A Comedy of Terrors

The morning of the Harmony Fair, the Ponyville air was tinted with a sense of joy. Balloons floated atop every mailbox and lamp post, streamers were hung from every window, and the smells of confectionery and pastries wafted through the streets. Posters and flags depicting the many adventures and escapades of Equestria's seven saviors flapped proudly in the breeze from the walls of town hall, and from many flagpoles erected in preparation for this day.

Plenty of ponies of different shapes and sizes were gathered in the streets. There were more pegasi, earth ponies and unicorns than could be counted, and a keen eye could even spot griffons, crystal ponies, and even the occasional minotaur. Though none of them could be called the same, every one of them shared the spirit of friendship. Sugarcube Corner was the most notable source of this glee, as fast-paced, silly party music and the sounds of a crowd vibrated out. The outside of the building was completely covered in streamers and blinking lights, with a massive banner out front that exclaimed in bold pink: HAPPY HARMONY FAIR! against a white background.

The outside, though full of joy, was absolutely nothing when compared to what was inside. Like the exterior streets, there were chatting mares, stallions, colts, fillies, foals, griffons, minotaurs and a single Diamond dog inside, every one with a look of sheer joy on their face. The sounds of a party filled the room, the light conversation mingling with the delightful music. Tables stacked with cakes and desserts of all kinds lined the walls, and above them there were dartboards, party decorations and unfinished "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" games that served only to intensify the feeling of the party. Tending to the counter was a boyish, cream-colored pegasus stallion, his longish brown hair completed with a goatee. Several fillies and colts gathered at the counter as he told he and his sister's incredible tales of being roommates, and then landlords, of the Element of Laughter.

"I bet that she gave you a lot in rent! You know, being an Element of Harmony and all..." A little Earth pony filly exclaimed. Pound Cake brushed it off and laughed.

"Pfft, no!" He said, waving a hoof. "We don't charge Pinkie rent! She's done so much for us... for you, that just the pride of having her with us is enough! Also, she's a lot of fun to have around."

Pound Cake's sister Pumpkin Cake, a young, yellow unicorn mare with orange hair, levitated a platter of red velvet cupcakes over past her brother. She leaned over the counter as she put it up to the fillies and colts before them. "Who wants cupcakes?" She sang. Her brother laughed.

"Too young to remember Sombra, and you're already acting like a grandma."

"Oh, not like you know anything about him."

A little, hyperactive pegasus colt buzzed his tiny wings in delight as he ran in place with joy at the sight of the cupcakes.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! The only time I ever got cupcakes like this was when my parents made them to break the news to my brother that he'd be going to military school!"

He and his friends gobbled the miniature cakes up in a matter of seconds, leaving two for the owners of the bakery. Pumpkin Cake gave one to her brother, which he took in his hoof. She levitated the second one to herself.

"To harmony!" She cried.

"To harmony." Her brother responded with a smile as they gently struck the cupcakes together in a toast before biting into them.

"Did somepony say party?" Came an excited voice from the kitchen.

Pound and Pumpkin looked to each other, and then to the foals.

"You kids are in for a real treat!" Pumpkin grinned. Pound nodded in agreement.

The kitchen door nearly flew off its hinges when the Element of Laughter burst into the shop, as vigorous and bubbly as ever. To say the years had been kind to Pinkie would be an understatement. Though the mare was approaching fifty and had streaks of gray in her unreasonably pooflied mane and a few deep wrinkles on the cheeks (from smiling, no doubt), she held all the vim and vigor of a filly in a candy store.

And Pound and Pumpkin Cake knew that, at heart, that's what Pinkie Pie really was. Her life was made of smiles, of pure, untouched glee. Not just her own, but she lived purely to see others smile. And to that day in her age, it shone through her as if it were a gleaming spotlight in her heart.

"Hiya, everypony! And everygriffon and everyminotaur and everydiamond dog! I just can't wait for this afternoon! It's going to be fun! Super fun! It's going to be extra dextra super duper magic special fun!" The mare was jumping with joy and relishing the attention of the bakery. Pumpkin Cake leaned on the counter as Pound Cake stood behind it, shaking his head with a small smile of bewilderment.

"I hope I look that good when I'm her age," Pumpkin said.

Pound Cake turned and opened the kitchen door with a chuckle. "You won't."

He walked through just in time to avoid being hit by a flying brownie.

~ ~ ~

It was approaching noon in Canterlot, and Luna was having a nap. Her mighty snores shook the walls of her royal bedchambers.

Any servant or guard employed in the Canterlot Castle would tell you that Luna's bedchambers were one of the strangest rooms in the castle. The room had no windows, and its walls were nearly an arm's length thick. It was sealed by a heavy steel door which effectively soundproofed the room when closed. Inside the room, the walls were painted a dark navy with little stars dotting it, and the carpet, which was lush enough to sleep on, was as black as night. Luna's bed had a high, dark blue canopy and a frame of ebony, and contained precisely one Luna sleeping atop the violet dark blue sheets. There was a chandelier dangling from the ceiling that was rarely lit, and at the moment, only one candle flickered at the edge of one of the ornate fixture's arms.

This was incredibly handy for Nightmare Moon. The shadow found that she could move freely in any area untouched by light. She could manipulate the shadows around her, make their shapes change and sizes fluctuate. She saw it to be a comfortable chance to stretch her non-corporeal legs.

That being said, she still did not prefer to be a shadow. All those thirty years ago, she found having a body to be very fun.

Hell, even on the moon she was able to run around freely.

The Nightmare groaned to herself. As much as she hated the thought, she'd have to work with him. Discord was her only chance at having a body again, and maybe in the end, she'd get another shot at ruling Equestria in eternal night. The shadow sucked up her pride and and allowed a slip of resonance to tumble through the magical atmospheric spectrum of the world.

"Discord?" Her shadowy voice resonated.

"Yes?" Came a reply in the form of chaos resonance, accompanied by discordant cymbal crashes and the mating calls of a few water birds.

"We need to work on a plan. How close are you to cracking?"

"Hmm... last time, all it took to break me out was a couple of fillies arguing with each other," Discord's twisted voice called back.

"Are you sure that this magic isn't more powerful than the first time?"

"No. You see Moony, the Elements are pretty flimsy when up against strife and hate. Chaos and darkness? Not so, amigo."

Discord could practically feel Nightmare Moon rolling her ethereal eyes.

"Okay, see here, Darky, you and I are in the same pickle here. If you can find a way to get to the garden and start causing problems, I'll be free and then I can help you get out."

There was a pause before Nightmare Moon finally sighed. "So just how do you expect to get us out of here?"

Discord would've grinned if he could have. "I hear that you can influence Luna's dreams..."

"No, I can't. I'm just the psychological terror that keeps her psychiatrist employed. of course I can influence her dreams!"

"Have you ever tried making her sleepwalk?" Discord asked, his voice hinting of a devilish grin.

In the resulting pause, the shadow gained a newfound respect for the abomination's twisted, stupid mind.

~ ~ ~

Spike the dragon yawned and stretched his legs as he got up from his impromptu bed in the Apple family's home. Scratching his back, he opened his suitcase, which contained a Spike-sized set of clothes tailor made for the fair. A white tuxedo, with a red tie and a blue undershirt, completed with a wide-brimmed white hat and a feather. The dragon smirked to himself as he put the set of clothes on and walked outside.

He turned the doorknob and walked out into the hall. From the room across from his, he could hear the whining of a filly, and the heckled responses of a few mares and one stallion. Out of sheer curiosity, he opened the door to see what was inside. In the room, he saw an impossibly adorable, incredibly flustered, yellow pegasus filly with freckles and a shock of swampy green mane. Around her were the stressed faces of Fluttershy, Applejack, Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom was a mare who looked to be probably in her mid-thirties.

Fluttershy was in a state similar to Twilight. Her mane was going gray, and, unlike Twilight, the past few years had seen her having trouble flying. She didn't mind it too much, because her life was happy and full from taking care of her animals and her daughter. Big Macintosh and Applejack were faring as one might expect. They were well into their forties, with a few grays here and there, but lives of farm work had kept them fit and healthy.

Big Macintosh and Fluttershy were doing their darnedest to get the filly into an appropriate dress for the coming fair, but the little filly whined and squealed in protest.

"But I don't wanna wear this! The kids at school'll make fun of me for it! And it's tight on my wings!" The filly squeaked as her little wings flapped and she stamped her hooves on the ground.

"Do you guys need some help there?" Spike chuckled.

Heads swiveled to him, and the filly's eyes brightened as she stopped moving, conveniently allowing Fluttershy to put the last snap on her dress.

"Uncle Spike!" The filly jumped in the air, dashing over to the dragon and latching onto him in a hug. Spike laughed and wrapped her in one arm, giving her a friendly pat on the head.

"Candied Apple! Now tell me," Spike held the filly outward in both arms, her face toward him, "what's with all this ruckus about your dress? It's made by Rarity. Most ponies in this town would kill for a dress from Rarity!"

"It's just that this dress is uncomfortable, and it chafes my wings, and the kids at school will call me fancy, and my teacher Mr. Snails told me that Rarity's dresses are made from the skin of dead ponies." The filly said, looking down at the ground.

"Okay, first of all, Mr. Snails is probably the dumbest pony in Equestria, but don't tell him I said that because he's buying the cider for the Hearth's Warming Eve party. Second, nopony will make fun of you for wearing this. Remember that you're the daughter of the Element of Kindness, and the hardest working, nicest farm pony this town's ever known. If anything, you can just hold onto that."

Candied Apple took what Spike said into consideration, and then smiled up at him and nodded. Spike put the filly down and she ran back to her parents, who were now themselves dressed for the fair. Fluttershy walked over to Spike with an exasperated smile.

"Oh, thank you Spike. Mac and I couldn't get that dress on her if we tried. You're so great with Candy, I wish you could come over more often."

"Eeyup." Her husband agreed with a smile. Apple Bloom and Applejack were busy giggling at Spike's outfit.

"Wow, Spike, y'all look like you're goin' through a mid-life crisis somethin' fierce." Applejack snorted.

Spike adjusted the brim on his hat. "Keep talkin', you old gray mare. We'll see who's laughing when you're sitting in Granny Smith's rocking chair, yelling at jars of weird rainbow jam."

Apple Bloom giggled, elbowing her sister in the ribs. "He's got ya there, sis,"

Applejack shook Spike's hand. Without warning, music from the center of town came flowing through the window.

Fluttershy gasped. "Oh my, is it that time already?"

The house shook as the Apple family and Spike made their way out the door.

~ ~ ~

"Alright Nightmare Moon, you can do this. Baby steps..."

The shadow was inside Luna's sleeping subconscious, creating dreams for the dozing princess. She created a lush, green field beneath the sun for Luna's dream to begin in, and painstakingly crafted a sinful, decadent chocolate cake. As the princess entered the dream, Nightmare Moon hid herself inside of the cake.

Luna was on the emerald grass when she opened her eyes. The princess looked around her, seeing the verdant hills dotted with dandelions as far as the eye could see. She looked to her left, and saw Nightmare Moon's chocolate cake. The pastry seemed to wiggle before her, and then lifted into the air.

"Pray, what form of sorcery is this?" Luna asked no one in particular.

The cake twirled in the air, and came right before Luna's face. Before the alicorn could bite into the cake, it pulled away from her into the air above her head.

"Thou shalt not escape us, confection!" The princess shouted. She slowly stood up in an effort to retrieve the cake. Nightmare Moon grinned, temporarily poking her head out of the the dream world. Discord's plan seemed to be working, as Luna had gotten out of bed and was slowly trotting out the door and mumbling about chocolate. The shadow slipped back into the dream, summoning up a soul window within the cake so she could always see through Luna's eyes.

"Return to us, foul beast of cocoa and flour!" Luna's brow furrowed in frustration. She chased the cake through the hills of her dream, and Nightmare Moon would occasionally have to change directions to avoid Luna hitting a wall. She led Luna through the upstairs corridor, down spiral staircases, through the throne room, and finally out the door into the statue garden. When Luna was before the Discord statue, Nightmare Moon again abandoned the dream realm, leaving Luna with the cake to eat.

"Well, we're here." The shadow said, glad to finally be able to talk without being noticed. Luna held her eyes closed, chewing absently in her sleep.

"Great! Glad one of us is comfortable." Discord muttered with his stone head still halfway in the dirt. "So how do you expect to get me out of here?"

"Oh, excuse me for not meeting your expectations, divine coloring book." Nightmare Moon replied with poison in her voice.

"Divine coloring book? I don't get it."

"You know, you're all messed up and mismatched, like when a foal colors outside the lines in a coloring book."

"That's pretty stupid. You should work on your insults, oh mighty fever dream."

"Stupid? Says the brave little dragon who tried to take over Equestria with candy clouds and long-legged bunnies!"

"At least I actually did rule Equestria at one point."

"Please! You ruled over the lands of the Three Tribes. They were always too busy bickering to do away with your nonsense."

Their argument would've gone on for hours if one of the royal gardeners didn't walk up to Luna.

"Excuse me, princess, what are you doing out here in the statue garden? Aren't you usually napping this time of day?" The light brown mare inquired.

"Mmuuh... chocolate..." Luna's voice came.

"Oh! Here's your chance! Make Luna say something really nasty to her!" Discord's chaos resonance reached Nightmare Moon's shadowy form.

"Alright, I'll try..." she responded with shadow resonance.

The shadow slunk down into Luna's dream, where she had nearly finished the cake. Nightmare Moon considered her options, and then the thought came to her. She took her own form, and stood in the approximate dream-world position of the gardener. She bellowed out her best, most rehearsed evil laugh.

"Hahaha! Luna, it is I, Nightmare-"

"THOU!" Luna screamed, jumping through the air with a piercing war cry and landing on Nightmare Moon, where she proceeded to pummel the snot out of her.

Nightmare Moon, being in the dream, couldn't feel any of it. Looking out through the soul window, she could see Luna's hooves bashing away at an innocent Royal Gardener.

The situation was even more bizarre from Discord's point of view. The eye that wasn't in the ground saw Princess Luna, eyes closed, simply beating the stuffing out of a defenseless gardener.

It was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. In fact, Discord found himself laughing. He clutched his sides and rolled in the dirt, pointing at the event unfolding before him. When he paused for breath, his eyes widened.

He just laughed, clutched his sides, and rolled around.

He felt his face. Scratchy, unwashed hair, two mismatched horns, and one tooth bigger than all the others. He looked down at his body. Long, twisted and slender, covered in brown feathers, tipped with a red dragon tail, the leg of a goat and the leg of a lizard, and two arms belonging to a lion and a chicken, respectively. Flakes of granite shook off him as he stood up. He was silent for a moment, before proceeding to dance. He did the shuffle in joy, and cheered out loud.

Luna had fallen on top of the gratuitously bruised gardener, panting in exasperation. The look on the gardener's face was fear, terror and unrelenting pain, his eyes shifting between Discord and the sleeping Luna atop him. Luna's shadow twisted and contorted, taking on the shape of a much larger, darker alicorn.

"Oh, great! You're free! Now do you have any plans to get me off this snotty little princess?" The shadow asked Discord.

"Ha ha, nope!" Discord gleefully responded. There was nearly a minute of deafening silence.

"WHAT?" The shadow shouted, making full use of the Royal Canterlot Voice. "YOU INSIPID, BACKSTABBING, USELESS LITTLE DRIP OF A VILLAIN! IF I COULD, I WOULD REDUCE YOU TO A PULP IN A MATTER OF SECONDS!"

"Good thing you can't!" Discord grinned. "Looks like I'm home free as of this moment! Now let's see, how about I turn Luna and her little garden buddy into earthworms?"

The draconequus pointed a talon at the two, and shook it. Nothing happened. He shook it again, to get much the same result.

"Hmm... it looks like I'm a little rusty."

"Or maybe they took precautions when they sent the Elements off for the Harmony Fair." Nightmare Moon growled. "Looks like you're without your magic, idiot. And now that I think of it... when they find Luna and the gardener here, and they see you've gone missing, they'll send the entire Royal Guard off on a draconequus chase. Meanwhile, nopony will ever know I still exist. I wonder how many miles underground your cell will be..."

"Okay, okay!" Discord begged, all his pride gone. "I'll help you! But first, we need to get out of here!"

"And how exactly are you going to get me out of here?" Nightmare Moon quipped.

Discord scratched his chin before scooping Luna up and running into Canterlot Castle. The princess over his shoulders, he made his way through the kitchen, through the ballroom, and up into the throne room.

"What are you doing?" Nightmare Moon asked with sincere curiosity.

Discord flung open the balcony door, and dashed out onto the marble balcony that jutted out of the side of the mountain.

"Oh no..." she braced for the worst.

"Oh yeah." Discord grinned.

The two jumped off the side of the mountain.

"You are an idiot!" Nightmare Moon screamed as the alicorn, her shadow, and the abomination that carried her plunged into the icy cold waters of Canterlot River.