and broken dreams of sobriety, I settled back down into the chair I’d apparently been left in, pulling up the blanket and luxuriating in its warmth as I did so.

—

“Excuse me! Hi, sorry but have you seen a mare that looks exactly like me recently?”

The stallion stared back at her with a strange look, before slowly shaking his head. Twilight couldn’t help but sigh as he trotted off, glancing forlornly at the ground.

Her clone (which was still a bit of a strange thought to consider) had disappeared, seemingly wandering her way out the door while she’d been speaking with Spike. A grave oversight on her part.

An hour or two of searching had yielded little to no results, with anyone she questioned either assuming she meant herself, or declaring that they hadn’t seen anything.

Oh Celestia, what if her other self got hurt? She didn’t have any prerequisite knowledge for interacting with the world! Maybe she’d trip and hurt her horn! Or accidentally drown in a puddle! Or-

“Oh hey Twilight!”

Looking up, the unicorn found herself face to face with a familiar gray pegasus, her golden eyes slightly askew as she beamed in greeting.

Twilight forced a polite smile, though the concern still gnawed at her. “Oh, hi Derpy! Sorry, I’m in a bit of a hurry. Have you seen anypony who looks exactly like me? Not just similar I mean, just…exactly like me.”

Derpy’s head tilted slightly as she processed the question, her mouth quirking in thought.

“Hmm…” She tapped a hoof against her chin, then brightened. “Oh! Yeah, I did see somepony like that earlier! Thought it was you at first, but then she, uh…” Derpy wiggled her forehooves vaguely. “Walked kinda funny.”

Twilight blinked. “Walked funny?”

“Yep! Like she couldn’t figure out how legs worked, and she almost tripped over a hay bale. It was kinda silly.” Derpy giggled. “But then she went to Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie, so I figured they were both up to something. Kinda looked like they were drinking cider!”

Twilight groaned. “Of course. Pinkie.”

If there was any pony in town most likely to turn an already chaotic situation into an even more chaotic one, it was her. Twilight barely resisted the urge to facehoof before turning back to Derpy. “Thank you! That really helps.”

“No problem!” Derpy chirped, giving a little salute before fluttering off on her way.

The element bearer didn’t waste another second. She turned sharply, galloping straight toward Sugarcube Corner, her mind now full of far worse scenarios than her clone merely tripping over a hay bale.

If Pinkie had gotten involved…well, there was no telling what kind of insanity she’d have to deal with now.

And if cider was involved as well?

Twilight shuddered. She needed to get there. Fast.

—

“Annnd what do you do with a drunken sailor yeah what do you do with a drunken sailor oh what do you do with a drunken sailor cause I forgot the lyyyyrics!”

Pinkie Pie’s applause (and open giggles) at my stellar performance were interrupted by a rapid knocking at the door, prompting the earth pony to get up from her own seat and walk on over to answer it.

I busied myself with inspecting the empty bottle still sitting in my lap, lifting it into the air with my hooves (still didn’t know how that worked) and seeing if there was a hidden drop or two waiting inside, even as the murmur of conversation reached my ears.

“-inkie! You got her drunk!?”

Man, I was gonna need to remember this brand. This was the shit.

“-e was already drunk! And she handles it really well! Better than you did that one time at least-”

My attempts to extricate the hidden stash I knew for a fact was waiting somewhere within the bottle was interrupted by the sound of quick hooves impacting against the floor, until my head was quickly being grasped in a sparkly field of sparkly bits and bobs.

“Clone Twilight! Are you okay!?”

Did I mention it was sparkly? Heh, sparkles.

“Actually, she said her name is Boozelight.”

Pinkie Pie’s factual and truthful declaration drew an unimpressed look from the unicorn currently manhandling (marehandling?) my face, one that lasted long enough for me to rip my head out from the magic cloud (note to self, figure out how to make magic clouds) and clamber to my rear hooves, standing up on the chair.

“Wha-”

Wobbling only slightly, I thrust a forward hoof into the air, calling upon the years of experience I’d gained during my time in theatre. Which was none, because I wasn’t a fucking theatre kid, but oh well.

“Boozelight Sparkle! First and last of her name! Magnate of mystery! Baron of beer! Purveyor of fine mares and stallions alike! But only particularly effeminate ones!”

I finished the little act with a bow that likely would have sent me toppling forward if it weren’t for the magic cloud now desperately holding me up by my chest.

“A pleasure to be here, truly.”

Twilight Sparkle stared up at me for a few seconds, her right eye twitching, before she flailed a hoof at me like the mean meanie pants she was, a slight blush covering parts of her face even as Pinkie desperately tried to stifle her laughter from behind the unicorn.

“Get down from there you drunken pony!”

Honestly, the sheer audacity was impressive.

“Nuh uh.”

“What do you mean nuh uh!?”

“You’re not my mom!”

“What does that even have to do with-gah!”

In the end, I did eventually get down from the chair. But only because my hooves were getting tired and I felt like it.

"G-get off of me! You stink of cider!"

The fact said method of getting down involved falling on top of Twilight was just a coincidence, really.

Author's Note

And another one, because I feel like it.