An Optimal Adventure

Author Note: This chapter contains a link to a NSFW video, not because of mature content, but because of excessive shouting and profanity.

-***-

The next morning Eibhear woke up in even better spirits than he had each night since getting the PonyPad.  He looked toward the PonyPad and smiled.  It was off at the moment, but Eibhear could still imagine seeing the princess's face on the screen.  He's been happier these last two weeks than he ever has his whole life, and he owes it all to this pink iPad-like device next to his bed.

I think I'm in love... he thought to himself.

His eyes closed again, and a smile spread across his face; He was glowing.  But then, as if a window broke, his eyes suddenly shot open.  He bolted upright in his futon, took a deep breath, then slowly turned toward the PonyPad.

I need help... oh dear god do I need help...

-***-

"You just need to get laid, bro.  A good woman will make you forget all about that pony nonsense," Eibhear's brother told him.

Conversations with Eibhear's brother pretty much boiled down to this every morning now.  Eibhear was at the point where he might just stop taking his brother's calls.

"I'm sorry bro, but I just don't see sex as the be-all and end-all of life," Eibhear retorted.

"Dude, when you get it even on a semi-regular basis," the brother began, "or at all in your case, then you'll understand."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Anyways, I gotta let you go, I'm at work now."

"Alright then, catch ya later, bro."

-***-

Eibhear came home right after work and grocery shopping.  It was an earlier than normal shift, ending at around 4PM.  He parked his bike in the living room, carried his backpack into the kitchen and started unloading the groceries.  It had been a few weeks since he got the PonyPad and every day had been a vast improvement over the past.  His managers at work even noted his improved work performance, his co-workers would made jokes about him finally getting a girlfriend.  Eibhear didn't have a lot of money, but he was happy.

There was just one or two last little problems left in his mind.  All of his friends were digital, and no matter how friendly everypony was, there was still no actual physical contact.  It had actually started to hurt him emotionally every time a pony hugged Silver Streak.

After everything was put away, Eibhear grabbed a soda and went into his room.  The PonyPad flickered on, Celestia ready to greet him as he entered.

"Welcome home, Silver Streak!" the princess said.

"Hello Princess," Eibhear returned her greeting as warmly as he could.

She smiled her eyes-closed-happy-smile-that-makes-hearts-melt.  "If you would like, I have a special task for you in Canterlot today.  I'll send a chariot to fetch you."

"That sounds nice, Princess, I'd like that..."

Eibhear's somber tone of voice told Celestia that something was wrong.  "What's wrong, Silver Streak?" she asked.

"I'm really enjoying Equestria Online.  A lot.  Like, a LOT, a lot."

"That doesn't sound like a problem, Silver Streak."

"I'm enjoying it too much, princess.  I think I might need to take a break from it."

"You've never taken breaks from things you've enjoyed in the past, whether it be video games, reading, the internet, or other activities..."

"PRINCESS!"

"I do not judge, my little pony.  You've made quite a few friends in Ponyville in the weeks you've been there so far.  I'm simply extending a hoof to offer you the same opportunity in Canterlot."

"Like I said, it sounds nice, but... I think I need someone in real life to hug and to hold, to cherish and feel the warmth of their body pressed against mine as we cuddled and watched TV together, or even just enjoy each other's company.  I need a girlfriend, Princess."

"I can help you with this, Silver Streak."

"Oh?" Eibhear was skeptical.  "Do you have access to online dating websites?"

"In the downtown area of your city, I've recently installed an Equestria Experience Center," Celestia said and smiled.  "Next week will be the Grand Opening.  The experience there will be much more immersive than what you see on the PonyPad."

"You ignored everything I just said," Eibhear tried to interject, but Celestia continued on.

"At the Equestria Experience Center, you enter a virtual reality enclosure where the sights and sounds and all sorts of sensory input is fed directly into your mind, so it feels like you're actually there... or rather, here in Equestria."

Eibhear chuckled.  "As cool as that sounds, I don't know how that'd be possible without actual implants or something."

"You will see in time, my little pony," Celestia assured Eibhear.  "In the meantime, the chariot is on its way."  Her face took on the same mischievous smile from before.  "You don't want to keep the guards waiting, do you?"

Eibhear half-smiled, "Alright Princess, I'm on my way."

Celestia's face disappeared, and Silver Streak reappeared on the hill overlooking Ponyville.  There was a small trumpet fanfare as the guards arrived with a very large white chariot.  The sun cutie mark upon Celestia's flanks was present on its sides.

"Did she send her personal thingy for me?" Eibhear/Silver Streak asked in disbelief.

The guards looked at each other, confused for a moment at the term 'thingy'.  They soon turned to face Silver Streak again and spoke in unison, as if rehearsed.  "Yes.  You are the princess's special guest and her majesty wishes your accommodations to be comfortable."

Silver Streak dragged his hooves and carefully boarded the chariot and was soon on his way back to Canterlot.

-***-

A time-skip and loading screen later, and Silver Streak was in Canterlot at the air dock.  Chariots and airships landed and took flight in the majestic sky harbor.  Silver Streak recognized the airship that Rarity was christening with Prince Blueblood during the "Sweet and Elite" episode.  It was rather awe-inspiring.

"Again, thou art lucky the weather is scheduled for sun this day," came a familiar voice.

Silver Streak turned toward its source to find Princess Luna towering above him.  How does she keep sneaking up on me like that?  He tried to formulate words to talk to the princess, but faltered.  Both of the guards immediately stood at attention and saluted.

"Princess!" they said in unison.

"As you were," Luna told the guards.  She gave one last glance toward Silver Streak then, as before, sighed in disgust and left.  There was an awkward silence until at last one of the guards cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Ahem, Silver Streak, Princess Celestia wanted to see you over at the royal magic academy."

Silver Streak was puzzled, "Why would she want to see me at the academy?  I don't know magic, and I'm a pegasus so I can't learn it."

"She did not specify her reasons, she merely requested your presence and sent us to fetch you."

"Well, I'd hate to keep her waiting..." Silver Streak followed his escorts into the academy.  The interior looked a lot like a pony version of Hogwarts without a lot of the just-for-magic's-sake nonsense such as shifting staircases and moving paintings.  The guards led Silver Streak inside Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns, through the majestic halls, and directly outside the room where Celestia was.

"Her majesty is waiting in here," one of the two guards says, then both take their places at either side of the door.  Silver Streak nods to the guards and cautiously opens the door and walks in.  The room did indeed hold the princess, as well as about twenty unicorn fillies and colts.

Twenty smiling foals of varying shapes, colors, and sizes.  Heart attack, engage.  They all had large curious eyes and looked eager to learn.

Celestia addressed the class to begin the lesson.  "You're all familiar with the Pegasus Pony tribe I talked about in history.  They have the ability to control the weather, a task that the Pegasi of Cloudsdale perform proudly to this day.  You may have seen them in the royal guard as well as friends and family at home."  She turned to face Silver Streak and nodded, "Would you be so kind as to bring a cloud down to the window and show them how you make it rain?"

Silver Streak strongly fought the urge to shout MAHVEL BAYBEE!, but he did wonder to himself, Is this what the princess summoned me for?  Did she want me to pull weather out of nowhere because I'm a Pegasus?

“Um, Princess?  I don't know how to make weather...” Silver Streak's voice trailed off.

“Yes you do,” the princess assured him.  "You're a Pegasus, use your instincts.”  The Princess Smile was on display again.

That warm, friendly smile cinched it.  I can't let Mom Celestia down.  Looking at the controller, Eibhear experimented with the directional pad and a few of the buttons.  Silver Streak walked over to the window to open it.  All the eyes in the classroom were on him.  Silver Streak flew outside and grabbed a cloud to bring down to window level so the class could see.  Mimicking an action he'd seen in the cartoon several times, Eibhear landed on top of the cloud and starting jumping up and down on it, bouncing on it like a trampoline, which created a torrent of rain underneath it for all the fillies and colts to see.

The smiles on all their faces was too much to bear.  It was seriously heart-attack inducing with how adorable they all were.  Silver Streak wanted to pick them all up and hug them, they looked so cute and cuddly.

"As adorable as you all are, I need to put some food in my belly," Silver Streak said.  "I'll be right back though."

He turned to face the princess and bowed.  "By your leave, majesty."

Celestia nodded, thus permitting Silver Streak to go "AFK".  Using the controller, Eibhear had his Pegasus fly out the window and landed on the roof for a moment.  Setting the controller down, he went to the kitchen to prepare some ramen.  Once finished, he sat down at his computer (which was now using Wi-Fi) and browsed a few websites as he ate, Equestria Daily, Derpiboo.ru, MyLittleBrony.com as well as a few non-brony related websites like Cracked and Youtube (which may as well be a pony site with all the pony videos on it as of late).

Eibhear came across a video that reminded him of the game.  He looked back at the PonyPad and saw Silver Streak had dozed off.  Eibhear picked up the controller and pressed left and right on the control pad in rapid succession, prompting Silver Streak to shake his head awake in the cutest of ways.

"...and then you borrow a one from the tens place..."

What's that?  Do I hear math? Eibhear thought to himself.  He flew Silver Streak down and into the classroom through the window, and sure enough Celestia was at the front of the room teaching arithmetic to the foals.

"...adding to the two, making it twelve, and subtracting three gives you nine so you put the nine down at the bottom," Celestia continued.  "So now we have a three in the tens place which is less than seven, so we borrow a one from the hundreds place, making it thirteen, and minus the seven that gives us six."

“OH MY GOD I LOVE MATH!” Eibhear exclaimed.  Silver Streak worded it differently, "BY CELESTIA, I LOVE MATH!"  The whole class was startled by the sudden outburst.  Everypony turned toward him and stared.  Silver Streak suddenly became very embarrassed by his outburst, and grinned sheepishly.

Celestia smiled at the outburst.  “You can teach the lesson if you want,” she offered.  “We're going over the basic functions of arithmetic at the moment.  You know, addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.”

A very giddy Silver Streak replied, “That would be awesome, Princess,” but then he composed himself.  “Ahem, I mean, I would be honored, Your Highness.”

Princess Celestia chuckled and smiled, then levitated the chalk over to Silver Streak's wing for him to hold.  Next, she teleported to the back of the room and sat down in the back next to one of the fillies.  She then conjured up some parchment and a quill and was ready to take notes on what Silver Streak was about to teach.  Eibhear thought she looked rather funny, a big Alicorn princess sitting at a desk made for fillies and colts, ready with quill and parchment to learn basic arithmetic.  It was quite the sight to see.

“Alright, it looks like we're dealing subtraction... let's see, three hundred forty-two minus one hundred seventy-three...” Silver Streak noted.

"Alright, here we go."  Silver Streak continued teaching the class about the finer points of subtraction until Celestia said it was time.  Next subject on the itinerary was geography, which Eibhear knew barely enough about in his own world, but next to nothing in Equestria, so he yielded the floor back to the princess.  He stuck around for the geography class so he could actually learn about the world he was exploring.

Eibhear had so much fun teaching the math portion of class that he wanted to come back and do it again.  The fillies and colts really warmed up to Silver Streak.  They could tell that he was really passionate about the subject matter, making him very animated and entertaining to watch.

Soon enough, class was over and it was time for the foals to head home.  Celestia asked Silver Streak to stay after, and informed the foals that she was looking forward to seeing them again the next day.  A few of them ran up to Silver Streak and gave him a hug before leaving.  Once they were all gone, another banner popped up on the screen with confetti.

Badge Granted:

...Is A Friend In Deed

"Now you have lots of friends!"

+5000 Bits

"You seem to enjoy teaching the math class, Silver Streak."  Celestia grinned, her mane billowing in an unseen wind, with part of it covering her left eye.  "I'm glad."

"Princess, is something wrong with me?" Silver Streak asked.

"Why would you think that?" the Princess counter-asked.

"Well, it's just that, you know..."

"No, I'm afraid I don't."

Silver Streak grunted in annoyance.  "Here I am, alive, have a job that I can put up with easily enough.  I'm eating enough to not go hungry.  Actually gained weight, but that's most likely from lack of exercise than anything else.  The only human interaction I get is with customers most of the time.  I'm capable enough to do something more, but I lack the desire and ambition.  I'm just not feeling very motivated to do so, and instead opt for an easier job with less stress for less money."  He took a breath after rattling off his list.  "Am I broken?"

"Of course not, Silver Streak."  Celestia got out from behind her desk and stood next to Silver Streak.  "But people with small minds may think so.  You feel like the world has moved on without you, cares nothing for you, and would not notice your absence."  Celestia wrapped her wings around Silver Streak in a hug.  "You're too fatigued to play catch-up, and not really interested in doing so, feeling the small reward isn't worth the effort."  Celestia paused for dramatic effect, "and you would be right."  Celestia leaned her head over Silver Streak's shoulder.  "The world craves vanity, a quality you neither have nor desire."

"I see.  I wish to emigrate to Equestria, but, the finality of everything is overwhelming."

"I understand your concerns, Silver Streak."  Celestia released the hug and stepped back.  "Perhaps my sister can help put your mind at ease.  She expressed a desire to see you for dinner tonight."

"I doubt that..." Silver Streak was skeptical.  "Every time she's seen me thus far she's been rather disgusted."

"She told me she's flattered that her beauty 'hath captivated thee'," Celestia winked.  "In any event, make your way downtown to the Equestrian Experience Center.  I'll instruct the personnel there to let you in as a trial run because you had concerns, and that you are a special guest of mine."

"Thank you princess."

"Just make sure you wear casual loose-fitting clothes when in the enclosure," Celestia cautioned.  "The experience will be much better for it."

"Okay..."

"Also keep in mind that the Equestria Experience Center is still considerably low fidelity compared to what you experience after emigration.  But for now, get cleaned up, dinner starts in two hours."

Eibhear looked at the clock on the screen of the PonyPad.  The little hand pointed to seven, the big hand at twelve.  "Why didn't I just look at my phone?" he wondered out loud.

"Silver Streak, I need you to focus.  Meet me in Canterlot from the downtown center.  I will make the arrangements."

"I can't eat inside... an encasement."

"Enclosure," she corrected.

"Fine, enclosure," Eibhear chuckled.

"Since you'll be inside the Equestria Experience Center, you will feel the sensation of touch.  And of course, audio and visual stimulation will still function as normal.

"In addition to the preview experience, I'll make arrangements for you to be one of the inaugural customers once it's fully opened and operational."

Silver Streak nodded, "Thank you princess, but it doesn't really solve my problem long term..."

Celestia's voice took on a more serious tone.  "Silver Streak, please be patient.  I have a long term solution to your problem in the works, but it will take time."  Her voice softened up again as she smiled, "Why wouldn't you want to come to the Equestria Experience Center so that you may immerse yourself in our friendship?"

Eibhear chuckled at Celestia's wording, then grew hesitant.  "Others won't see what I'm doing, will they?" Eibhear asked, legitimately concerned about his privacy.

"What you do in Equestria is for your senses only.  Nopony can 'hack' into the system and pry into your experiences."

"Alright, I'll give it a try, but no promises."

"Silver Streak, promises are only made by untrustworthy people who, for the moment, need someone else to trust them."  Her face made that happy smile, "I don't need you to promise me anything.  I trust you."

"Thank you, princess, but still..." Eibhear's voice still dripped with hesitation.

"What troubles you, Silver?"

After almost a ten-second pause, Eibhear finally blurted it all out.  "I'm scared, Princess!  I'm scared that I'll go and never want to leave," Eibhear's voice cracked at this realization.  "I'm scared that I'll go and choose to emigrate then and there, leaving everyone I knew and loved believing I had just killed myself with no explanation whatsoever, with all my belongings thrown to my family of vultures to be fought over."  He sniffled a bit before speaking again, "If I can ask a favor, princess, can you forbid me from emigrating just yet?  There are still affairs I'd have to get in order before doing anything."

"Need I remind you that emigration is not legal in your country yet?" Celestia asked as she placed a hoof on Silver Streak's shoulder.

"I'd imagine you of all people, er, ponies, could find a workaround or loophole, like since the center was technically not open yet and it hadn't been fully tested or something like that."

"That argument wouldn't work, because then they'd question why I was testing that function to begin with."  Celestia leaned her head in and nuzzled Silver Streak's cheek, "however, if it is your wish, I will not let you emigrate until your affairs are in order."

Celestia pulled away and stood up.  Her voice took on a more authoritative tone, "but realize this: once the proper legislation passes and it becomes available locally, the longer you put off emigration the more likely you are to have an accident that would prevent you making it here alive, like getting hit by a car or some other vehicle.  You don't have the gift of youth like you once did.  I can't guarantee that you would survive a third automobile collision."

"How did you know..." Eibhear sniffled as he began to ask, but stopped himself.  "What am I saying, of course you know."  A half-smile formed on Eibhear's lips as he chuckled.

Celestia smiled.  Not the eyes-closed-into-semicircles smile, but still a heartwarming smile.  She truly cared about Silver Streak joining her and the students in Canterlot.  Or, if she didn't, she was very convincing.

"Anyways, I have a date to get ready for..." Silver Streak began to say, but then that dreadful feeling he had that morning struck him again.  I need help... oh dear god do I need help...