"Honestly, this game is pretty damn fun. Especially when you're riding a jet, and you just crash down on them, seeing bits, and chunks and little lumps everywhere!"

You've been only playing Sattlefield 3 for about an hour, and all ready you're having fun. You go for both kills and the objective, since you're more of a defender with a mix of a offensive in your game play. Right now, the enemy has captured the D Flag, but you're not worried because you already have A, B, and C on lock down, with some help of a gamer you just met online.

"Hey, newbie in my Alpha team, make sure you cover the B flag, the enemy team usually loves rushing towards it and placing mines hidden in the bushes." Said your new friend, NightTimeHorror. You were quite surprise when you heard her voice for the first time, you were not expecting a mare with a username like that. You didn't have a headset of your own, so all you could do was send her a message saying, "Copy that."

"Enemy has neutralized B!" You hear the announcer say. You quickly rushed to the B Flag and sprayed down two enemy players that were both behind a bush on a boulder. You ran away from the area you once were, and hid inside of a building that was on the verge of collapsing. "We have obtain the objective. Good work colts, the faster we get it done, we can all go home."

"Nice two-piece noob." You heard hoofsteps, and you turn to your left to see that NightTimeHorror spawned right next to you. You could hear frustration in her voice. "Sniper got a clean headshot on me while I was defending A. Come with me, we got to neutralize A then take it." You move your character around, satisfied that there were two players guarding B. You got up from the ground and sprinted towards a nearby jeep, hopping into the driver seat and honking the horn, letting NightTimeHorror that you were ready.

"That's the spirit noob!" She says as she hops into the passenger seat. "Alright, we have B, and D, we'll be fine if we just capture the C Flag, and let them keep-"

*BOOM!*

"The fuck was that?" You say as you swerve pass a tree. You look up the screen, only to see a copter flying right above you and NightTimeHorror. It started to shoot at you again, but you weren't going to let that happen. You saw a nearby hill, high enough for you to duke him out and confuse him. You were only 100 feat away from the C Flag, and the copter wouldn't stop shooting.

"Noob? You're going to get us killed!" NightTimeHorror said, as she started shooting at nearby enemy player.

One song popped into your head as you started to leap into the air, using the hill as a ramp.

Shit just got real!

"They see me rollin', they hatin'! Patrollin' and tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!"

They see me rollin', they hatin'! Patrollin' and tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!

"Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!"

Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty!

"Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!"

Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!

"FUCK YEA!" You shouted as you landed safely away from the helicopter that tried to blow you up with multiple missiles. Still, you weren't able to shake this bastard off, so you did what any noob would have done. You pulled the brakes on the car, making you park the car sideways, like a fucking badass. You hopped out of the jeep and ran towards any enemy player who died already. He had the engineer class, and you were hoping to Faust that this player had a stinger, or any type of rocket that lets you lock on to aircraft.

"Dammit! It's and R.P.G!" You said in a disappointing growl. While it's true that the R.P.G blows shit up pretty nicely, it's terrible when it comes to long range, and it doesn't even lock on to aircraft! "Son of a tit, why now!"

"Hey noob! I don't want to be the bad guy here, but the damn chopper is on my-" You turned your player back to the jeep, and the chopper was trying to blow up the jeep. You could hear NightTime gasping. "Well...FU-"

*BOOM!*

"NightTime! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" You shouted, overreacting to NightTime's death. You were pissed, well, not really, but you acted pissed because NightTimeHorror got offline. Rage quit!

The helicopter turned to you, and you stared at it in false anger. You looked down at the bottom left screen, and you only had ten seconds left until the game was about to end. It's all tied up!

"You bastard! You took my friends life!" You shouted. You pointed the R.P.G at the chopper, and you had only five seconds left. It started to shoot at you, and you were just about to press the R1 button.

"FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR CHOPPER!"

You pulled the trigger, and before the screen lit up in white, you heard the sweet sound of explosions. You looked at the screen, and it said that your team had won, and theirs lost. You fell back on your bed, sighing. "Damn, that was an awesome game! Hopefully NightTimeHorror will be back online again." You pressed the center button of the remote on your controller and turned off the PlayStallion3, "Hm...Well, what should we do now, conscience?"

Honestly, your conscience has know idea what to do. You wanna just take a nap?

"...Meh, sure, why not?" You closed your eyes, getting ready to go to- The fuck is that vibrating noise? Hey, get your ass up and check!

"Fuck you conscience! Do it your-Fuck!" Yea, you bet your ass you're getting up! Now, where the hell is that noise coming from? You closed your eyes again, using your sound whore skills to help locate the vibrating noise. Heh...Vibrate.

"Shut up. Wait, I think I know where it's coming from!" You trot closer, and closer to the source of the noise, and you found yourself standing in front of the teddy bear! You could here a tune coming from the teddy bears...crotch. And it's a banana.

*RING-RING RING- RING!*

"I feel like this is a one way call to rape...Pick up?" Pick it up? PICK IT UP?! Bro, the fuck you mean, "pick it up?". You gotta rethink this situation. For all you know, this could be some kind of trick, like, some secret mission you have to do, and you get tricked by some double agent, and then you jump out of a 40 story tall building while you shoot at a helicopter! Do you even think?

"...Hello? Yes this is the new night and day guard.."

You're an idiot, you know that?"

So, after talking to some stranger on a weird banana phone, you decided to go to where that pony told you to go. And what was that place? Oh, your conscience doesn't know, how about THE FUCKING ROYAL CHAMBERS OF PRINCESS LUNA!?

"Conscience, chill bro. We are just going to visit her because she would like to discuss my new schedule. Why are you so worried?" You say, being as calm as possible. Well, unlike Princess Celestia, Princess Luna has the ability to enter dreams. Which, if your conscience's logic is true, she'll be able to hear your thoughts, including, YOUR CONSCIENCE!

She don't know what type of shit goes on up in here! She don't know about your dark, crazy, insane past! You'll go to jail! I'LL go to jail! Do you know what dirty minds do to sexy ass minds like me in jail!? MIndfuck bro, MINDFUCK!

"So I'm standing right in front of a really big, black and blue door." YOU BITCH! WHY THE FUCK-

"Shut up and just narrate like you usually do, conscience!" You said. Fine...

*AHEM* You stood in front of the door, waiting for princess Luna to answer. You waited, and waited and waited, but nopony would open the door for you, and you decided it would be wiser to just go back to your room.

'Brain.'

Alright, I get it! You stood at the front of the door, still waiting for somepony to open it for you. Finally, you decided that it would be best to come back later-why later? Why?-and hope for the best that she opens the door. You started to turn around, no for real, you started to turn around.

*CLICK*

"Muffins!"

FUCKING, FAUST DAMN IT!

"Strange, that doesn't sound like Princess Luna." Fucking, shit. You turned around, with that blank expression you usually do when being serious. Or, whatever the heck those guards do it for. You were expecting to see the Princess of the Night open the door, being all serious and shit. This is not what you expected.

She was a grey coated mare, with a blonde mane. She was eating a muffin, and it smelled of banana nut. That shits good, by the way. Her eyes though, they're both a gold color, dark gold at the most, and they seem to be moving around. Not in place, but like, everywhere. Wall eyed, maybe?

"Hi mister!" The mare said, finishing her muffin. Faust, that muffin smells good. "My name is Derpy Hooves!" Derpy Hooves waved at you, even though she was like, two feet away from you. With the most serious face, you waved at her back. Damn that shit looks funny.

"I'm looking for princess Luna," You say, staring at the mare. "Is she here? I got a call earlier today about somepony wanting to talk to me."

"Oh yea," Derpy said, smiling. "I called you!" You..where confused?

"Oh...Well, what do you need?"

Derpy actually looked serious. Her eyes moved together now, checking the left and right hallways. She nodded her head. "I need to tell you something." She was whispering, and she must have known you heard her, because she wanted you to come closer.

"Closer..."

You leaned in, raising both of your ears.

"Closer..."

You got closer, and you were just inches away from her face. Hash tag, go for it!

"I need to ask you a super secret question."

"Yes?"

"You promise not to tell?"

"Yes."

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes!"

"Okay..."

You were about to be told some of the most, super secret questions ever, you just knew it! What could she need? Help? Infiltrate a warehouse? Kill somepony? Steal some money!? WHAT IS IT!?

"...Do you know the Muffin Mare?"

...

"..."

"...Ha ha!"

Well, don't you feel like an idiot? Derpy fell on her back in the room, laughing her flank off. You just stood there, staring blankly at Derpy. Wait, there's a Muffin Mare?

"I think I have to go back to my room. I mean shift. I'll see you next time Derpy." You say, trotting away from the laughing mare. You feel down, well, not down but tricked. By a mare. Ha ha!

"I'm going back to the room. Hopefully, nopony else bothers me."

Yup. Hey, let's go check on those mares. You know, the ones you were suppose to look after?

"But why?"

Look, you're a lonely stallion, who is living in a castle with thousands of other stallions. I'm just trying to watch out for you. Don't want you changing on me. Besides, if you fail once, you have five other ones you can try with!

"I'm not going back. Not unless they need some help."

"Help! Help me! I need help!"

There you go, Ponyeo. Go save your damsel in distress.

"Man, I was gonna game!"

You galloped down the hall way, heading towards the noise you heard. Get some bro! Get some!

"Well...This is awkward." Very, very awkward.

Turns out, the damsel in distress was none other than Princess Celestia. Now, your conscience understands why you want to stay distant from her, but this...this is just silly. And sexy.

Apparently, you busted into the room of your princess, where she was in the middle of...Yoga practice.

Oh man, this is gonna be good.

Author's Note

Sorry this took awhile to update, I was busy with another story, a contest, and laziness! :p

Hope you liked this chapter!-Gordo.

Updates the damn chapter without letting me look through it. This nigga... *facepalm* -Asian