The Boutique was a sight for sore eyes, the cake looking building and it’s frilly trimming was the sanctuary that the dragon was so desperately seeking for, and now it was right in front of him, so close. He practically ran to the door.

“Thank the lord Celestia we’re finally home!”

“Oh yes~” Rarity cooed. “We’re finally home… now we can get to the fun part. You’ve been such a sweet little dragon, soon you’ll be able to add me to your hoard.”

He rolled his eyes, trying to open the door. But it was locked. “Rarity, where’s your house key?”

“It’s on my pussy.. oops! Did I say pussy, I meant to say body… but it could be in that other place if you want, big boy. In fact, you better give my whole body a cavity search if you want to get into my sacred palace… and also my house. Oh! I simply love a good sexy double entendre! They’re so… sexy!”

“No kidding,” Spike groaned, picking up Rarity and giving her a few shakes. He didn’t hear any shaking or anything like that. “Are there really any keys on you Rarity, or did you forget them at the party?”

“I don’t know…” She giggled, swinging in his arms. “Maybe they’re up my butt. Want to check?”

“Maybe later… wait a second, don’t you have a second set of keys?”

“Maybe… is it up my butt?”

He dropped the mare and started searching for the fake rock that hid the spare keys to her house. They had to be somewhere right? He was not going to be withheld his freedom because he couldn’t find some plastic rock with a key in it. “Ah! This is taking too long! Rarity can you please just tell me where your key is?”

“I told you, Spikey poo…” she grinned. “It’s up my butt.”

There was silence, as Spike gave her a strange look before shouted out “WHY!?”

“Because I don’t have pockets, silly, and where am I supposed to put them? Not up my butt?” She giggled. “I’m just kidding of course darling, but please, take the hit I’m trying to give you. put your thing up my butt.” She fell to the ground, rolling around on the welcome mat and wrapping around her like a blanket, laughing as if she had said the funniest thing in the world. Hiding underneath the mat however was the…

“The key!” Spike cheered, picking up the key and the mare before unlocking the door and entering the house. He was finally home, or at least Rarity was. “Alright, let’s get you to bed.”

“Only if you come with me…” she slurred, wiggling out of his hands and fumbling to the stairs. She tried to walk up them but collapsed on the first step. “Ow… what the hell, where did these things come from? It’s like some sort of… wall of magical and insurmountable magnitude… Spike! I need help!” She whined.

“Yeah, yeah…” Spike yawned, scooping her up again and carrying her up the stairs. By now he was used to it; it hardly even phased him that she found it hard to climb the flight of steps. In fact, if he was surprised about anything it was that he didn’t see this coming. Regardless, he climbed the stairs and entered Rarity’s room. Placing the drunken mare down on the bed, she made it very difficult to get herself under the covers; she insisted that she made it as difficult as possible for him.

“Tah-ha! That tickles!” The white mare giggled, twisting around lustfully in her bed sheets. “Oh goddess these bed sheets are so soft… Spikey you have to try it! It’s orgasmic.”

“Maybe later… now please go to sleep.”

“You mean we go to sleep,” she said, batting her eyelashes. “I don’t want ponies to think of me as a liar. I owe you some sexy beddy-bye time. Now come to mama.” She leaned up to kiss the dragon, puckering her lips.

Thoughts of taking advantage of this moment walked into Spike’s mind. It wouldn’t be the first kiss of the night, and lord knows that he wanted to kiss it. Plus she did promise him one, and would a kiss really be that bad? After all he’s been through, he thought that he deserved at least that, just one kiss at midnight to bring luck to the new moon cycle, or whatever it was that they celebrated in this holiday of over drinking and alcoholism.

“Ah, screw it,” sighed Spike, he deserved it. He leaned towards her, closing his eyes ever so slightly, expecting to meet the plump ripe lips of Rarity. However, he was instead greeted with the cold air of denial. Confused, the dragon opened his eyes to see that Rarity had passed out, finally falling to sleep. He groaned. “Yeah… that’s how this would end, wouldn’t it?” He veiled the blanket over the mare and turned her to her side. After making sure she was comfortable, he kept the door open a little and made his way down stairs.

He collapsed on the couch; he didn’t realize how tired he was until he slowed down. Sleep overtook him almost instantly.

*****

The light of day was both a welcome and an omen to the groaning drake, whose eyes cringed at the first shine of the sun rays that had leaked through the windows. When he rolled around and off the couch, he crawled up to his feet. He headed to the kitchen to see what the food situation was like and what time was it. It was getting close to noon, he hoped to the heavens that Rarity would sleep in, but just in case, he wanted to do something special for her.

Opening the fridge, he grabbed some milk and butter and got some waffle batter. He figured that she should finally get some waffles after all this time, and a nagging voice at the back of his head reminded him of all the trouble that could have been avoided if Rarity had just gotten some waffles.

Her waffle maker was fast acting, and soon a delectable breakfast was prepared. Spike placed one of the silver covers over it to preserve the heat while Rarity slept and sat it on the table. He also left a little note saying that it was her breakfast and he had left, as well as wishing her hangover wasn’t too severe, and to take a shower and brush her teeth eventually to get rid of the taste and smell of vomit.

With everything accounted for, there was nothing really for the dragon to do but to go home. He left the house key on the nearby table and left. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he walked down the quiet road. Everywhere there seemed to be sickly and hung-over ponies making their walks of shame, carrying what little clothing they didn’t have on and their eyes glued to the ground. It was sad to say that Spike was perhaps one of these poor souls, although his situation was far more tragic as he didn’t even get any. But in his heart he knew it was the right thing to do… the stupid mother fucking right thing to do…

He did notice one pony that was walking cheerfully and unhindered, and it was none other than Princess Cadence, who looked like she had gotten a good eight hours of sleep and hadn’t been drunk under the bus by a hamster.

“Come along Shiny,” she pepped, skipping along as her husband dragged behind her. “We got to get back to Canterlot, check to make sure I don’t have a concussion, and rid me of this smell of monkey feces.”

“Yes honey…” Shining Armour yawned, shifting ever farther behind his wife. “Just as long as I can get some sleep on the train ride back…”

“Yeah… sorry about the night terrors and screaming,” she blushed. “And also trying to light you on fire. I can get a little crazy when I’m drunk. But I don’t get hangovers, isn’t that great?”

“Fantastic…”

“It is, isn’t it?” Cadence smiled, stopping for a moment. “And don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten your valiant efforts to protect me from well… everypony else. And I do want to say that I’m really sorry for what happened last night. I didn’t mean to try and hit on Spike… or your mother, both sexually and literally, and destroying your grandmother’s urn… jumping through the window, setting that small child on fire, summoning a giant monkey god that took a shit on the entire downtown area… well, you get the idea, don’t you sweetie?”

“Yes, you become a sociopath when you drink. It’s wonderful… but I forgive you.”

“I mean, I’m going to have to give you the best blowjob of your life to really make up for this.”

Shining’s ears perked up. “Say again now?”

“Oh yeah,” she said lustfully. “I’ve been saving it for a royal fuck up like this. Once I give you this BJ, it’s going to make all the other ones I’ve given you feel like sloppy hoofjobs… self hoofjobs.”

The stallion bolted right next to his mare, energy restored to his body like he had chugged down a twenty-four ounce cup of caffeine. “Well, then we better get back home. Although perhaps we lay low for a while in the Crystal Empire, you know, until things cool down a bit in Canterlot. Something tells me that monkey thing is going to be hard to forgive immediately.”

“True… and it would chap my mouth to give so many ponies blowjobs. Better just run and hide! That always solves the problem!”

Shining beamed. “I couldn’t be more happy with you now than I have ever been in my entire life… or at least, until you give me that blowjob that’s supposed to rock my world.”

“Shining, you’re going to make me blush,” Cadence giggled as they continued to walk towards the train station, talking about blowjobs and other sex things as a family with four young children passed them. As Spike watched, he wondered if Shining Armour and Cadence knew they were talking out loud… really loud. Like almost yelling loud.

However, that really didn’t affect him too much, so he just let the mental scarring take place. It’s not like one more would make much more of a difference at this point. Besides that though the walk was quick and uneventful which was more than what he could have said for last night. When into eyesight of the library, he noticed that a dark chariot was parked next to it, with a lime green unicorn waiting impatiently next to it. He was adorned in Lunar Guard armour, so Spike assumed he was here for the princess.

“Hey,” Spike said, waving to the pony. “I’m guessing you’re Luna’s ride?”

“Something like that,” the lime green stallion sighed. “More of an escort. I was supposed to keep an eye on the princess but she can be very evasive at times. But it’s a living and I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else. Now unless you can help me open this door however, I do ask that you keep the chit chat to a minimum. It’s been a long night.”

“Amen to that,” the dragon said. “But I live here, I can open the door for you.”

“Really?”

Spike reached into his pocket. “Yeah, got the key right here.” He pulled out the small key for the house and unlocked the door. Almost immediately the princess of the night burst out, wearing a lampshade on her head.

“Huzzah! That was the sixth greatest New Lunar Eve that I’ve ever been to! Oh, hello Moonlit Knight, here to escort me back to the castle?”

The lunar knight nodded.

“Excellent! I’m starting to get a little sleepy!” She shouted, not sounding sleepy. “To the castle where we shall engage in the post Lunar Eve escort’s coitus!”

Moonlit hitched himself to the chariot, a big smug smile on his face. “Like I said, I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else!” He sprouted strange, bat-like wings and took off into the air. Spike was a little bewildered at the sight, but just took the mental scar to go with the one from earlier and entered the house.

“Oh my goddess!” He screamed, his hands meeting his head at the sheer sight of the mess of the library. “What in the hell happened here?!”

Books had been pulled out from the shelves, bottles lay broken in puddles of stale liquor and other substances, and several ponies laid passed out on the floor, couches, and any other places a pony could fall asleep. Only one thing was going through Spike’s mind at this time.

“I am so NOT cleaning this up!”

Author's Note

Hi I'm FlimFlamBros.

We've had a lot of fun this chapter, but now it's time to talk about something serious. Sticking things up your butt. It is not a joke, nor is it a game. It's a terrible addiction that some ponies face because they lack pockets and/or the saddlebags and therefore must put things up their butts. Is it dangerous to their health? Top scientist have no idea, but I'm guessing maybe. That's why I'm starting a new campaign to raise awareness, so I urge you to donate at our website or call our toll free number at 1-800-194-UPTHEBUTT

I'm going to be honest with you guys, you've disappoint me, I only got like... 5 bucks from the other campaign that I did for Nymphomania, so there's still no cure for that, it's as if you WANT ponies to be insatiably horny all the time, wanting to, to, grind their bodies against each other and give the best blowjobs ever. Well I hope you're happy because I spent that 5 dollars on a Quarter Pounder at McDonalds, so there's going to be no cure.

Oh and also, next chapter is the last one.