GOD DAMN PONIES (not a trollfic or hate)

Chapter 4: GOD DAMN PONIES

  Richard woke up in what looked like to him a library, noticing he was tied up. He was also in sort of a spotlight, the rest of the room dark. "Where the hell am I?" Richard said to himself a little too loudly. "You're in my library, and I'm going to ask you a few questions.." Twilight Sparkle said, causing Richard to jump. "I'm not talking to a fucking pony!" Richard barked. Just then, the rest of the mane six walked out from the darkness, with angry and confused looks. "You broke mah wall!" Applejack said, fuming. "You tried to kill us!" Rainbow Dash said, very blatantly. Rainbow then started to fly towards poor Richard, about to kick his ass for attempting to (probably not, knowing how weak Richard is) kill her friend. Applejack stopped her by biting her tail to hold her back, while Rainbow was swinging her hooves to try and beat up Richard.

  "Hold yer horses Rainbow, let me kick his rump first!" Applejack said while throwing Rainbow to the side, charging at Richard.

  Twilight then got sick of their bickering, so she grabbed them both magically and set them aside. This caused them to get the message to calm their horse tits down (I think). "Um.. I think we could maybe solve this in a non violent way?" Fluttershy said, in a shy manner. Rainbow Dash and Applejack looked at her as if she where crazy.

"Everyone stop your bickering!" Twilight yelled. This caused everyone to shut up. "Okay, now to the questions; what are you? Some deformed ape?" Twilight asked (and insulted a little, too). "I'm a human." Richard stated. "Human? Never heard of it."

"Of course you haven't, you're JUST A FUCKING FICTIONAL CARTOON THAT I HATE." Richard said.

"Cartoon? Fictional?"

Then there was an awkward silence. So silent that...... it was so silent.

"Please explain, because this is the real world and you're more like the cartoon. You're a talking monkey." Twilight said.

"Well fuck you, let me explain some bullshit."

  Then Richard explained how there where these "bronies" and how he hated them and the "My little pony: Friendship is Magic" TV show. He also told them that there where millions of fans watching them, and told how much of the porn he saw of them. Fan fictions. Fan art. He was disgusted my the mere thought of MY LITTLE PONY.

"I'm famous!" Rainbow Dash said, proud of herself. "Erm... they have porn made of us?" said Rarity, about to pass out of disgust. "I'm sure the readers will find this amusing!" Pinkie Pie piped. Everyone in the roomed just dismissed it as Pinkie being Pinkie. Twilight was just confused and amazed at the thought of this "TV." Fluttershy was frightened at the thought of porn being made of her. Applejack liked the idea of fan art.

"Can you untie me now? My back hurts." Richard said, finally accepting the fact that he was in a cartoon world of fucking ponies. No internet. No TV. No XBOX. This will be terrible for Richard.

"I guess you can stay here for the night... there will be more questions tomorrow. SPIKE! Go show him to the guest room!" Twilight said.

"I'm on it I'm on it!" Spike said.

  MEANWHILE, AT A DIFFERENT LOCATION IN PONYVILLE.

A very tall and buff man with a mustache that is totally awesome was laying out in the outskirts of Ponyville, passed out.

This man's name is Edmund Flex. This guy is a badass brony. He is 32 years old, and is bald. He wears a Pinkie Pie shirt most of the time, but sometimes he just puts on a tank top. He is easily 6'5, and can lift a car like a toothpick. His voice sounds sort of like Saxton Hale's, but even more awesome.

"Gah, must 'ave gotten drunk again.... maybe some lil' bugger slipped some alcohol in my drink."

Edmund looked around, examining his surroundings. "The hell? Am I in some weird medieval fair or somethin'?" Edward said, confused.

Edmund started to walk towards the town.

  Richard was in the guest room. It was dark out, so he decided to get some sleep. He wished this nightmare would end. Then again, the ponies are nice. At least he thinks so. He still hates bronies and My Little Pony.

  Morning came, as then Richard was smelling something like grass... that was cooking? He then got out of the shitty bed (by his terms) and walked towards to where the weird smell came from.

He saw Twilight, and asked "What is that SMELL?" "We're having hay bacon for breakfast!" "Bacon?" Richard asked. "Ye-" "Holy shit, I WANT BACON!" Richard piped up, thinking that it could only get better. Twilight said that the "bacon" would be done in a few minutes. So, Richard grabbed one of the books that was on the shelf in the room he was in. "A FOREIGNER'S GUIDE TO EQUESTRIA" the book title read. Richard hated reading, he thought he was too "cool" to read. But, it was really the only thing to do, so he read it.

"HAY BACON IS DONE!" Twilight hollered at Richard.

"Coming!" Richard said.

Richard sat down at the table, without looking at the "bacon" he was about to eat it, but then Twilight interrupted and then asked; "Oh, I forgot. What is your name?"

"Richard McCowsky"

"Hello Richard, I am Twilight Sparkle."

"What ever."

Then Richard took a bite from the "bacon."

"THIS TASTES LIKE DOG SHIT!"