The Drunken Escapades of Pixelby Pixel bronyChaptersThe thingYep. i'm drunk aghainSoberSober: This should be funI don't evne KNOW!ive got pizzaHIThe thingDid you know, that orange juice makes it to where you can't taste the Vodka? 'Cause it does. It's probably why half the bottle is gone already. Also why I really need to pee. Now usually I don't go anywhere when in knickered, but I can't find the bathroom in the house. So off I went into town, the half filled bottle of Vodka tucked under a wing. The closets house to mine is Fluttershy's. Its a short walk, but the damn trees getting in my way make the trip longer. Fucking trees. Here I am just walking down the street, and a tree jumps out and tackles me. Fucking trees. Anyway, I make it to Fluttershy's and knock on the door. I hear a small noise, and movement. I knock again, and notice that the door is moving back and forth while i'm standing perfectly still. I put both my front things on it to hold it still. As soon as my hoofs touch the door, it decides to move. As result, I fall forward, and smash my face on the floor. It doesn't hurt. "A-re you okay, P-pixel?" I look up to see Fluttershy looking down on me fearfully. I pick myself up, and tell her why i'm here. "I have to pee!" I yell as I push past her into the house. She 'eep's. So adorable. I then proceed to look for the bathroom. The entire time Fluttershy is talking to me in her usual whispers. I could n't give less of a shit, as the dam is about to burst and flood the nearby village of Fluttershy's carpet. Heh. That sounds like a sex joke. I search the house for awhile, till i find it useless. At this point I decide to leave through the nearby window. As I roll down the hill, and into the stream at the bottom, I realize that the Vodka could have gotten hurt. Taking a quick look under my wing, i see the vodka is fine. But it might taste bad form the fall. I take it out and take a quick swig. Nope. Still tasty. I am then reminded by the cold water of the stream, that I need to pee something fierce. I pick myself up, and walk out of the stream. I get back on the road, as I hear the faint sound of confused talking, and a buzzing sound. Whatever. Not my problem, I already have one. I shrug and start trotting towards town. Half way there, a ditch decides to knock me down. As i roll on the ground, I start punching the ground. I'll teach this ditch to trip me! After a few good punches and bucks, I decide that the ditch has had enough. I climbed out of the ditch, which is hard to do when Schlitz'ed. after a few tries, i manage to get back on the road. It doesn't take long to get to town after that. The first place I come to is the Carousel Boutique. I walk over to the door, and stand at the front door. I pull out my Vodka bottle, and take a long drink. I think Rarity is gorgeous, but she is a bitch. So I need to be a little bit drunker for this. I put the bottle back and knock on the door. I decide to wipe my hooves on the door mat, she is fancy. I stand there for a bit. No one answers the door. This time i pound on the door with both hooves. "Rarityyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I NEED TO PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LET ME INNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Again, no response. I growl out a few curse words and walk over the nearest windows. On my way, I pick up a good sized rock. I knock on the window, then smash it with the rock. "Rarity!? You in there!?" No answer. "Bitch! I am talking to you!" It was then that I noticed that the lights were turned off on the inside. "Aw fuck, she's not home." Pissed off now, I reach into the broken window, and ripped a piece of the curtains off. I pull out my Vodka bottle, and take a big drink of it, then i stuff the ripped curtain in the top off the bottle. I pull out my lighter... I then wonder where the hell the lighter came from. Shrugging, i lit the curtain part on fire, and chuck it through the broken window. I hear the bottle break, then a fwoosh as the entire first floor catches fire. "Perfume is highly flammable, and you wear to much anyway." I mutter as I turn sideways, and proceed to piss on the wall. Oh my gods the relief I feel at this moment. After that, I decide that I am sad for wasting the Vodka. Good thing there's a bar down the street. With a smile on my face, I walk towards the street. My pace is hurried by the shouts, and the damn buzzing noise again. I'm not going to jail, I'm too pretty, my but can't take the abuse. I reach the bar in record time for a drunken fucker. I make my way inside, and the place is empty. Jackpot. I sashay my way over to the bar, and flutter over it. I take notice of a blender right away. I immediately grab a bottle of Vodka and empty it into the blender. Followed by ice and grape juice. I blend that shit at high speed. When i think its done, i turn off the blender. I grab the biggest cup they have, and pour the mixture into it. A grape Vodka slushie. America. I stick a silly straw in it, and take a seat on the other side of the bar. Hohmygod is it delicious. 'Merica. Fuck yeah. Half way through, I abandon the straw, and just chug the fucker. Of coarse I feel a brain freeze, but i'm too drunk to care. After the drink is gone, I belch loudly, and chuck the glass at the wall. I then take notice of how loud the buzzing sound has got. I sit on the stool for a bit trying to figure out if I've heard that sound before, I then find out the stool spins. Me fuckin gusta. I spin the shit out of that chair. Then the doors to the bar explode inwards. I don't care, this stool fucking spins. Something then grabs me around the waist, and tries to pull me off the stool. "NO! It spins. let me lone!" I fight to stay on the stool, but more things grab me and pull me off. Drunken rage activated! My hooves go flyin, and so does whatever grabbed me. After my flail, I look around. A few black things are laying all over the bar. One is embedded in the wall. Awesome sauce. I grab a chair and walk over to the closest one. "Changelings... that explains the buzzing... whatever..." I proceed to beat the changelings to death with the chair. Until it breaks. I then grab another one. After dealing with the ones that had pulled me off the stool, i'm still hearing that damn buzzing. I pick up a chair leg in my teeth, and go outside. Holy fuck on a stick, that's allot of changelings. "Why isn't this one in a cocoon like the others?" Says a creepy double voice. I turn my head, and Chrysalis is giving me the stick eye. I just smile. "Hi. I'm drunk, and that's bad for you." I slur around the chair leg. "Oh?" She asks with a smirk. "And, pray tell, whys that?" "I'm half germane, half Native american. Both fight better drunk." I laugh out. All she does is raise an eyebrow, and point at me. All the changelings charge me. All I can remember after this part, is shouting, pain, green blood, pain, hitting things, pain, red blood, pain, and me laughing my ass off. After shit stops spinning, I sit down. It feels weird, what I'm sitting on. I look down to find its the the remains of the Carousel Boutique. Heh, I set that place on fire. I need more drink. I flutter off the rubble, and over to the bar. It's a ruin too. But, a few bottles stick out of the wreckage. I grab a bottle at random, and turn around with a smile. I take one step, then Chrysalis lands in front of me. She looks pissed off. "You... defeated... all of my drones... Drunk... How..." "Your pretty." It was all I could think to say. She stares at me for a bit. Just stands there stock still, staring. I walk over next to her, and sit down. I open the bottle and take a swig. Oh, whiskey. The good kind. I take another bigger swig, and offer a bit to Chrysalis. She turns to look at me, then her but thumps to the ground, she lets out a long sigh, and takes the bottle. We sit there for a bit drinking, till a bright light in the sky comes down and blinds me. then everything gets fuzzy. I can't make much out, but I can hear talking. Lots of it. I feel myself getting shoved. I look over, and its a guard. I punched that fucker. Then I got picked up by magic, and put in a chariot. Then I pass out. Oh god, whatever is going on, my dick feels amazing. I reach out with my hooves and find a mass moving around on top of me. And it feels soooo good. I open my eyes, and i'm greeted by darkness. The mass is still ridding the living hell out of my cock, so i don't really care. The mass on top suddenly stops, and removes itself. I growl a bit in annoyance, than a smaller mass gets on my dick. With a grunt I suddenly flip myself, the mass gives off a startled squeak, I then proceed to rut the mass. A hoof grabs my face, then a tongue enters my mouth. Things go on like this for a bit, until i'm shoved back over. The small mass is removed, and slightly bigger mass, bigger than the first, slides on. What the hell is going on!? Shut up brain. The three masses keep switching out, till I come. Yay. I pass out again. Yep. i'm drunk aghainLets see. i'm in a bed. not my bed. My bed isn't this comfortable. Time to see whats goin on. Hey! thats a song. "And I say hey yeah yeah yeah, whats goin on?" Ever woke up still drunk? It's awesome. You're awesome. I almost threw up writing this sentence. You know what else? Fuck inhibitions. Fuck you spell check, i can spell. sometimes. Anyway, story. Yeah. Lets get on with that. I roll myself off the bed and land with a thump and yelling fuck, really loud. I untangle myself form the sheets and stand up on my hoofses. Yeah. That's a good word. why the fuck can't spell check see that that is a good word. anyway, I walk myself over to the window, and jump out. I start screaming my lungs out as I fall. Half way down I remember that I have wings. After that, i fly upwards. Once i'm high enough, hehe, i can see that i am in Canterlot. whoopee. I then yell fuck and turn towards home. After a few hours of fighting clouds that think they're better than me, I make it home. fuck clouds. Anyway, I land at my house and go in. Immediately, i go over to the liquor cabinet, and grab a bottle of vodka. I go to my bedroom, and curl up on the bed, holding the bottle close to my chest. Fuck yeah. Vodka's the shit. It goes with everything. Except Pepsi. That's just horrible. Anyway, I begin to fall asleep, when the fucking door decides to make noise. With a few fucking shitty cocks growled out, I go to kick the doors ass, tucking the bottle of Vodka under a wing. Once at the door, I punch it. It fucking hurts. "Hello? I am looking for Pixel, is that you?" Says a creepy double voice. Wait, I know that voice. I slam the door open and see Chrysalis. What the hell is he doing here? With a shrug, I turn around and walk into the kitchen. I walk over to the table and sit down. Chrysalis sits down with me, and starts to talk. I don't pay attention. Instead, I open up the bottle of Vodka and get ready to take a long swig. I am denied my drink by a green feild of magic yanking my bottle away. "Give it back!" "No, we need to talk about what happened last night, and why you jumped out of a window this morning." "1, I was drunk, 2, I was drunk. Now gimme." "No. Ugh... you need to come with me." "Gimme!" I shout as i tackle the Vodka stealing bitch. WE tussle for a bit, till i guess he remembers, oh yeah, magic. She walks out of my house with me floating behind her in a green haze. The color alone makes me want to puke. Like no, really, I feel like barfing. Then i get dizzy. I don't remember much after that. The next thing I do remember is being dropped on my head on a cobble street. "Bitch..." I mumble. "Excuse me." A new voice has appeared. I bring myself to a sitting position as best I can. My eyes go wide at who is sitting in front of me. Twilight, and the rest of those bitches, Luna, Celestia, and a shit ton of royal guards. You don't have the proper badge to control them past this level. "Hi. I'm drunk Pixel, give me my vodka and I might do a trick." Drunk me is super smart. "After the damage you did last night, I don't think so. What I will do is-" I interrupt that bitch. She talks too much. "Hey... Hey... Hey... Listen. The only damage I remember doing last night... Is throwing a Molotov through the other white one's window." "I knew it!" "Your face!" Super smart. "Settle down my little ponies-" "Never you cock whoring cunt!" It was then that a couple of the guards decided to deliver a few golden horse shoes up my ass. Good thing i'm still drunk. Now... the battle was brief, and both sides took casualties, but my pain tolerance while drunk is absurd. So I won by endurance. But i'm pretty sure my wing shouldn't be bent that way. I also shouldn't be playing with it, twisting it back and forth. But it makes me giggle. I hear throw upping sounds, and turn in time to see the blue one pass out in a puddle of her own vomit. "Hey... that's my schtick." I accuse with a hoof. "I've had enough of this." Celestia says. Who else would say it? your mom, that's who. With the tinkle of magic, I find myself hoisted back up magic. The gold color is an improvement. "No listen to me, and i'll give you your vodka back." "I can do that." Vodka is srs business, so i cut the shit out. "Okay, last night you came to town drunk, and stopped Chrysalis' forces by killing nearly all of them. Afterwords, my sister and I showed planning to stop her, only to find you two drinking in front of the remains of Ponyville. Stunned we-" "Wait a minute." I suddenly get a brain feeling. I look at Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and then I do drunk math. "Ok... last night, i woke up to find myself having awesome sex in the dark with three differently weighing things..." I look at all their expressions, Luna and Celestia have stone faces, Chrysalis has a slut expression. "I had sex with you three, didn't I?" Two loud 'no's answer me, and one drawn out sexy 'yes'. Guess who. "Awesome sauce." I pass out again with a happy face. Sober"Wake up!" Yelled someone, followed by a splash of cold water over my face. Now most people would probably snap awake, spit and sputter for a bit, then freak out a bit. Now, being who I am, and going through most of the shit I have up too this point, my reaction is the following. "Fuck you, I'm asleep." I mumbled out, and rolled over, down onto the floor. If you think you can get me to do anything after a night of drinking, you're a fucking nut. "I said get up!" This time she lightly kicked me. I also now know that its a female. "And I said fuck you!" "You arrogant piece of... Fine. We'll do this the hard way." I felt something grab a hold of my tail, then let go, followed by a whole bunch of spitting and cussing. I giggled. "Dear Celestia, when was the last time you bathed?" "What day is it?" I mumbled. "Friday." "Monday.... two weeks ago." "That's disgusting!" "I spend most of my time underground, alone, It's not a priority." I mumble while bringing myself to a sitting position. I can tell this girl isn't going away any time soon, and I just ain't in the mood for games. "So why in the hell are you... Da fuck? Where am I?" Looking around, I see that I sure as hell ain't inside my house. I mean, its clean for one. Also my house is made out of brick, not marble. I'm not gonna bore you with the small details, but it is a nice room. Bringing my attention away from the room, I focus on the pony in front of me. Golden armor, white fur, blue eyes, looks permanently pissed off. Yep. Royal guard. Sexy female royal guard, but still. Is it weird if I wouldn't mind that she shoved a night stick up my ass? Probably, but not the main issue here. "You, are in Canterlot Castle, as a guest of the princesses. Why, I don't know. From what I've heard, you beat up an entire detachment of guards, while drunk." Fuck me with a cactus covered in ghost peppers. "In fact, you were so drunk, when you arrived you were suffering from alcohol poisoning. Rumor is, your blood alcohol level was so high, the princesses had to do the removal spell to rid your system of the alcohol." She finished with a smile. Well, at least someone is happy about my situation. "I need a drink..." "Maybe later, right now, the princesses would like a word with you." "That sounds like fun with a capital 'F'." I comment dryly. I stood up and started to stretch. I stuck out my front hooves then started to stretch out my wingsFUCKINGHELLTHAT HURTS! I held back my scream, and turned it into a loud grunt. I turned my head, blinking back tears, to see one of my wings in a cast. My next sentence conveys my thoughts. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY WING!?" "Oh, you came in with it broken. One of the guards you fought broke it." "I'LL MURDER HIM!" "I think the beat down you gave them will have to suffice. Now come on, the princesses are waiting." I grumbled a bit, but followed non the less. The guard lead me out of the luxurious room, and into a luxurious hallway. I'm sensing a theme already. We walked down the hall for a bit, then took a left down some random ass stairs. Seriously, the way these stairs just popped out when you turned the corner, that's an accident waiting to happen. I had to resist the urge to try and open my wings and glide down. I'm gonna punch the bastard who broke my wing, once I find him. At the bottom of the stairs, we turned right and entered, I never would have guessed, another luxurious hallway. Fucking Christ, did they just build this place with gold and shiny shit? I mean, who the fuck builds an entire castle that looks this shiny? Apparently, my displeasure at the place was showing. The guardsmare slowed down to where we were walking side by side. "Something wrong?" "The way this place is built isn't practical. One explosion, and the entire floor above us would fall down." "Well," She chuckled. "Seeing as Equestria hasn't been to war, or had an extended conflict for over a thousand years, I think the castles' fine." "I guess..." I was then hit by a sudden, very important detail that I'd over looked. "I'm an idiot." "Hmm?" "I've been a down right ass to you, and I haven't even asked your name." "Oh! Ha! I grew up in a house with three brothers. I'm used to that. So no worries. As for my name..." She paused and looked to the ceiling in thought. "You alright?" I asked concerned. "Hmm... You know what?" She asked, looking over at me. "I'm going to make you earn learning my name." "What?" "I'm going to make you earn my name! Seeing as you kind of beat up my coworkers." Mares... I think they should send out an all female memo that I don't play these games. I guess the good thing is, I know she's interested at least. "If you don't tell me I'm gonna name you Thunder Cunt." She tripped and face planted. I held in my laughter out of decency. I walk ahead a few paces and half turned to look back at her. She had righted herself, her helmet had fallen off and... and... damn. She's good lookin'. Her mane is a chestnut-ish color done up in a bun, so as to keep it under her helmet, I guess. Her coat is a dark blue, and her eyes are a nice magenta. Her expression and blush is just adorable. I'd look to see what her cutie mark was, seeing as I'm checking her out anyway, but her ass is covered by the armor. Wait... wasn't her coat and eyes a different color a second ago? ... Meh. "A-are you serious!?" "As a heart attack," I nod. She 'eeped' at that. "You are a horrible pony!" "And?" I laugh out. "You... UGH! Let's... just get to the throne room." She stood and grabbed her helmet. She put it on her helmet, and her color changed back to that of a guard. Some might get confused, or ask questions, I just don't care enough to do either. She huffs past me. "Come on." "Sure thing, Thunder cunt." She stumbles, but doesn't fall this time. Good for her. She looks back at me with the most pissed off look I have ever seen on a female, it makes me giggle to be honest. She growls, then stomps off down the hall. I follow her with the biggest shit eating grin I have ever worn. Sober: This should be fun"Here we are." Grumbled Thunder Cunt. And so we were. Two absurdly big wooden doors, with a guard on either side, stand before us. Thunder Cunt walked forward, stomping her hooves all the while, and turned her head to face me. The frown on her face is priceless. "The princesses are waiting for you on the other side" She turned her head to the guard on the left and gave him a nod. He nodded in return, and both of the guards horns lit, and the door opened. I got one look inside the doors, before a purple flash made my world go dark. After my brain rebooted, my body was giving error messages like crazy. My left foreleg was not connected, my injured wing was giving a 404, and my brain was having trouble processing. After I clicked the little red X on all the error messages, I activated my eyes. I was upside down, for some reason. I saw a purple unicorn and Celestia were yelling at each other. Wait, internal memory just came back, Twilight Sparkle. Nothing good happens when she or the others are involved. With a small grunt, I roll myself onto my side. Oh look, the error messages are back. After closing all of those, I take a stack of bread from my inventory, and devour a few loaves. My leg gives off a pop, and my brain reports connection. The 404 error with my wing is resolved, but it is still reporting errors. Now that my injuries were taken care of for now, I look back over at the shouting match... and there are big green eyes two inches from my face. With a deep inhale through my nose, I kept my shit from being lost. "Helllooo~." Purred the figure. "H-hi." Every fiber of my being screamed for me to run, but something kept me from doing so. "How are you feeling?" "Um..." I suddenly felt a cold sensation pass through my head, bringing a sense of calm over my body, "Really good..." "That's good." The eyes pulled back from my face, revealing a tall... very ravishing creature. I felt a dopey smile form across my face. She held a hole filled hoof to her fanged muzzle as she giggled. My dick twitched. "Chrysalis! What are you doing!?" The black beauty before me turned her head towards... whatever was going on. I couldn't take my eyes of her. My brain gave me a mental slap. I shook my head, and turned towards the person yelling. It was Celestia, she looked pissed. "Well, seeing as our mutual acquaintance was awake, and in obvious pain, I decided to help him." "By seducing him?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not seducing him. That is just a side affect that happens when I use my magic on ponies." Celestia seemed to relax, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I moved my gaze a touch to the right, and I saw a fuming Twilight. Once she noticed I was looking at her, her horn lit up. Out of reflex, I dove to the left. Good thing too. A purple streak struck the ground right where I was standing, blowing a hole and debris everywhere. I hide behind the tall black one, and looked for an exit. I located an open door to the left. "Fuck this, I'm out!" With that said, I bolted towards the door. Purple lights flashed all over the place, exploding the room around me. I made it out the door, slammed it behind me, and took off randomly. A loud pop echoed behind me, and the exploding purple arcs came back. I took a random corner, and kept running. This went on for awhile, I would get away, she would teleport, and keep shooting at me. After what seemed like an hour, we somehow ended up in the kitchen. I had ducked into the pantry, she was tearing the door down. As she kept hitting the door, I backed up fearfully. My but knocked into a shelf behind me, and the sound of bottles clinking together was heard. Turning my head, I saw my saving grace. With a smile, I grabbed like three bottles of vodka. Outside the pantry... Twilight Sparkle was hammering away at the door with an overturned cart, a look of pure rage etched on her face. Her mane and tale were both smoking, and her coat had started to turn white. A few pops were heard. Twilight stopped pounding at the door, and turned around to see who it was. Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and her friends were there. Celestia stepped forward. She opened her mouth to talk, before she could say anything, the pantry door exploded outwards. Everyone raised a hoof to shield their face. "GUESS WHO'S DRUNK!" I don't evne KNOW!"And as we can see by the map, we need to flatten this area, and this area. So as we can buil;d farms and wood harvesters." I paused for another swig form th ebottle. "But this area!" I punched the map. "Fuck this area especialy."I moved my hoof in circles. Circles are fun. Fucking is fun. We should fun circles. By circles, I mean women. But women are hurtfull. So fuck women. Logic. What was I tlaking about? I don't even know.Hey i should call this chapter that. There we go. Now everything makes sense. Till tuesday. fuck tuesday. Wednesdays are awesome. Love wednesdays. Ghost shows are on on wednsedays. Yay. I burped up some puke. don't worry I swallowed it. Um. What was I doing. Oh yeah. Pixel. Um. Shit happened that I thought of while sober that I should write down to remebr later. but I don't know where I wrote it. fuck. i'll think about while getting some more drink. Brb. I'm back and i remebered. I wrote it down on word. Here we go. I'll start a new paragraph fro this. So, after I did the popeye thing with the vodka, yum, I went bezerk and whumped Twibitches ass. Then had to run from Celestia's golden thing of death. Luna tried to stop celestia from killing me. somthinabout needing me for somthin. I don't know. I just took the opertunity to throw a table and run away. I ran down the hall and ran into a pink thing. Me and the thing tumbled for a bit, then we hit a wall. I was then picked up by another pink thing and set down. Someone started talking to me, I looked, saw a guard, freaked and punched him. His head went back, but his horn lit up. His magic is pink. ha. guy with pink magic. I knwo this place is meant to be girly, but come on. The white bitches, the short one, magic is blue. where was I going with this. Whatever. The guy went to hit me with magic, I punched him again, and ran. I jumped out a window, I got about ten feet and plumited. I dont remeber why, but sober me says my wing is broken. who the fuck messed up my wing. gonna kill a bitch. I hit the ground hard. but the ground was soft. I think. hard to tell. Anyway, someone is yelling from the window. I don't care. I stand up, and see like 30 guard guys runnin at me. Whooped their ass. Ran away. Made it to this library place. I thinks its a library. Have'nt found a enchat table yet, do im guessing. Fuck off spell check. Using my drunk senses, i found a bottle of whisky under the front desk. I don't like whisky. Im gonnnna make it vodka. i am god. i turn whisky into vodka. kneel and suck my chode. kn ighty cna suck my fat chode. prick. my fucking favorits has five storis that ive alrady read through cloggin that shit up. fucking knighty. i hope he reads this. basterd. Anyway, I find a map on a table. why the fuck would i be interested in a map. sober me wanted to make ajoke about fuck this area espicaily. fuck you sober me, thats not funny! what is funny, is fucking chryslais again. that bitch id hot. luna is okay, but she short. I like to 69 and actually be able to reach her shiot. celestia is okay. bet shes into nasty shit too. cadence is meh. and shes marrined so nog there. Im gonna put some music on. fuck it. all i have is dubstep rigth now. i dont feel like going through fucking folders for anything else. silence it is. God damnit sober me, non of these jokes are funny! let me write thsi shit myself. it was nice of you fro the outline, but im funner then you. so sod off. why the fuck am i cussing in british? Okay, i need to continue the story. no more sidetracks. so shut up brain. alright. I leave the library, and run into chrysalis. She says some shti abotu things i dont even remeber. I say that i dont rem,ebr, but she cant undersand me. I must be speajin in cave man. I am so blitzed. I had to stop typing for a second so the screen would stop moving. no i will nto tkae you outside. i can barely stand. go back to bed dog. sorry, my dog came to saty hi. why did I typr that out? I dont know. magnets. Story. neeed to type story. okay. story. where was i . chrysalis was talkin to me. I was takin in cave man. um. fuck it. sexy time. middle of hallway. she accepts! fun times helf by all! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! okay. sexy times. im not gonnnnna write ir out. thats stays in mky mind. sexy times over. im sleepy. and i need to pee. so, pee then bed. okay. holy fcuk on a stick its 555am. okay. pee then bed. bye people! ive got pizzamy mom made me pizza sher is awesoem i love her so much HII lopve you all. you are all good people. I would cook so much food, abnd but so mucvh al;chole for you all its ridicul;us . fucking semi colon needs to stop. i want to hug all of you./ i need a girl firend so i cna hug her foprever nad not let go and it woyuldnt be awkward. i want snuggles damn ti! im fat and have facial hair but i would be so nice to you and treat ypu right it would be aweosme and you would be awesome for being my girlfriend i would love you. ive realized im romanticly bi, byut i mostly wantr a girlfriend for the compatible parts. muill;er fortune is awesome. bought it for 12 dollars. and teneseeee whisky jackdaniels with teh huney is great. had the teneseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee with sweet tea i made is amazing. no story linje for you. enjoy. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
The thingDid you know, that orange juice makes it to where you can't taste the Vodka? 'Cause it does. It's probably why half the bottle is gone already. Also why I really need to pee. Now usually I don't go anywhere when in knickered, but I can't find the bathroom in the house. So off I went into town, the half filled bottle of Vodka tucked under a wing. The closets house to mine is Fluttershy's. Its a short walk, but the damn trees getting in my way make the trip longer. Fucking trees. Here I am just walking down the street, and a tree jumps out and tackles me. Fucking trees. Anyway, I make it to Fluttershy's and knock on the door. I hear a small noise, and movement. I knock again, and notice that the door is moving back and forth while i'm standing perfectly still. I put both my front things on it to hold it still. As soon as my hoofs touch the door, it decides to move. As result, I fall forward, and smash my face on the floor. It doesn't hurt. "A-re you okay, P-pixel?" I look up to see Fluttershy looking down on me fearfully. I pick myself up, and tell her why i'm here. "I have to pee!" I yell as I push past her into the house. She 'eep's. So adorable. I then proceed to look for the bathroom. The entire time Fluttershy is talking to me in her usual whispers. I could n't give less of a shit, as the dam is about to burst and flood the nearby village of Fluttershy's carpet. Heh. That sounds like a sex joke. I search the house for awhile, till i find it useless. At this point I decide to leave through the nearby window. As I roll down the hill, and into the stream at the bottom, I realize that the Vodka could have gotten hurt. Taking a quick look under my wing, i see the vodka is fine. But it might taste bad form the fall. I take it out and take a quick swig. Nope. Still tasty. I am then reminded by the cold water of the stream, that I need to pee something fierce. I pick myself up, and walk out of the stream. I get back on the road, as I hear the faint sound of confused talking, and a buzzing sound. Whatever. Not my problem, I already have one. I shrug and start trotting towards town. Half way there, a ditch decides to knock me down. As i roll on the ground, I start punching the ground. I'll teach this ditch to trip me! After a few good punches and bucks, I decide that the ditch has had enough. I climbed out of the ditch, which is hard to do when Schlitz'ed. after a few tries, i manage to get back on the road. It doesn't take long to get to town after that. The first place I come to is the Carousel Boutique. I walk over to the door, and stand at the front door. I pull out my Vodka bottle, and take a long drink. I think Rarity is gorgeous, but she is a bitch. So I need to be a little bit drunker for this. I put the bottle back and knock on the door. I decide to wipe my hooves on the door mat, she is fancy. I stand there for a bit. No one answers the door. This time i pound on the door with both hooves. "Rarityyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I NEED TO PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LET ME INNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Again, no response. I growl out a few curse words and walk over the nearest windows. On my way, I pick up a good sized rock. I knock on the window, then smash it with the rock. "Rarity!? You in there!?" No answer. "Bitch! I am talking to you!" It was then that I noticed that the lights were turned off on the inside. "Aw fuck, she's not home." Pissed off now, I reach into the broken window, and ripped a piece of the curtains off. I pull out my Vodka bottle, and take a big drink of it, then i stuff the ripped curtain in the top off the bottle. I pull out my lighter... I then wonder where the hell the lighter came from. Shrugging, i lit the curtain part on fire, and chuck it through the broken window. I hear the bottle break, then a fwoosh as the entire first floor catches fire. "Perfume is highly flammable, and you wear to much anyway." I mutter as I turn sideways, and proceed to piss on the wall. Oh my gods the relief I feel at this moment. After that, I decide that I am sad for wasting the Vodka. Good thing there's a bar down the street. With a smile on my face, I walk towards the street. My pace is hurried by the shouts, and the damn buzzing noise again. I'm not going to jail, I'm too pretty, my but can't take the abuse. I reach the bar in record time for a drunken fucker. I make my way inside, and the place is empty. Jackpot. I sashay my way over to the bar, and flutter over it. I take notice of a blender right away. I immediately grab a bottle of Vodka and empty it into the blender. Followed by ice and grape juice. I blend that shit at high speed. When i think its done, i turn off the blender. I grab the biggest cup they have, and pour the mixture into it. A grape Vodka slushie. America. I stick a silly straw in it, and take a seat on the other side of the bar. Hohmygod is it delicious. 'Merica. Fuck yeah. Half way through, I abandon the straw, and just chug the fucker. Of coarse I feel a brain freeze, but i'm too drunk to care. After the drink is gone, I belch loudly, and chuck the glass at the wall. I then take notice of how loud the buzzing sound has got. I sit on the stool for a bit trying to figure out if I've heard that sound before, I then find out the stool spins. Me fuckin gusta. I spin the shit out of that chair. Then the doors to the bar explode inwards. I don't care, this stool fucking spins. Something then grabs me around the waist, and tries to pull me off the stool. "NO! It spins. let me lone!" I fight to stay on the stool, but more things grab me and pull me off. Drunken rage activated! My hooves go flyin, and so does whatever grabbed me. After my flail, I look around. A few black things are laying all over the bar. One is embedded in the wall. Awesome sauce. I grab a chair and walk over to the closest one. "Changelings... that explains the buzzing... whatever..." I proceed to beat the changelings to death with the chair. Until it breaks. I then grab another one. After dealing with the ones that had pulled me off the stool, i'm still hearing that damn buzzing. I pick up a chair leg in my teeth, and go outside. Holy fuck on a stick, that's allot of changelings. "Why isn't this one in a cocoon like the others?" Says a creepy double voice. I turn my head, and Chrysalis is giving me the stick eye. I just smile. "Hi. I'm drunk, and that's bad for you." I slur around the chair leg. "Oh?" She asks with a smirk. "And, pray tell, whys that?" "I'm half germane, half Native american. Both fight better drunk." I laugh out. All she does is raise an eyebrow, and point at me. All the changelings charge me. All I can remember after this part, is shouting, pain, green blood, pain, hitting things, pain, red blood, pain, and me laughing my ass off. After shit stops spinning, I sit down. It feels weird, what I'm sitting on. I look down to find its the the remains of the Carousel Boutique. Heh, I set that place on fire. I need more drink. I flutter off the rubble, and over to the bar. It's a ruin too. But, a few bottles stick out of the wreckage. I grab a bottle at random, and turn around with a smile. I take one step, then Chrysalis lands in front of me. She looks pissed off. "You... defeated... all of my drones... Drunk... How..." "Your pretty." It was all I could think to say. She stares at me for a bit. Just stands there stock still, staring. I walk over next to her, and sit down. I open the bottle and take a swig. Oh, whiskey. The good kind. I take another bigger swig, and offer a bit to Chrysalis. She turns to look at me, then her but thumps to the ground, she lets out a long sigh, and takes the bottle. We sit there for a bit drinking, till a bright light in the sky comes down and blinds me. then everything gets fuzzy. I can't make much out, but I can hear talking. Lots of it. I feel myself getting shoved. I look over, and its a guard. I punched that fucker. Then I got picked up by magic, and put in a chariot. Then I pass out. Oh god, whatever is going on, my dick feels amazing. I reach out with my hooves and find a mass moving around on top of me. And it feels soooo good. I open my eyes, and i'm greeted by darkness. The mass is still ridding the living hell out of my cock, so i don't really care. The mass on top suddenly stops, and removes itself. I growl a bit in annoyance, than a smaller mass gets on my dick. With a grunt I suddenly flip myself, the mass gives off a startled squeak, I then proceed to rut the mass. A hoof grabs my face, then a tongue enters my mouth. Things go on like this for a bit, until i'm shoved back over. The small mass is removed, and slightly bigger mass, bigger than the first, slides on. What the hell is going on!? Shut up brain. The three masses keep switching out, till I come. Yay. I pass out again.
Yep. i'm drunk aghainLets see. i'm in a bed. not my bed. My bed isn't this comfortable. Time to see whats goin on. Hey! thats a song. "And I say hey yeah yeah yeah, whats goin on?" Ever woke up still drunk? It's awesome. You're awesome. I almost threw up writing this sentence. You know what else? Fuck inhibitions. Fuck you spell check, i can spell. sometimes. Anyway, story. Yeah. Lets get on with that. I roll myself off the bed and land with a thump and yelling fuck, really loud. I untangle myself form the sheets and stand up on my hoofses. Yeah. That's a good word. why the fuck can't spell check see that that is a good word. anyway, I walk myself over to the window, and jump out. I start screaming my lungs out as I fall. Half way down I remember that I have wings. After that, i fly upwards. Once i'm high enough, hehe, i can see that i am in Canterlot. whoopee. I then yell fuck and turn towards home. After a few hours of fighting clouds that think they're better than me, I make it home. fuck clouds. Anyway, I land at my house and go in. Immediately, i go over to the liquor cabinet, and grab a bottle of vodka. I go to my bedroom, and curl up on the bed, holding the bottle close to my chest. Fuck yeah. Vodka's the shit. It goes with everything. Except Pepsi. That's just horrible. Anyway, I begin to fall asleep, when the fucking door decides to make noise. With a few fucking shitty cocks growled out, I go to kick the doors ass, tucking the bottle of Vodka under a wing. Once at the door, I punch it. It fucking hurts. "Hello? I am looking for Pixel, is that you?" Says a creepy double voice. Wait, I know that voice. I slam the door open and see Chrysalis. What the hell is he doing here? With a shrug, I turn around and walk into the kitchen. I walk over to the table and sit down. Chrysalis sits down with me, and starts to talk. I don't pay attention. Instead, I open up the bottle of Vodka and get ready to take a long swig. I am denied my drink by a green feild of magic yanking my bottle away. "Give it back!" "No, we need to talk about what happened last night, and why you jumped out of a window this morning." "1, I was drunk, 2, I was drunk. Now gimme." "No. Ugh... you need to come with me." "Gimme!" I shout as i tackle the Vodka stealing bitch. WE tussle for a bit, till i guess he remembers, oh yeah, magic. She walks out of my house with me floating behind her in a green haze. The color alone makes me want to puke. Like no, really, I feel like barfing. Then i get dizzy. I don't remember much after that. The next thing I do remember is being dropped on my head on a cobble street. "Bitch..." I mumble. "Excuse me." A new voice has appeared. I bring myself to a sitting position as best I can. My eyes go wide at who is sitting in front of me. Twilight, and the rest of those bitches, Luna, Celestia, and a shit ton of royal guards. You don't have the proper badge to control them past this level. "Hi. I'm drunk Pixel, give me my vodka and I might do a trick." Drunk me is super smart. "After the damage you did last night, I don't think so. What I will do is-" I interrupt that bitch. She talks too much. "Hey... Hey... Hey... Listen. The only damage I remember doing last night... Is throwing a Molotov through the other white one's window." "I knew it!" "Your face!" Super smart. "Settle down my little ponies-" "Never you cock whoring cunt!" It was then that a couple of the guards decided to deliver a few golden horse shoes up my ass. Good thing i'm still drunk. Now... the battle was brief, and both sides took casualties, but my pain tolerance while drunk is absurd. So I won by endurance. But i'm pretty sure my wing shouldn't be bent that way. I also shouldn't be playing with it, twisting it back and forth. But it makes me giggle. I hear throw upping sounds, and turn in time to see the blue one pass out in a puddle of her own vomit. "Hey... that's my schtick." I accuse with a hoof. "I've had enough of this." Celestia says. Who else would say it? your mom, that's who. With the tinkle of magic, I find myself hoisted back up magic. The gold color is an improvement. "No listen to me, and i'll give you your vodka back." "I can do that." Vodka is srs business, so i cut the shit out. "Okay, last night you came to town drunk, and stopped Chrysalis' forces by killing nearly all of them. Afterwords, my sister and I showed planning to stop her, only to find you two drinking in front of the remains of Ponyville. Stunned we-" "Wait a minute." I suddenly get a brain feeling. I look at Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and then I do drunk math. "Ok... last night, i woke up to find myself having awesome sex in the dark with three differently weighing things..." I look at all their expressions, Luna and Celestia have stone faces, Chrysalis has a slut expression. "I had sex with you three, didn't I?" Two loud 'no's answer me, and one drawn out sexy 'yes'. Guess who. "Awesome sauce." I pass out again with a happy face.
Sober"Wake up!" Yelled someone, followed by a splash of cold water over my face. Now most people would probably snap awake, spit and sputter for a bit, then freak out a bit. Now, being who I am, and going through most of the shit I have up too this point, my reaction is the following. "Fuck you, I'm asleep." I mumbled out, and rolled over, down onto the floor. If you think you can get me to do anything after a night of drinking, you're a fucking nut. "I said get up!" This time she lightly kicked me. I also now know that its a female. "And I said fuck you!" "You arrogant piece of... Fine. We'll do this the hard way." I felt something grab a hold of my tail, then let go, followed by a whole bunch of spitting and cussing. I giggled. "Dear Celestia, when was the last time you bathed?" "What day is it?" I mumbled. "Friday." "Monday.... two weeks ago." "That's disgusting!" "I spend most of my time underground, alone, It's not a priority." I mumble while bringing myself to a sitting position. I can tell this girl isn't going away any time soon, and I just ain't in the mood for games. "So why in the hell are you... Da fuck? Where am I?" Looking around, I see that I sure as hell ain't inside my house. I mean, its clean for one. Also my house is made out of brick, not marble. I'm not gonna bore you with the small details, but it is a nice room. Bringing my attention away from the room, I focus on the pony in front of me. Golden armor, white fur, blue eyes, looks permanently pissed off. Yep. Royal guard. Sexy female royal guard, but still. Is it weird if I wouldn't mind that she shoved a night stick up my ass? Probably, but not the main issue here. "You, are in Canterlot Castle, as a guest of the princesses. Why, I don't know. From what I've heard, you beat up an entire detachment of guards, while drunk." Fuck me with a cactus covered in ghost peppers. "In fact, you were so drunk, when you arrived you were suffering from alcohol poisoning. Rumor is, your blood alcohol level was so high, the princesses had to do the removal spell to rid your system of the alcohol." She finished with a smile. Well, at least someone is happy about my situation. "I need a drink..." "Maybe later, right now, the princesses would like a word with you." "That sounds like fun with a capital 'F'." I comment dryly. I stood up and started to stretch. I stuck out my front hooves then started to stretch out my wingsFUCKINGHELLTHAT HURTS! I held back my scream, and turned it into a loud grunt. I turned my head, blinking back tears, to see one of my wings in a cast. My next sentence conveys my thoughts. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY WING!?" "Oh, you came in with it broken. One of the guards you fought broke it." "I'LL MURDER HIM!" "I think the beat down you gave them will have to suffice. Now come on, the princesses are waiting." I grumbled a bit, but followed non the less. The guard lead me out of the luxurious room, and into a luxurious hallway. I'm sensing a theme already. We walked down the hall for a bit, then took a left down some random ass stairs. Seriously, the way these stairs just popped out when you turned the corner, that's an accident waiting to happen. I had to resist the urge to try and open my wings and glide down. I'm gonna punch the bastard who broke my wing, once I find him. At the bottom of the stairs, we turned right and entered, I never would have guessed, another luxurious hallway. Fucking Christ, did they just build this place with gold and shiny shit? I mean, who the fuck builds an entire castle that looks this shiny? Apparently, my displeasure at the place was showing. The guardsmare slowed down to where we were walking side by side. "Something wrong?" "The way this place is built isn't practical. One explosion, and the entire floor above us would fall down." "Well," She chuckled. "Seeing as Equestria hasn't been to war, or had an extended conflict for over a thousand years, I think the castles' fine." "I guess..." I was then hit by a sudden, very important detail that I'd over looked. "I'm an idiot." "Hmm?" "I've been a down right ass to you, and I haven't even asked your name." "Oh! Ha! I grew up in a house with three brothers. I'm used to that. So no worries. As for my name..." She paused and looked to the ceiling in thought. "You alright?" I asked concerned. "Hmm... You know what?" She asked, looking over at me. "I'm going to make you earn learning my name." "What?" "I'm going to make you earn my name! Seeing as you kind of beat up my coworkers." Mares... I think they should send out an all female memo that I don't play these games. I guess the good thing is, I know she's interested at least. "If you don't tell me I'm gonna name you Thunder Cunt." She tripped and face planted. I held in my laughter out of decency. I walk ahead a few paces and half turned to look back at her. She had righted herself, her helmet had fallen off and... and... damn. She's good lookin'. Her mane is a chestnut-ish color done up in a bun, so as to keep it under her helmet, I guess. Her coat is a dark blue, and her eyes are a nice magenta. Her expression and blush is just adorable. I'd look to see what her cutie mark was, seeing as I'm checking her out anyway, but her ass is covered by the armor. Wait... wasn't her coat and eyes a different color a second ago? ... Meh. "A-are you serious!?" "As a heart attack," I nod. She 'eeped' at that. "You are a horrible pony!" "And?" I laugh out. "You... UGH! Let's... just get to the throne room." She stood and grabbed her helmet. She put it on her helmet, and her color changed back to that of a guard. Some might get confused, or ask questions, I just don't care enough to do either. She huffs past me. "Come on." "Sure thing, Thunder cunt." She stumbles, but doesn't fall this time. Good for her. She looks back at me with the most pissed off look I have ever seen on a female, it makes me giggle to be honest. She growls, then stomps off down the hall. I follow her with the biggest shit eating grin I have ever worn.
Sober: This should be fun"Here we are." Grumbled Thunder Cunt. And so we were. Two absurdly big wooden doors, with a guard on either side, stand before us. Thunder Cunt walked forward, stomping her hooves all the while, and turned her head to face me. The frown on her face is priceless. "The princesses are waiting for you on the other side" She turned her head to the guard on the left and gave him a nod. He nodded in return, and both of the guards horns lit, and the door opened. I got one look inside the doors, before a purple flash made my world go dark. After my brain rebooted, my body was giving error messages like crazy. My left foreleg was not connected, my injured wing was giving a 404, and my brain was having trouble processing. After I clicked the little red X on all the error messages, I activated my eyes. I was upside down, for some reason. I saw a purple unicorn and Celestia were yelling at each other. Wait, internal memory just came back, Twilight Sparkle. Nothing good happens when she or the others are involved. With a small grunt, I roll myself onto my side. Oh look, the error messages are back. After closing all of those, I take a stack of bread from my inventory, and devour a few loaves. My leg gives off a pop, and my brain reports connection. The 404 error with my wing is resolved, but it is still reporting errors. Now that my injuries were taken care of for now, I look back over at the shouting match... and there are big green eyes two inches from my face. With a deep inhale through my nose, I kept my shit from being lost. "Helllooo~." Purred the figure. "H-hi." Every fiber of my being screamed for me to run, but something kept me from doing so. "How are you feeling?" "Um..." I suddenly felt a cold sensation pass through my head, bringing a sense of calm over my body, "Really good..." "That's good." The eyes pulled back from my face, revealing a tall... very ravishing creature. I felt a dopey smile form across my face. She held a hole filled hoof to her fanged muzzle as she giggled. My dick twitched. "Chrysalis! What are you doing!?" The black beauty before me turned her head towards... whatever was going on. I couldn't take my eyes of her. My brain gave me a mental slap. I shook my head, and turned towards the person yelling. It was Celestia, she looked pissed. "Well, seeing as our mutual acquaintance was awake, and in obvious pain, I decided to help him." "By seducing him?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not seducing him. That is just a side affect that happens when I use my magic on ponies." Celestia seemed to relax, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I moved my gaze a touch to the right, and I saw a fuming Twilight. Once she noticed I was looking at her, her horn lit up. Out of reflex, I dove to the left. Good thing too. A purple streak struck the ground right where I was standing, blowing a hole and debris everywhere. I hide behind the tall black one, and looked for an exit. I located an open door to the left. "Fuck this, I'm out!" With that said, I bolted towards the door. Purple lights flashed all over the place, exploding the room around me. I made it out the door, slammed it behind me, and took off randomly. A loud pop echoed behind me, and the exploding purple arcs came back. I took a random corner, and kept running. This went on for awhile, I would get away, she would teleport, and keep shooting at me. After what seemed like an hour, we somehow ended up in the kitchen. I had ducked into the pantry, she was tearing the door down. As she kept hitting the door, I backed up fearfully. My but knocked into a shelf behind me, and the sound of bottles clinking together was heard. Turning my head, I saw my saving grace. With a smile, I grabbed like three bottles of vodka. Outside the pantry... Twilight Sparkle was hammering away at the door with an overturned cart, a look of pure rage etched on her face. Her mane and tale were both smoking, and her coat had started to turn white. A few pops were heard. Twilight stopped pounding at the door, and turned around to see who it was. Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and her friends were there. Celestia stepped forward. She opened her mouth to talk, before she could say anything, the pantry door exploded outwards. Everyone raised a hoof to shield their face. "GUESS WHO'S DRUNK!"
I don't evne KNOW!"And as we can see by the map, we need to flatten this area, and this area. So as we can buil;d farms and wood harvesters." I paused for another swig form th ebottle. "But this area!" I punched the map. "Fuck this area especialy."I moved my hoof in circles. Circles are fun. Fucking is fun. We should fun circles. By circles, I mean women. But women are hurtfull. So fuck women. Logic. What was I tlaking about? I don't even know.Hey i should call this chapter that. There we go. Now everything makes sense. Till tuesday. fuck tuesday. Wednesdays are awesome. Love wednesdays. Ghost shows are on on wednsedays. Yay. I burped up some puke. don't worry I swallowed it. Um. What was I doing. Oh yeah. Pixel. Um. Shit happened that I thought of while sober that I should write down to remebr later. but I don't know where I wrote it. fuck. i'll think about while getting some more drink. Brb. I'm back and i remebered. I wrote it down on word. Here we go. I'll start a new paragraph fro this. So, after I did the popeye thing with the vodka, yum, I went bezerk and whumped Twibitches ass. Then had to run from Celestia's golden thing of death. Luna tried to stop celestia from killing me. somthinabout needing me for somthin. I don't know. I just took the opertunity to throw a table and run away. I ran down the hall and ran into a pink thing. Me and the thing tumbled for a bit, then we hit a wall. I was then picked up by another pink thing and set down. Someone started talking to me, I looked, saw a guard, freaked and punched him. His head went back, but his horn lit up. His magic is pink. ha. guy with pink magic. I knwo this place is meant to be girly, but come on. The white bitches, the short one, magic is blue. where was I going with this. Whatever. The guy went to hit me with magic, I punched him again, and ran. I jumped out a window, I got about ten feet and plumited. I dont remeber why, but sober me says my wing is broken. who the fuck messed up my wing. gonna kill a bitch. I hit the ground hard. but the ground was soft. I think. hard to tell. Anyway, someone is yelling from the window. I don't care. I stand up, and see like 30 guard guys runnin at me. Whooped their ass. Ran away. Made it to this library place. I thinks its a library. Have'nt found a enchat table yet, do im guessing. Fuck off spell check. Using my drunk senses, i found a bottle of whisky under the front desk. I don't like whisky. Im gonnnna make it vodka. i am god. i turn whisky into vodka. kneel and suck my chode. kn ighty cna suck my fat chode. prick. my fucking favorits has five storis that ive alrady read through cloggin that shit up. fucking knighty. i hope he reads this. basterd. Anyway, I find a map on a table. why the fuck would i be interested in a map. sober me wanted to make ajoke about fuck this area espicaily. fuck you sober me, thats not funny! what is funny, is fucking chryslais again. that bitch id hot. luna is okay, but she short. I like to 69 and actually be able to reach her shiot. celestia is okay. bet shes into nasty shit too. cadence is meh. and shes marrined so nog there. Im gonna put some music on. fuck it. all i have is dubstep rigth now. i dont feel like going through fucking folders for anything else. silence it is. God damnit sober me, non of these jokes are funny! let me write thsi shit myself. it was nice of you fro the outline, but im funner then you. so sod off. why the fuck am i cussing in british? Okay, i need to continue the story. no more sidetracks. so shut up brain. alright. I leave the library, and run into chrysalis. She says some shti abotu things i dont even remeber. I say that i dont rem,ebr, but she cant undersand me. I must be speajin in cave man. I am so blitzed. I had to stop typing for a second so the screen would stop moving. no i will nto tkae you outside. i can barely stand. go back to bed dog. sorry, my dog came to saty hi. why did I typr that out? I dont know. magnets. Story. neeed to type story. okay. story. where was i . chrysalis was talkin to me. I was takin in cave man. um. fuck it. sexy time. middle of hallway. she accepts! fun times helf by all! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! okay. sexy times. im not gonnnnna write ir out. thats stays in mky mind. sexy times over. im sleepy. and i need to pee. so, pee then bed. okay. holy fcuk on a stick its 555am. okay. pee then bed. bye people!
HII lopve you all. you are all good people. I would cook so much food, abnd but so mucvh al;chole for you all its ridicul;us . fucking semi colon needs to stop. i want to hug all of you./ i need a girl firend so i cna hug her foprever nad not let go and it woyuldnt be awkward. i want snuggles damn ti! im fat and have facial hair but i would be so nice to you and treat ypu right it would be aweosme and you would be awesome for being my girlfriend i would love you. ive realized im romanticly bi, byut i mostly wantr a girlfriend for the compatible parts. muill;er fortune is awesome. bought it for 12 dollars. and teneseeee whisky jackdaniels with teh huney is great. had the teneseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee with sweet tea i made is amazing. no story linje for you. enjoy. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
