When You Give a Pony a Box of Plutonium...

“Pinkie, where did you even get weapons-grade plutonium?!”

With a single eyebrow raised, Pinkie turned to look at Twilight.

“Weekend’s graded wha? Are you talking about my new pirate balloon sparkle dust?”

Earlier that day

Twilight, out shopping for groceries with Spike, had spotted Pinkie walking by Town Hall with a container marked with skull and crossbones. The exchange had gone something like this:

“Hello, Pinkie. Found some supplies for Pirate Week, I see.”

“Oh no, silly, it isn’t Pirate Week. I found this box in an alley by Sugarcube Corner!” Pinkie was, as usual, her cheerful self.

“Pinkie… that box has a skull and crossbones on the side… if you found it in an alley it might be something dangerous.”

Spike concurred, saying, “Twilight’s usually right about these things, y’know,” before jumping off the lavender mare’s back to talk to Rarity, who had just walked by carrying a basket of amethysts.

“Don’t be silly, Twilight! It was outside Sugarcube Corner and we’re in Ponyville! Since when has anything bad ever happened here?”

Twilight glanced at the damage done to the town by the latest monsters of the week, a gang of juvenile dragons.

Her expression confident, Pinkie proclaimed, “Besides, Twilight, my Pinkie sense would have warned me if anything bad was going to happen!”

As if on cue, Twilight saw Pinkie’s tail start to twitch. Pinkie pushed Twilight to the side immediately before a potted plant landed where she had been standing. Pinkie continued, saying, “See? Still working!”

Twilight’s confusion at a potted plant falling in the middle of the clearing near Town Hall was quickly replaced with concern when she saw what lay on the ground. In her haste to push Twilight out of the way, Pinkie had dropped the metallic-grey box on the ground, spilling its contents.

“Pinkie! Is that what I think it is?!”

“Of course it is! I was just as surprised to find it laying around as you are!”

Too panicked to correct Pinkie’s grammatical error, Twilight teleported both them and the box to her library basement. The now-panicked librarian began pacing nervously. Pinkie had a worried expression on her face.

“Uh oh, Twilight, did you forget to send a letter to Princess Celestia again?! Don’t panic, Twilight, we’ll find Spike!”

Pinkie reached to the side then pulled her hoof back, having somehow conjured a quill and paper. Both were slapped out of her hands by Twilight, who seemed to have gained a small measure of composure.

“Pinkie, where did you even get weapons-grade plutonium?!”

With a single eyebrow raised, Pinkie turned to look at Twilight.

“Weekend’s graded wha? Are you talking about my new pirate balloon sparkle dust? And I told you, I found it near Sugarcube Corner!”

“You’re absolutely sure? You didn’t see anyone put it there? No shady ponies wearing trench coats?”

“Well, Rarity walked by wearing a new hat…”

“No one suspicious? I really need to know, Pinkie!”

Pinkie was silent for a moment as she thought.

“Well,” she said, slowly, “there was this one pony…”

Twilight leaned in. “Yes?”

“He was near Sugarcube Corner…”

Her voice rising, Twilight leaned in further. “Yes?”

“And he was very suspicious!”

Her voice at its highest, Twilight leaned in so close her face nearly touched Pinkie’s. “Yes?!”

“He didn’t come in to Sugarcube Corner! And we had just made a batch of peppermint cupcakes!”

“YES?!”

“And… that’s it!”

“Did he go by the alley, Pinkie?!”

“No. But he was veeeeery suspicious! No pony can resist a fresh batch of peppermint cupcakes!”

An exasperated Twilight let out a frustrated grunt and slumped to the ground. In her new position, she closed her eyes and mused about what they should do with the contents of the box. When she next opened her eyes, Pinkie lay in front of her, supine, staring her right in the eyes.

Twilight was the first to speak. “Ok, Pinkie, we need to tell the princess about what you found. It’s really dangerous!”

“Why? It’s just decorations!”

“No, Pinkie, you don’t understand. The fact that you found this in the middle of nowhere means that someone may be trying to hurt a lot of ponies.”

Confused, Pinkie inquired, “With decorations?”

Twilight sighed. Acquiescing, she replied, “Yes, Pinkie. With decorations.”

Pinkie gasped. She spoke rapidly, saying, “Who would even think to do such a thing? Decorations are meant for decorating, not hurting ponies! Why, when I find the pony who did this, I’m gonna—“

Twilight had covered Pinkie’s mouth with her hoof. While Pinkie continued trying to speak, making various muffled noises, Twilight calmly explained. “You’re right, Pinkie. I can’t imagine who would want to do this. However, right now we need to get in touch with the princess. For now, we’ll leave the box in here, okay?”

Still unable to speak, Pinkie nodded energetically.

Twilight levitated the box and tucked it into a corner of the laboratory, behind a box of Erlenmeyer flasks and graduated cylinders before covering it with a fire tarp. Worrying that the pony who left the box near Sugarcube Corner in the first place might come looking for it, she cast an invisibility spell over it.

“Good. Come on, Pinkie. I just need to lock up, and then we’ve got a dragon to find! Erm, Pinkie?!”

A flash of pink had whisked past Twilight and out the door, leaving Twilight to catch up.

“Pinkie! Wait up!”

Twilight raced out after the pink blur, leaving the lab door open behind her.

From his perch not too far away from the Ponyville Library, a stallion in a trench coat watched a pink blur fly past, followed by a lavender mare that clearly had never before needed move so quickly. With an ominous laugh, he took a bite of the freshly made cupcake on his plate. He quickly spat it out before getting up from his table. He muttered to himself as he walked towards the library.

“Eugh,” he said.

“I hate peppermint.”