This is just a parody of how there are so màny Spike's insert pony here fics, don't take this seriously.
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Spike was walking down the street, feeling like a real player. In recent weeks he'd had Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Vinyl Scratch, Luna, and even himself. Now Spike was tired, and he knew he needed rest, but first he'd have to turn off his swag, after all, he didn't want to wake up covered in bitches, at least not yet anyway.
So Spike power walked away from Vinyl's house and back to the library so that he could get some rest. He arrived at the library and was immediately greeted by an angry Twilight Sparkle.
"Spike! What's this I hear about you getting more bitches? The first two times were fine, but the whole concept has been played out!"
Spike glowered at Twilight, then he stood on his tiptoes to get to her level.
"Listen you purple bitch, what I do in my own time is none of your business, now get out of my way before I smack a ho!"
Twilight quickly stepped out of the way so that Spike wouldn't smack a ho, she didn't really know what a ho was cause she wasn't down with the street lingo, but she certainly didn't want to be responsible for any of them getting smacked.
Spike walked up to his room and got into his bed, but right before he was about to try falling asleep his phone rang. He looked at the caller I.D. and saw that it was Rainbow Dash.
"Sup girl?"
"Spike when are we gonna go do something together? I haven't seen you in weeks."
"Sorry babe, I'm breaking up with you."
"What? You can't break up with me, I'm awesome!"
"I'm sorry My Little Dashie, you just aren't as good as everybody says."
"Don't say that!"
"Sorry girl, but all these people talking about how awesome you are,you don't live up to the hype, you're so overrated."
Spike turned off his phone and closed his eyes to get some sleep. Within three minutes he was snoring softly, his swag switch was in the off position, meaning he no longer needed to worry about bitches.
Spike dreamt of Sex Raptors andromance. Unfortunately for Spike, Twilight had been waiting for him to fall asleep and dream about those very things. Over the past few weeks Twilight had grown jealous of how swagalicious Spike had become, and now she wanted revenge, sure she herself was twilightlicious, but those two things just don't compare, Spike was in a league of his own when it came to procuring bitches, and Twilight knew this, so she hatched a devious plan to get her revenge.
Twilight loomed over Spike menacingly. She pulled out a screwdriver and put it into the small screw on the back of his head. She turned the screwdriver counterclockwise until the screw was loose enough to remove by hoof, then she lifted the head compartment that all dragons have(it's basic geology) and looked inside.
There was a two inch indent with a dial labeled "Spike's Fetishes."
It was currently set to "DJs" so Twilight used her magic to carefully change it to "Old Ladies", it stopped on the selected setting with a soft click. She carefully replaced the lid to Spike's head compartment, put the screw back in, and slowly snuck out of the room as silently as possible. Once she had closed the door behind her she dashed to her room and began giggling into her pillow.
"Spike won't know what hit him!"
Then she fell into a blissful sleep, dreaming of a giant super book that took her to a magical land called Booktopia, then she set it on fire and got a Kindle.
When Spike woke up he felt odd, not bad mind you, just odd, he hopped up out of his bed and walked into his bathroom with as much swagger as two Cheetahs tied together. He learned that from Paul, oh how he missed that amazing Sex Raptor. Deciding not to dwell on the past any longer, Spike walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
That's weird, he thought to himself,I still look as flawless as ever! So why do I feel so strange?
Spike chose to hide his discomfort, he knew that Twilight was his most rebellious bitch, and if she sensed any weakness in him she'd take full advantage. So he put on his brave face and headed downstairs. He walked into the dining room and was greeted by a stack of ruby pancakes. He sat down at the table, and using his elongated tongue he pulled them all into his mouth. Then he got up and headed out the door.
"Where are you going Spike," inquired Twilight.
"If you must know I'm off to procure a corncob pipe, bitches love corncob pipes," and with that he walked out and towards a small apparel shop. The very second the door was closed Twilight burst out laughing and fell onto the ground, only to be joined by Pinkie Pie. They laughed for five minutes straight before Twilight noticed something was wrong.
"Holy crap! Pinkie how and when did you get here?"
"Oh Twilight," Pinkie replied,"I'm everywhere."
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"Are you sure?"
"Yes!" Spike yelled at the shopkeeper,"for the last time, I want a corncob pipe, and your finest pair of suspenders!"
"May I ask why?"
"Well it's simple, bitches love corncob pipes and suspenders."
Realizing that if anyone knew what bitches love it would be Spike, the shopkeeper argued no further and pulled out a pair of suspenders made from the finest golden silk, and a large corncob pipe. He then handed them to Spike.
"Will that be all for you today?"
Spike thought for a moment.
"Actually, give me some of those hard candies, bitches love those too."
The shopkeeper pulled out a notepad and wrote down "bitches love hard candies" in his advice journal before giving Spike a hoof full of hard candy. Spike paid the man, equipped his suspenders and corncob pipe, and headed down to the local Bingo hall to pick up some hot chicks.
My secret technique! Super haridemasu!
If you haven't guessed by now, the chapter titles hold no relevance to the chapters themselves.
Spike strolled into the bingo hall, carrying an intense amount of swagger on his shoulders. He was still decked out in his golden suspenders. His corncob pipe glistened in the flourescent lights that were hanging above him, there was only one final step, then his transformation would be complete.
Spike pulled out a bottle of hair gel and dumped the entire thing on his head. He slicked his scales back, only to have them spring back up and sent an enormous glob of hair gel flying through the air. It splattered all over the wall with a disgusting squelching sound, slowly dripping down the wall and onto the floor.
"Celestia damn it,"exclaimed Spike angrily,"what good are these suspenders if I can't even slick my hair back!"
Spike ripped off his suspenders, an easy feat since he wasn't wearing pants, then he threw them on the ground and stomped on them and lit them on fire.
"Stupid suspenders,"Spike muttered to himself,"what a waste of six thousand bits,oh well at least I still have this awesome corncob pipe."
He walked through the lobby and into the bingo area. It was filled to the brim with old ladies that were ripe for the picking, well not really ripe, more like a few decades past the expiration date, which by the way is the same as the sell by date. Honestly you people make me sick, if the store won't even sell it anymore then you probably shouldn't eat it.
Spike grabbed a bingo card and started eyeing the local tail. There was a rather sexy vixen at the third table, her pasty white fur complimented her various flaps and wrinkles, one of which had a piece of moldy cheese stuck inside of it. Spike moved in to get a closer look and he shuddered in orgasmic delight as his nostrils took in her intoxicating scent.
"Nice perfume," Spike said to the wrinkly goddess in front of him," is it aspirin and pee?"
The foxy pony in front of him, her crows feet sparkling in the light.
She turned all the way around, exposing her beautiful face to-
"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE A GUY,"Spike screamed as he ran out of the bingo hall and into the men's restroom. He ran to the sink and turned the water on as hot as it could possibly get to, then he began splashing water all over himself, creating quite a mess.
"Goodness deary, are you alright? Came a melodious voice from behind him. Spike turned around, only to get a face full of purse.
"What are you doing in the girls bathroom you pervert," screamed the ancient assailant as she mercilessly assaulted Spike with her handbag.
"This is the men's room," Spike yelled in between hits. Suddenly his attacker stopped, and Spike turned to see that it was Granny Smith, and she was blushing.
"Oh I'm so sorry,"Granny said,"uhh what's your name? I've seen you before."
"My name is-"
"No no, don't tell me, I'll get it, I wanna sayyy, OH! Is it spud?"
"It's Spike."
"Hey now, that was gonna be my next guess, oh well, I'm sorry for attacking you Spike, anyway I've got to get back to my bingo card, don't want anypony to cheat,"she turned and left, giving Spike an eyeful of her gorgeous sagging plot.
"Hold on a minute Granny Smith, why don't we ditch this scene and go on a date? I know of this adorable little restraunt called 'Restraunt' wanna come?"
Granny Smith turned to Spike, intending to reject him as politely as possible, but then she saw his corncob pipe, and was instantly overcome with desire. She gave him a sexy look.
"Absolutely, hot stuff."
I didn't make up that restraunt, that's the actual name of a place that was rather close to my house back when I lived in Florida.
By the way, I thought I'd let you know that I'm so awesome that I don't even need to open doors, I look at them and they open for me.
Spike and Granny Smith burst through the door of the library, aggressively kissing each other with every step. It had been a wildly successful first date, and both Spike, and Granny, were fully aroused. They kissed their way up the stairs and towards Spike's room, stopping momentarily to take off Granny's horseshoes before they ran inside and leapt into Spike's king-sized bed.
Spike removed his suspenders, unleashing his throbbing cock.
"Jesus," said Granny," it's so...small."
Spike raised an eyebrow.
"What do you want from me? I'm a BABY dragon for Pete's sake."
Deciding that even though Spike, was not well endowed, he'd still be the only tail she'd gotten in decades, Granny, continued to thoroughly make out with Spike. Spike, for his part, used his long, dexterous tongue to lick the salty sweat and dust from in between Granny's wrinkles. Granny licked her way down Spike's tummy until she reached his dick.
Granny, gave Spike's little cock a small peck on the head before engulfing the entire thing in her mouth, which honestly didn't require much effort. Spike came immediately.
"Seriously?" said an infuriated Granny Smith.
"Don't worry baby, I got you covered," replied Spike, holding up his tail.
"Oh my gosh," said Granny Smith.
Spike turned Granny around and inserted his long tongue into Granny's pussy, slurping around, and making sure to get every area extra wet. He then withdrew his tongue and without warning, he rammed his thick tail deep inside of Granny's old, aging cunt.
Spike inserted and withdrew rapidly, jackhammering the fuck out of Granny Smith. Eventually the raw stimulation was too much for the old mare, and she came all over herself and died.
Spike withdrew his tail and walked over to a large poster of every senior citizen in town. He grabbed a marker and crossed out Granny Smith's head.
"One down, three hundred and four to go."
Author's Note
LOL, this was a fun thing to write.
