"King me!" Pinkie threw down her cards, a perfect straight flush.

Discord threw his hand of cards on the table in frustration. "It's not fair, you don't even know what game we're playing!"

Pinkie, ever the ignorant one, replied, "Go fish?"

"Hey, do we ever do anything actually important on this show? Or did you invite me just to watch you play poker?"

Discord threw the table to the side, without ever touching it, and looked back at the camera. "Of course we have a need for you! It's time for Hey You, Down There, and things are getting interesting."

"When we last left off, we sent the author to another dimension with my close friend, Twilight Sparkle, in an attempt to get them both to learn about the magic of sex. Because of the logistics of inter-dimensional travel, they have both been turned into humans, so we brought in our local human expert, Lyra Heartstrings."

"And it's a good thing you did, because humans are a very odd species. They got a whole bunch of wiggly little digits, and clothing concerns."

"Hold on a minute here. If you're going to be a host, your text needs to have some sort of defining characteristic. Let me see what's still available." Discord flipped through a variety of text styles, occasionally applying them to Lyra.

">mfw thisishowitalk.jpg"

"if(commentRelevant==true)

return comment;"

"HI, LYRA HEARTSTRINGS HERE FOR OXICLEAN!"

"Ooh, I like that one! Makes me want to buy things!"

"IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS! Damn, that's hard to get under control."

"And that makes three. I think we've had enough introductions, we should tune into what can only turn into amazing failures on the parts of our two virgin stars. And a small apology for last chapter, the author assumed that he was at a house at the very end without actually knowing. They were actually in front of the high school. Even when we're controlling him, he's still screwing up. It doesn't bode well."

"Stop screaming, Twilight. It's not that bad."

"It is that bad! I'm a completely different species now! Spike is a dog! I have no idea where Sunset Shimmer is! And what are these things?" Twilight wiggled the appendages on her new hands.

"Those are called 'fingers', Twilight. They can be moved independently of each other and can be used in so many different ways. I like having them. Wait, why am I explaining this to you? Spike had them!"

Twilight started to familiarize herself with her surroundings, and the man in front of her clicked. "WHO ARE YOU?"

"I'm Flame Bristle. I screwed...or did I? I don't know what's real here. I think I'm just suffering for my sins, and a bit overdue, I might add." No reason to explain he was the author, wouldn't want to get too meta. "You said something about a Sunset Shimmer. You're looking for her?"

"Yes! She stole my crown and fled into a dimensional mirror! And I only have three days to get it back before..."

Twilight was interrupted. Bristle never missed the opportunity to reference something. "Before the moon crashes? Are we going to need an Ocarina? And if you're looking for a crown, why would you even think of investigating a high school? Wouldn't the forbidden Shell City be a better starting place?" Twilight looked confused at the sudden influx of questions. "You didn't get my references. Story of my life."

"High school?" Twilight looked at the large building they were located in front of. The statue directly next to her even had a sign that said "Canterlot High School". "So...do we look in the high school?"

"Why are you asking me? This sounds like it's your mission, I'm just here because I pissed off a deity. I'm getting out of here by learning a completely different lesson, and accomplishing a completely different goal. Besides, I'm in no hurry to return to high school."

Twilight stood up. "Well, I need to get going! Equestria is in danger, and I need to recover my crown to stop it!" She ran off in determination...for one step, before she faceplanted onto the concrete. She got up, and fell down again. Bristle would have helped her, but her skirt would get displaced during the falls. He was always an upskirt kind of guy.

After the fifth fall, she got up and stood still to prevent another crash, and fumed. "Why are these legs so hard to control!? Why is this body so impossible to use!?"

Spike, apparently now over the shock of being a dog, resumed his duties as Twilight's mental reign. "Come on, Twilight, look on the bright side. You don't have to worry about wings anymore."

"Yeah," Bristle added, "and you have boobs now! Overall, I'd say you made a pretty good trade."

"He's got a point. Fingers, clothes, breasts, Twilight's in a good spot."

Twilight's "I'm so close to killing you" look seemed to indicate she did not think of these as silver linings. "You're both useless! I'm finding Sunset Shimmer as fast as I can so I can get out of this evil world!" She turned to make her dramatic exit...and fell again.

Spike walked next to Twilight, who wasn't making another effort to stand up again. "It's really not hard to walk on two legs, Twilight. I've been doing it for 8 years."

"Well, good on you, Spike. I don't have that sort of time. We've only got those three days until the portal closes."

Bristle walked past them, not worrying about their pettier issues. He managed to walk pretty fine. "You two deal with your problems, I need to go find a hot girl. And I've also only got those three days to do it, so I'm in my own rush." Going up the stairs to the school, he threw the door open and walked in, dramatically and fabulously.

"Yeah...I don't think you can pull off the "fabulous Demon Lord" angle there, Bristle. My heart did not fill with rainbows."

"Alright, what have we got?" Bristle held his arms out, his body ready. He opened his eyes, and saw the halls were empty. "Oh, it's between classes. Or after them. I actually have no idea what time it is."

"My watch says it's 9:35."

"I've got 9:37."

"Do I have to be the logical one here? He's in a different time zone. But for the record, I've got 9:35, but I think Pinkie's watch is more accurate."

The school bells rang, and the halls suddenly filled with students. They went in all directions to their next classes, making the corridors a mess of teens, anarchy. "Ah, it's high school just as I remember it."

Twilight, doing her best on two legs, made it into the building. "So...would you have any idea how to find Sunset Shimmer, either of you?"

Spike, peeking out of her backpack, shrugged. Bristle looked over the cacophony of students. "Depends. Is she hot?"

"How should I know? I didn't get that good a look at her while she was stealing my crown and escaping into an alternate dimension. Also, she's kind of evil." When Bristle didn't stop looking expectantly at her, she continued. "But sure, she was pretty attractive."

"Then follow me! We'll find her before long." He held his finger high in the air, inciting an adventure. He started his march, which Twilight followed simply for not understanding the proper walking protocol.

"9:38!"

As other kids went about their business, the pair of ponies-turned-humens continued to look for their bounty. Twilight had not given a description of Sunset Shimmer, so Bristle was just walking blind. Considering that, it was funny that he wasn't the one who slammed directly into someone at their locker. That was all Twilight.

"Did he just write 'humen'?"

"Sorry, are you alright?" The boy reached down to help the entranced Twilight up. "You should probably pay more attention where you're walking, wouldn't want to crash into anything else." His voice was soft, and Twilight found it very comforting. She was getting lost in his eyes. He cleared his throat when he saw she wasn't responding. "Well...okay, I should get going." And with that, he left.

Once he was out of earshot, she sighed lustfully. Spike poked out of her backpack. "Smooth."

"Come on, Spike. You were no different when you first met Rarity. And did you see him? He looks so dreamy."

Bristle leaned against the wall of lockers. "Well, I understand we all have our different tastes in what we're looking for in a partner, but based on a cursory glance, I'd say that he's a pretentious dick who's a 'nice guy' to women, is 'learning to play guitar', and taking a shot in the dark on this one, but has a tragically small penis."

"You can't make claims like that just by looking at him. He's a perfect guy."

Bristle and Spike looked at each other, not believing the nonsense Twilight had started spouting. "Are you going to continue your plan to fix everything by getting your crown back and punishing the perpetrator, or are you just going to get into his pants now," Spike asked. "Cause if you're incapable of doing work, we could probably do it better."

Twilight shook her head, freeing her mind of her female gaze. "I think I'm good now. Sorry, I saw him and I felt like I was under mind control. We should get going."

Bristle nodded. "We've both been single for too long, I know. There's a reason I'm here with you, after all. Let's get to work and accomplish our goals."

Now that the hallways had quieted down, a smaller voice could be heard. "I'm so sorry, Sunset Shimmer. I didn't know!"

Twilight turned to the voice, shocked. "That can't be..."

The group ran towards the source of the sounds. They found a girl being towered over by another girl, pressing her against the lockers. "What gives you the audacity to take something that doesn't belong to you?"

The girl she was bullying slid down against the wall. "I...I didn't know it was yours. I just found it and brought it to the principal."

The bully moved in closer. "Well, maybe you should think!"

Twilight wasn't about to just watch this. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

Both of them looked at Twilight, in shock for different reasons. In the silence, Bristle interjected. "Yeah, how dare you pick on someone much hotter than you!"

The bully stammered. "W-what? H-how dare you! I'll have you know that I'm the most sought-after girl in this entire school! Any guy would be lucky to have me!"

Bristle chuckled. "I knew high school students were crazy, but I think you're giving them too little credit. Horny teenage boys are not that desperate."

Angry, she left without saying a word, giving Twilight the chance to pick up the other girl. "Are you alright? What kind of crown was it that made her so angry you took it?"

She dusted herself off. "Thank you so much for standing up for me. That was Sunset Shimmer, she doesn't need much of a reason to be a jerk. Most of the school is afraid of her."

Twilight turned her head in the direction Sunset has walked. "So that's Sunset Shimmer. You said you brought the crown to the principal's office."

She nodded, and Twilight ran off. Bristle stayed behind, long enough for Twilgiht to sheepishly walk back. "And...which direction is that?"

"Down this hallway, turn right, there's a sign on the door." Twilight ran off again. When Bristle walked past, the girl blushed. "You...you're the first person to call me attractive."

He looked at her incredulously. "There's absolutely no way that's possible. I'm shocked other guys aren't tripping over themselves to ask you out."

She crossed her feet and turned slightly from side to side. "N-no. Other students hardly notice me, and I could never ask them first."

"Well, let me say, you deserve better than that, Fluttershy." And Bristle ran off before she could ask how he knew her name. Even still, she couldn't keep her thoughts off of him. In a matter of seconds, she realized she needed to slink away to the girl's room to "take care" of a growing wetness down below.

In the meantime, Bristle had caught up to Twilight, standing in front of a door labeled "Principal Celestia". She didn't quite understand. "How...how is this happening? There's a Celestia, that girl was clearly Fluttershy, the boy was Flash, even some of the kids looked familiar. It's so similar, but so different at the same time."

Bristle didn't have time to get all existential. As he opened the door, he answered, "Have you ever heard of the multiverse theory? That's what this is. Don't think too hard."

The woman sitting at the desk inside the room looked up from her work when she heard the door open. "I don't think I've seen either of you before. May I help you?"

While Twilight was still shocked from what is best described as deja vu, Bristle answered. "I'm Flame Bristle, and this is Twilight Sparkle. Fluttershy told us that she brought a crown she found to you this morning, and the universe is too complicated to explain why, but we need it."

Celestia was horribly confused by his request. "Are...are you asking to sign up for Fall Formal Princess?" It was the best explanation she could come up with.

Twilight was intrigued. "Fall Formal Princess?"

"Yes, we've got the Fall Formal coming up in a few days, and the students elect who they want to be their princess. The winner earns the crown."

"And...where can I sign up for the running?"

"You'll have to find the head of the Party Committee. She'd be in the gym setting up all the decorations. If you have any other questions, it'd be best to ask her."

"Thank you very much, princ...ipal." Twilight managed to catch herself before she addressed this Celestia by the wrong title. "We should get going, then. Come along, Bristle."

"And we have to stop here for now! Not only are we out of time, but we've got hoards of censors knocking down the door to silence us. Lyra offered to stop them, but she's still changing into her 'censor-fighting attire'."

Just as he said, Lyra burst out, wearing a brown coat, matching brown pilot helmet, and red-tinted goggles. "I am Razputin, Psychonaut! Censors are nothing to me!" She used her magic to create a giant floating hand next to her, and ran towards the door to fight.

Author's Note

Can you guess what game I just beat?

Took some time to write this, and I'm so glad it did. The plans for this half of this story changed twice in the time between chapters. And it led to an idea for a new story, assuming I can get permission from some copyright owners. Fingers crossed.