Written In Derp

   "It's all over now." said Doctor Whooves. His Tardis covers were pulled over his head and he was sobbing quietly. "You've really screwed the pooch this time, old man. This is all my fault! WHY DIDN'T I JUST TELL HER!?................ Whatever. It's too late now. It's going to be published and everyone is going to see it. They'll make fun of her now just like they've always done. *Sigh* Now to wait for the end."

   In the library, Twilight had just come back from the bathroom, fic in hand. A string of saliva and vomit dripped from her mouth.

   "Uggghhh." she said.

   "How was it?" said Derpy

   "Well, I threw up. I don't mean to offend, but this is the worst thing I've ever read."

   "Was it too boring?"

   "I don't think it was boring enough! Everything happened so fast and you didn't even use punctuation!"

   "Sorry."

   "And why did the Doctor say 'I hope senpai notices me today'?"

   "Hehe, my bad." she chuckled nervously.

   "Indeed! It is YOUR bad! YOU WANT ME TO PUBLISH THIS BALOGNA!?"

   "Yea, kinda. But hey, what have you got to lose? I have my own account I'll just publish it to mine."

   "What have I got to lose?" she asked through clenched teeth. "WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE!? Actually, good point. How much will you pay me?"

   "Ummm..." she reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a few coins. "Will five bits do?"

   "Hmmm... alright. Terminal is in the back." she said pointing a hoof to a door in the back of the room.

   "DO-OOC!!! I'M HOME!!!" shouted Derpy.

   "I'm in my room." answered the Doctor.

   "You still don't feel good?"

   "No. Hey, does that offer on the tea still stand?"

   "Sure." she giggled.

   "Great. So how did it go?"

   "Fantastic. The entire thing is published."

   "I sure hope everypony enjoys it."

   "Yeah, me too. I think they will. It involves you, after all."

   "Aw, thanks. But really, they're not going to like it just because I'm in it."

   "Sure they will. Everypony loves you!"

   "Hmm. If you say so."

   "I do. Tea's ready!"

   The next morning at 6:00 AM, the whimsical tale had made its rounds in and out of the monitors of hundreds of ponies. Across town in a three bedroom apartment, a young stallion pegasus named Rocket was lying happily in bed. His room was a mess (like most bachelors' rooms). The bedside dresser had a large stereo, a lamp, an old telephone, and a pair of purple shutter shades. The floor was littered with vinyl records, ties, and multicolored thigh-high stockings. His phone rang loudly. He stirred and began reaching for his phone, eyes still closed. Instead, he found the "play" button on his stereo. "Party With Pinkie" played on the loudest volume. His bloodshot eyes sprung open as he scrambled for the stop button. He finally found it and wiped sweat from his forehead. He picked up the phone.

   "Hello?" he said warily. His voice was soft and soothing, with a hint of anger for being called so early in the morning.

   "Hello, Rocket. Did I wake you?" said a female voice with mock sympathy.

   "Ugh, what do you want now, Short Stack?" he said in the coldest voice he could conjure. Short Stack was a butterscotch-colored unicorn with a blonde mane. She worked at a coffee shop in Canterlot.

   "Oh, y'know, nothing much. Just your undying soul."

   "Funny. Somepony's been watching too much dark television. You can't STILL be all butthurt about the break-up."

   "Actually, I AM! But that's not why I'm calling."

   "Oh? Then what ARE you calling for?"

   "I just wanted to know if you had read your girlfriend's little story."

   "She's not my girlfriend! We knew each other back in Cloudsdayle and we never dated."

   "Whatever. Did you read it or not?"

   "No. But I know of it. How was it?"

   "I thought it was fine. I actually liked it a bit."

   After she said that, a loud whining sound could be heard.

   "What's that noise?" asked Rocket.

   "I-I don't know!" she stuttered. "What's happenning to me!?"

   "Are you okay!? What's going on!?"

   The whining sound got louder. A distorted scream was heard and a loud explosion followed. After that, nothing but dial tone.

   "Are you there?" asked Rocket in a panicky voice. No answer. "Hello?" Still no answer.

   He ran out the door of his bedroom into the kitchen downstairs and grabbed his saddlebags. One of his roommates, Reeses Cup, came out of her room rubbing her eyes. She was an orange pegasus with brown hair, who was almost always happy.

   "What's going on?"

   "I think something's happened to Short Stack."

   "Ugh. Your mean marefriend from, like, a few months ago?"

   "Yes. That one."

   "You're not going to go save her are you?"

   "I'm serious! She might be hurt!"

   "She hurt you when you dated so why should you help?"

   "I don't know. I'm just morally like that."

   "Do I have to go?"

   "If you want to."

   The other roommate, Wiiden, ran out of his room. The sounds of war could be heard inside. His jet black, messy hair bounced as he came out.

   "I heard you were going somewhere! Where ya going! I wanna go!" he said hastily. Wiiden was a young unicorn in his late teens. He was always playing video games. He had a ladies' colt attitude. He always flicked his hair back and spoke smoothly to the mares.

   "Uh, you can... go if you want." said Rocket hesitantly, playing with his striped blue and teal mane nervously. He knew he was going to regret bringing him. Now he's not going to shut up on the train about the new Call Of Cutie game (which Rocket still played, but he had more pressing matters to attend to).

   "YAY! I'll get my bags!" said Wiiden excitedly.

   "You coming Reeses?" asked Rocket.

   "Sure. I'd love to go to Canterlot with you. Too bad we have to leave before 7:00!"

   "Great, then it's settled. Road trip!"

   "DE TRAIN! DE TRAIN!" yelled Wiiden from his room.