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CH 1: In Which I have Some ‘Splaining To Do

Day 9

        For your information, here are a short list of pros and cons concerning castles. Pros: large, beautiful, fancy as fuck, spacious, and possessing nice vaulted ceilings. Cons: cold as balls. Sitting on the hearth next to a roaring fire was the only way for me not to freeze my ass off.

        Celestia sat in a large chair on the other side of the room staring at me. I think it’s because I had wrapped my entire body in several blankets, effectively turning me into a human burrito.

        “So...” she began while sipping some tea. “Are you comfortable?” she asked with a smirk.

        “Yes, I am. How aren’t you cold?”

        “Well, I am covered in fur. It’s quite warm.” She chuckled while sipping more tea.  “So may I ask why you came to Canterlot?”

        “Will you be content with an answer in the form of a numerical list?”

        “Why not,” she shrugged.

        “Reason one: Twilight Sparkle is in a catatonic state and I'm sure it was my fault.  Reason two: I thought it best to inform you of the fact that I have a rather ridiculous amount of information on your student, her friends, and just about any other subject you could think of.  Reason three...ok no reason three, but reason one and two seem solid enough.

        “Now I know you probably won't believe me-”

        “I believe you.”

        “-But if you give me...wait what?”

        “I said I believe you.”

        “But...but why? You have literally known me for an hour and the first thing I did when I met you was vomit on your feet...er, hooves.”

        “True, but you seem trustworthy enough so I believe you.  Now then, let’s see what we can do about my student.”  Her horn flared to life and the same sensation as before crept into my bones as the world shifted into beams of light.

CH 2: In Which I Learn Something Important

Day 10

        What happened next is just a bit sketchy. I remember some sounds and shapes, but not much else besides that. The one thing I do remember strongly is waking up with the taste of blood and plastic in my mouth.

        My ears were ringing and my vision was all...sparkly. I noticed a large white shape move into my vision before everything suddenly snapped back to normal.  I sucked air into my lungs like there was no tomorrow as I jolted straight up in bed, coughing out a tube that had been placed in my throat.

        “Oh, thank goodness you're awake!” a white earth pony with a red cross cutie mark exclaimed as she rushed towards me. “How are you feeling?”

        “Like I got kicked by a horse...” I groaned while sitting up. “What happened?”

        “You appeared here with the Princess, and then you doubled over and vomited blood before passing out.”

        You know all those stories where a person wakes up in a hospital and gets out the same day? Yeah, that’s all bullshit.  Most injuries take at least a couple of days to heal if you manage to end up in the hospital, and I'm stuck here for about two weeks. Apparently, vomiting blood isn't exactly good for your health.

        The reason for the vomiting has not yet been determined, but the only thing consistent between the two scenarios was the teleportation. So, the Doctors told me to stay away from magic. No qualms from me on that, the whole magic deal made me feel uneasy to start with.

        When you have nothing to do for two weeks, there’s only so many things you can do. The list gets even smaller when you're in a public place. Anyway, I took my two week break to write this. This is the last day I'm in the hospital, so you’re up to date on current affairs. So, welcome to the present.

CH 3: In Which I Check On My Affairs

Day 20

        If you have ever been in a hospital, then you know that they make you take a wheelchair to the exit for liability reasons. Well, pony wheelchairs are weird. The closest thing I can compare it to is...a...uhh, sex swing I guess. After the ride on the “sex swing” and the loss of most of my remaining dignity, I made my way to the library. Twilight had been released only a day after I had been admitted so she was already back to work, and I had two weeks of shelving to make up for.

        The walk through town was business-as-usual. I would say “hi” to townsponies as I walked past, and most of them would respond with a nice “weirdo.” Ahh, normalcy. All was right with the world, and the world was going to be damned if it would stay that way. Before I could make it into the town proper a pink blur made itself at home on my head.

        “Pinkie...”

        “Yes, Lee?”

        “Get off my head.”

        “Fine, but only if you don't go to Sugarcube Corner until five.”

        “Hadn't planned on going at all.”

        “PERFECT!!” Pinkie shot off my head like a rocket towards the bakery, leaving me with a new hairstyle and many questions that I cared not to find the answers to. After grabbing an apple for lunch I made my way to the library, which for some reason was closed.

        Well, since I work there I opened up the door and headed inside only to be greeted by very dark darkness. After groping for the lightswitch for a minute or two, I found the plastic knob and flipped it up, calling light forth like a god. A god that is bad at calling light forth because it was still dark, but luckily I had a lighter...that was out of fuel.  I reopened the door and began to leave when I bumped into Twilight.

        “Oh boss, I was just looking for you. I wanted to say sorry for putting you in the hospital and then missing two weeks of work.”

        “Its fine. I’m fine as well, Celestia explained everything you did for me.”

        “Ok. Well I'm going to head home. The Doctor said another day of rest before work, so see you tomorrow boss.”

        “Bye Lee, and stop calling me Boss.”

        After getting home from the hospital, there is always an exuberant amount of mail built up that you have to reply to. Strangely, there was only one letter for me and it was big, like at least two feet by three feet.  I grabbed my largest letter opener and hacked away at that bad boy until it spilled its innards on my floor.

 “Dear Lee,

                I, Princess Celestia, decree that you shall teach my student Twilight Sparkle all about humans and your database you mentioned in our chat. I expect to be getting letters from her any day now.

Princess Celestia

P.S.

        Look out behind you.”

        I reread the letter twice before setting it down. “Look out behind me?”