My Not So First Jump

The barn was the same, thats for damn sure, but what was new to me was the fact of all the apple related ponies I saw running around, I think I even saw Braeburn running around somewhere, I was led into the house and in the kitchen, same western style I knew and loved. “Right, lets get baking!” I cracked my knuckles, which made AJ shiver.

“Please don’t do that.” She said as she shook her head.

“Noted, lets do this!”

---Hours later!---

The place looked like a war zone of food products. Flour was everywhere, a outline of me was on the wall, also made of flour, and AJ has a pie tin on her head while laying on the ground. I was hung on the ceiling by my waist, by my own belt! “Well....” I spoke finally. “At least we got a ton of apple baked goods.”

“Ah’ll agree with you there partner.” AJ spoke from under her pie tin and pushed it up slightly. “That sure was an interesting way to bake, ah’ll tell ya.”

“Trust me when I say I had no idea the pies would come to life. Though that was a battle worthy of the ages!” I tried to get myself off the ceiling but fail and remained there. “Little help?”

“For a tall fella, yer helpless.” AJ facehoofed. “Hold on.” Out of nowhere she pulled out a lasso, with it she caught me by the hand and pulled me down, leaving a small hole in her ceiling.

“Sorry about that.” I said while rubbing the back of my head. “I’ll fix it later.”

“Ya better.” She grumbled and looked to the pile of apple products we made. “Hower we going to get this stuff outside?”

“Heck, I’ll carry it.” I walked over to the pile and grabbed the table, lifting it up and walking towards the door. “Is the door wide enough?”

“Go about it sideways and you’ll fit!” AJ called from behind me. I turned sideways and crab walked out of the house and towards the barn. “We have to bring this stuff to town hall fella!”

“Excuse me for going towards the largest object!” I called and turned around.

“Umm...” I heard a voice on the other side of the food.

“Out of the way, food must be delivered!” I said and walked past whoever was there, I didn’t pay attention much cause this table is gettin kinda heavy.

“Well I’m in charge of everything getting set up correctly so.” I stopped dead when I finally recognized the voice. I turned to the familiar purple mare and smaller purple dragon. “Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, are you Applejack?” I shook my head and pointed at AJ, who was running towards me. “Oh, well who are you?” TIME TO TROLL!

“My name is Spike.” I said as serious as I could. She gave me a look of disbelief, as did the surprised little dragon on her back.

“But.....My name is Spike!” Other Spike called from Twi’s back.

“There can’t be two Spikes at once! The world could end!” The looks of horror on their face was priceless. “I’m joking! My name is Kurosawa, or Dark if you don’t want to remember the name, I’m around helping Applejack over there cook and deliver the food. We got the cooking part done with minor casualties, now I just have to drop off this food and we-” I was cut off by Twilight waving her hoof.

“Wait, ‘minor casualties’? What does that mean?” I finally set down the table and looked at her.

“Pies came to life, we fought for our lives.” AJ FINALLY caught up. “Right AJ?”

“What now?”

“Just agree with me.” I facepalmed. “Anyway, I better get this here food delivered, I’ll be back shortly, you kids play nice ya here?” And with that, I picked up the table and continued on with my great journey. I swear I heard someone scream and run away. “Jeez, the first time they reacted better.” I mumbled as I finally got to the town square. I set the table down and went to open the door when something clung to my face and bashed on my head. “MERRRRRRR!” I screamed and began to run around in sudden surprise from my attacker. After about ten minutes of running around like a scared buffalo I regained my senses and took the attacker off my face. Out of the ponies (And one rabbit I know.) that would latch to my face to attack effectively, it had to be Scoots.

“Put me down you big olf!” She growled at me and squirmed in my grasp. I chuckled a bit and set her down, where she proceeded to punch at my legs with her front hooves.

“Your punching a rock there kid, I have become immune to physical abuse.” I deadpanned, which made her stop. “I’ve been hit most my life by stronger stuff.”

“Don’t have to rub it in.” She mumbled while looking down which made me feel like crap.

“You gave it your best shot.” I reassured. “So, why were you trying to obliterate me with your hooves?”

“Cause monsters shouldn’t be in town!” She growled at me and flapped her wings rapidly, making them buzz.

“May want to check, because if I was a monster I would have eaten you by now.” She gulped. “But, I’m not so I won’t.” I chuckled and ruffled her mane. “Now I have to scoot on back to the farm and see what goes on.” I turned around and bolted down the road faster than I should have. I think I knocked someone over.

When I got back to the farm I saw most of the apple family (The WHOLE apple family!) surrounding Twilight. She had escaped when I finally got there. “Hey Miss Sparkle, how goes it?”

“Crazy! They wanted me to eat a lot of apple products!” I laughed at her fear in the word.

“Oh please, I have a lead stomach, I would have been able to take it.” I bragged and  laughed. “Ah, so anyway where are you headed to next? I’ll join ya.”

“Well, we got the food checked out, now we need party decorations, designs, and music.” She rubbed her chin with her hoof as she spoke. Spike was on her back eating a apple fritter.

“Right-o, lead the way.” I did a little bow and allowed her to walk past me. I followed as soon as I was feeling left behind. “So what's this summer sun thing all about?”

“Its the longest day of the year, and Celestia herself comes to one town each year to do it, and this year she chose ponyville. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to think about something.” She said and lost herself in her thoughts, we walked like this for a while when Spike struck up a conversation with her, something about the Apple family, Twilight countered with something about them being crazy.

“They aren't that bad! They offered you free food and everything!”

“I agree.” I said after Spike spoke. “Most of that food I must have cooked myself, which came to life and had to be beaten senseless.” I sighed happily. “Good times...”

“How did you even make them come to life?” Twilight asked me out of curiosity.

“I didn’t, its the way I cook that gives life to the food. Must be my bad luck.” I shrugged. “I could never figure it out.” I was then suddenly tackled by everyones favorite pony.

“Hiya Dark!”

“I knew at least one pony would remember me!” I chuckled and ruffled Pinkie’s mane.

“I can’t remember much else though, like...” She turned and looked at Twilight, gasped, then shot off like a bullet.

“And like that shes gone.” I got up and dusted myself off. “That was the one behind the part decorations. Trust me when I say shes got it covered.” Twilight just gave me a strange look. “Moving on?” She just nodded and continued on, I looked at the surprise party invitation in my pocket while we continued to search for ponies, I’m guessing the next one is Rarity, cause I’m just that awesome. We came up on the boutique and entered.

“Hello?” Twilight called before spotting the seamstress looking at ribbons. “Are you Rarity?”

“Why yes I am dear.” She set down the ribbons and looked at use, going wide eyed as soon as she spotted me. “What is the dastardly thing!?”

“I’m not a thing...” I crouched down and poked the ground in shame. Spike patted my back while staring at his marshmallow beauty.

“Terribly sorry dear! You just frightened me is all.” She grinned sheepishly at me and looked at Twilight. “How may I help you dear?”

“Well, I’m Twilight Sparkle of Canterlot and I-” She had sealed her fate by saying she was from Canterlot.

“CANTERLOT!? So you must know some great ponies!”

“Yes well-”

“Come along! We can’t have you walking around like that!” She then pulled Twilight into the back room.

“I give her five minutes before she comes running out of there.” I said standing up fully. Spike was still love struck and floating towards the back room door. “Hold there loverboy!” I grabbed him by the tail and brought him back. “You are going down a road to self destruction! You can’t be too clingy! I shall aid you in your quest young one! But not now, our ride is here.” Just then Twilight backed out of the room and grabbed us in her magic.

“Well thank you for letting me try some things on, but we gotta go!” She then bolted out of the store and down the hill. “I think we lost her.”

“What next Mr. Jones?” I mumbled. “Right, music now correct?” She nodded. “Well lets go.” I began walking in place, as I was still being levitated by Twilight. “You know, I can’t help but feel we missed someone...” I was then ran over by skittles, which hurts more then you would think. “GAH!”

“Sorry, kinda in a hurry here.” I heard a awesome voice call. I looked up and saw Rainbow Dash hovering there.

“S’all right.” I got up and dusted myself off.

“Wait a second,” Twilight walked over to Dash. “Are you Rainbow Dash?” Dash nodded. “You're the one suppose to clear the sky!” We all looked up to see it slightly clouded. “That was suppose to be done ages ago!”

“I’d do it but that would be cheating.” I crossed my arms and looked away. “Heck I bet I could have done it faster than she could.” Troll powers activate.

“That a challenge?” Dash was now right in my face.

“No, but if you want to prove something, you might as well do it before I decide to finish this in a half a second. 123GO!” And like that she was off, here and there kicking cloud ass and take names. A half a nanosecond later (I’m being stupid, it took about 9 seconds.) she landed in front of us with a smug grin on her face. Spike and I clapped while Twilight just rolled her eyes. “Still could have done it faster...” I mumbled. “Anyway! Congratulations, you won the prize.”

“What would that be?” Dash asked with a raised eyebrow.

“A cookie.” I then gave her a cookie, don’t ask where I got it, cause I don’t quite know myself. She happily took the cookie and munched on it while trotting away. “Why are you ponies so damn adorable?” I mumbled and looked at Twilight. “Shall we continue our grand adventure?”

“If you're done picking on the weak minded, then yes.” She began walking leaving both Spike and I with jaws dropped.

“Ouch...” I mumbled.

“No kidding...” Spike said as he went after her, I followed close behind. Soon we were getting close to some of the most beautiful music by birds I have ever heard, must be Flutters. I spotted the yellow pegasus conducting birds with a fancy looking stick. As we approached the birds got scared and flew away, being quick minded I took the form of a tree, a small one. Spike must have trusted me, cause he jumped up into the leaves. From our small lookout a little behind Twilight we watched her scare Fluttershy, the poor thing.

“Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, and these are-” She stopped when she turned and saw nothing but a tree. “Umm....Where’d they go? Oh well they couldn’t have gone far, anyway what is your name?” She turned back to Shy with a smile.

“Fluttershy...” She whispered quietly. I leaned in slightly to try and hear better, getting a confused look out of the shy pegasus.

“Excuse me?”

“U-um....Fluttershy...” She said again, I heard her this time and leaned back into place, earning another confused glance.

“Speak up now.” Twilight gazed at me to see what she was looking at but saw nothing but an oddly placed tree.

“F-Fluttershy...” She finally spoke in a tone that could be understood.

“Well, miss Shy, I’m here to see how your doing with the music for the festival, but it seems I scared away your singers, so I’ll come by later and-” Bored now, toss Spike. I threw Spike out of my leaves and watched him land on Twilight’s back. “Spike! There you are! Where have you been?” I suddenly switched out my tree form with a crappy tree costume.

“With him.” Spike pointed at me, Twilight now fully aware I was there.

“And where did YOU go?”

“I’ve been here the whole time, right miss Shy?” Honestly the confusion outweighed her fear at this point and she nodded. “See? The whole time, maybe we should get you some glasses.”

“That was an amazing costume, I thought you were a tree when you put it on.” I took the compliment and left it at that, Fluttershy’s mind finally caught up with her and she hug tackled the small dragon.

“Spike! Speak to me man!” I quickly went over to the yellow pegasus and the crushed dragon.

“Help......Me!” He spoke in a choked sound as Shy continued hugging the baby dragon.

“Twilight! I predict in about 5.14 seconds Spike will become a dead dragon! We must save him!” I turned to Twilight. She nodded at me and grabbed Spike away from Shy with her magic.

“Sorry, but we have to umm.....Get home so he can take a nap!” She pointed a hoof at me. “Exotic creatures need a lot of sleep ya know! And he is so tiwoed, right?” She glared at me so intensely I think a sun somewhere exploded.

“Um, yeah! I’m so very tired...” I yawned for a long time then fell over. I was then picked up by Twilight and continued speaking.

“So yeah, I better get him to bed then!” As Twilight went into the door, Shy nodded her head in agreement.

“And make sure to feed him, do you know what he eats?” Twilight nodded hastily and began to close the door. “Ok, make sure to take good care of him then.” And with that Twilight got the door closed.

“This day keeps getting fun.” I chuckled and she let me down.

“You were in a fake tree costume and I thought it was a real tree, how did you do that?” Twilight said as she went to find a light.

“Simple tricks of the mind my dear, I share nothing more. Spike here fell for it to aye?” I saw the little guy nod in the darkness. “See? Now where is that damned-” The lights suddenly went on and blinded me for a few seconds. In those few seconds screaming could be heard.

“SURPRISE!” I knew it, it was Pinkie, and she did all of this, which I can not see at the moment, in a matter of an hour. The invitation I had didn’t give a time, I guess others just know when Pinkie’s parties will happen and show up beforehand, or hoof.

“MY EYES!” I was still blinded, but soon they cleared up and I saw some of the shocked faces of those who had not met me yet. “.....I’m friendly?” They all let out a ‘Ohhh!’ and nodded in understanding, I would have hated explaining that bullshit to them, jeez.

---Some time later! And after Twilight’s mishap with the sauce.---

Well Twilight retreated, and I was now the life of the party. Pinkie and I were drinking all the punch and doing a conga line of the ceiling, which other ponies ignored because they have learned not to question Pinkie, nor do they question my random antics, I wonder why? After our fun conga line, I looked around for Spike, who was currently doing a dance with a lampshade on. “Hey little buddy!” He turned to me and lifted up his awesome hat. “Go check on the purple one for me eh?” He nodded and dance/walked away towards Twilight’s room.

I was now wearing Pinkie like a hat as I explored the party a little more. It was lively to say the least, at least the ponies didn’t flee on sight of me, maybe the ones at Canterlot would.

“Whoa!” I suddenly heard a slightly high pitched. I yelped in pain as my face met the floor. “OHMYGOSH! Are you ok?” I have to point out now, who ever this was, sounded adorable.

“Yup.” I pushed myself up and met face to face with with a blond maned mare with a gray coat, but I couldn’t look her in the eyes, mainly because they were both looking a different direction. “I didn’t hurt you at all did I?” She shook her head happily.

“Nope! You just spooked me is all!” She chuckled, which got infectious.

“Well, I’m Dark, who are you?” I asked as I pushed myself up again so I was standing.

“I’m Ditzy Doo! But some ponies call me Derpy!” I felt like that was a horrible name, I could already guess why she was called that. “It don’t bug me none, only when others use that name in a offencive way!”

“And how often is that?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Sometimes a lot.” She answered. I facepalmed and patted her on the head.

“Well it was nice to meet you Ditzy, I’m sure we'll meet again the the future.” And with that I waved goodbye and continued my quest of nothing, it was then I realized when I tripped Pinkie got thrown into the punch bowl. I hurried over to see if she was alright, turns out she was fine, so I let her remain in the bowl to drink up.

“Its almost time for the festival everypony!” Someone called out, Twilight and Spike exited the room and everyone at the party began to file out of the library and began migrating towards the town hall, which now had guards around it. As we entered I got separated from Twilight, being as tall as I am compared to these ponies you would think I would lose sight of the only purple pony I knew.

“Fillies and Gentlecolts!” I looked up at Mayor Mare, who had a beaming smile on. “Welcome to the Summer Sun celebration!” Everypony there cheered, my own cheers defined by the loudness of the cheering. “This is the first ever time this has happened in Ponyville, so lets give a round of applause to our glorious princess Celestia!” Cheering and hoof pounding, then nothing, I waited for something to happen, but nothing did. Soon everyone began whispering, then Rarity came out of the back.

“Shes gone!” Everyone gasped, I just went wide-eyed. Someone kidnapped Celestia? Do I have to get my whoopin stick? Soon a dark laughter echoed in the main hall, accompanied by a dark vortex of stars descending upon the balcony.

“Is this suppose to be happening?” I said, mostly to myself, but the only reply I got was a lightning strike to the face. “OOOOOWWWW!” I held my face as it burned. “DAMMIT ALL!”

“Silence traitor!” That voice compelled me to let go of my face and look up at the balcony, which was occupied by a tall, dark, evil looking mare with a starry mane and tail. “You have no right to speak!”

“The hell did I do?” I was zapped again, except this time much harder, which sent me through a wall. “Just my bloody luck...” I spoke and sat up in the road.

“Quite a problem ey?” I turned and saw a brown stallion.

“And you are?”

“I’m ‘shocked’ and hurt you don’t remember my name Kurosawa!” Wait a second, only one person calls me by my actual name...

“Doc? That you? You look plain, did you fuck something up or did the world make you look like this?”

“The later.”

“Ah.” Welp, I found Doctor Who, who is considerably harder to find then Waldo, but hey I found him! “So, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be saving the world or something?”

“I felt like taking a break, anywho, what are YOU doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home saving YOUR world?” I shook my head.

“Too late now, already destroyed.” He gave me a confused look. “Alright, so this huge bear-ant-rilla thing I call ‘The Destroyer’ showed up and took us by surprise, he shot anit-creation to, thats how he was able to kill the othe-”

“Wait wait wait, he killed the others?” I nodded. “Why didn’t you destroy it?”

“I was too weak, my body couldn’t take anymore so I had to bale.” I took a shaky sigh, I had to hold back my emotions, which he seemed to notice.

“I see, will you ever go back?” I shook my head.

“Like I said, everything is destroyed, theres nothing to go back to.” I sighed again and pointed at the town hall. “Wanna explain to me what the hell is going on in there?”

“That would be Nightmare Moon announcing she is free and kidnapped Celestia.” Bitch.

“Wait whos Nightmare Moon?” He chuckled at me and shook his head.

“You’ve been here before yet never learned of Nightmare Moon?” I shook my head.

“Never bothered to learn, what’s the basics?”

“Nightmare Moon is the being manifested off of Luna’s jealousy, she got jealous because nopony was awake during the night, and they were during the day.”

“I see, so guessing off of what I already know, she refused to lower the moon and got zapped with the elements?”

“Correct! Celestia banished Nightmare Moon to the moon with the elements, and there she stayed until today! Now she is free and has locked away her sister somewhere, where I don’t know myself.” I got up. “I know that look, she left a few minutes ago to the castle in the Everfree.” I nodded and took off.

The Everfree is not a fun place I’ll tell ya, filled with nasty monster like Manticores, cockatric’s, and timber wolves. I sensed something much darker deeper in the forest, but that is for another day. I arrived at a gap between me and the castle itself, it looked like there was a bridge here, but was torn down on my side. “Looks like I’m jumping it.” I took a deep breath...

...and totally over shot my jump, sending my head though a stone wall, which was one of the old towers of the castle. “YEOW! Dammit all!” I quickly began the process of removing my head from the wall. As I was doing so I heard something start to approach the room my head was currently stuck in. “Crapcrapcrapcrap!” I hissed as I tried harder to get my head free, with a quick fist to stone, I fell down and into the main chamber of the castle. “OW!”

“I HEARD YOU!” The familiar voice of Nightmare Moon called down from the tower I just freed myself from.

“YOUR NOT REPENSLE!” I yelled back up. “GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN MAKE FUN OF YOU MORE!” A lightning bolt to the face was proof to me she did NOT like me, nor did she want me to joke around. After I recovered I was staring into the awesome looking green eyes of my assailant. “You must be Nightmare Moon.”

“Do not act like you do not know me welp!” She sounded PISSED! I backed up a bit to get away from her burning rage.

“Easy! I just want to know where Celestia is.” She just kicked me in the face, ya know, its like i’m offending her or something.

“Be silent guardian! You act as though you do not remember anything!” Ok, something happened in the past, but I’ll ignore this little detail for now and try and keep myself from dying.