Xenophilia: The Cynical Human

“The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.” - Mark Twain

A secretary came up to the mayor. “Five minutes Mayor Mare.''

“Thank you.” Mayor Mare turned to the ponies and Lero standing next to the Daniel. “I’d like you all to be by my side when I give the announcement. With any luck, having you six will put the crowd at ease.” She sighed. “I’m not going to lie. This is going to be more difficult than you can imagine. I have no idea how hundreds of ponies will react to this!”

“Don’t worry, Miss Mare, you can count our help.” Twilight encouraged. Daniel let out a sigh.

Mayor Mare smiled. “I’m sure your help won’t go unnoticed, Twilight.” She paused, then added: “It would probably be best if you four went first. I’ll come to speak for our guest after they've been calmed down.”

Twilight, Pinky Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Lero took their leave to meet the crowd. Only Daniel and Mayor Mare were left in the room. After a moment of silence, the mayor began to give him a small heads up of what to expect and how to behave.

“Listen here, Daniel, and listen well.” She said to Daniel staring him straight in the eyes. “I don't know Lero personally, but he's been in Equestria for nearly 3 years now, and hes long proven his worth to our community. Be prepared for questions, and remember the talk we all had a few minutes ago. Don't say or do anything offensive. Do I make myself clear?''

“Yes, Mayor Mare” Daniel replied bluntly. ''Fuck... This is all happening too god damn fast... Fuck my awful memory...'' He thought beginning to sweat.

“Good.” She and the human both headed for the door.

Meanwhile, outside, a vast, multicolored crowd of equines endured the idleness. The constant, bearing noise of a hundred conversations at once truncated everypony’s ability to hear. In the front of the crowd were news reporters: earth ponies and unicorns sporting tan jackets, fedoras, pencils, notepads, cameras, and facial hair. They talked amongst themselves above the din of the crowd, vocalizing their impatience, but also anxious to extract some juicy knowledge of what some ponies rumored a human, the first being the well known Lero, has appeared in Equestria.

The door opened and out came five well-known ponies and a human; four of the six who had saved Equestria twice from the wretched evils of Nightmare Moon and Discord. Lero, everyone knew was odd but a really nice and caring person who helped out whenever he could. Some ponies stopped their conversations to listen to what they may say, while most others continued to buzz on with theirs. The six only conversed among themselves, inaudible to the rest of the crowd, when finally Mayor Mare stepped out with Daniel behind her.

''Showtime.'' Daniel muttered bitterly to himself. ''Christ, I wish I had some nicotine patches on me...''

''Just stay calm. Clear your mind, and everything will be alright.'' A voice in his said to him.

''Thanks. Noted.''

As if one flipped a switch, the background noise ceased immediately when the human came into sight. All that was heard was the after-breath of several gasps. The cameras began blinking out harsh white flashes. The mayor climbed on top the speaking pedestal and panned over the captivated audience before finally speaking.

''I feel like a freak...'' Daniel thought.

“Citizens of Ponyville!” The speakers broadcasted to the whole of the crowd. “We are gathered here at this hour to welcome yet another human!'' Most of the crowd glanced at Lero for a few seconds, then back at the stage.

The newsponies furiously scribbled into their notepads as Mayor Mare continued. “Secondly,Twilight Sparkle, prodigy of Princess Celestia herself,” She gestured to said profusely blushing unicorn. “And Lero, the most dependable and the first human in Ponyville, have both personally assured me of his decent behavior, and I trust that each and every one of you will do the same. Fillies and gentlecolts, Daniel Newman!”

Daniel was then suddenly shoved onto the spotlight in front of the amassed pastel ponies. The crowd started to exchange hushed whispers and remarks as the other human stared at them with a stone cold blank look on his face. Daniel cleared his throat several times and spoke casually into the microphone.

“Hello. I'm Daniel. I'm new here.” He itched the back of his neck with his nervous fingers. Wondering what he should say to these other worldy ponies. ''Its a rather decent place here.''

Mayor Mare leaned into the mic right next to him. “Any questions?”

Dozens of hooves were noisily raised into the air, each one eager to gather information from this new being. The mayor scratched her chin. Lero merely stood in the crown and smiled at Daniel, hoping things would go well for him.

“Uh... yes! You there!” She randomly picked a pony.

“What’s your favorite color?!”

Daniel grabbed the mic. “Black.” he said bluntly. ''Though lately blood red.'' He added. This made a few ponies feel uneasy.

“Next question then.”

“Ooh! Ooh!” The same cross-eyed grey pegasus from earlier flailed her forelegs on a cloud above trying to get their attention. “Do you like muffins?”

Miss Mare massaged her temples as Daniel answered that question too. “Yes I do.''

''What does Daniel mean?'' A young high pitched voice asked loudly, presumably a small child.

''Judgement of god. My family were religious folks. Mormons.'' He replied. His blank stare turned into a light frown.

''How old are you?'' A middle aged pony asked him.

''28.'' Daniel answered.

“How did you get here?” Another pony asked

“No idea.''

The crowd went silent for a few moments as a few of them spoke amongst one another.

''Hes weird.'' One pony said to another

''Just give him some time. He seems shy.'' Another said

''Whats a Mormon?''

''Lero,'' A sharp whisper said behind Lero. He turned his head and saw a mint green unicorn standing beside a cream colored earth pony.

''Me and Bon-Bon came as soon as we could. Whats going on? Is it true? Another human has shown up?'' Lyra whispered to Lero.

''Its true, look.'' Lero said pointing up to the stage where Daniel stood in the spotlight, preparing to speak again.

''Why is your head wrapped in a bandage?''

''No idea.'' Daniel answered bluntly

“That’s enough!” The mayor called out. She pointed to a journalist mare in the front who was waving her hoof in apparent frustration. “Your question?”

“Finally!” She levitated her pencil to her notepad. Daniel? Now that you are here in Ponyville, what is it that you will be doing here?”

''Theres something... Off about Daniel, Lero.'' Lyra whispered to him.

''I haven't known him long. I barely know anything about him, but from what hes said to us so far, he doesn't seem to have emotions. His expression... Its unreadable... I don't know what to think of him.'' Lero responded to Lyra as they watched Daniel speak. ''I mean... I'm sorta thrilled to have another human around here, but, he just feels so-''

''Alien?''

Lero nodded his head in affirmation. ''I kinda feel bad for him. Its like, someone has made him shut down all his emotions and he can no longer connect with them.''

''I honestly don't know. Mayor Mare has given me a room in a boarding house, but as for work, nothing so far. Daniel said looking right at Lero, who could see the desperation and fear in his face. ''Whatever Lero can do, I can do as well. Lero can you help me out here?''

Lero got on stage and took the mic, a few ponies cheered for him.

''Great...'' Daniel thought. ''Here everyone here sees Lero as kind as charismatic. I want nothing to do with these ponies but when your desperate... And you wind up in some extremely foreign land... Then you have to ask for help... Unless its Afghanistan... Or Detroit...''

''I'm sure that Daniel will be a helpful part of the community, and I'll help him learn how to fit in as I did.'' Lero said to the audience. ''When I first came here, I struggled to find my place. When I first came here, I had little hope. A small sliver of hope. I hoped that all of you would accept me as what and who I am. And that I'd make friends. And you know what? I did with effort. And this was unexpected, but I even managed to find love.'' He said smiling to Rainbow Dash, Lyra. And Twilight.

''Huh?'' Daniel thought looking at Lero as he continued to speak about his prior experience of being a new comer here in Equestria. ''That... Bestiality? I don't even know what the hell to think... Its fucking mind bottling...'' He thought letting out another sigh.

''Though, throughout the months I've spent here, learning Equestria's cultural norms, getting to know you all, I can honestly say I've never been happier in my life. The life I had before was... Just... Bland. I lived my live a day at a time. The same usual routine over again. But when I came to Equestria, my life changed forever. And I'm thankful. For being graciously welcomed, for my friends, and most importantly,'' Lero said pausing, ''My family.'' Twilight, Rainbow, and Lyra all blushed at his speech, and everypony present, including the reporters, before they went back to scribbling notes, applauded him.

''And I have high hopes, that our new friend Daniel, can adjust well in this world. And I will personally help him through every step.'' Lero said smiling at the ponies, then at Daniel. Lero held the mic out to Daniel, he took it and tunred back to the audience. Everyponies eyes were fixated on him.

''Indeed. I will try my best to adjust here, and thank you, Lero, for helping me.''

The Mayor took the mic next. ''If he wishes to take part in our community, then he has the right to earn his place.” She paused, processing for a moment. “No further questions for today. I’m sure you all have things to do. With that, I bring this town meeting to a close. Thank you all for your time.” Mare turned the microphone off and dismounted from the podium. the crowd began to scatter as ponies went their separate ways. Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Lyra, Pinkie, and Applejack walked up to them.

''Daniel, come with me and I will show you to the boarding house.'' Mayor Mare said as Daniel and Lero dismounted the podium after her.

''Lero!''

Lero then was assaulted by a long tight hug from his herd.

"Lero. That was a great speech. I love you. We all love you.'' Lyra said nuzzling Lero's chest as he held her.

''I love you.'' Twilight and Rainbow said at the same time. Lero wrapped his arms around all three of them and returned the hug.

''And I love all of you. I'd be lost without you three...'' Lero said enjoying their embrace.

''Ugh...'' Daniel sighed looking at Mayor Mare. ''Lets just get going. I wanna take a nap and think about all this.'' The mayor nodded and began walking in front of him, he followed.

''Hey Daniel!'' Lero shouted to him. Daniel stopped in his tracks and turned around to face Him and his herd.

''You're welcome to stay with us.'' Twilight said.

''We have a guest room.'' Lyra added

Daniel pondered this for a few seconds, before coming to his conclusion.

''Perhaps later.'' He said hesitantly. ''I'd rather be alone for now.''

''If you change your mind let us know dude.'' Rainbow said

''Our door is always open.'' Lyra said letting go of Lero and falling back on all four hooves.

''Noted.'' Daniel responded

''So Daniel, how about we swing by your room tomorrow? We'll give you a proper tour of Ponyville.'' Lero said smiling and Daniel, while Daniel frowned.

''What time?''

''How about 8?''

''Sounds fine, Lero. Not like I'm gonna be busy anyways.'' Daniel said turning his back to Lero and continuing to walk with Mayor Mare.

''Until next time Lero.'' Daniel said over his shoulder.

''Heh... Healing better than I thought...'' Daniel thought looking into the bathroom mirror. The gash on his head was now barely noticeable. covered up by most of his pitch black hair. Daniel flicked the bathroom light switch, turning it off as he walked to his bed. The boarding house a fair. Rustic. And smaller than his old apartment back home. One roomed. A small bed by the windows In the corner. A dresser. A desk. A small kitchen area. An over and a stove. A table and four chairs. A nightstand with a lamp on it beside his bed. The wall paper was s light blue. His room in the boarding house seemed both depressing and familiar to him.

"Well. On the bright side it's bigger than my old college dorm room. I guess..." He thought removing his shirt and pants and the hopping into bed. Staring up at the ceiling, he thought about his life up until this day. One bad day... He didn't know how exactly to cope with being trapped in another universe inhabited by one sole human and a bunch of talking ponies.

"Ugh... Jesus... This has to be a fucking dream... Ponies? I have to be extremely high right now. I mean, I've done drugs before and blacked out not remembering anything. But to think I've been sucked into some 5 year olds wet dream. Impossible. Ugh... Well... When I wake up I'll either be in bed. Or dead. Or something... Ugh... What's next? Magic?" He thought to himself bitterly still staring up at the ceiling for what seemed like hours before falling asleep.