The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles

The Standard and Normal Human Two6 

As I awoke, I found myself still in the hole, alone. The sun was out and light conversation could be heard in the camp, it was morning. The fact that I could tell the sun was out meant that the cover had been taken off, clearly Dagger had gotten out before me.

Now the first time I was in this world I had but only 5 or 6, heck 7 days if I pushed my luck, to get back home before it was too late to deny my absence. I must have spent 3 or 4 days at this point and I hadn’t even gotten close to Equestria yet, we were on the outskirts and we were running out of time. Well I was anyway, Dagger could stay there for as long as she liked…

I ungracefully clambered out of the hole and made my way outside, stretching my arms I let out a loud yawn. Then I remembered how I fell asleep in the first place, as irritated as I was knowing that Dagger caused me to pass out I couldn’t bring myself to blame her. I mean she was desperate, she didn’t want to go back so soon, and me kicking up a fuss wasn’t going to help the situation.

In the end? She did what she had to…

“Morning Human” One of the lions said to me, “The guards are gone, you have no need to feel uneasy now”

“I kind of guessed that, what with Alice not being in the rabbit hole…” I replied casually, of course upon saying that I was giving the stare of confusion. The lion tilted its head and I had to rethink what I had just said, “Uh… I meant that the ‘Princess’ wasn’t in the hiding space when I woke up…”

“Oh… Sorry, your methods of talking are confusing…” The lion now understood what I meant, kind of.

“Well thanks for the help anyway” I replied to the conpuzzled lion, I then I walked towards the campfire, but I soon spotted something which made me act just a little bit too childish.

You see Curt was talking to someone, a lioness no less. My brain immediately jumped to the chance for shenanigans and I raced off to embarrass Curt as much as possible, what could possibly go wrong?

Curt and the Lioness were both sitting at the campfire, or lying, whatever it is lions do. They were indulged in conversation, unaware of my presence I decided to go all ‘Metal Gear’ and sneak up on them. I kept low and moved quickly, I wasn’t paying too much attention to what they were saying… I did however get a few odd words here and there.

“Stop acting so childish…”

Or

“Smile once in a while!”

Like a crafty badger I had gotten myself into position, I was right behind him. Unfortunate however he was a lion, and these kinds of creatures seem to have a very good sense of their surroundings.

As I took a deep breath and stood just behind him, he looked away from the lioness he was talking to and said this. “Please excuse me for a second…” He then turned around full to face me and roared right in my face. All the air I had breathed in came out all at once as a manly scream. Yes, for I am a man!

… Yeah, it wasn’t very manly…

My freak out had caused me to fall backwards and land on the dirt ground. “Jesus Curt!” I yelled at him, even though I was going to do that to him. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Serves you right, it’s rude to interrupt a conversation between two lions” Curt explained, smirking at me as I sat on the floor.

I got up from the ground and shook the dust off my clothes, “That goes for other species as well you know, so… Who’s this? Your girlfriend?”

Ever seen a lion blush? I have, heck I didn’t think it was possible but I witnessed that first hand. The lioness’s response? She laughed, as for Curt he was as red as a beetroot and completely speechless.

“Allow me to explain” The lioness chuckled, containing her laughter as best as she could. “I’m, his sister”

Woops…

“Oh dear lord… I am So Sorry! Please forgive me, I just wanted to get back at Curt for roaring at me…” I did feel pretty awkward, but she just laughed it off.

“Oh it’s fine, to be honest he needs to relax more, he’s always so serious…” She informed me, my mind went into ‘Fun’ mode.

“I see… So Curt…” I began, whilst pulling a slightly devious smile.

“What?” Curt replied blandly.

“Why so serious?”  C’mon, I had to say it…

He saw me smirk and instantly knew what I was up to, “More human references?”

“You see, this is why we should stick together when I visit this world, you understand my thinking”

“I ‘Understand’ that you’re strange…” He replied blatantly, I laughed. “What’s so funny?”

“Well I’ve been called ‘Strange’ quite a bit these days, it’s a bit funny really… Got to enjoy the little things though right?”

“Yes!” The Lioness shouted loudly, “That’s what you need to do Curt! Smile once in a while! Laugh about something!”

“Laugh about what Blithe? We’re in the desert and we have a job to do…”

I didn’t care too much about that last part, I kind of wish I did at the time…

“Blithe?” I questioned, I looked at the lioness now looking at me with her full attention. Eventually however… “Oh! That’s your name? Blithe-Claw?”

“Yep!” Note, Blithe means lively, happy, joyous. Heck just look it up, “So, you’re the one who saved my brother?”

“Well, kind of…” I replied, scratching the back of my head as I did it. I looked over to Dagger in the distance talking to one of the lions. “Hmm, we should really keep moving…”

“Well walking out in the open would be foolish now that the guards are ahead of you, not to mention it would take a day or two… Luckily for you…” Curt began, he slowly got up from the ground and stretched in that same way cats do. “I know a faster way to get to Trottingham…”

Before I could ask how, Curt pointed his paw towards the canyon with the Volcano in the middle. “There are passageways through that canyon which run beside the volcano, we’ll be able to travel through there with no risk of being spotted. It’s also quite close to a town just outside Trottingham… In fact that trip will only take half a day to get to where you need to be, but…” He stopped, with concern in his eyes he then continued. “There is a catch however…”

“A catch?” I asked, “Beside the heat and the difference in travel time I don’t really see the problem”

Just then, as if by pure coincidence, a loud roar could be heard far into the distance. It was a roar of which I had never heard before, I didn’t know what creature it was but I knew it sounded nasty.

“… Uh… What was that?” I asked nervously, I swear that sound sent shivers down my spine.

“That? That is the catch…” He turned to face me, he looked deadly serious. “Dragons…”

Ok, remember back to my first days in this strange world of Mythological creatures and talking animals, at some point I said the following…

‘If I had seen a dragon or a lion, what would happen? I hadn’t encountered them yet so I wasn’t very fussed’

Yeah well the key word there was ‘Yet’, you see this was what I was referring to.

“… Dragons? … Fire breathing dragons? … Dragons that would look at us as a meal?” I repeated, praying that I had misheard him.

“Yes, Dragons. I thought it was all explained to you-“Curt started, soon however he stopped after seeing me shaking in my boots quite literally. “I know it’s risky, but it’s the only way this is going to work, unless you want to be put in a cage again?”

Life choices folks, it’s a cruel thing to experience. Either way I was going to have to deal with either situation, one being that I’d be dragged back to Griffon jail and then sent to Tartarus with the other nasty and evil creatures. Or I’d have to risk life or limb, or both, trying to sneak through a place where Dragons lived… Great… Spike, you were one heck of a brave dude to head to a place like that all by yourself. As for me? I wasn’t going alone… Thank Celestia for that… Or lord, or whatever really.

My silence was my answer, Curt knew I had no choice. “I see, well grab your things, we’ll leave within the hour…” And with that he walked off, Blithe smiled at me and followed Curt. I took a seat next to the fire, this gave me a chance to reflect on the situation, well until I felt something massaging my shoulders.

At first I thought it was Dagger or someone else, but as I turned around and who do you think I saw?

“You’re looking a bit tense my boy…” A cocksure voice said behind me, I knew all too well who it was but I was more confused as to why he was out in the open.

I jumped from my seat and turned to face him, then I pointed my finger towards his face before shouting “Discord!”

But before I had the chance to rant and rave I noticed that everything looked a little ‘Off’, do you know what monochrome is? In simple terms it means grayscale, you see as I jumped from my seat to face him, he wasn’t the only one I was looking at… It was myself, seriously… It looked like I was asleep, he must have dragged me into a different state because no one took any notice. I was shocked, speechless… Well almost, “… What in the world-”

“I would have loved to meet you in person, but I do prefer to keep some discretion in situations like these” Discord explained himself, “So how’s your adventure going? Are you at least going to have some fun while you’re here?”

“Oooooh Suuuuure, fun…”I began, saying every word as blandly as I possibly could. “Being imprisoned, on the run from royal guards, being attacked by wildlife and being mocked by a cartoon villain… I’m ecstatic… Really…”

“Oh good! Well then it’s only a matter of Time before your little quest ends…” He stated, how he was talking was just like in the show, it was sinister and evil, yet he seemed to enjoy everything he was saying. ”So you had better enjoy yourself before your Time in this world comes to an end…”

“What’s it with you and time?!” I barked at him, I was getting pretty irritated with that word. Time, he always put extra emphasis on it and I couldn’t understand why.

“Well I could tell you that my boy, but in doing so I’d endanger this timeline…” That’s what he said…

“… Just shush and hang on a sec” I asked him, I started looking around the area very sarcastically like I was trying to take the micky out of him, “Hmm, nope. I don’t see the Tardis anywhere, if I did see one I’d have to call you Discord the Time lord”

“That’s the spirit! Have a laugh, make a joke or two, enjoy your Time!” Again, he said it with a smile, still keeping that emphasis on that word. “Ah yes… Time, Time, time…”

Something was bugging me, “… What do you know that I don’t?”

“I’d love to go into the all of the details, but I’m afraid it wouldn’t be fun to spoil the surprise…” He said with a smirk, and then he said that word again. “But like I said ‘Nicky my boy’, you’ll find out all of this… All… In due Time”

Before I had the chance to yell at him for repeating that word no less than 7 times in that conversation, he picked me up and threw me at my body. Next thing I remember, I woke up next to the fire, I was slightly dazed and unsure as to what had just transpired. I didn’t dismiss it is a dream, I didn’t even think I was crazy. But what I did think was that Discord had more power than I knew, all his shenanigans in the MLP series? It was nothing compared to what he was really like, still as chaotic but still…

“You ok?” I heard Dagger ask from behind me, “You seem troubled”

“Uh, it’s nothing… I’m just a bit tired” Of course I lied, it’s not like my story was believable…

… Having said that ‘You’re’ still reading this right?

“Well we’re leaving the camp, grab your bag and lets go…” Dagger informed me, then she walked away.

I got up and reached behind me where my bag was supposed to be, it wasn’t of course. My bag must have been removed from me when I first arrived, It wasn’t a backpack as such, more like a satchel. So I made my way to where the Elder was hiding, I figured he’d know where my bag was, plus I never did hear what he was going to say before the griffon guards showed up. But we didn’t have time to finish the story… We needed to move…

I approached the Elders tent, it was a little bigger and higher on the ground than the rest. As if it were to watch over his people, this made quite a bit of sense actually. I wanted to knock on his door before entering but, well since when do tents have doors?

Unless rich kids have tents like these, heck I don’t know does that even exist? I’m blathering again forgive me…

“Um, Elder?” I asked from outside the tent, unsure as to if he was inside or not. I could hear scratching and what sounded like metal tin being dropped, I could smell shenanigans. “… I’m coming in”

What I saw was truly quite something, heck… I never even saw it coming…

Upon entering I saw the Elder swiftly hide something from view, on the floor was my bag, and on his cheeks were biscuit crumbs.

“… Well, I didn’t expect this…” I said with a chuckle, he looked so calm as if nothing had happened.

“Ah young human” He began, trying to seem as inconspicuous as possible. “How can I help you?”

It was almost embarrassing, I mean I could see right through him it was funny.

“So… Enjoying my biscuits are we?” I asked him, getting straight to the point.

“Young Curt is accompanying you to on your journey” He said, completely dodging my question, “I hope you can clear your name”

This was just ridiculous, “… I… I can visibly see the crumbs on your face…”

Upon saying that he turned around and wiped his face with his paw, “What do you mean? I don’t have anything on my face…”

This, ladies and gentleman, is what I’d like to call the ‘The Black Knight’ sketch. Ever seen Monty Python? The black knight and Arthur going at it with swords, the black knight loses an arm and denies it even though it’s blatantly obvious that it’s missing, on the floor, not attached to him anymore.

I gave up trying to get him to admit anything, it wasn’t going to happen. “… I’ll just grab my bag and I’ll get going then…”

The Elder passed my bag to me and I turned to face the exit, before I left however…

“In all seriousness, I do hope you stay safe…” He uttered in a serious tone, “Oh and try to get Curt to relax once in a while, how is he supposed to take over the camp after I’m gone with that stubborn attitude of his?”

“Um… Take over?” I questioned, that one threw me for a moment. “What is he? Next in line or something?”

“Well of course…” He began me, “My name is Sage-Claw, Curt-Claw is my grandson…”

“What?!” I yelled in surprise, I mean this was getting ridiculous…

Why do I keep getting dragged into all of this family business?!