The 4th Tribe

Chapter 14- you sir, are a dumbass

Matts POV

God I hope this is a dream. I really hope it is, because if it is, I’m wanted in Vatican City and on mars.  OH GOD is that a giant biscuit. RUN AWAY RUN AWAY. I suddenly felt someone shaking my shoulder. It was Twilight.

“Oh thank goodness, you were mumbling about someone named the “pope” she acutely sounded scared.

“Twilight, humans dream the strangest stuff, do you guys dream?”

“Of course we do, but we usually don’t remember them, speaking of which, I have a couple more questions for you.” I got out of the chair and twisted my back, cracking it. Twilight looked in shock as I cracked the rest of my joints. I love doing that.

“Is there a problem Twilight?” as I cracked my knuckles on my left hand.

“Can all humans do this?” she was still in shock.

“Most humans can crack there knuckles, but not many can do all there joints. It’s a required skill.” I said smugly, 3 years of martial arts stretching helps.

“So, what do you want to know?” she walked over to the table and levitated up the book I got her about human technology. She brought it over to me and dropped it on the table.

“I need you to explain something to me, I couldn’t figure it out.” She flicked to a chapter called “Computers “. This is

something I know

“What can’t you figure out?”

“How does a bunch of metal make a machine 10000x quicker at math then a human or pony?” oh god this is going to take a while. But it was going to be fun

Authors note ( I am not going to try to explain this, so there is going to be a little time skip.)

Oh my god I wanted to shock myself to death. THERE WAS SO MANY QUESTIONS. GAHHH

“And that’s the basic idea, anymore questions?” I really really wanted to go for a walk or go hit some baseballs.

“Nope, I’m good, besides you should go help AJ up on the farm.” I got up and walked over to the door before I stopped. DERP

“Um, could you come with me; I have no idea where I’m going.”

She laughed and I got my 1st view of Ponyville at full height.  I walked down the street and was surprised. The other ponies would stare for a second and go back to whatever they were doing. I guess they liked me. God I hope so. We kept walking until we had arrived at Sweet Apple Acers.  It was about 3:00 I guessed, so AJ should be here.

“Hey AJ, Matts here to help you.” No one responded, and nothing moved. I got a bad feeling. We walked up to the barn and opened the door.

“SURPRISE” I nearly jumped out my skin. There was everypony I knew and some I did’t. there was a big banner that said “Welcome to Ponyville Matt!” and they also said that. There was cake and sweets and apples, hell even a DJ setup. Oh this was gonna be fun. Pinkiepie went and introduced me to everyone here. There was a unicorn called Lyra, who seemed to be fascinated with my hands and basically everything else about me. AJ had to basically drag me away from her, but I got the feeling that I would meet her again. After I had met EVERYONE, that took about 2 hours, I really wanted something to drink, so I walked over to the punch bowl and poured myself a drink. By this time, I had noticed that some of the ponies were acting a bit strange. They were bumbling around and stumbling and laughing for no reason. I shrugged it off and poured myself a HUGE cup. I chugged it and nearly fell over.

“Holy crap, that’s been mixed with a LOT of hard cider.” I managed to not fall over. I have a high tolerance from alcohol, but DANM, that craps HARD. I stumbled over to AJ only to find her laughing at a support beam. Oh god this is not good. I looked over at the punch bowl and saw that RD was about to take a drink.

“NO, DON’T DRINK THE PUNCH!” I yelled, scaring her half to death.

“Why shouldn’t I?” she raised her eyebrows in suspicion.

“Someone or somepony spiked it with a LOT of hard apple cider. If you don’t believe me take a sip.” She eyed the drink suspiciously and smelled it and recoiled.

“You weren’t kidding, who did this?” she looked really pissed, so was I.

“I have no idea, but once I find out who, let’s just say there’ll be taking a little nap.” She laughed and then got serious and nodded her head.

“Okay, but 1st lets go tell everyone not to drink anymore of the punch.” As with that, she walked up to where the DJ was and spoke into the mic.

“Attention ponies, somepony has spiked the punch bowl with hard cider, and I want to know who.” No one said anything, well those that could speak. More than half of them were drunk of their ass, including AJ, Rarity, Fluttershy and even Pinkiepie. Twilight was nowhere to be seen. RD looking really angry flew up and landed next to me.

“Okay plan B, go dump the punchbowl and then lets clean this place up a bit.” I was happy to oblige. I picked up the bowl and dodged drunken ponys until I got out side. I walked a bit and turned to go dump it in the compost when I heard some snickering. I got out my phone and went to my voice recorder app and opened it. Let’s see where this goes.

“I can’t believe they acculty drank it, they must really be dumb.”

“Yeah, and after we blame RD, she’ll be kicked out of Ponyville and out of Cloudsdale forever.”

Oh this is going to be fun, wait tell I tell RD.  Wait, they stole for AJ. Oh this is gonna be fun.

“Yeah, and once everyponys out, lets go take that stupid humans hat and take a piss on it.”

OH HELL NAH, THEY JUST CROSSED THE LINE!

“Yeah, this is going to be so fun.” I heard the bushes Russell and saw 2 Pegasus come out of them. Oh this is going to be fun, RD is gonna get another gift.

“So, you’re the one who spiked the punch.” They stepped back and almost fell over. Then they started laughing.

“Yeah, and what of it. You too dumb to do anything anyway, and besides, how will you tell them if you are knocked out.” They started circling me. It was so cute; they thought they can acutely knock me out.

Fight scene starts here (if you can call it that)

They both threw a buck at me and they met my shield. It was so funny. They looked at each other and flew up really high and dived right at me. They slammed into my shield and bounced of it, landing in the compost pile.

“Um, is that it, cause that was an epic fail.” I think I made them angry and they attack me again, once again my shield kept them looking like idiots. I kept laughing and they started to get rash.

“Okay, I’ll make this fair; I’ll turn of my shield.” And with that, they both attacked me. I blocked both of their kicks and threw them into the compost pile. They flew up and tried the dive move again, but this time I had a little surprise for them. As they were flying down toward me, I smiled and shot 2 bolts of electricity at them. There eyes got huge as they hit them both and they crashed into the ground, knocking themselves out. I chuckled and picked them both up and started to walk back towards the barn. I opened the door and threw both of them on the floor like dolls. Twilight and RD looked at me with shock, well mostly Twilight. RD looked like I had down something really cool, which I had. Wait, where did Twilight come from.

“I caught these 2 behind the compost pile, and I have proff that they were the ones that spiked the punch, here listen.” I got out my phone and opened the voice recorder and played the whole thing. RD got super pissed when she heard the part about blaming her, and she walked over to them and bucked them both HARD in the balls.DANMMMMMM. Note to self, don’t piss of RD.

“Twilight, where did you go?” I asked her

“Oh, I went back to the library and found a spell that cures drunkenness.” I gave a raise of my eyebrows.

"Your kidding me, you can undrunk people. My god that would be so convenient on my planet.” She nodded her head and her horn began to glow. A few seconds later a wave of purple aura went through the barn and kept going. All the ponies suddenly shook there heads and the ones on the floor stood up and stumbled a bit.

“What…what happened?” AJ mumbled.

“These 2 “buddies” took your hard cider and spiked the punch and was going to blame me.” RD said, kicking them again to prove a point.

“So yall stole my stuff, and ruined the party, and tried to blame RD.” AJ said, narrowing her eyes. She slowly started walking towards them. OH god, I think I might want to get out of here. Apparently everypony else thought the something and nearly trampled themselves to get out

“Hey,I’m gonna go and crash up in my room AJ, do you need me for anything.”

“Nope, and if yall hear something, don’t check.” I looked at RD and she got my message.

“Hey AJ, I think that I’m gonna go home to, you don’t need me do you?”

“Nope, I can handle these 2 by myself.” Oh god, run away run away. RD zoomed out of the barn and I almost got to the door before I heard.

“SO YALL THINK YA CAN STEAL MY STUFF AND RUIN A PARTY DO YA!” I heard a grunt of pain and more yelling. I went to the house and was met by Big Mac.

“word of advice, don’t go in the barn for a little bit.”

“eeyup”

I laughed and went up the stairs and I fell asleep as soon I as I hit the pillow.