This Title Sucks

Spoof

Shaded was happy. He married the love of his life, Luna. Today was her birthday so he asked his boss if he could get out of work early to buy here a present. The present was a golden necklace with sapphires placed all over it. The necklace cost about 1,000 bits. Shaded just smiled as he thought that she would love it.

He walked up the trail to the plateau, Shaded moved his house so he and Luna could have a view of Ponyville and Canterlot. He walked inside the house and heard a banging sound.

"What the?" Shaded whispered to himself. The noise seemed to be coming from his and Luna's bedroom.

He walked in and saw something that he would never forget. Luna was in bed with a stallion. "WHAT THE FUCK!!!" Shaded roared.

Time slowed down as two people appeared. One looked exactly like Shaded while another looked like Ahrimar.

(Recommended Song Guilty Consciences by Eminem and Dr. Dre. Go to the 2:10 minute mark.)

Shaded's copy said first, "Alright, relax, start breathing."

Ahrimar shouted, "Fuck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin. While you at work she's with some dude trying to get off?! FUCK slitting her throat, CUT THIS BITCH'S HEAD OFF!!!

"Wait what if there's an explanation for this shit?" Shaded's copy asked himself.

"What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?!" Ahrimar said.

"Alright Shady, maybe he's right Grady, but think about the baby before you get all crazy." Shaded's copy said.

Ahrimar wasn't finished though, "Okay! Thought about it, still wanna stab her? Grab her by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her? That's what I did, be smart, don't be a retard you gonna take advice from somebody who slapped Dee Barnes??!"

Shaded's copy was outraged, "What'chu say?"

Ahrimar laughed slightly and continued, "What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?"

Shaded's copy charged towards Ahrimar, grabbed him and shook him, "I'ma kill you Motherfucker!"

Ahrimar said snottily, "Ah Ah! Temper temper! Mr. Dre? Mr N.W.A.? Mr AK comin' straight outta Compton y'all better make way? How the fuck you gonna tell this man not to be violent."

Shaded's clone shook his head, "Cause he don't need to go the same route that I went. Been there done that.. Aw fuck it... What am I sayin? Shoot em both, Grady, where's your gun at?"

Time returned to normal. "Get out." Shaded said quietly with barely suppressed anger.

"Shaded-" Luna managed to say before he slammed his fist into the wall.

"Get out before I do something I'll regret. From now on we're divorced. You know what? Happy Birthday to you." Shaded said still in a quiet voice before he walked out of the room.

"Who was that Luna?" The stallion said with a small smile.

"My husband," Luna said quietly, "I thought he would still be on a business trip."

The stallion's eyes widened when he heard that, "I didn't know you were married. Today was your birthday so I gave you, since I thought you were still a virgin."

"I'm not hearing you leaving!!" Shaded shouted, "If you continue to stay here any longer I will treat you as trespassers!"

Luna sighed and said, "I'll try to apologize to him later. Though we might want to leave, quickly. He treats trespassers like they are going to kill him."

She started to pack her wedding dress and some of the jewelry that Shaded bought her. She stopped when she saw a box on the ground. She opened it and saw the necklace that Shaded bought her. There was a card attached to it, it said, "Happy Birthday Luna. Were you surprised that I came home early? I just wanted to surprise my favorite mare."

Luna shook her head and put it with her stuff. After she finished packing she went outside and flew to the castle, but not before hearing part of a song. "When you see my face hope it gives you hell, gives you hell." While she was flying away she started to feel anger, then great sadness coming from the house.

Shaded was armed to the teeth. Two knives in each shoe, machine gun strapped to his back, spare bullets inside his pockets, a katana inside it's sheath, two pistols in his shirt pocket, and, in case of emergencies, a vial of holy water around his neck.

He walked outside and pulled out his katana, his first target was that stallion that decided not to leave.

"What are you doing?" The stallion asked.

His response was decapitation. Shaded smiled as blood covered the katana. He walked outside and headed towards Canterlot.

Luna was in her room at the castle. After telling Celestia that Shaded was angry at nothing, Celestia said she could stay there as long as she wanted. Luna was sulking around when she heard the screams. Suddenly there was a song playing.

(Recommended Song Another One Bites the Dust by Queen)

"Steve walks warily down the street, with the brim pulled way down low.
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet machine guns ready to go.
Are you ready? Hey are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?"

There were loud bangs that rang out. Luna was sure that it was coming from Canterlot. She looked out her window, but saw nothing different. The voice though sounded very familiar.

"Out of the doorway the bullets rip
to the sound of the beat, yeah."

The beat of the music was punctuated by loud bangs.

"Another one bites the dust."

Luna then recognized it. It was Shaded's voice. 'Maybe I should apologize to him for sleeping with another stallion.' Luna thought with slight giddiness, but was interrupted when guards came into her room.

"We're here to protect from the massacre that is happening in Canterlot." They said, they were visibly scared.

"Massacre? What massacre?" Luna asked.

"Well do you hear all those loud bangs?" One of the guards asked.

"Yes. but what does that have to do with a-" She cut herself off. She remembered when Shaded showed her his gun collection, and he even fired one. She remembered the deafening bang that it gave off. "Shaded. What are you doing?" She whispered to herself.

"Another one bites the dust.
And another one gone, and another one bites the dust. Hey!
Hey I'm gonna get you too, another one bites the dust.
How do you think I'm gonna get along without you when your gone?
You took me for everything I had and kicked me out on my own.
Are you happy!? Are you satisfied!? How long can you stand the heat?"

"No," Luna murmured, "I'm not happy. Shaded I'm so sorry." She started to tear up.

"Out of the doorway the bullets rip to the sound of the beat! Look out!"

The loud bangs were now coming from the main hallway that lead to the throne room where Celestia was holding court. Luna heard the guards scream after each gun shot.

"Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust.
And another one gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust.
Hey! I'm gonna get you to. Another one bites the dust."

Another scream rang out and was silenced immediately.

"Hey!
Oh take it!
Bite the dust!
Bite the dust, yeah!
Hey!
Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust OW! Another one bites the dust, hey! Hey! Another one bites the dust, heeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Ooooh Show Down!"

Now screams were coming from the throne room. Then they all heard a shout, "Where is that slut, Celestia. I believe she is your sister!" Then the singing began again.

"There are plenty of ways you could hurt a man and bring him to the ground.
You can beat em, you can cheat em, you can treat him bad and leave him when he's down, yeah!
But I'm ready! I'm ready for you! I'm standing on my own two feet!
Out of the doorway the bullets rip! Repeating to the sound of the beat so yeah!
Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust.
And another one gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust, yeah!
Hey I'm gonna get you to, another one bites the dust!
Shoot out!
heey!
Alright!"

The doors to Luna's room burst open and in the middle stood Shaded, dragging Celestia by her mane. "Alright. Guards, if you don't want to die then leave now!" Shaded softly. The guards were so scared they complied. He grabbed Celestia's mane again and threw her at Luna. "I should kill you, but I want you to suffer, both of you." Shaded said.

"And what makes you think that we will allow that?" Celestia asked.

Shaded smiled evilly and said, "I was hoping you would ask that." He snapped his fingers, and chains erupted from the ground binding Celestia's and Luna's legs together. Two more chains came from the ceiling and tightened around their horns. "You don't do what I say those chains will tighten. I think I'll have a lot of fun with this." Shaded said.

A/N You know what would happen. I'll give you a hint. It starts with R and ends in APE. So yeah another spoof. More where this came from.