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Chapter 1: In Which I Attempt to Attain Gainful Employment

Day 3

        If you have a job then you probably remember how awkward it was to go into every business in your town and try to get an application turned in before going home and sitting in a dark corner in the fetal position crying yourself to sleep.  It is infinitely worse when you previously scared the entire town and are now looking for a job.

        The day started with me writing down all the store names that i could remember from the show.  Sadly that was only five places: Sugarcube Corner, the library, Sofas and Quills, Carousel Boutique and, last but not least, Sweet Apple Acres.  Adding the other places I could think of that a town might need and then removing any position I wasn't qualified to fulfill I finished my list with a grand total of one employment opportunity.

So there I stood in front of the library for the second day in a row. This time, however, I was conscious and not dying of anaphylactic shock.  I pushed the door open and inhaled the smell of dust and old books, one of the best smells in the world in case you didn’t know.  I stepped into the slightly darkened room and scanned around, my eyes flicking over some of the book titles I could make out from the doorway.  Slowly walking around the room I began to mutter some of the names under my breath.  I got to the “Lord of the Horseshoe” before a gruff child-like voice called to me.

“Hey, you were that thing that freaked out half the town yesterday right?”  I looked down near the end of the bookcase and saw a two foot tall purple and green dragon.

“Yeah sorry about that. Is Twilight In?”

“Yeah, she’s in the back. Just go through that door and you'll see her.”

“Thanks.” I followed the tiny dragon’s directions through a small hallway and a door obviously not made for a 5’9” person.  After limboing myself into the back room I looked up just in time to dodge a large book dropping to the floor.

“Oops, sorry! I didn't see you come in...Lee was it?”

“Yeah, don’t worry I’m fine.” I looked up to where the book fell from to see Twilight standing on the wall. “Uhhh...so I have two questions. First off, how are you standing on the wall?”

“With a wall-walking spell I learned from the local photographer for the paper,” she answered matter-of-factly.

“Second, can I have a job?”

“Why would you want a job here?”

“Need food to survive. You pay me money, I use money to buy food.”

“Oh. Well I guess you can work here.  You can start by helping Spike with dusting the front room.”

“That’s it? I was expecting...you know, an interview or something.”

“Well, it’s only me and Spike around most of time.”

“ Ah. Well, thanks. How much will I be getting paid?”

“Ten bits a day.”

“I have no idea how much that is but I will take the job. See ya later Boss.”

        “Don't call me...” was all I heard as I exited the room to find Spike.

        Now I could tell you all about how I spent the rest of the week working in a library dusting and re-shelving and Macgyvering a generator out of a bike, some copper wire, and a magnet at my house to run my stuff but I ain’t gonna because that would be boring as fuck.

        So instead I'm going to skip ahead to the part of the story that you are all here for. It begins, well actually about five hours previous. If I skipped to all the good stuff you guys would only have about 200 words to read.

Chapter 2: In Which it Begins

Day 8

        I learned many things that first week and a half, most notably that they have five day weeks and twenty hour days in Equestria. Also, socks are apparently some kind of fetish item but more on that later. This part of the story starts at about five in the morning. I couldn't sleep the previous night so I decided to listen to some Caravan Palace on my laptop.  For some reason, Pinkie had been hanging with me after work and decided now would be a good time to burst in my window.

        “HIIIII-YA!!”

        “AHHHH!!” The abruptness of her entrance startled me and sent me sprawling to the floor.

“You're silly Lee.”

“The pain!!” In the journey to the floor my headphones came loose and music began to pour out of the speakers, filling the room with a smooth rhythm.  Pinkie jumped up on my chair and sat down in front of my computer.

        “Hey Lee, what's this thing?

        “It’s a ‘don't touch it’.”

        “Aww but I wana touch it!”

        “Too bad.” I muttered, standing up and re-adjusting my pants

        “Hey, look! A picture of me!”  Through sheer luck Pinkie managed to move the mouse to click one of the links in my bookmark bar: the link that would seal my fate. This link (click). The screen filled with a large picture of Twilight standing next to Rarity. The screen went black and the video started.

        Before I could stop it Celestia's voice had already begun to voice over the intro. “Uhh Lee, why is Celestia in your ‘don’t touch it’?”

        “Uhh.”

Before my brain could think of a logical excuse Pinkie had bolted out the door yelling at the top of her lungs: “LEE TRAPPED CELESTIA IN A ‘DON'T TOUCH IT’ EVERYPONY RUUUUN!!”

        A great man once said “God fucking damnit.” I don't know who this great man is but I suppose a great man somewhere once said that.  And in times of “God fucking damnit” I like to just stay where I am and let the shitstorm come to me.  This time the shitstorm came in the form of my Boss.

        “Hey Lee, why is Pinkie shouting about you having a Celestia Donut?”

        “Well...do you want the truth or do you want something to make you sleep at night?”

        “Well, I don't want you to lie to me,” she said as she trotted into my room and took a seat near my bed.

        “Damnit,” I cursed under my breath. “Well then, rather than me tell you I’m just going to show you. You are free to ask any questions.” I opened netflix (better quality) and after some quick keystrokes the show started.

Chapter 3: In Which I Would Like to Return this Pony.

Day 8

        Well, shit. I broke Twilight.  At about halfway through the episode she just froze up, so I took her to the hospital. She still hasn't moved which is quite comical but bad regardless.  Since I couldn't think of anything else to do I went on a trip.

        The soft smell of rain greeted me as I stepped off the train onto the marble-textured platform.  The sound of hoofbeats and thunder could be heard some distance away.  A bolt of lightning shot across the sky, rending it in two with a flash of light and power, and the rain began.

        Walking in the rain is my favorite thing to do. The beat of the rain on the ground creates a rhythm that is unlike any other.  As I walked through the city the rain made a symphony of sounds as it bounced off every surface.  A bolt of light arced across the sky, revealing my destination: the castle.

        I suddenly felt a weird pull that felt like somebody grabbed my shirt and pulled as hard as they could. The world around me streaked into nothing before reappearing with a snap.  There was a sudden pain in my stomach. I doubled over in pain and vomited.

        What I can assume was several hours later I came around, sitting up to my knees and coughing up the remaining bile that was lodged in my esophagus.  I looked up and saw four very long white legs. “What are you?” the legs asked.

        “Can I ask what happened first?” I coughed again as I stood up, coming face to neck with a rather large pony.

        “Yes. I was watching the rain when I heard a commotion near the front gate. I looked down to see a large hooded figure skipping like an idiot. Intrigued, I teleported you up here, and you then vomited on my hooves and passed out.  Now it’s your turn.”

        “Name’s Lee, and I think I broke Twilight.”

Authors Note:

Sorry it took so long but I finally got a working Calender anyway see you next week...I hope.

20 Hour Days

5 Day Weeks

5 Week Months

10 Months

250 Day Year

Im about 31 1/2

Months of Sun

1 Creation

2 Birth

3 Dawn

4 Honor

5 Beauty

Months of Moon

1 Glory

2 Doubt

3 Dusk

4 Midnight

5 Rebirth