Chapters View Online
Close Encounters of the Absurd Kind
The Perils of Visiting a Library without a Banana
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“Admit it – we're lost.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and turned down another corridor lined with vast, towering shelves, all packed tightly with books, scrolls, and grimoires. “We're not lost, Spike! You know how big the Canterlot Archives are.”
“Yeah, I do – and that's my point! Come on, Twilight, we've been walking for more than two hours! The Archives are big, but they're not that big. And when was the last time that you saw somepony else?”
“We've been walking?” Twilight asked pointedly, bouncing a few steps and making Spike grab frantically at her mane.
“Yeah, OK, point taken,” he said, scrambling to resume his seat on her back, “Still, you can't deny any of the rest of it.”
“I told you that it'd take quite some time to find the spell-book I was looking for. You could have just stopped at Donut Joe's, you know.”
“Yeah, why didn't I?” he muttered, before cupping one paw to his mouth and calling out desparingly, “'The thread, Ariadne, the thread!'”
Twilight laughed, stopping briefly to read a sign tacked onto the end of yet another avenue of massive bookcases. By this time, the Dewey Decimal classification had resovled into a distinction so fine that a second piece of paper was taped on the end of the first to capture the entire number, “Oh Spike, we've only met one Minotaur but he was all right once you got to know him. He still writes to Fluttershy, you know.”
“Yeah, figures – he was a nutcase! Why are we doing this, again, when I could be elbow-deep in a glazed cruller with extra sprinkles?”
This time, Twilight turned to glare at him, “Because, Mister Grumble-guts, Princess Luna asked! No, she practically begged me to help her. I couldn't possibly tell her, 'No'.”
“You could have told her to stop being such a weirdo about a stuffed toy,” Spike grumbled, crossing his arms.
“It was one of her only possessions for a thousand years, Spike, no wonder she's attached to it! It's not just a stuffed toy, to her it's a symbol!”
“Yeah, a symbol that she's lost her plot. Why doesn't she just zap it down to herself, if it's so important? I mean, the moon is her domain, isn't it?”
“She's tried,” Twilight explained patiently, “She doesn't know its exact location and she claims that she was never the best at teleportation magic-”
A large, reddish-brown blur flitted past the corner to Spike's eye, making him shriek and nearly fall off Twilight's back. “What was that?!” he squeaked in a voice several octaves above normal.
“What was what?” asked Twilight, “That girly squeal you just let out?”
“That was a manly exclamation of shock! Didn't you see it?” Spike exclaimed, his head jerking back and forth as he tried to look in all directions at once.
“Obviously not. As I was saying, we're here because Princess Luna asked us to help, and there's a very old spell-book down here with an affinity-based location spell which I should be able to cobble together with a crystal array and a standard teleportation spell-”
Spike tuned her out as she lectured primly on the sort of arcane hocus-pocus that only she, a couple of crusty old Professors at Canterlot University, and the Princesses themselves actually understood. Instead, he eyed the shelves warily, noting the moss dripping down the sides of a couple, and even what looked like lianas hanging down from the ceiling. Despite years as Twilight's assistant dealing with the sort of occult, uncanny, and inscrutable shenanigans that she regularly got caught up in, he was starting to get that vibe that things were rapidly departing the realms of the cult, the canny, and the scrutable – again – and he started to sweat.
He made one final try, “Look around you, Twi, nopony's been down here in centuries! It's probably crumbled to dust by now!”
Twilight stuck her nose in the air. “It's in the catalogue,” she insisted loftily, as if that trumped his pessimism.
Giving up, he sat back and watched in resignation as Twilight turned down yet another avenue of lichen-clad shelves. Wasn't it getting warmer here? And the air had a humidity that was certainly uncharacteristic of the many, many libraries that he'd been in.
“Huh, we could be back at the palace by now, doing something sensible like convincing Luna to ask her sister to help her.”
“She insisted that Celestia wasn't to be bothered about this,” Twilight snapped, before adding in a more reasonable tone, “It's something to do with the whole Sun and Moon thing, I think. Celestia doesn't intrude on the moon, and Luna leaves the sun alone, and they respect each other's domains unless it's unavoidable. I think she might also have been a little embarrassed.”
“Huh. Great. You know, what we could really do with about now is a librarian.”
There was a whistling thump and a huge, reddish-brown mass landed on the dusty floorboards in front of Twilight. She screamed and reared, scrambling backwards on her hind legs and tripping over Spike, who'd fallen off over her rump. The monster didn't approach, however, just looked mournfully at them through small black eyes almost hidden in a wide face above two drooping, naked cheek pouches.
“Ook,” it said in a deep voice.
Too frightened to move, Spike just stared at it, saucer-eyed, while beside him he could hear Twilight hyperventilating. A long, long arm covered in sparse hair reached carefully out and hovered just in front of him, the black, callused paw upturned. Tentatively, he reached up to touch it and the powerful fingers gently gripped him and lifted, setting him back on his feet.
“T-thanks. W-w-what are you?” he stammered.
The creature frowned. “Ook,” it said disapprovingly.
“Well, obviously you're a librarian,” said Spike, before his brain juddered to an abrupt halt and he wondered how he'd reached that conclusion from 'Ook'. Behind him, he could Twilight scrambling to her hooves.
“Uh, h-h-hello, um, sir? It is 'Sir', isn't it? Um, I'm, uh, kinda looking for a book.”
“Ook!” said the creature approvingly. There was a brief silence, “Ook?”
“Well, actually, it's Geranium's Stable Affinities – Magical Association Through Mental Imprinting , but it's been out of print for more than three centuries-”
The creature sighed and turned away. Both long, long arms reached out and placed their paws knuckle-down on the floor before it swung its body forward in a fluid, balanced motion, then repeated the action to bring itself to the bottom of a bookshelf. In a flash, it had shinned up the shelves and swung itself out of sight.
There was a long silence after it had gone.
“Oh,” said Twilight into the stillness.
Spike thought that summed it up pretty well. Taking a few steadying breaths, he reached out and laid a reassuring paw on Twilight's trembling shoulder. Twilight blew out a deep breath and giggled nervously in response.
With a heavy thump, the creature returned every bit as suddenly as it arrived. Twilight had bolted half a dozen steps in the general direction of 'away', knocking Spike into a heap again, before realising that the creature was proffering a large, dusty-looking book in a heavy canvas-covered binding. Panting, she returned to help him up before sidling up to the librarian. She squinted at the cover for a second, then her eyes widened in shock, “How did you find it?”
“Ook,” it said rather proudly, passing the book over to her.
“More to the point, where is this place,” said Spike. “And where did you come from, anyway?”
The creature sighed noisily, then reached behind a nearby shelf and produced a little pamphlet which Twilight took in her magic and levitated closer. She scanned the cover briefly and her jaw dropped. Taking it out of her magical grasp, Spike glanced over it carelessly.
“L-Space and You ”, he read aloud. “Well, whatever. Thanks for finding the book.”
“Ook,” said the librarian. A long, long arm reached out and snatched the pamphlet, opening it to an inside page. A finger surmounted with a long, ragged nail jabbed at the second entry in the text within a black-bordered box.
(1) Silence. (2) Books must be returned no later than the last date shown. (3) The nature of causality must not be interfered with.
“Uh... sure? Will the usual Canterlot Archives Returns bin do? Because to be honest, there's no way I could find this place again.”
“Ook,” said the librarian approvingly. A long, long arm reached out and passed Spike a banana, then the creature turned and knuckled away in a leisurely fashion up the row of shelves. It turned the corner and was lost to sight, although seconds later he heard the whoosh of something heavy swinging through the air. Very much like whatever-that-was on a liana , thought Spike.
“Uh, Twilight? You've got your book, now can we get out of here before we run into something even weirder? Please?”
Twilight didn't move.
“Twi-light ?” Spike sing-songed, waving a paw in front of her eyes.
The a little snort, the Unicorn snapped back to the present, “L -space!” she announced happily.
“Uh, yeah, sure. Can you freak out while walking?”
“L -space, Spike!” she exulted, shaking him vigorously in her magic.
“Yeah, you said, now stop that!”
She swung him up onto her back and started to trot back the way they had come, “You don't understand, Spike! L -space is supposed to be a myth, a legend amongst certain branches of the Guild of Librarians! Papercut the Second postulated that all libraries that exist – or ever existed anywhere – are connected in L -space through the sheer weight of knowledge that they contain, and that a very few selected librarians, the very greatest librarians, are able to enter and travel through this realm. Think of it, Spike! Access to knowledge throughout the ages!”
“The dust! The boredom! The endless re-shelving!” he mocked.
“Don't you see, Spike? Papercut the Second was right!”
“She should have been more careful after that first papercut,” Spike said sarcastically.
Twilight rolled her eyes, “Canterlot University's greatest ever archivist, Papercut the Second! Descendent of the equally-famous Papercut the Fourth!”
Spike blinked, “Eh? Descendent of Papercut the Fourth ?!
Twilight made a face, “Apparently there was an accident with a contraceptive spell and a time-travelling spell. Don't ask – faculty parties must have been a lot wilder back then!”
“Oh, boy,” muttered Spike. He peeled the banana and took a large bite as Twilight carried on gushing excitedly about her hero.
It was surprisingly good.
=====// \=====
Close Encounters of the Absurd Kind
The Perils of Doing Science with a Banana
=====// \=====
Twilight slowly reached up a hoof and pushed her cracked, soot-blackened safety goggles up onto her forehead. Surveying the smoking crater in front of her, twenty paces across and at least five deep, she closed her hanging jaw just long enough to let the sort of word that would have got her grounded a few years ago tumble out – very quietly.
Beside her, the lunar princess hurled her own goggles into the pit and repeated Twilight's heartfelt utterance at a volume which rivalled the sonic boom-slash-impact-slash-explosion which still echoed and rolled around the vaults of the sky, stamping a petulant hoof. Behind her, Twilight could see a cloud of Pegasi rising from Canterlot by the light of the moon, not unlike a flock of startled bats. She closed her eyes and mentally gave thanks that she'd managed to persuade Luna to conduct the summoning ritual here, several miles north of Canterlot, rather than in the palace gardens, as she had wanted.
She kept her eyes closed when she heard the faint, shimmering ring of reality being parted like a curtain and a motherly voice saying, “Language, young ladies!”
With an audible gulp, she turned to see Princess Celestia step out of a square of blinding light, which flickered and vanished as soon as she had passed through it. There was a click and a blinding flash, and the Solar Goddess lowered her camera to reveal a stern face with just the hint of a grin.
“Sorry, but I couldn't resist. That's one for the album.”
Twilight had to admit that it probably did look pretty funny. Luna's dark-blue coat was currently Nightmare Moon-black and her mane and tail stood away from her body in single, cone-like spikes. From the unnatural weight she could feel on her own head, neck, and dock, she imagined that she must look much the same – but with added shredded lab coat.
Celestia continued in her kind, eternally-patient voice, “Now, which one of you would like to explain why there's cracked windows all over Canterlot, terrified ponies stampeding through the streets, Pegasi blown from the despatch station halfway to Trottingham, General Thunderaxe widdling himself in the Throne Room on that lovely rug I got from Saddle Arabia, and what looks like an unscheduled, unexpected meteor-strike? There is not, as they say, a smoking gun, but certainly a smoking hole in the ground which suggests that you two can probably help me on this one.”
That's it. We're doomed. I'll be able to help Luna pick her doll up herself – when Celestia banishes us both to the moon !
Instead, Celestia let out a sigh, and a brief pulse of her magic washed over the two bedraggled ponies. Luna blinked, then looked down at her now immaculately-clean and groomed body. Helpfully, she repeated her previous word, albeit at a normal volume this time.
Celestia's lip twitched, “Well, quite.”
“Uh... I can explain,” Twilight stuttered nervously, her voice a high-pitched squeak which was completely unbecoming a mare of her stature. Current stature, at least .
Celestia arched one eyebrow, “Really?”
Twilight opened her mouth to reply, hesitated, then shut it again when her mind remained infuriatingly blank. “No, there's too much – let me sum up. Um...”
Luna jumped in hurriedly, “We were conducting experiments.”
“I see.”
“Experiments in the arts of summoning and teleportation,” Luna added, squirming uncomfortably under her sister's level gaze.
“I see,” Celestia said again.
“We thought it might possibly be dangerous, which is why we came all the way out here,” Twilight added helpfully.
“Of course. That was very thoughtful of you, I'm sure. Now tell me – what exactly were you summoning that required a seventeen-crystal amplification matrix focused through a blue diamond nexus, four orbs of power, and a banana?”
Twilight had to push her lower jaw shut with one hoof at the uncomfortably-accurate description. “A-a.. what?”
“A banana,” Celestia repeated serenly, pointing her hoof at the smoking pit.
“There was no banana,” Twilight stuttered weakly.
“Really? My mistake. Everything's certainly gone fruit-shaped, though, hasn't it.”
“Well... technically...”
Luna could take no more, and threw herself on her sister's mercy, “'Tis my fault, and mine alone, dear sister! I was merely attempting to retrieve certain items from the moon. I took the liberty of co-opting Twilight.”
“And what was your part in this, Twilight?”
“We thought that the best way to summon things would be through the use of a modified affinity spell. After all, after a thousand years Princess Luna must have a pretty strong affinity for them, right?”
“Indeed she must – but nothing like the affinity she has for the moon itself ! Honestly, Luna, you know this! I am impressed that you managed to focus so finely that you only summoned a boulder instead of the entire planetoid, but really !”
“It was the only way. I tried to find it visually, but everything looks different from down here,” Luna protested.
“Aha – that explains the ridiculous charade with the Royal Observatory,” Celestia noted. “Oh, don't look so shocked! Did you really think I wouldn't notice?” she added with a trace of impatience at her sister's obvious dismay.
“'Twas worth a try,” Luna muttered sullenly. “But truly, sister, do not blame Twilight Sparkle. She has aided me with admirable zeal, but the responsibility is mine.”
Celestia frowned, “You speak is if she was a servant bound to do your bidding, Luna. She is not. If she has helped you, it is because she chose to. Because she is your friend . Do you remember the talk we had when you returned from your exile? The first night?”
“You said that I must make friends so that I would never feel alone again,” Luna mumbled, hanging her head like a guilty schoolfoal.
“I did – and if you can count Twilight as one of your friends, then you are lucky indeed. I also said that if anything was bothering you or needed help with anything at all, that you could come and talk to me at any time. I am a little disappointed that you tried to hide this from me – but I am happier that you have made a good friend.”
“You're not going to make me write you a letter, are you?” Luna asked miserably.
Celestia laughed, “Maybe I should, just to make sure that you remember it in future! Now, what were you trying to retrieve, Luna, and can I help in any way?”
Luna coughed and shuffled her hooves awkwardly.
“I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that,” said Celestia sweetly.
Luna's lips may have moved, but no audible sound came out.
“I'm afraid I missed that, too.”
“Mr. Snuggles!” Luna thundered at the top of her lungs, “There! Are you happy now?!”
Celestia blinked, “Your old doll?”
“Yes! My beloved Mr. Snuggles was my only companion for a thousand years, sister! I miss him more keenly than I can say!”
“Oh, Lu-lu!” Celestia sighed compassionately.
“Shut up. You know I hate that nickname,” Luna sulked. “You're just going to make fun of me.”
Celestia looked rather hurt, “I didn't realise how dear he was to you, Luna, or I would have tried to help you before now. Now, I don't have the same problem with affinity for the moon that you had, so let's see if I can bring him back to you?”
The tall white Alicorn shut her eyes and her horn started to glow softly. She drifted up off the ground, like a snowflake in reverse, and as the light from her horn intensified, her eyes shot open to focus on the moon, brimming white with power. Seconds later, there was a metallic-sounding pop and a flash of light a few yards away, and Celestia floated back down to the ground. Together, the three of them trotted over to look for their prize – and found only a small pile of greyish moondust.
“Ah. This might be a little more difficult than I though,” said Celestia, “Hang on a tick.”
The wondrous magical scene was repeated, but this time they found a hoofful of small rocks instead. Luna glared pointedly at her sister, who grinned sheepishly.
“Does anypony have a telescope I could borrow?”
=====// F I N I S \=====
Close Encounters of the Absurd Kind
=====// \=====
Applejack cantered through Ponyville with the last rays of the evening sun bathing her orange coat in pale stripes between the long shadows cast by the houses lining the town square. Sure, there was no rush to get to Twilight's library, but having spent the whole day stuck in the barn repairing old apple barrels, her impatient energy had found an outlet in her legs and the long, smooth strides felt wonderfully refreshing.
She showed to a trot when she spotted Rainbow Dash chatting with Golden Harvest in front of the library. “Howdy, R.D! Hey, Carrot Top!”
The flame-haired Earth pony grinned back at her, “Hi, Appletini, where's the fire?”
Applejack couldn't stifle a laugh as she looked pointedly at Golden Harvest's head, “Y'know, you gotta stop hoofing me those straight lines, sugar cube!”
Golden Harvest rolled her eyes, “You are such a pain in the flank, Apple! I guess I walked into that one.”
The two farmers had become good friends almost immediately at school – and settled into a pattern of jokey rivalry which had persisted ever since, trading good-natured insults whenever they met. Some ponies who didn't know them all that well thought it was genuine, which always made them both laugh. That said, Applejack had nearly strangled Rarity when she let slip with the 'Appletini' crack in Goldie's hearing. If there was one thing that pony didn't need, it was more ammunition.
“I guess you're here to see Twilight, huh?” Golden Harvest continued, and sighed theatrically at Rainbow and Applejack's combined nods. “The Catastrophic Combo reforms! Do try not to destroy the entire village this time.”
With that, she sauntered jauntily off, waving at their farewells. Behind them, the door opened to reveal Spike, Twilight's dragon assistant.
“Oh, hey. You're early.”
“Hey Spike! What's going on, where's Twilight? She said something about a secret in her letter,” said Rainbow.
The little dragon rolled his eyes, “She wants you guys to follow me, and no, Rainbow, I'm not allowed to say – it's supposed to be a surprise. Now, as soon as Pinkie gets here-”
“Did somepony say, 'A surprise'?!” came a perky voice, making them all jump as Pinkie Pie swung into view, hanging upside down from one of the branches overhead. “'Cos I just love surprises!”
“Yeah, we can tell,” muttered Rainbow sarcastically. “Like when you scare the hay out of ponies by doing things like that.”
Pinkie actually looked a little hurt, “This? This is nothing compared to that time with you, half a gallon of custard, and-”
“And-moving-right-along ,” Spike interrupted hurriedly, “We're supposed to collect Fluttershy and Rarity at the Carousel Boutique, and seeing as you're all here now, we should probably get started.”
“Oh yeah? Well what about-” Rainbow Dash started to fire back, but Applejack ignored them and leaned closer to Spike.
“You'd better get going before these two get completely out of hoof,” she said, with a wink. She and Spike set off through the village, while behind them Pinkie did a neat somersault back-flip onto her hooves and followed, arguing happily with Rainbow the whole way.
“It's something to do with that funny-looking house-thing on the hill over east o' Ponyville, ain't it?”, said Applejack as they tramped over the bridge.
She had seen the new building grow rapidly over the last week or so, from a skeleton of beams to completion, surrounded by a busy crowd of construction workers from out of town. She'd moseyed on up there a couple of days ago, but the foremare had just grinned at her enquiries and said, “Can't say, I'm afraid. You'll find out soon enough.” Maybe 'soon enough' will be 'now' .
“Well... yeah, but that's all I can say,” Spike admitted reluctantly. “Sorry.”
“Aw, shoot, don't worry 'bout it none, Spike. I think it's just dandy that she's trying to have a little fun for once.”
Uncharacteristically, Rarity was ready and waiting for them, lounging languidly on the balcony of the Boutique in a travelling cloak and matching shawl of deepest purple, while Fluttershy peeked demurely out from behind her and mumbled a greeting. Applejack had to give Spike a discreet nudge to kick his brain back into gear and back to the task at hoof.
“Uh, follow me,” he said in a rather strangled voice, dragging his eyes away from the beautiful white Unicorn.
He led them away from the small town and past the large rocky outcrop before climbing the long slope up to the strange-looking structure on the hill's crest. It was a circular, single-storey building of white-painted slats, but above it the roof arched in a smooth dome nearly as high again with two ridges running across the middle of it rather like train tracks
“Well, here we are. She did say not before eight, so... I dunno, maybe we ought to wait a bit?” said Spike, squinting against the setting sun to see the Ponyville clock-tower.
“Ooh! A giant mushroom! Did Twilight use magic to make it grow?” Pinkie asked in a tone of wonder.
Rainbow snorted with laughter, but before she could say anything, they heard a familiar voice echoing from inside, laced with tense anticipation, “Quick, before the others get here. We don't have much time.”
“You know, you could almost get the wrong idea from that,” Rainbow snickered.
“Oh, Rainbow, really !” said Rarity disapprovingly, “Like Twilight would-”
“I can't wait any longer,” came Twilight's happy squeal, “It's magnificent! I didn't realise it was so big !”
“Yup.” drawled a deep, masculine voice.
Applejack felt her jaw slowly unhinge. That sounded... that...! My brother. My brother... and Twilight?
=====// \=====
“Uh... Rarity? Please tell me I didn't hear what I, um...?”
Spike's face was a picture of utter horror, and Rarity glanced to the other side to see Applejack in the same state, practically catatonic. Oh, great Celestia, how unspeakably awkward ! Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash had practically swallowed her forehoof to stifle her laughter.
“Now Spike, uh, well, I think it might be time that we-” she stuttered, but behind her she could hear the oblivious pair continue,
“Oh, hurry Mac, we've got to get this thing in right away!”
There was a loud, masculine grunt from behind the door, making Rarity wince, before she heard a thump from beside her. She looked over to see that Spike's mind had taken the only possible protective option available – he'd fainted.
Unable to contain herself any longer, Rainbow Dash launched herself high into the air in a parabolic arc to collapse onto a tiny nearby cloud, holding her sides and beating her hooves as her howls of hysterical laughter echoed distantly down to ground level. Rarity caught a glimpse of her friend's face past the edge of the cloud, and it was a strange puce colour. Just what I need – she'll make herself faint, too, at that rate .
“Careful, gently now,” Twilight moaned, to the accompaniment of several snorts and much heavy panting. “No, not there! Lower it down a bit... that's better!”
Oh, good gracious... !
“Er, yes, I think we should make a short tactical retreat,” said Rarity awkwardly, “Now, Fluttershy, if you can help me with... Fluttershy?”
She looked around only to see the timid yellow Pegasus fleeing back towards Ponyville.
=====// \=====
Fluttershy listened with growing disbelief to the scenes behind the locked door before tears abruptly burned the back of her eyes and she turned away, feeling hollow and sick. She couldn't bring herself to blame Big Macintosh – well, maybe just a little. It was just that he was so handsome and gentle – she flinched at a particularly hefty grunt, like Ace the tennis pony on a first serve, At least, I always thought he was gentle – and he'd long since stolen her heart, but she had trouble finding the courage to talk to him about more than just everyday stuff, for all that he came by her cottage regularly.
Twilight, on the other hoof? Twilight was a big, heartless meanie who deserved to have something really awkward happen to her sometime it was quite inconvenient! She couldn't believe that she'd sat there in the library and told her supposed best friend all about this a few weeks ago over tea – and Twilight had encouraged her! She'd told her she had a chance! She'd even made suggestions! Had Twilight really been betraying her the whole time?
A quiet, shaking sob escaped her lips and she turned and hurried away for her little cottage, her nose almost dragging in the sweet-smelling grass.
=====// \=====
Oh, this is ridiculous! I can handle dear little Spike, but I need somepony to help with poor Applejack, and Rainbow is no use whatsoever , Rarity thought sourly, as the Pegasus' ongoing hysterics drifting down from above. Inside, she could hear some really quite disturbing straining noises, followed by a growl of frustration from Twilight.
“Maybe I should have used more lubrication? Come on, Mac, push harder !”
There was a loud thump to Rarity's left, and she looked over with resignation to see that Applejack's mind had taken the only possible protective option available – she'd fainted.
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” she muttered in despair.
Beside her, Pinkie was examining the comatose Earth pony with great interest. “I guess this means that Twilight and Macky are together now, huh? Like, together , together?”
“That would be one way of putting it,” Rarity said weakly, shuddering at some short, high-pitched female snorting.
“And isn't that incredibly fantastic?!” Pinkie cheered, bounding upright, “They're, like the two most awesomely-awkward ponies in Ponyville! Ooh, I know, I gotta throw them a party! A Congratulations-on-Finding-Somepony-Equally-Incredibly-Awesomely-Awkward Party! I can't believe this, I am so behind ! Sorry, Rarity, I gotta go and get started.”
“I'm really not-” Rarity started, but the party pony was already bolting for Ponyville and Sugar Cube Corner. “-Sure that's such a brilliant idea,” she finished to herself.
“Yes! Yes! That's it! Don't stop now, keep it up! Keep going!”
Rarity was absolutely mortified. Not that she was against the idea of her bookish friend finding somepony special – very special, by the sounds of things – but why did she have to be a screamer ?
“Harder! Harder! That's it, a little more!”
And just what was she thinking by... getting it on... when her friends were coming over, for pony's sake?! Had hormones really gotten to obsessively-organised Twilight like everypony else ?
“Yes ! Yes, yes, yes! Oh, thank you, Mac! You were incredible!” came a loud whinny of triumph.
Oh, thank Celestia for that! Now, if I wait a decent amount of time, perhaps I can pretend that I've just arrived and none of this has ever happened ? Looking around, she eyed the insensate figures of several of her friends strewn across the path. Or on the other hoof, perhaps not .
Shrugging, she walked determinedly up to the door and raised a hoof to knock.
“Who is it?” Twilight sang out, sounding breathless and rather flustered. As well she might !
“It's Rarity, darling!” The I've-just-got-here lie died on her lips. “Have I come at a bad time?” she asked, before her mind caught up with her mouth. Oh, for pony's sake, I did not say that! At least Twilight won't-
There was a breathless giggle, “No, but Big Macintosh might think that he did-”
Rarity felt her jaw sag open, and her mind took the only possible protective option available.
She fainted.
=====// \=====
Swooping towards the white-painted building, Princess Luna, Goddess of the Moon and co-ruler of Equestria, flared her wings and touched down on the little path just as the white Unicorn crumpled bonelessly to the ground. There was an orange Earth pony lying beside her, and Twilight Sparkle's dragon assistant was similarly unconscious on her other side.
Most curious .
From within, she could hear the cheerful voice of her sister's protégé approaching, accompanied by a second set of hooves.
“-For him, anyway! But if he hadn't been passing the library when I left, I would never have got all this done on time. After all, I could only lift so much, and then we had to manoeuvre it quite delicately at the same time to get it into the cradle.”
The door opened to reveal Twilight Sparkle and a huge, blond-maned red stallion who immediately fell into a deep bow. Twilight, characteristically, did no such thing, but instead reached out and gave her a hug.
“Princess Luna! You made it!” she exclaimed excitedly, before she caught sight of her unconscious friends scattered across the landscape and her face fell. “Uh... what the hay happened to them?”
“We have not the faintest idea – we have just arrived. Please, you may rise,” she said to the stallion, before continuing with a smile, “But anyway, how could We miss the commissioning of the Ponyville Royal Observatory? Thou didst receive our telescope?”
“Just this afternoon,” Twilight confirmed happily, “There was a whole team of mailponies to deliver it from the train station, but I really needed some more muscle-power putting it in and luckily Big Macintosh offered to lend a hoof. Thanks, Mac, I couldn't possibly have done it without you.”
The big stallion smiled gently at her, “T'aint no thang, Twilight. Y'all take care now.” He nodded cautiously at Luna, “Your Highness.”
He took a couple of paces and then stopped dead, eyeing his sister's slumped form. After a moment he shrugged and hoisted her onto his back, his steady hoofbeats just a little heavier as he set off on his unhurried way back to Sweet Apple Acres.
Twilight looked at Luna and opened her mouth to speak, but the Princess anticipated her words and a soft blue glow surrounded their fallen companions, levitating them gently inside. As they followed the unconscious bodies, Twilight said, “So, I understand why you wanted the Observatory built here rather than Canterlot, with the clearer air and everything, but it was quite a project to manage and complete on time. It's going to be a huge leap forward in the study of the stars! Ponies will come from all over Equestria, just for a chance to work here!”
Luna coughed uncomfortably, her previous slightly haughty manner gone,“There is also the matter of the greatly-reduced ambient light from the village, but in truth I had an ulterior motive for the building of the Observatory. I wished to study something rather closer than the stars, but this was the best way to ensure that Celestia would fund it.”
Twilight frowned, puzzled, “Something closer than the... ah! Of course, the moon!”
“My old place of exile,” Luna agreed, “There were.. certain things that I was forced to leave behind when I was returned to Equestria.”
“Oh, wow! I didn't think... I guess you must have done something to keep you busy for a thousand years. I didn't really think about it, to be honest.”
If it wasn't for the gloom inside the unlit Observatory, Twilight would have sworn that her Princess was blushing furiously.
“Yes, but it is not... not that which I seek.”
“Then...?”
“Mr. Snuggles!” Luna wailed, “My nights simply haven't been the same without him!”
=====// \=====
