The Taste of Shenanigans

CHAPTER 8: This ain’t Easter, but I’m still going on an egg hunt

When they stepped off the red carpet, Fancy Pants made it vanish.
“Well, this is my home.” he said. “Would anypony like a cup of tea?”
“IT’S A TRAP!” shouted Fluttershy.
“Oh, hush, you.” said Rarity. “Yes please, Fancy Pants. I would absolutely adore one.”
“Will you take sugar?”
“No, thank you.”
Rainbow Dash nudged Rarity. “Shouldn’t we be leaving?” she whispered.
“We will. After this cup of tea. I promise.”
“Do you Pinkie Promise?”
“…no. Just a normal promise.”
Three hours later, and after lots of posh conversation and other Canterlols, Rarity finished her final cup of tea.
“That was lovely. As were the others. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Fancy Pants replied. “I would offer you more, but I’m afraid to say that we’re now out of tea. We used to have a machine that had a never-ending supply of the stuff, but some guy came and smashed it up not too long ago.”
“I see. Thank you anyway, Mr Pants.” said Rarity.
She looked at the faces of her friends. All of them were tired and grumpy.
“Yeah, I guess we’ll be off now. Thank you again!”
“My pleasure.”
“What was all that about?” asked Rainbow Dash quietly as they left Fancy Pants and his celebrity friends.
“I’m just being polite, Rainbow Dash. Maybe you should try it too sometime.”
A royal guard appeared and approached Rarity.
“Uh-oh…” said Applejack.
“Hello, sir.” said Rarity. “Is there a problem?”
“What? …no. I just noticed you over there, so I came to ask you if you wanted to go on that date tonight.”
“Ah, it’s you, darling. I’m sorry. I didn’t recognise you. All of you guards look… well… you know. Guard no. 35, was it?”
“No, he’s guarding the castle’s dining hall. But you’re close.”
“…Guard no. 34?”
“Nope. He’s with the princess. I’m Guard no. 36.”
“Ah, of course. I’m sorry, darling. Numbers confuse me.”
“That’s OK. So? Would you like dinner? Tonight?”
“What, like… now?”
“Yep.”
She looked back at her friends. They clearly didn’t care.
“Ugh. Fine.”
Guard no. 36 let out a small ‘hooray’, and then he and Rarity set off for a restaurant.
“What now?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Can we look for that egg, please?” replied Fluttershy.
“Do we have to? It could be anywhere. Is it really worth looking?”
“Can we at least check the egg shop?”
“There’s an egg shop here?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“Yep.” said Fluttershy. “I’ve been there before. It’s right next to the circular saw shop.”
So they went to find the egg shop. It took them longer than it should have, because Pinkie Pie got distracted by the sugar and balloon shop. When they got there, Applejack noticed a sign on the door.
“No hats? What the hay’s up with that?”
“Just take it off then…” said Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, right. I’m not going in without my hat.” she said, adjusting her hat.
“Then at least make yourself useful and check the circular saw shop.”
“OK.”
As she went in there to look for the egg, the other three entered the egg shop.
“Welcome to my egg-porium.” said the egg merchant cheerily.
“Hi.” said Rainbow Dash. “Do you have any green, sparkly eggs?”
“No. But I think the circular saw shop next door does.”
“Oh! Awesome. Thanks.”
“No problem. Please come egg-ain.”
“Please stop making egg puns. They’re not funny.”
“Really? I thought they were egg-cellent! Egg-ceptional! Egg-tastic, even!”
“Egg-tastic? That’s not even a pun.” said Fluttershy.
She looked at the others. “Let’s leave now.”
They nodded, and left. A few steps later, they entered the circular saw shop. Applejack was nowhere to be seen, however. At the back of the shop was a door, and above it, a sign that read ‘DANGER ROOM’. From the room came shrill sounds of whirring blades.
Rainbow Dash slowly pushed it open. “AJ? You in there?”
There was seemingly no response. A lot of the saws were active, and could easily drown out words, so she called her again.
“Applejack! Are you in there?!”
Something that sounded like a ‘yes’ emanated from behind a bloody saw. They rushed over quickly. Behind it, in a small crimson pool of despair, was Applejack’s head. The rest of her body lay a few feet away.
“Hi, guys. I… kinda fell.” she said softly.
“Oh my gosh!” screamed Fluttershy. “Did you find the egg?”
“I sure did! It’s right over there… next to my body.”
“Yay! Are you OK?”
“Not really. Could somepony help me? You know, before I…”
Her voice trailed off. Following that, her eye closed, and then her hat fell off.
“Ah, crud.” said Rainbow Dash. “Pinkie Pie, grab the egg. Fluttershy, you take her body. I’ll get her head.”
They each picked up their respective things, and galloped out of the shop.
One suspenseful hour later…
Applejack’s eye opened to see the library, and three of her friends surrounding her, all of which were distorted and slightly yellower than usual. What ensued were a sharp stinging sensation, and the taste of apples.
“What the hay?!” she gargled.
“Oh, good, you’re awake.” said Fluttershy.
“What’s going on?!” gargled Applejack. “Why is everything all weird?!”
“Isn’t it obvious?” said Rainbow Dash. “We’re keeping you alive by preserving your head in a fishbowl filled with apple juice.”
She stared blankly through the glass.
“It was Fluttershy’s idea.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Wait a second! How am I breathing?!”
“Oh! Fluttershy stuck a tube into your ear that goes just above the juice surface.”
“Ponies can breathe through their ears?”
“Apparently so.”
Applejack sighed/gargled. “Uh… one more question. Why are we in the library? …in Ponyville?!”
Pinkie Pie laughed. “Because this is where we always come when there’s a problem! Duh!”
“Wouldn’t it have made more sense to go to… you know… A HOSPITAL?!”
“Oh yeah!” said Rainbow Dash. “We didn’t think of that! Let’s go there!”
“Yeah…” gargled Applejack. “Good idea.”
“Oh, actually,” said Rainbow Dash. “Pinkie, you take Applejack. I need to show Fluttershy where that cave is.”
“Can’t that wait?” gargled Applejack.
“It can, but I want to do it now.”
“Whatever then.”
Rainbow Dash flew out of the door carrying Fluttershy on her back. As Pinkie Pie was about to pick up the fishbowl, Rarity burst through the door.
“Oh, hi Rarity! How was the date?” asked Pinkie.
“It was alright.” she replied.
“Did he get lucky?”
“Yeah, he did. We went to a casino and he won big on the roulette wheel.”
Rarity noticed the fishbowl.
“…did much happen while I was gone?”
“Oh! Yeah! We found the egg!”
“That’s wonderful! Where was it?”
“The circular saw shop.” gargled Applejack.
“That’s an odd place for an egg. And, um… may I ask what happened to you, darling?”
“…the circular saw shop.” gargled Applejack. “That’s what happened to me. Speaking of, can we PLEASE GO TO A HOSPITAL NOW?!”
“No need.” said Rarity. “I can fix you up easy-peasy.”
“You sure? I doubt even Twilight would know a spell that could fix THIS.”
Rarity laughed. “I may not be a powerful unicorn, but you forget… I’m an excellent seamstress.”
Meanwhile, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash arrived at a mountainside cave.
“Is this it?” asked Fluttershy.
“Definitely.” replied Rainbow Dash, as she landed gently at the entrance. Fluttershy jumped off, and looked around.
“This is pretty high up…” she said nervously.
“Yes. It is. Just go in the cave already.”
They walked inside. Torches decorated the walls, and at the end of the shorter-than-expected passage lay a coffin.
“What?! He’s dead?!” shrieked Fluttershy.
“Of course not. He’s just emo, remember?”
Rainbow Dash knocked on the coffin. The lid creaked open, and a jazzy-looking pony with a pale blue coat and purple, polka-dotted mane poked his head out.
“You’re not Celestia.” he said. “Go away.”
He began closing the lid.
“Wait!” said Fluttershy.
He sighed. “What?”
“You’re ZXCVB, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, um… I got turned into a squid, and I would really really appreciate it if you could use your special healing powers to turn me back into a pony again. You know, if that’s OK with you.”
“Listen.” he said. “I’m not coming out until my dragon friends are cured. End of story.”
“But we found all the eggs! And we know how to turn them back!”
“Really? You have them all? Let’s see them, then.”
“Oh, right. Uh, well, we only have one with us at the moment, so…”
“Goodbye.”
“WAIT!”
“What?! I’m not leaving here until I have my friends back! That’s it!”
“OK, fine, but… can you at least turn me back? You don’t even have to leave your coffin.”
His eyes turned bright yellow, and then out of his eyes zoomed two shooting stars that hit Fluttershy in the squid face.
And then Fluttershy was a pony.
“Now get out!” he shouted.
“K, thanks, bye!” said Fluttershy, and they left.
The two of them soared away back down to Ponyville, with Fluttershy sticking very close to Rainbow Dash on the way. They were making their way to the hospital, when Fluttershy noticed Pinkie Pie waving them down by the Carousel Boutique. They glided to the ground and approached her.
“What happened?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Is she not in the hospital?”
“Rarity fixed her!” said Pinkie Pie excitedly. “Come see!”
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy shared a worried look, before walking inside. Rarity was standing proudly next to a neatly stitched-together Applejack.
“Look, she’s as good as new!” said Rarity, beaming. “Fabulous lace, is it not?”
“She even stitched my hat to my head so it won’t fall off anymore.” said Applejack.
Fluttershy nodded her head slowly. “That’s… nice.”
“Oh, hey! You’re a pony again!” said Rarity.
“Yes! I am! Thank you for noticing! Turns out we didn’t need that egg after all.”
“So I got decapitated for nothing?” said Applejack.
“Yeah. Silly pony.” said Rainbow Dash. “So, what should we do now? Every possible objective we could have had has been completed.”
Applejack shrugged. “I reckon we just go back home and continue with our normal lives.”
Just then, Twilight Sparkle crashed through the window, rolling over, and then standing up in a mighty pose.
“Did you forget about me?”
“Oh yeah, heh.” said Rainbow Dash. “I guess we did.”

END OF CHAPTER 8