My Little Zergling

My Little Zergling

By Silent Bob

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHH!.!.!

Screaming forth from a height beyond heights came a small ship. It was rectangular in shape, though with roundish edges. And if viewed from the top, one could vaguely see a symbol upon it: a red, muscled arm holding a whip. She whizzed downwards at tremendous speeds, rattling and banking in the thick atmosphere of the burning world to which it descended to. And though the whip painted on it would suggest otherwise: those aboard it were not on a mission to tame the beasts of hell, they were here to figure out how soon they would be killing them... or the other way around...

There wasn't much inside the vessel, save for the pilot's cockpit where an agitated, though confident young woman wrestled to keep the vessel on a stable, happy landing vector, and the troop bay, which took up the largest portion of it. There, more soldiers stood, though they weren't meant to stay inside the ship, as the heavy power-armor they wore suggested, complete with glass helmets and all, making them able to be completely air-tight if needed. However, for the moment, they were down, revealing a most peculiar sight:

The faces of those within were laced with anything but fear.

"WOOOOOOO YEAH! Who's ready for whack-a-Zerg, round two?!" an overly enthusiastic trooper grinned.

"Oi, pipe down ya bloody green horn," another marine growled, one who had three stripes on his armor. "We'll be waxin' Zerg alrigh', but let me tell ya, it ain't pretty to be playin' ball on their home field..."

The first marine rolled his eyes.

"Pfffft, yeah right! We'll roast these critters like we did in the first war! Don't matter where we're playin'!" he said, quickly raising the large, rectangular weapon he held in his power-gloved fingers and mock-pulling the trigger. "BAM! One for the trophy collection! BAM! Two! Boom, headshot! Hahaha!” he cackled. “I'll be blasting their heads off before you can say DIE MOTHER FUC-"

"Actually uh... the Protoss were the ones who scored the major victory during the first war... with the whole killing the Overmind thing," another trooper, this one female and wearing geeky classes piped up, smiling sheepishly.

The first trooper turned and gave her a blank look. "Kelly, please tell me you aren't still reading that Raynor's Raiders sanctioned tabloid bullshit! Everyone knows the Dominion was there when the Overmind was slain. Mengsk drove his family's sword right through the eye of that thing!" He then pointed towards his eye, grinning as he leaned closer to her. "Right through the friggin' eye!"

"How does that even make any sense, Stenson?" Kelly groaned. "When the Zerg started displaying signs of rampancy, Emperor Mengsk was on Korhal delivering his-"

"Jesus H. Caroling Christ... can't you guys just pipe down and enjoy the music?" a tired looking marine yawned from the back, evidently having just been woken up.

The two arguing marines raised their eyebrows, perking their ears to a rendition of Back in Black as it blared through the troop bay.

"Ugh, why the hell do we always listen to this old Earth crap, though?" Stenson grumbled. "We should be listening to great Korpulu classics like Sweet Home Alabama!"

Kelly all but facepalmed.

"Yeah, well, ya won't need ta be listenin' to it much longer, we're almost to the surface," the accented marine grunted. "Even though you insult my Australian' heritage by callin' it crap, by the way."

The tired marine raised an eyebrow. "How do you know we're so close?

The accented marine narrowed his eyes. "Cus' I can smell the sulfur, Niles. I's been here once before. Lock n' load, ladies."

"And this is why it sucks to be the token girl," Kelly groaned, smacking a clip of massive slugs into her overly-large Guass Rifle with a satisfying CLICK! "You all say 'ladies' like it's a bad thing!"

"Yeah, unless you're a lady with balls of steel, Kelly!" Stenson smirked cheekily.

Kelly merely sighed, shaking her head incredulously. "Sometimes Stenson, I think zerglings have more brains than you."

"But you know they don't kiss as good," he winked, before coughing slightly. "The teeth would probably get in the way."

Niles gave a small laugh at that, as Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Sarge, permission to use Stenson as zergling bait," she said jokingly.

"Only if he gets' wounded and can't shoot nemore," the Australian sergeant grunted, Stenson giving a slight shiver and a gulp.

At that, a new voice made itself known, heavily distorted as if run through a filter.

"Comin' into the landing zone. Zerg Hive twenty clicks to the east. No sign of heavy air activity, as reported from orbit. Seems this one doesn't have a flyers den' after all," it squawked from a nearby loudspeaker. "Still, hang on, we're in for some chop!"

"Roger that, Corporal," the sergeant called into his suit's built-in radio, before nodding his head towards the rest of his four-man squad. "Alright, you blokes. You know the mission. We pop into our lovely neighbor's house for a visit, give a lil' peek to see what new goodies they've got, and then book it like we've just seen one of em cheatin' on their wife. Understand?"

"Yes, sir!"

He then gave a smirk. "Then let's make it hasty. You all want to catch the new episode of 'Littlest Pet Shop' still, right?"

"Hell yeah, sir!" Stenson said, saluting.

"Now that is worth getting off this rock for," Niles smiled. "Zoe Trent is best Littlest Pet!"

Kelly shook her head again, closing her eyes.

"Boys..." she muttered.

CHA-CHUNK!

The interior of the ship rattled for the briefest second, before the sound of roaring winds outside the troop bay subsided, leading to an eerie silence.

She had touched down.

"Alright lads, the Corps isn't payin' by the hour! GOGOGO!" the sergeant roared, swinging an enthusiastic hand forward.

☼☼☼

The quartet of marines crept through a small, blackened valley of dust and ash, it having accumulated, as Kelly had explained, from thousands of years of continuous volcanic eruptions. It was not surprising for this world, it being a forever-melting planet situated so close to the red giant it orbited no marine really wanted to think too much about it.

And of course, that's just what Kelly wanted to do.

"...It's interesting, really, tectonic activity on this planet is so high that entire continents have been known to sink beneath oceans of molten lava, some as large as the Great Western Ocean on Tarsonis," she chirped merily.

"Great, and I didn't pack mah swim trunks," Niles said, before lifting an eyebrow. "Makes me wonder how much heat this damned suit could take, though. If I were to fall into said lava ocean..."

"The suit would only be able to resist the heat up to about two minutes, tops," Kelly explained, glancing down at her own. "After that, it'd take another five minutes for it to sink through your armor, but by then, you would already be roasting alive like you were in an-"

"Kelly, please, spare us the bloody details," the sergeant groaned.

"W-Well," Kelly squeaked. "I just want us all to know how much time we'd have to escape if the whole continent sinking thing were to happen... I mean... it has happened without warni-"

"KELLY!" the sergeant practically shouted. "Please, for the love of god. I've got enough on my mind thinkin' there might be Zerg in our futures! I don’t need whatever twisted version of mother nature exists on this world on my mind too."

"Well good! Let the Zerg come then! At least they we can deal with," Stenson grinned. "Like I said: BAM! BOOM, HEADSHOT! You just got Stensoned, baby!"

"Please, you'd probably wet yourself so quick your suit's filter wouldn't know how to handle it," Niles chuckled, Kelly giggling as well.

"Pfff, while my hands might be shakin', I'll still be gettin' those head shots baby! BA-BOOM, HEADSHOT! BOOM, HEADSHOT! BOOOOOM, HEAAADSHOOOT!"

The sergeant rolled his eyes. "You know, between you and Miss Fun-Facts over there, I'm really tempted to test out this suit's lava handling capabilities sometime soon... I saw a nice big pool to take a lil hot dip in on the way down."

"And just leave me all alone with them?" Niles smirked, before shaking his head. "You're a cruel man, sarge."

"Yeah well, my ancestors come from the land down' undah," the sergeant grunted. "Things worse than the Zerg that'd try to kill ya there. Heh, bet they'd be runnin' with their tails between their legs if they ever tried to invade that continent. Ya had to be ruddy tough to survive."

"Bah, I seriously think people overreact about the Zerg," Stenson groaned, twirling about to face his fellow squadmates and halting in his treks, him having been the point man. "I mean, we've all seen the videos, and yeah, they're tough, but they bleed like anything else. 'Hit em' right between the eyes and you'll go far, kids,' my drill instructor always said! I mean, seriously-"

Suddenly, the trio's eyes widened, Kelly frantically gesturing behind him. "Uh, Stenson..."

"With the new Dominion technology at our disposal such as the Thor, mass attacks shouldn't be a problem anymore... and these new holo-points are truly..."

"Stentson! YOUR SIX!" the sergeant cried.

Stenson's eyebrows narrowed in confusion, before he suddenly twirled about with a gasp, his eyes widening in realization... and soon in horror.

"RAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHH!.!.!"

"FUCK!"

"SHIT!"

"WAX IT! WASTE THE MOTHER FUCKER!"

CHICK-CHICK!

Stenson cocked his gun, panting frantically as a beast of hell charged his way...

"ALRIGHT, BABY! SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!.!.!"

RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

"SHREEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!.!.!"

"YEAH?! YOU LIKE THAT! COME ON MOTHER FUCKER! GET SOME!"

A brilliant set of flashes illuminated the darkened valley as charred dirt kicked up near the clawed feet of the beast. However, skillfully, it dodged to the left, zig-zagging, before roaring towards one of the valley walls as fast as any killing machine man had ever met. Before the quartet of marines could even get a better look at it, it had used its fearsome talons and powerful frontal legs to burrow into the wall.

And then... silence.

The marines panted.

Hands, arms and entire bodies quaked in fear…

All except one.

"Alright, lads. Keep cool," the sergeant growled, signaling his squadron to form on him in a box-like formation. "It's just a Zerglin-"

"ZERGLING?! YOU EVER SEEN A ZERGLING THAT FAST BEFORE?!" Stenson all but screamed.

"S-Stenson, keep it down, bud," Niles said, patting his shoulder, his hand shivering. "I k-know first encounters with the Zerg always suck, but ya don't wanna signal the whole hive we're here."

Stenson nodded nervously, still panting, before taking a deep breath. "R-Right... sorry. Gotta keep cool... Keep cool..."

"There ya go, lad," the sergeant said, giving him a quick glance of approval. "Keep calm n' carry on. Ole' Earth sayin' I've heard of." He then took a deep breath. "Just keep calm... and carry on..."

"He's right, though," Kelly squeaked, training her gun every which way. "That was no normal zergling. I've studied them on my down-time many times, and I've never seen one so quick..."

Her eyes widened.

"Unless..."

"Unless what?" the sergeant grunted. "Don't tell me this is some bloody runt who's been sippin' on steroids. That's Stenson's job."

"Hey! I don't take steroids you friggin' jerk!" Stenson said, actually letting loose a laugh.

"We know ya don't, buddy, but keep laughing," Niles smiled. "Just keep laughing and we'll get through this..."

"Damned straight," the sergeant said, narrowing his eyes before calling, "Anyway, as you were saying, Kelly?"

She took a deep breath, before continuing with, "well, I've read of old files of a particular zergling strain called Devouring Ones..."

"Lovely name... hopefully they're vegetarians?" Niles butted in, Kelly rolling her eyes at the forced-joke.

"U-Unfortunately for our corpses, no," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Peachy," the sergeant grunted.

"However, there is good news in all of this," she continued. "They aren't usually used as scouts. They're more of hunters..."

"T-That's the good news?!" Stenson said, laughing sarcastically. "Oh this is just great..."

"Easy, son," the sergeant stated in a cool tone. "That's good news because the little bastard may not be reportin' back to its big brother Zerg as we speak."

"B-But aren't they hive-minded?" Niles gulped.

"Nope, not unless they're close to each other," the sergeant said, actually whipping out a cigar and lighting it now. "We just need to kill the beefy runt' and move on is all."

"Wait, there's one thing I forgot to mention," Kelly said, shivering, as her and the rest of the squad continued to train their guns forward, still in the box formation...

About four square feet in-between them.

"And what's that?" the sergeant asked, taking a puff as he held his Guass Rifle with one hand.

Kelly gulped and gave a solitary blink, before stuttering forth, "R-Rumor has it that this breed is... sentient."

Stenson all but giggled maniacally. "Oh this just gets better and better! Too bad I didn't bring my pipe organ! We could have made first contact!"

"Stenson, Jesus Christ, you're starting to grate on my nerves, man," Niles groaned. "Keep it cool. Even if it's sentient, that doesn't mean it's bright." He then cracked a smirk. "You're sentient after all."

"Very funny," Stenson groaned, before squinting in thought for a second, and cracking a smile. "B-But you know... you're right. We can take on one measly zergling. I mean- how smart can it be!"

He then took a deep breath, his eyes narrowing in resolve as his voice echoed into the valley:

"Well, come on then you mother fucker! We're right here! BRING. IT. ON-"

"Hold it-" the sergeant called, tossing down his cigar and holding up an armored hand.

Slowly... warily, he began turning around, his eyes narrowed.

"Did you lot hear that?"

Sweat dripped upon blackened soil...

The sergeant took a deep breath...

...

And then...

"RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!.!.!"

Without warning, the same damned zergling popped out of the ground right in the middle of their formation, kicking up hardened, volcanic rock and sending it clanging against the armored suits of the stunned space marines.

"HOLY SHIT!"

"FUCK! FUCK!"

"COME ON! SHOOT IT!"

Before they could even pull their triggers, however, the armored, muscled tail of the creature twirled about in a three-sixty-degree arc, actually ripping the rifles out of the marines’ hands and sending them sailing over the canyon walls... out of sight.

The jaws of the four nearly dropped as the zergling let loose a terrific growl, its yellow, animal eyes piercing them... its teeth dripping thick saliva... and its mouth...

Smirking?

Stenson seemed to be the only marine who caught this, his eyes widening.

"What the fuc-"

"PISTOLS! QUICK!" the sergeant cried, the four immediately drawing them out of their holsters....

SWIIIIIIIIISHHHHHHHHHHHHH!.!.!

CLACK-CLACK-CLACK-CLACK!.!.!

Only for the zergling to twirl about and do the same thing to them.

"JESUS! When the FUCK did we land in the Loony Toons world?!" Niles shouted.

"Wherever we are, I don't give a shit! You lot get back to the dropship, NOW!" the sergeant roared, him and the zergling now glaring down at each other, each waiting for the other to make the first move.

"S-Sarge! You can't possibly-" Kelly cried.

"I SAID- GET BACK TO THE BLOODY DROPSHIP, GOD DAMNIT!" he screamed, his voice actually starting to crack. "GET. THE FUCK. OUT OF HERE!.!.!"

"Come on Kelly... come on!" Niles said frantically, gripping both her and a stunned Stenson, almost having to drag them away.

"S-Sarge..." Stenson gasped... and to his surprise, he could still see the smirk on the zergling's face. It was almost as cocky and confident as his had been before he had met the little bastard. Though soon, it'd be out of sight, along with the sergeant.

"Oh, got a little cheeky smirk, do ya?" the sarge said, the zergling tilting his head in curiosity before letting out a brief series of strange, cackle like noises. "You must be the zerglin' version of Stenson, I suppose."

He then narrowed his eyes.

"However, I betcha can't box as good as that goofy bloke can."

The sergeant then growled, before reeling back his suit's mechanical arm, it sputtering out a series of steam puffs and rattling as he did so.

He was preparing to punch the zergling.

Like a boss.

However, the zergling didn't make any sort of defensive stance, nor did it pounce on him. Instead, it began waving one of the two talons hanging off its back forward.

The sergeant lowered his eyebrows in confusion, though his face was still contorted with barely-controlled adrenaline-filled rage.

"What, ya warmin' up or something?! Well come on, let's see your stuff ya' little shit!" he growled.

However to his shock, the zergling then actually shook his head, before continuing to gesture behind the sergeant.

The sergeant's jaw nearly dropped as he stood there, awe-struck.

A gust of wind blew by them, smelling of rotten eggs....

The zergling continued to smirk....

And finally, the sergeant nearly threw down his arms, shouting in the most baffled tone possible:

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

☼☼☼

"Oh god... I can't believe we just left him like that," Kelly squeaked, a few tears actually forming in her eyes. "W-We weren't resocialized... we're not convicts for fuck sakes! We should have been better than that!"

"Easy, Kelly... it'll be alright... he died protecting his men," Niles said in a comforting, though shattered tone, patting her on the shoulder. "It's how he'd want to go..."

She gave an incredulous laugh. "That's bullshit! We were selfish! We were fucking selfish! All we're doing now is trying to comfort ourselves!"

Stenson's eyes narrowed at that.

"Then let's fucking do something about it!" he growled, before gripping an assault rifle off the wall and cocking it. "Come on! Let’s go hunt that little bastard down! He hunted us, so we'll return the fucking favor!"

"Stenson.... no. We're down to three men. Our mission is a fucking bust, let's... let's just get back to orbit," Niles sighed, his tired eyes growing more and moreso by the second. "We'll need to report what happened."

"We need to do something though... we have to..." Stenson said, in what was nearly a whimper.

Kelly took a deep breath, turning towards the now not-so green horn marine, a small tear running down her cheek. "He's right, Stenson... we didn't stand a chance with four... how can we make do with three?"

And then, suddenly, a voice called from out of the open door of the troop bay...

The voice of a ghost.

"Now, what's this about you lot not wantin' to avenge me?! Shame on you! Shame! I aughta haunt your asses to Korhal and back!"

The trio of marines snapped so quickly towards the origin of it their metallic feet nearly created sparks, their mouths parting in absolute awe.

"S-Sarge?" Stenson said, beginning to walk towards him along with his fellow troops.

He cracked a grin in return, lighting another cigar. "Yeah, betcha you were hopin' ya saw the last of me, weren't ya-"

He was interrupted as Kelly tossed her arms around him in a hug.

"Oi, Jesus Christ! " he said, giving a hearty laugh and dropping the cancer stick. "When did you lot get so sentimental? Ya been forgettin' to take your standard Dominion asshole pills?!"

At that, Kelly gave an embarrassed giggle as she unwrapped her arms from him, throwing a salute. "H-Heh. My apologies, sir."

"Eh, it's alrigh', really," he said, still laughing. "Believe me, I'm happy I'm alive too!"

"How the fuck... how the fuck did he get away from that thing?" Niles said, his cold, baffled face giving way to a warm smile.

The sergeant smiled. "Probably gonna be the question of the hour, isn't it?"

"B-But sarge," Stenson gasped. "Seriously! How did you-"

"Escape?" he said, chuckling while his eyebrows raised so high they nearly cleared his scalp. "Well uh... let's just say the official story is going to be I beat that damned thing to death with my fists..."

Kelly's eyes widened. "Wait... official story? What's the unofficial one?! What could be crazier than that?!"

"Oh lord," the sarge said, shaking his head incredulously as he made his way to the dropship... and not even bothering to pick up his cigar. "I'm not even sure if I want to tell it..."

"Oh come on, this sounds way too good!" Niles grinned, his face filled with more mirth than it had been all month.

"I dunno... when I tell ya, you're going to start thinkin' that I'm just tryin' to be modest."

"Pleeeeeease, sarge," Kelly said, giving him puppy-dog eyes.

The sergeant facepalmed. "Oh bloody.. god damnit, I hate when you do that," he groaned, before taking a deep breath and rolling his eyes. "Fine..." he continued, raising a finger. “But seriously, I don't want you blokes sayin' a damned thing to anyone else when I do, cus if ya do, they might start thinkin' I'm a nut."

"Our lips are sealed!"

"You got it sarge!"

At that, the group of marines then merrily made their way back into to the dropship, stopping short of skipping, as the sergeant began to tell his amazing tale. And though they may have not have completed their mission, it felt nearly as good as if they had.

Still, before the door closed, the sergeant took one last glance out of it, a massive, red sun setting on the horizon.

"One day ya little runt," he said, chuckling. "One day, the Dominion's gonna be here in force..."

He paused, letting loose a sigh.

"But when that day comes... I hope that neither of us run into each other again..."

...

And of course, his sentimental moment was then broken.

"Ehehe... er yeah, guys," Stenson said sheepishly, gazing at a few of his suit's readings. "I'm definitely gonna' need to change my suit's piss filter."

"Oh Jesus Christ, I knew it!” Niles cackled, nearly rolling around on the ground in laughter. "I totally knew it!"

"God damnit, Stenson," the sergeant chuckled.

☼☼☼

As the Terran Dropship rocketed back into the heavens towards an orbiting stealth ship (yes, one the Zerg knew was there), a certain zergling gave a cackle as he galloped back towards the Hive that was his home.

"Haha, Terrans can be such sissies sometimes," he thought, continuing to gallop merrily along the blackened fields.

However, suddenly, he came to a screeching halt, squinting.

Giving a sigh, he turned and gave the dropship one last glance.

"But seriously... you don't have to go home... but you can't... stay... here."

☼☼☼

My little zergling...

My little zergling...

Ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh....

My little zergling!

I've always wondered what slavery could be!

My little zergling!

Then the Overmind came and showed me!

Assimilation,

Is tons of fun!

Infesting the hearts,

Of those who are strong!

Sharing worlds,

Is not how we keep,

The hive so awesome and complete!

My little zergling!

The lives you know will soon be at end!

YAYYYYYYYY!

...

"YOU REQUIRE ADDITIONAL VESPENE GAS!"

Er, right after we mine more gas... FOR THE SWARM!

☼☼☼

"Devouring One... Two-Six-Two..." a low, perpetually angry, but distinctively female voice echoed.

He stood upon a large, mass of living, pulsating matter, the interior of a Zerg hive. The walls dripped with disgusting liquid, and seemed to be 'breathing' like the floor was, as veins filled with a blue substance ran up and down them. However, this was nothing if not soothing to most sentient Zerg. Only in the dark corner of the hive was something…. or someone that truly unnerved him, her with a pair of glowing, predatory, yellow eyes.

Though naturally, they wouldn't stop him from speaking his mind.

"Er, actually, I kind of gave myself a name," he thought.

Of course, he couldn't speak like the being could, her having the right vocal chords and mouth structure to be able to communicate like a Terran, though they could still chat telepathically.

"Digger!"" he thought enthusiastically, grinning. "Sounds pretty cool, right!? You know, since I'm... well... really good at burrowing and stuff! Yeah, I know, not the most creative, but it-"

"SILENCE!" the being roared with a nearly demonic-like distortion, the zergling actually feeling a ripple of anger coming from her. “You… are nothing but a drone. You don’t have a name. You have no personality. You have no purpose but to serve me…"

"Err... right. Anything you say, ma'm," he said cheekily, before continuing to think, "but if she didn't want me to have a personality, why have I been able to develop one...? Why would Brood Mother-"

"I can hear those thoughts of yours, you fool!" the being shouted, the zergling immediately shutting his mouth, sweat-dropping. "And I don't know why the Brood Mother saw fit to give you such an unneeded 'asset', but she has, and the damage is done. Though I'm still going to have a word with her later."

Her piercing, yellow eyes then narrowed.

"And let it be known that the only reason you're still alive is because of your experience..."

"Oh, admit it! You find me charming! I mean, it's not like you have anyling else to talk to frequently since that Duran guy went and ran off..."

"Yes..." she sighed, though still glaring daggers at him. "But Duran's chatter was actually intellectually stimulating. Yours... is not."

"What? Do you want to talk philosophy or something? Ooo, I can totally do that! What came first? The Mutalisk or the egg-"

"RAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHH!"

At that, the zergling's eyes widened as what could be described as a gust of wind leapt forth like an angry lion from the being, sending him crashing into the hive wall. Luckily though, their squishy selves made great padding, and he slowly slid back down to the pulsating floor, unharmed.

And yet, despite his punishment, the zergling could not refrain from being a smartass.

"Really gotta see someone about that temper of yours... though I hear counting to ten works, you know-"

"Do you want another demonstration of it?" she hissed.

The zergling 'gulped.'

"Nope."

"Good... then maybe you'll shut up and listen to me for a second."

The zergling then took a deep breath. "I'm all... strange hole things I have for ears," he smirked.

The being narrowed her eyes again. "Do you realize how much I hate you?"

The zergling's smirk widened as he wagged his tail in delight. "Oh, we both know hate is just a much more fun form of love..."

"That doesn't even make sense," the being grumbled. "Now shut up, please, before I kill you and find another assassin up for the task..."

The zergling lifted an eyebrow. "Huh? Assassin? Task?"

"That's right..." she growled. "You see, the mission I sent you on today was just a test... one another Zerg wouldn't have performed in the way you did..."

The zergling's eyes widened. "Hey! Don't blame me for not killing them! They seemed like such nice people, well despite the fact they were pointing guns at me and nearly shot my tail off.... but still-"

"I never said you failed in your task, you idiot," she snapped, before taking a deep breath. "You were created to be somewhat of a pacifist... for where you're going, I can't have you killing everything you set your sights on like any other Zerg would... all except for one being, of course..."

Digger raised an eyebrow. "Huh? What being? What are you talking about?" He then gave a shiver, his eyes widening in horror. "Wait! I'm not going to Korhal right?! To try to take out Mengsk!? I mean, four marines is one thing, but they have so many guns and battlecruisers and Thors that could stomp me into..."

"SHUT. THE HELL. UP!" the being shrieked, with such a force of telekinetic wind it nearly teared up Digger’s eyes. "You're not going to Korhal..." she said, her voice going back to its calm, low, grumble. As if the being perpetually had a stick up her-

"You're going to a newly discovered world, actually... one of more value than that nuked desert Mengsk calls home, as suitable as it may be for a cockroach..." she hissed, with more hatred than Digger had ever felt coming from her upon the word ‘Mengsk.’

Before his eyes, what could be called a holographic image of a beautiful planet appeared. A world of green, lush forests, of blue, beautiful oceans, and one that uh… had a star... orbiting it...?

What. The fuck?

"Uh... I don't know much about astronomy," Digger said, lifting an eyebrow, before squinting in thought for a second. "Well, actually, I don't know much about anything sept... Zerg rushing.” He then cleared his ‘throat.’ “But I do know... uh... isn't the planet supposed to orbit the star?"

"How astute. You really do have twenty more IQ points than the average zergling," the being said sarcastically. "But yes, that would be the case... if this world were in a universe that obeyed our laws of physics."

Digger's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"Mph," she said. "I don't feel I should need to explain myself to you, but I might as well." She then cleared her throat, as a holographic image of a wormhole appeared instead of the planet. "Ten months ago, a Leviathan encountered this anomaly outside the Chau Sara system. It is a wormhole, and a rare one at that. It was likely created during a battle between the Terrans and Tassadar's ill fated expedition: probably when one of their ship's warp matrixes was ruptured."

"Warp matrix. Wormholes. Confusing Technobabble. Gotcha," Digger said, nodding. He then smiled slightly, however. ”Hey! I know who that Tassadar guy is though-"

Without even bothering to try to shut him up this time, the being continued with, "The wormhole leads to a pocket dimension that lies within the same 'sheet' as that portion of our universe. Though it may only be the size of a pea from our perspective, it's nothing we can touch... without going inside it."

Digger's eyes widened in horror. "Am I going to be... shrunken or something? Cus I didn't think we had a shrink ray lying around, nor that those things even-"

"No, you idiot! Pay attention!" she snapped. "The wormhole leads to the pocket dimension, and though normally these places are filled with nothing; somehow, a single solar system exists inside it, with just one star... one moon... and one planet. And do you want to take a guess as to what's on that planet?"

"Uh... a Xel'Naga temple! Wait, no... a Xel'Naga temple filled with... chocolate pudding!"

The glowing eyes rolled. "Something far worse than the Xel'Naga..." she hissed, another wave of anger coming from her... and perhaps... a bit of envy. "It's filled with... ponies. Sentient. Ponies. Those very much like you would find on the my... I mean... the Terran homeworld of Earth. Though they have distinct differences."

The hologram of the wormhole flickered to an image of a purple pony with a small little tattoo on her flank.

Digger's eyes widened in delight, his tail beginning to wag again. "Hey! She has a pretty cool uh... what do the Terran call them(?)... tattoo! Looks like a group of stars!"

"Ignore that... note the protrusion on her head," she stated, Digger quickly glancing in curiosity at a horn-like entity sprouting from her forehead.

"So wait... she has a horn? What's the big deal? Is she good at stabbing people with it?" He then gave a shiver. "Cus I don't like being stabbed..."

"It is much more than a melee weapon..." the yellow-eyed entity grunted in annoyance. "That... 'horn'... is capable of producing a powerful energy force capable of space-time manipulation that rivals even that of the Protoss. Some would even call it... magic."

"Pffff.... I can do magic," Digger grumbled. "Just get me a deck of cards and I'll blow your friggin' mind-"

"Not... that kind of magic," she said, her tone now less aggressive than desperate and defeated, almost as she wanted nothing more than to end this meeting now...

Which is just what Digger wanted.

Seriously, she was such a bitch. In fact, that was her self-used title: 'Queen Bitch of the Universe.' Though she only used it when she was being all cool and stuff and talking down to aliens. Still, he made it his game to see just how angry he could make her before she actually decided to kill him, and that was something he could sense might happen any second now.

However, despite this, he actually gave a sigh, deciding he'd try to be more serious the rest of the meeting. For despite the fact his master was a loathsome being, he still couldn't help but feel this powerful, overwhelming need to please her in any way he could.

... And no, not in that way you sick bastards.

You know who you are.

"Sorry," Digger said.

"Then show me there wasn't a mistake in your brain development and stop acting so foolish," she hissed, her eyes narrowing yet again, before she continued with:

"As I was saying, they are naturally adept with psionic powers... or something similar at least, at levels that rival the Protoss."

Digger squinted in thought for the briefest second, before his eyes widened in realization.

"...You want to... assimilate them all, don't you? Into the swarm..."

He could just feel her smirking. "Yes... yes I do. I want to make every last one of them my own." Another wave of anger soon washed over him, as the hologram flickered to a view of a happy little town, many different types of the pony creatures frolicking about it.

"Awwwwww..." Digger cooed. "They're almost as cute as Terran children... before they grow up and start pointing guns at you…"

"Yes… and do you want to know what? I hate them so… so much," the being said bluntly, ignoring his comment for the most part. "I hate them more than anything I've ever hated before. If I were so foolish, I'd send in an invasion force right now and pummel them to the ground without even bothering to add their genetics to the swarm. I'd have them ripped apart limb by overly-joyful limb. I'd have them boiled alive in the fires of Char. The scream of one of them would be louder and more potent than all the souls of Tarsonis consumed... all the souls of Auir...."

Oh yeah, and she was more than just a bitch, she was also fucking crazy... and evil, too... Really. Really. Fucking. Evil.

Fucking.

Evil.

"W-Why do you hate them so much?" Digger squeaked, now actually trembling at the amount of rage he could feel coming from her.

"Because envy... is a powerful emotion... and one of the few I can still feel..." she said, before taking a deep breath. "Do you know what life was like growing up for me... even as part of one of the richer families on Tarsonis?" she asked.

Digger's eyes widened. She never opened up to anyone. EVER. As far as he knew, she didn't even care about her past... but it seemed he was wrong. And you know what? When she began to elaborate, he actually began to have a bit of sympathy for her.

"It was hell..." she answered, not even waiting for a response. Though perhaps she could just sense the answer was 'yes'.

"The Confederates made it so. I was abducted... placed in the ghost program, for the 'good of the people.' Without consent or any whim of my own, tears streaming down my face as I was dragged away. And this... is something common in Terran society. This sort of bastard-run bullshit. And that was even before Mengsk's betrayal... and the Overmind's 'gift' he gave me." She then glared towards the hologram. "However, these ponies... they know nothing about that. They live lives of happiness without a care in the world..."

He then felt something like a 'shudder' coming from her, a deep, spiteful... shudder.

"I want them... to suffer... to feel what the rest of us feel..." she said in a low, deadly serious tone.

And yep... there went the sympathy, like a bit of dust in the wind, as the being gave a grunt and continued with:

"However, I am not foolish enough to invade them right off hand and torture them all to death. I have a better plan in mind, one that concerns your target."

"Sweeeeet... always wanted to go to a planet filled with Protoss wannabes to try to take out a high-ranking target who would likely be able to blast me into zergling dust...” Digger groaned. ”And probably still look cute while doing it, too."

"You will not be killed if you do your job right," she grumbled. "And your target is far less than cute... in fact, she's probably the one I hate the least... though her death is essential to my plans."

The hologram flickered to that of another type of pony, this one looking a bit more Zergish, actually. She had all the works of creepydom: insect-like wings, hole-filled legs, (Digger didn't even want to know how they evolved those sort of things...), and a scowl on her face that could rival her's who gazed upon him right now.

"This... is Queen Chrysalis," the voice hissed. "And I want her dead within ten moon rises."

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EVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!.!.!.!.!