Cousin Vinyl

(Thank you to RandomBrony99 for editing)

"She really taught me what Friendship could mean that day..... and it was delicious."

Twilight Sparkle

I consider myself out of all of my friends to be the most calm under pressure, and the most level headed. I can solve anything you throw at me, what's that? A giant star bear rampaging through town? Don't worry I'll fix it. A goddess trying to take over the world and plunge it into darkness? Don't worry I'll fix it. A god of chaos and high calorie snack foods that rained down from the sky from cotton candy clouds? I'll fix that too! I am calm and collected most of the time and not many ponies can change that.

But Vinyl isn't a pony, she's a demon from the darkest pits of Tartarus!

I woke up to the sound of music and the never ending beat, laying on my bed, which I must point out was surrounded by every fire extinguisher that I owned. The bed was smoking and the smell of burning cotton and silk reached my nostrils but I wasn't  worried about it, I was calm! I mean sure, my insane party and cider obsessed cousin just WALTZ into my home while I was gone and decided to start playing her blasted NOISE in what was supposed to be my peaceful sanctuary of reading, but that is what she does, she's a DJ! I heard a crunching noise that I assumed was the sound of my teeth grinding together, but I, in my eternal calmness didn't let that stop me.

I stood and began to walk towards my bedroom door; the floor beneath me burning with every step.

I paused and took a look at my hooves, they were bright white and seemed to glow with fire and heat, 'OK mental check list: End Vinyl and Pinkie Pie who I assume is a part of this, find out why the floor is burnt, bury Vinyl and Pinkie underneath basement,' I thought calmly as I drew closer to the noise that seemed to make the library house shake and dance with it.

I opened (and by opened I mean exploded) the door and walked out to the party, calmly I might add, and began walking towards Vinyl's DJ stand. The crowd parted looking at me, with expressions of shock and fear on their faces.

I wonder why? I mean I'm calm, sure my hoofs are white but that doesn't really mean anything, All I'm going to do is strangle Vinyl, its not like I'm going to burn the house down or anything!

After passing by some more ponies who I could swear were sweating, I came face to face with Vinyl and stared into her eyes... glasses, things! Narrowing my eyes at her, she was completely oblivious to my being in-front of her as she continued to blast out that annoying sound she called music, pumping her hoof into the air enthusiastically. I easily put a stop to that with a thump to the head.

She squealed in pain and rubbed the burning (I mean that literally not figuratively) bump that now was the back of her head "OW Jeez what.... gives" her eyes widened at the sight of me, her glasses magically lifted off her face she muttered "Twily, umm....do you like the party?" she tried to slouch lower into her chair to make herself look smaller.

I walked forward, completely ignoring that the DJ stand was now being incinerated with every step I took. I grabbed the microphone that was Vinyl's headset and spoke through it my voice echoing through the room, amplified by the speakers, or maybe that was magic.

"Where is Pinkie Pie?" I asked in my always steady voice.

The party goers once again stepped aside revealing the party pony to me, she was in the back devouring the many snack foods that adorned my.... bookshelves!! Remain calm Twilight stay calm you can worry about that later, you have to keep the calm appearance up for the ponies in your home, once they’re gone you can explode as many times as you wish.

My face struggled to stay neutral when I spoke again "Everypony leave." The ponies all began to mumble that the party had only started an hour ago and that they didn't want to leave yet when the room suddenly felt about twenty percent hotter, "NOW!" I had finally lost my cool collected look and my anger seeped through,they all began to run out of the building.

It was then that I noticed Pinkie trying to sneak, and the key word was try, out of my library. Using my magic I grabbed her tail and dangled her upside down before me. Like a cat would with a mouse.

"H-hi Twi-Twilight rocking p-p-party huh?" She stuttered with a scared smile on her face, I wasn't smiling.

"Hello Pinkie," my voice was calm, or it should have been, but with the floor smelling of burning oak I couldn't tell, "Tell me Pinkie, did you plan this... party?" I asked, placing her down next to my hell born cousin.

She nodded "Well ya... I mean I am the party pony for a reason." She hugged Vinyl out of fear, but who could blame her, I'm scary when I'm still level headed after dealing with this.

The heat died down a bit and I smiled a true smile at the two of them "Oh good, I was worried." I looked down at my now lavender hoofs and looked back to Vinyl "Your letter said you'd be here in two days" I said my tone not rising or setting.

Vinyl just nodded stupidly, she looked like Applebloom right after Applejack had found her smuggling cookies out of the cookie jar.

"Well seeing as you're here early," I put my hoof to my chin to contemplate what to do with the two trouble makers, I couldn't kill them that would leave a mess on the floor and Spike would be cleaning for days on end. I thought for a minute and then DING! my smile just got wider and wider as I looked down at the two ponies cowering under me, "I know exactly what you're going to do." I started to laugh, more like cackle but still a laugh nonetheless.

Pinkie and Vinyl just sat there shaking and scared, Vinyl looked at Pinkie and whispered in her ear "It was a pleasure knowing you Pinkie."

Pinkie nodded and hugged Vinyl Scratch tightly "I will miss you Vin! I hope Celestia throws a good 'welcome to the place where ponies go when they die' party"

A few hours later Spike had returned from Rarity's house, apparently he had locked up the library after I had left and went out for a stroll through the town, since it was his day off I couldn't blame him. We were currently engrossed in a game of Chess as Vinyl and Pinkie both scrubbed, sanded, repainted, regrew and re-shelved the library.

"Check" Spike's voice knocked me out of my thoughts I looked down at the board his Archmage (Queen) had just taken mine and now it lay in perfect striking range of my Princess.

I looked up at him in shock "When did you become so good at chess?" I grumbled moving my Paladin (Knight) to protect the Princess.

"The Princess sat me down and taught me about it after the wedding" he moved his Honor Guard (Rook) to take my Paladin. "Check"

I growled and moved a Bishop (Bishop) to stop his Honor Guards advance "Why couldn't she have done the same for me, after all I'm her faithful student!" he shrugged and took my Bishop without much hesitation.

"I think she said something along the lines of, somepony needed to beat you and since you had already beaten her and Luna she needed someone else to do it, and check mate," he grinned.

"What!?" I yelled looking to the board to see that my Princess had been surrounded... Spike had beaten me at chess... me the undefeated champion of chess! Now I knew how Rainbow felt when we showed her up as Mare Do Well. My eyes drifted to the baby dragon who had his claws out and open, his grin had grown into a cocky smile.

"Pay up." I sighed and put a bag full of gems into his claws, he licked his lips and dug in. As he filled himself on the promised gems I looked around my home and smiled, the two had finished and now were sleeping peacefully next to each other.

OK as peacefully as you can get with a caffeinated force of nature and a wubs obsessed DJ. Vinyl was laying spread eagle and every so often would kick the air around her, and Pinkie was laying on the DJ, using her as a makeshift pillow and was drooling..... a lot.

I sighed and placed a blanket on top of the two, I couldn't stay mad at them they had cleaned up the mess and apologized for two hours, which is surprising since Vinyl has a no apology policy... oh by the great Faust above I'm becoming Zecora.

It was then that I saw Spike dragging my old ruined bed out of my room and bringing a new one up to it. I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to come back down, so he could explain something to me.

"Hey Spike," I began "Why were the Fire Extinguishers all placed around my bed and not around the library" I asked him while he walked down the stairs with said canisters of extinguishers in his arms.

He just looked at me and smiled "I just knew it was going to be one of those days, Twilight" he said cryptically as he began putting the devices back where they belonged.

I swear to Celestia's burning prostate that my eye had fallen out from all the twitching it had done that day.