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CH 1: In Which I Get Kidnapped

Day 21

        I don't know where I am. It's dark and I can hear laughter...more specifically, familiar laughter. Super familiar laughter...Pinkie laughter. “Pinkie, if you kidnapped me I promise I won't call the cops if you let me go right now.”

        “Silly Lee! I didn't foalnap you.”

        “Then what do you call sneaking up from behind me, hitting me over the head, and then putting me in a burlap sack and dragging me away?”

        “A surprise.”

        “Pinkie, let me out please. It’s dark and cramped.”

        “No.”

        Having exhausted all my bargaining options, I wrenched my arm around and searched until I found my pocket. After several seconds of digging around, I produced my secret weapon: a pocket knife. But before I was able to stab my way out of the bag, I was violently tossed onto a hardwood floor. The drawstring was taken off, allowing me to flounder out of the bag and into the well-lit interior of the library.

“SURPRISE!” yelled a room full of ponies I had never talked to. Several tiny cannons shot streamers. Everypony started to converse with one another while Pinkie bounced around before settling near me with eyes the size of dinner plates and a huge smile on her face.

        “Do you like it? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huhhuhhuhhuhhuhhuhhuhhuh?”

        “Pinkie...I can forgive you for kidnapping me because we’re friends and as your friend I will tell you this gently: I hate parties.” You could actually feel the sadness coming off the Pink pony.

        “You...you hate parties?” she gulped as tears began to form.

        “Well, it’s not that I hate them it’s just that I don't like to be around people. And I dislike social interaction. Both of which just so happen to be involved in a party.” With this, Pinkie started crying...oh boy.

CH 2: In Which I Get My Teach On

Day 21

        How to stop a girl from crying in three easy steps (Don't quote me on this. Results may vary.): one, tell her she is pretty. Two, give her stuff like chocolate. Three, comfort her. How to make an animal stop being sad: scratch it behind the ear.

        Unfortunately, I'm a heartless bastard so I just left. Now don't get all “you’re a horrible person go back and comfort that pink pony” on me...well...actually, do say that. I am a horrible person. However, she hit me over the head with a bat, shoved me in a bag, and then dragged me across some rocky ground before throwing me headfirst onto a hardwood floor.

        On the walk back to my house, I noticed that somehow it was dark, and to my knowledge I was kidnapped in the middle of the day. So besides the fact that she kidnapped me she also held me for five hours or more. Fantastic.

        The door to my house...room...fuck it, I'm calling it my house from now on. The door to my house had been left open, resulting in several piles of leaves making themselves comfortable on my carpet. I started my menial task of cleaning them up when I heard a knock at the door.  “Pinkie, if you try anything this time I will tell the police.” Swinging the door open and preparing to dodge anything the pink pony could have aimed at me, I was instead met with a lavender mare.

        “Lee, why is it everytime I come over here you and Pinkie had some episode previously?”

        “She kidnapped me,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone as Twilight let herself in. “What are you doing over here, anyway? It’s like seven at night.”

        “I received a letter from Celestia saying you volunteered to...” she fumbled with the words for a minute. “...Expand my knowledge of the unknown.”

        “Oh, that. Yeah, I ain't doing that. I shall not aid Trolls.”

        “No, not actual trolls. Troll is internet slang, and it refers to somebody who posts or says inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community such as a forum, chat room, or blog with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.” I set my phone down and looked over to Twilight, who was in the middle of taking notes.

        “But why would anypony want to make others angry?” Twilight asked, her quill slightly aglow as it moved across the page.

        “Because humans are bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.”

        “That sounds horrible.”

        “Well, we are horrible...or at least some of us are. But right now, I need to sleep off this headache.” I ushered Twilight out of my house before laying down and falling asleep instantly.

CH 3 : In Which I Get A Pet

Day 22

        Being a bachelor is lonely, so I decided to get a pet. Not a pet that needs to be fed all the time or that even acknowledges my existence. I wanted a cat. Considering Season 2 Episode 7 (May the Best Pet Win!), I thought seeing Fluttershy was the best solution. So, after a nutritious breakfast of an apple and some cheese I set out.

        It was surprisingly harder to find the house than I originally thought. I walked through the center of town getting my usual looks of ‘why is that thing back’ and, as usual, I ignored them.  As luck would have it, I noticed the butter yellow pegasus I was looking for by AJ’s apple stand.  “Hello, Fluttershy..”

        “Eep!” she jumped a little before turning around. “Hi Lee...” squeaked a response.

        “Are you still scared of me?”

        “Yes...” she responded from behind her hair.

        “Ahh. Well, I was wondering if you could help me pick out a pet. I was thinking of getting a cat.”

        “You sure you can handle a pet, Lee? From what Twi tells me you're pretty irresponsible,” Applejack butted in.

        “Applejack, I have been living on my own for four weeks. In that time, I have gotten a job and met with one of the leaders of this little diarchy you call a nation. I’m sure I can handle a cat.”

        “Well, I have several cats at my cottage that I have been trying to find a good home for.”

        “Lead the way,” I half-yelled as I picked up her bags, following close behind her.

I'm going to skip to the house because it’s about a mile away and there was not much to see. Unless you want me to describe dirt and a fence in detail.

After arriving at the house, I helped Fluttershy put away her food before she led me out to the backyard to view the animals and pick out my friend. Stepping out her backdoor was like stepping into a whole new place. Trees and plants littered the area and a large pond set off to one side gave this place a peaceful feeling to it. “Oh, kitties! Come here, I have somebody I want you to meet.” Lifting her front right hoof to her mouth, she whistled and six cats suddenly ran out of nowhere and assembled in a line in front of me. They all looked like normal cats except for one. The very last one on the left was a light gray speckled Savana, had a red bandana, and wore a smirk on his furry little face.

“Why is that one wearing a bandana?”

“Oh, that’s Ace and I don't know. He showed up at my front door two weeks back wearing it. He is very well behaved and can jump really, really high. He-”

        “I’ll take him.”

        “Are you sure? He-”

        “Fluttershy, there is something about men. When we see a Bro we know it, and that cat is a Bro.”

        “Ok, if you're sure.”