Captain's Travels

Captain now followed the lavender horse, Twilight Sparkle, who had refered to him not ten minutes ago as a test subject. As well as Spike , the bipedal lizard that had taken a liking to him. The trio now walked in unison, the purple pair had slowed enough for the human to keep up. The walk was  mostly quiet, the only sounds accompanying them were their own footsteps on the cobblestone street. Now and again Twilight would point out an obscure candy colored building in the distance, and jabber a bit about it. Captain paid her little heed, while he contemplated his current situation.

Infinite scenarios played in his mind each more convoluted than the last. Was he dead? Was he dreaming?  What was that flash of light he saw an instant before hitting the branch? Of the many ideas that wormed their way into his head, death had seemed the most likely, so then was this his Hell or God forbid Heaven? No, were it Hell there would be more people than just him. A lot more. As for Heaven he was sure the diabetes inducing colors would have all been bleached white. His pondering continued while he lifted another turnover to his mouth.

A sudden beeping in his ear brought his attention back to the present. Pulling out his phone Captain saw that the charge was almost out. Mierda. [Shit]. Noticing his distress Twilight approached the man.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" Twilight said doing her best to keep her syllables short lest she offend Captain again.

"Ya se va a morir mi telephono caballo. No tienes un enchufe que me prestes?" [My phone's about to die horse. Do you have a plug I could borrow?]

"You know what lets hurry up and see AJ already."

The sickly sweet smells of the bakery had given way to deeper, earthier smells of dirt and vegetables. The cobblestone street had opened into a grand plaza that held many small kiosks, each operated by a pony of a different race, each peddling their wares. The rainbow of colors that assaulted Captain's vision appeared to be everywhere.

Amid hushed murmurs between the vendors Twilight led the sailor to a cart being opperated by an orange mare with a blonde mane, cowboy hat, and... a ponytail.

"Excuse me Applejack, but could I get your help with something?"

"Sure thing Twilliiiight!" Exclaimed the earth pony as she caught sight of the human.

"Applejack, I'd like to introduce you to my new friend Captain. I found him last night during the storm. We had a bit of an incident, but it's all right now huh Captain."

The human only replied with a general frown he had at all times, and a nod of approval.

"So anyways I've been trying to figure out what language he speaks, so that we can communicate better, and Pinkie Pie told me that you might be able to help with that."

"Sure Twilight I'd be happy ta help out." Replied 'Applejack' with some reluctance.

"Que dice yegua?" [ What do you say mare?] Asked the human as he held a hand with his index, and middle fingers held apart.

"Uh Twilight what the hay is he doin'?"

"I don't know, but this is incredible isn't it. We're some of the first ponies to see such a strange and dangerous creature I need to take some notes." Replied Twilight as she poofed a quill,  and a leaf parchment to her side, and began to scribble furiously.

"I'm a little rusty, but lets see here. Como estas Capitan?" [How are you Captain?]

"Yo estoy muy bien y usted señorita?" [I am fine, and yourself miss?]

"Si, estoy igual. Como se a comportado mi amiga con usted desde que llego aqui."  [I am the same. How has my friend behaved with you since you got here.]

"Esta cabrona es una pinche molestia."  [This bitch is a fucking nuisance.]

"Twilight what the hell have you been doing to this poor guy? Que te a hecho esta pendeja?" [ What has this dumbass done to you.]

"Pues la primera vez que la mire me chingo con su pinche cuerno. Luego me tiro en su sotano. Cuando me levante mire chingos de pinches tubos en la pared. Entonces entro de vuelta se acerco le agarre el cuerno y mire que le habia hecho daño y la deje ir. Y otra vez me chingo con su pinche cuerno. Luego me levante otra vez y mire unas manzanas en el piso. Tenia chingo de hambre y me puse a comer me las, hasta por fin subi los escalones. Los mire mirando me y me llevaron a una panederia. Me introducio a una yegua rosita y a otra cabrona que me quiso comprar y esta otra dijo que era su sujeto de prueba. Me volvi un poco loco y creo que le dije que las matara si hablaron de mi asi otra vez. Luego me trajo para aca y comienze a decir te de lo que me a pasado desde que llegue." [Well the first time I saw her, she fucked me (up) with her fucking horn. Then when I woke up I saw tons of fucking tubes on the wall. Then she came in again, she got close, I grabbed her horn, and when I saw that I was hurting her, I let her go. And again she fucked me (up) with her fucking horn. Then I got up again, and saw some apples on the floor. I was really hungry so I ate them, until finally I finished them and went up the stairs. I saw them looking at me, and they took me to a bakery. She introduced me to a pink pony, and another bitch who wanted to buy me, and this one here refered to me as a a test subject. I went a little crazy, and said that I would kill them both if they talked about me like that again. Then she brought me here, and I started to tell you everything that happened since I got here.]

"Twilight I repeat. WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO THIS POOR GUY?"

"WHAT. I found him last night outside the library. I had to sedate him, and then I placed him in the basement for safe keeping until I could get a letter to the Princess.  Then after he woke up I took him Sugarcube Corner to get him something to eat, and then Pinkie started talking to him. Afterwards she pointed us to you, she said you could help me identify what language he speaks." Twilight said in an exasperated sigh.

"So ya knock him out twice, refer to him as a test subject, and then expect him to not act violently towards you. Twilight I must say you're kind of a bitch."

"What did he tell you?"

"Everything."

"Crap. Uhh so do you think he's dangerous or what?"

"I think that he's a scared, stupid individual whom you have been placing unnecessary stress upon by causing all of this excitement." Applejack said as she pointed a hoof at Captain.

"Yo no soy muy estupido." [I'm not very stupid.] Replied an offended Captain.

"Desculpe solo queria hacer un punto." [Sorry I only wanted to make a point.]

"So what language does he speak?" Twilight asked after a few moments of silence.

"It's Spaneighsh. (Shut up that's the best horse pun I could think of.) I'm a little rusty though."

"Wait how do you even know Spaneighsh?"

"Well every year around harvest time migrant workers come round here, and we put 'em to work buckin' apples on the cheap. And usually not one of 'em speaks a lick of Equestrian." The blonde mare said with a chuckle.

"So why didn't you do that last year?"

"Damn immigration laws." Applejack muttered under her breath.

"So Captain," Twilight said turning to face the human, "what else would you like to get done before we head back."

"Pues. Me gustaria cambiar me y bañar me. Toda esta agua salada ya me va dando comezon en los huevos." [Well. I would like to change, and bathe. All of this salt water is making my balls itch.]

"So AJ what did he say?"

"I think he wants to get a change of clothes, and bathe or something. I couldn't really pick up everything he said. But if he wants a change of clothes, maybe Rarity could hook 'im up. Also i think he wants some eggs or something."

"Ugh smells like he could use a bath too." Said Twilight as she raised a hoof to cover her nose.

"Calmate cabrona. Tu no hueles a un jardin fresco tampoco." [Calm down bitch. You dont smell like a fresh garden either.]

"What did he say that time?"

"I think he said you smell like a fresh garden."

"Aww how sweet of him. But we should really get going before the day gets any later. I should really get back to the library, and find out all I can about human physiology,  and Spaneighsh, ooo maybe I could even rig up a universal translator spell so we can talk without a translator. Oh this is going to be so much fun." A manic glint seemed to appear in her eyes. "Spike," she exclaimed drawing the purple reptile out of the comatose state he had been in for the last few minutes, "I need you to run back to the library, and pull every book we have on humans, Spaneighsh, and translation spells. I've got to introduce Captain here to everypony else really quick."

"Huh... what... sure whatever." Replied Spike, as he surpressed a yawn, and ran off in the general direction of the library.

"Now if you'll excuse us we've got to go see Rarity about a new outfit isn't that right Captain. "

"Porque chingaos no?" [Why the fuck not?] He replied with a shrug.

"Uh..."

"He said he will go with you."

"Thank you. Come on Captain the day's not young forever." Twilight said with a skip in her step, and a glint in her eye.