“My oh my! You’re my wittle butterfly!” Sang Rarity, swaying around in Spike’s arms, laughing as she took another swig from her bottle of strawberry margarita mix. “Something… something, something, something little samurai!”

“Will you please stop singing?” Spike asked politely.

“Will you be my samurai Spike?” The mare happily snickered. “Why don’t you show me your sword, oh mighty samurai.”

“I don’ have a- oh… oh! No, I’d rather not,” blushed Spike. “At least not here in the middle of the street.”

“Aww…” moaned Rarity, crawling up the dragon’s chest. “But whatever shall I do to defeat this lust burning inside of me?”

“Umm… water?” Gulped the drake.

Rarity giggled a bit, followed by a hiccup. “Nope, I think I need a little dragon.”

“Okay, I think we really need to get you home-“

Spike couldn’t finish his sentence as Rarity pressed her lips against his, the flavors of her mouth bombarding his senses with the taste of sugary berries and alcohol. He had never thought his first kiss with the mare of his dreams would be like this, but damn it he’d take it. He slowly wiggled his tongue past Rarity’s willing lips, getting a sweeter taste of the mare, savouring every precious second that the kiss would last and prayed that it would never end.

“Holy crap…” purred Spike, still a little light-headed from his first kiss. “Did that just really happen?”

“Mmm hmm,” grinned Rarity, nuzzling him around the neck. “And there’s more where that came from once we get back home.”

Spike’s face quickly flushed red, he swore his nose was going to burst bleeding any second now as they continued down the road in the midst of the cool night air. His thoughts were scattered as he tried to figure out what he would do. Was he helping her because he expected something in return? He never really accepted payment for helping a friend, well, except for the odd gemstone, but that was never a big deal. This was way different. This was the mare of his dreams basically offering herself to him. Granted she was drunk beyond all comprehension, but could he really pass up such a golden opportunity?

And would he be able to live with himself? To do something so vulgar and dishonest could destroy any sort of chance he would ever have with Rarity. Was it worth a one-time fling of hot sweaty lust with a somewhat willing partner? No… everything about that seemed like a bad idea. But the idea in his head kept prying at him. A little voice that called ‘It’s okay, do it, you won’t get in trouble,’’ and things like that.

“What am I going to do with you?” The dragon whispered to himself.

“What aren’t you going to do to me?” Laughed Rarity as she took another drink of her margarita.

“You’re not helping,” said Spike.

“I’m sorry…” pouted Rarity, “I just want to have some fun with my big. Sexy. Dragon.”

She let her tongue hang out, dragging it up and down Spike’s neck and face. If the temptation wasn’t there before, it sure as hell was now.

“Could… could you maybe stop doing that?” He asked.

“I’m sorry? Do you not like it?”

“No… I mean, well… I don’t know?”

“You don’t like it!” Whined the pony. “Which means you don’t like me and you never like me! And that means you don’t want to have sex with me!”

“What?! NO! Nonononononnono!” Spike said, laughing nervously as he tried to calm the flailing and crying mare in his arms. “I do want to have sex with you!”

“You think I’m a whooooore!”

“No! Not at all! I think the opposite!”

“You think I’m a prude?” Whined Rarity. “Why are you being so mean to me?”

“No-I mean-Gah fuck, why the hell is this so difficult?” Spike asked himself.

“Put me down.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Questioned the drake.

“Put me down this instant!” Yelled Rarity.

“Okay!” Retorted Spike, gently placing the mare on the street corner. “There, anything else?”

“I need to be alone,” she said. “Go away!”

“Alright,” sighed Spike, “I’ll stay close, don’t go run off…” He started to walk away, making sure he kept Rarity in his sight. “What a night…” he muttered, walking up to a tree. He had the strangest urge to just slam his head repeatedly and it took all of his will power not to do so.

“Spike…” Rarity called. “I’m sorry! Don’t leave me!”

“I… didn’t, I didn’t even go anywhere.”

“Please come back!” She cried. “I’m sorry I was mean!”

“Okay, okay!” The dragon shouted. “Keep your hooves on. I didn’t even go that far.”

Spike quickly shuffled back to the pony. Rarity was rolling around the ground like a submissive pussycat, her legs kicking and stretching into the air aimlessly as she kept drinking from her bottle. She was probably more drunk than she was before.

“Are you okay?” Asked Spike.

“I am now,” she smiled, rolling onto her stomach. “Now that my knight is here, I’m better than okay.”

“Okay, great,” sighed the drake. “Can we get going again? I’d like to get back to your place before the sun decides to come up.”

“Carry me?”

“Sure…” he mumbled, as he reached out a hand for Rarity to grab onto. “I’ve done it all night.”

“Thank you, Spike,” Rarity said. “You have no idea how nice you are… you don’t deserve half the crap you get…”

“It’s not that big of a-“

“No!” she shouted, waving a little as she got back to her hooves. “You are the nicest and sweetest and most caring and nicest and sexy and nicest dragon I know. And how do we all treat you? We never invite you on adventures, you’re always working for Twilight; you don’t even get paid!”

“I’m happy to do the work,” Spike said. “It’s not really that-“

“Spike, shut up,” the mare growled in her drunken haze. “You saved the Crystal Empire for Luna’s sake! And you don’t even get invited to see the Equestria Games! That bitch of a princess Cadance… I’m glad I screwed up her mane that day!”

“Rarity, please, I don’t care about any of that stuff.”

“But why not?” she whined.

“It just wasn’t anything that ever bothered me,” he said. “Because I know that if you really needed me, you would have brought me along. That and I think it would be incredibly irresponsible to bring me, I was barely five years old when you did most of your crap.”

“You’re too nice…” cooed Rarity. “Well, let tonight be your payment to make up for everything that’s ever happen to you.” She smiled, leaning in for another kiss.

Spike shrugged, figuring why the hell not and leaned in as well.

“Oh Spike…”

“Rarity… I… think you’re turning green.”

The looked at him quizzically. “Spike, what on earth are you—“

Suddenly it hit her. Her cheeks puffed up as she tried her best to keep her mouth shut, but it was no use. Whatever she had down was coming up.

“Dear goddess,” gasped Spike.

BELCH!

“Oh goddess it’s everywhere!” He cried as the love of his life wiped some barf off her cheek. "How drunk are you?!"

"I love you..." she whimpered.

Author's Note

Sorry this took forever to update... I was drunk?