Captain's Travels

"Que chingaos es esto?" [What the fuck is this?] Captain asked upon reaching the the large gingerbread establishment. Looking down the purple pair only shrugged as his words fell on deaf ears. Following the two past the double doors, Captain was violently assaulted by the violating aromas that permeated the air. The sickeningly sweet smells in the air were nearly giving him cavities simply by breathing in the diabetic miasma.

Ignorant of every other living creature in the room, Captain walked up to the counter, only to be stopped by a blur pinker than any sane thing had the right to be.

"Oooo hi how may I help you?" the pink thing asked.

Captain carefully looked over the transparent display cases before finally settling on the most perfect of all things in the universe. A beautiful Technicolor pineapple turnover.

"Andale pendeja echa me una enpanada de piña porfa." [Come on dumbass toss me a pineapple turnover please.]

"Hey, watch who you call dumb mister." Replied the pink pony.

"Que chingaos, tu me puedes entender?" [What the fuck, you can understand me?]

[Why of course i can. What's your name?]

"No me puedes decir los nombres de esta cabrona y este guey? Y estos me siguen diciendo Capitan, dime eso por ahora." [Can you tell me of this bitch, and that dude? And these guys keep calling me Captain, call me that for now.] Captain said wth an air of disbelief.

[Sure. The pony's name is Twilight]

"Que, como los libros?"[What, like the books?]

[Yup. And the little guy's name is Spike he's a dragon, and I'm Pinkie Pie by the way.]

"Buenos dias Pinkie Pie, desculpe por no pedir tu nombre mas temprano." [Good morning Pinkie Pie , sorry for not asking your name earlier.] The man said ashamed of his wrong doings, and insulting the second sentient being who had shown him kindness.

"En serio es un dragon y es un assistente a un caballo racista?" [Seriously it's a dragon, and it's an assistant to a racist horse?]

[Hey I'm pretty sure Twilight's not racist, um I think. Well okay theres like an 80% chance she's not racist.]

"Pues dile que me pare de hablar como si soy pendejo." [Well can you tell her to stop talking to me like I'm a dumbass.]

[Well arent you?]

"Tu eres muy mala sabes eso." [You're very mean you know that.] Captain said with mock hurt.

[I'm only teasing, but sure I'll tell her.]

"Twilight, Captain wants you to stop talking to him like he's an idiot."

"Wait a minute you can understand him? How?" Asked Twilight.

"Sure I can, it's easy all you've got to do is read in between the brackets." And as for you, if you keep talking like that no turnovers for you.

{And now back to your regularly sheduled nonsense.}

"Anyways Twilight what were you saying?"

"Nevermind, but can you translate between us Pinkie?"

"I'd love to Twi but the lunch rush is about to start, and the Cakes left for no discernable reason earlier. So I can't, you may want to try with AJ though. I've definitely heard her talk like him. Oh and before I forget here you go Cappy half a dozen pineapple turnovers. That'll be twenty bits please."

"Come on Pinkie can't it be on the house just this once?" Asked Twilight.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Of course .... not silly i'm the Element of Laughter it wouldn't make any sense it I went around being generous all the time now would it."

"Ahorita lo pago no te preocupes caballo." [Don't worry about it horse I'll pay for it right now.] With that Captain pulled out his manly-ass tasmanian devil wallet, retrived a twenty dollar bill from within, and slapped it down on the counter.

[What am i supposed to do with this, i need real metal bits not some green paper]

"Pues que mas quieres solo ay cinco de estos billetes en el mundo y son de un extaterrestre. Debe valer muncho mas que viente baros." [Well what more do you want, there are only five of these bills on the planet, and they're from an alien. They'd better be worth much more than twenty bucks.]

[Well i suppose you're right. I'll let you off the hook this time, but next time I expect to see some real money.]

_____

Twilight hadn't been paying attention to the exchange between her friend and Captain, nor was she taking note of Spike drooling across the counter. Instead her attention was caught up with a turquoise mare with golden eyes, and a lyre imprinted on her flank.

"Hi Lyra, I was wondering if you could tell me anything about Captain here."

"Shh I'm concentrating. Hmmm he appears to be homo sapien approximately five feet nine inches tall. Most likely of Hispanic descent. Looks to be two-hundred and seventy-five pounds." Casually Lyra trotted up to him, and licked Captain's hand, eliciting a yelp from the human. "And he appears to be a sailor of some sort," she smacked her lips a few times," an oyster harvester at that."

"Awww he's so cute can I keep him?" Lyra asked as a grin threatened to tear her face in half.

"What? No of course not. As far as I can tell he's an intelligent creature and wouldn't enjoy being treated as a pet." Twilight replied indignantly.

"But I'll be sure to love him, and hug him, and walk him, and feed him every single day."

"Well in that case sure you can keep him." Twilight said with sarcasm dripping on to the floor.

"Oh come on I'll... I'll... I'll buy him off you."

A pregnant silence followed.

"NO! He's far to valuable a test subject to ever let go for something a common as money."

"Ummm you guys do realize that he can understand you, and I don't think he appreciates what you're saying about him." Pinkie interjected.

Indeed looking into the human's eyes Twilight could see unbridled furry bubbling just beneath the surface. Lyra scooted closer to the livid Captain. In a flash he drew his hatchet, and plunged the bladed end deep into the hardwood countertop Pinkie had been leaning on untill now.

"Largate a la chingada y que nunca mas te mire, si no te meto la pinche acha en la pinche cabeza." [Get the fuck out of here, I never want to see you again, of I'll put this fucking hatchet into your fucking skull.]

"L-Lyra he w-wants you to leave. Please." Pinkie somehow managed to stammer out.

"O-okay see ya around big guy," Lyra said as she attempted to nuzzle the humans hand. Only to recive a jerk away, and a low growl in response.

"Y tu cabrona,"[And you bitch] Captain said pointing to Twilight, " si te miro hablando de mi asi otra vez te voy a ahogar con tus propias tripas."[If i see you talking about me like that again I'll choke you with your own intestines.]

"Andale dile." [Come on tell her.] He said pointing a finger at Pinkie.

"W-w-well Twilight h-he s-says he d-doesn't want you to talk like that about him anymore. Or...or...or."

"Or what Pinkie?"

A stern nod from Capitan.

"He said he'd choke you with your own entrails."

Twilight sat there in silence contemplating all she had said, and heard in the past few minutes. Slowly she trotted over to his hatchet now stuck in the countertop. After several attempts she was finally able pull it free. Gingerly she laid it at his feet, and stared at her hooves for several minutes.

After an eternity she felt one of his hands touch the bottom of her chin, and raise her gaze to meet his. There she saw a small smile creep across his face.

"Te perdono Twilight." [I forgive you Twilight.]

"Aww Twilight he forgive's you."

"You told him my name?"

"Yup sure did."

"So what's his name."

"Dunno didn't say."

"Alright Captain I think it's about time you met the rest of my friends." Twilight said whilst wiping a tear from her eye.