The Derpy Apocalypse

"GODDAMNIT RAINBOW DASH! BARRICADE THE WINDOWS!! THEY'RE BREAKING IN!!"

Ever since The Derpy Apocalypse, Twilight Sparkle had transformed from a lecturing librarian to a stone cold badass. Are you unfamiliar with The Derpy Apocalypse? Well, it went a little bit like this:

"derp derp derp im a derpy hewvs derp derp" Derpy Hooves waddled down the stone path to the park. A unicorn with a light purple mane, a blue coat, and plant-like green eyes stared at her with confusion. Suddenly, as soon as the horned pony set eyes on the gray pegasus, the unicorn's body had reconstructed itself into an exact copy of Derpy Hooves.

And that's how it all started. Everyone who laid their eyes on anypony who had been converted into a Derpy Hooves instantly molded into the winged pony. Twilight Sparkle had been the first to notice this, and produced six pairs of eyewear that the Derpys couldn't break and reproduce more Derpys. Unfortunately losing Spike to the horde of pegasi, Twilight teleported all of her friends to the abandoned warehouse at the outskirts of Ponyville.

ANYWAYS, back to the present..

The Derpys had discovered the ponies' safehouse, and were making an insane attempt to break in. The stone-colored swarm of pegasi burst in through the windows by the thousands. Twilight Sparkle was barking commands at the rest of the six. Rainbow Dash swiftly but surely thrusted all the pegasi out the window onto the hard concrete belonging to the deserted and destroyed ruins of Ponyville. Rarity telekinetically threw steel plates onto the windows and drilled them in.

"Thank Celestia.. I.. th-thought they were going t-to get in that time.." Fluttershy mumbled.

"Fluttershy, now's no time for celebration," Twilight Sparkle spat. "We still need to board up all the rest of the windows. We're running out of logs, and right now is not the time for sitting around and being useless."

Rainbow Dash, tired of Twilight Sparkle and how important she thought she was, decided to take a stand for Fluttershy.

"Twilight, stop being so cold all the time. You're making Fluttershy feel bad. I mean, yeah, I understand its the freakin'  apoca... whatever, but you don't need to be a bitch all the time!"

Before the purple unicorn could respond, an earth pony farmer joined in. "Yeah, Twilight. Ya' need to take a break. Ya' ain't gonna' fend off the Derpys with all of your screamin'."

Twilight grunted and stormed into the back room.

Thumping from the main warehouse doors arose and worried a pink pony.

"Oh no! Oh no! Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, RARITY! Run! They're coming!!" Pinkie Pie spluttered.

"Pinkie, they're not going to come in. Rarity barricaded it over a week ago. Stop worrying.." Rainbow sighed.

But Rainbow Dash knew there wouldn't be a stop to anypony's worrying.

Meanwhile, in the backroom, a horned pony sat on a crate of beets, pouting.

"Stupid.. Rainbow Dash.. Ungrateful WHORES!"

Twilight knew she couldn't be mad forever. She decided she'd stop acting like a filly.. in 5 minutes.

5 minutes later, Twilight trotted out of the door and decided to make a quick apology to everypony.

"I'm sorry. Now let's eat, because I'm hungry, bored, and mad."

Tonight's dinner: Ketchup and cat food soup. Delicious!

After throwing up her supper, Applejack wondered if Big Macintosh, Applebloom, or Granny Smith were still out there, and okay. Thinking for a little while, she grimly settled on a thought: They're fucked.

The next morning..

Rainbow Dash galloped over to Twilight's room and knocked with her hoof a couple times. Slowly, the door creaked open. Rainbow walked in, and Twilight greeted her with a sigh of grief.

"Twilight, I think we need to go out and scavenge. I know it's ridiculously risky, but I'm not eating ketchup soup anymore. I know there's still some food left that actually doesn't taste like something died. Seriously. That was gross."

Twilight Sparkle snorted. "Please. I think I know how to handle my group. Go back to your room, Rainbow."

Rainbow Dash wasn't going to give up that easily. Thinking of a plan, she went back to her room and brainstormed some more. Suddenly, she came up with an idea... Something that had to do with a Sonic Rainboom, smoke bombs, flintlock pistols, and explosions..

That's right, Rainbow Dash was going to draw a picture. About explosions. And other awesome things like that. But after that, she knew she had to come up with an actual idea that would sneak the other ponies out to collect supplies (so they weren't stuck eating gross cat food shit.). But for now, she was just going to doodle like a young schoolfilly.

Pinkie Pie was distressed. She couldn't bake anymore! She needed to make more cupcakes! And soon. Very soon. Or else, Pinkamena may come in town for a quick visit, and the other ponies would be leaving. Somewhere else. And probably not alive. Or breathing. Or in one piece. Or not baked in a sugary pastry.

Pinkie shuddered. I can't think like that! That's terrible! Oh my Celestia, why would I even have that mental picture in my mind! Well, I guess I am slightly hungry.. And on that note, Pinkie took a bite of her Derpy Hooves she had caught in a snare she had left outside. (That she hadn't told the other ponies about because they probably wouldn't like the fact that Pinkie is a ruthless cannibal.)

Pinkie walked over to her broken mirror, and her reflection? Well, I'll show you her reflection. (I hope you wear diapers.)

Pinkie Pie jumped back a couple meters. Oh. Um. Wow!

Pinkie's shout of surprise could be heard across the warehouse.

Fluttershy was reading a book, when she decided it'd be best not to even think about investigating what the hell just happened in the bedroom belonging to Pinkie, which was just across the hall.

I hope she's okay.. Fluttershy peeked out her window and saw the outside world, which was dark and disturbing. Several pegasi walked aimlessly, muzzles spread wide open with a blank expression. Fluttershy was pretty sure she even saw one of them drool like a caveman, making a long path of spit. Eww! I feel so bad for them! They can't even see that they're.. drooling! The breakfast bell rang, and Fluttershy's train of thought was broken. Suddenly experiencing a belly rumble, Fluttershy flew her door open, and hoped that whatever was for breakfast wasn't ketchup.