The Most Deplorable Attraction in the History of the Multiverse*

The Everfree Forest had an unnatural quietness to it tonight. There were no ominous gusts of wind, no drizzle of rain, not even the distant howl of a timber wolf. It was as if the forest had been stripped of its essence, now nothing but an empty husk.

“What made you do it?” Twilight asked in a hushed tone. She was almost afraid to disturb the silence. She and Ian were perched in a high tree, hidden by its leaves, but the cover offered little comfort. She had been gung-ho to confront the Wabberjack, but now that the big moment was approaching, she was having second thoughts.

“What?” Ian whispered, not bothering to look at her. All of his senses were searching for the Wabberjack.

Twilight fidgeted with the branches, wincing at the noise she made. Ponies were certainly not designed to climb trees! “Why’d you tell Morpheus?”

Ian shifted around to look at her, confused. “Should I have been a dick about it? You’re the one who was appalled with the idea.”

“But you were so sure about your plan. You almost seemed proud of it.” That had been the part that truly unsettled Twilight.

“I changed my mind,” he said as he turned away from her. He peered through the leaves to check on Morpheus, who had fallen asleep. Morpheus’ original campsite was too constricting for Ian, so they’d decided to set their trap in a large field of flowers. It was a shame that a place so beautiful and tranquil would soon be the site of a slaughter. “He’s a good person. And he was able to do something I couldn’t,” he glanced back at Twilight, “it didn’t feel right using someone like that.”

“What couldn’t you do?”

“I-” Ian couldn’t tell her no matter how hard he wanted to. She was one of the few Locals he liked and he didn’t want her thinking he was a freak. “I think I can get a better view over there,” he said, pointing to the other side of the field. The view was probably much worse, but he was desperate to get away from Twilight before he said something stupid. Without a sound he jumped to the neighboring tree, but he could hear Twilight clumsily stand up to follow. “Twilight.”

“Yes?” She took one step and almost fell out of the tree.

He gestured for her to wait, which was pointless since she could barely see him. “You need to stay here.”

“B-by myself?” He heard her gulp. “What if the Wabberjack finds me?”

“It won’t-”

“You can’t know that for sure.” Her voice was starting to rise and Ian could hear the branch swaying beneath her. If she wasn’t careful, she’d ruin the trap.

“Twilight,” he said sweetly, “you’re going to be fine. We’re going to take down the Wabberjack and save Fluttershy, but you need to trust me.”

Twilight was silent for a time, but Ian could hear her deep breathing. “I must sound hysterical right now,” she joked.

“You should’ve seen me the first time I fought a Wabberjack. I had a panic attack and curled up in the fetal position. You’re doing fine.”

“How do you deal with it- the fear?”

Ian jumped back into her tree and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to tell you what they told me when I joined the Angels: Courage isn’t the absence of fear.” His thumb brushed through her magnificently soft fur. “It’s the will to act despite it.” He felt his hand linger a little too long and yanked it away. It was best to get away from her quickly so he shifted his feet to jump. “Oh,” he paused, realizing he had forgotten something important, “I’m gonna’ need my gun back.”

There was a loud pop as his silver pistol appeared in his hand; hopefully no one heard it. Despite the loud noise though, he couldn’t help but smile holding the gun. It was like he had been reunited with a long lost friend. “Be careful,” he heard Twilight say.

Twilight had no clue how long she had been sitting in the tree, but it was getting more uncomfortable with every agonizingly dull minute. She had been sitting still for so long that her hind legs had fallen asleep. Moving them was out of the question, though, because no matter how hard she tried being quiet, she kept making noise. She couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of how easy it was to Ian.

Out of nowhere, a disgusting growl pounded on Twilight’s eardrums. Pure terror ran through her body, and it took all her strength not to scream at the sight of the beast. She held her breath and prayed to Celestia that the behemoth wouldn’t spot her. It raised its canine-like head and flared its nostrils. What if it smelled her! Twilight’s first thought was to drop from the tree and run, but she knew she couldn’t; Fluttershy needed her, Morpheus needed her, Ian needed her. She had to be brave.

Twilight’s chest ached as the carbon dioxide built up in her lungs. She could feel her pounding heart as it thumped rapidly in terror. Darkness was closing in around her and she struggled not to pass out. If the beast didn’t move in a few seconds, it wouldn’t matter how quiet she was. She tried to imagine her friends, hoping they would give her strength, but even the slightest thought felt impossible.

The Wabberjack let out three hoarse grunts and a long, oozing tentacle slithered out of its mouth and dangled in the night air. Twilight felt sick as she saw two small pincers slide out of the tip.

Then the monster…the Demon sank below the branches to the forest floor. It hadn’t seen her, but Twilight was still too scared to breath. Its body was long and covered in a brown segmented exoskeleton. The pitter-patter of Celestia knows how many legs accompanying each new segment made Twilight’s skin crawl.

When the Demon had finally disappeared from the trees, Twilight breathed in as quietly, and as quickly, as she could. Her moment of peace was soon cut short by Morpheus’ blood curdling screams. Twilight shifted herself, the screams masking her rustling, and looked just in time to see the Wabberjack’s tentacle stab into Morpheus’ throat, instantly silencing him.

Twilight gaped as the Wabberjack’s long, centipede-like body coiled around Morpheus as the tentacle pulsed away at his neck.

It was now or never. Twilight concentrated on her magic and enveloped the field in a pink barrier. Across the clearing, Twilight saw Ian drop from his tree and approach the Demon. The Wabberjack took one look at Ian and tossed the dragon aside.

“Someone’s been going through a growth spurt,” Ian taunted. “This is your one chance to surrender.”

The Demon cocked its head and let out a series of low hoarse grunts. It was laughing.

“I guess that’s a no?”

Two massive tentacles, as thick as tree trunks, burst from the Demon’s side and swayed above Ian. With earth shaking force, the limbs smashed down, narrowly missing Ian, and the Wabberjack roared. It was such a shock that for a fleeting moment Twilight let the barrier drop. Ian, however, didn’t even flinch.

“Fine,” Ian said calmly, “we’ll do this the hard way.” With lightning speed, Ian fired one bullet into each tentacle and dove beneath his enemy. Before the Demon could react, its limbs were blown off in a fiery explosion.

The Wabberjack reeled backward and smashed into Twilight’s tree. Ian fired ten more shots into the Demon’s neck as it writhed in pain. It bashed its head against the tree and a branch snapped beneath Twilight’s hooves. She was able to grip another branch, but she was now dangling directly above the Wabberjack.

“Twilight!” Ian shouted as the Demon smashed into him with the base of its body, sending Ian fifteen feet across the field. The swing was incredibly painful, but the worst part was that Ian had dropped his gun!

Ian pushed himself up and pulled his gemstone from his back pocket, ready for anything. “Bring it on,” he shouted. The Wabberjack raised itself high into the air and unhinged its exoskeleton loosing hundreds of spiked tentacles.

“…That’s new.” Ian turned and sprinted into the woods, taking the Wabberjack with him. “Twilight,” he hollered as he slid under a dead tree, “get the gun!”

Twilight dropped to the ground with an, “oomph,” and scanned the foliage for the weapon. “Where is it?” she shouted frantically.

A tentacle wrapped around Ian’s leg, pulling him up as another wrapped around his right arm. “Little busy,” he called back as he stabbed the second tentacle with his gemstone.

“Do you need help?”

“No,” he paused to stab a tentacle trying to choke him, “I’m doing fine.”

“Maybe I-”

“Just find the damn gun!”

Twilight was about to abandon the search to rescue Ian when she saw, sticking out of a patch of lilies, the silver handle of his gun. “I found it,” she shouted ecstatically. She’d never been so happy to see a deadly firearm.

The Wabberjack tossed Ian into the air and launched its main tentacle at his throat. Unfortunately for the Wabberjack, Ian managed to shift his body out of harm’s way and stab his sapphire into the Demon’s eye. It roared and thrashed about violently, but Ian had a death grip on the wound. “Press the button on the side!”

Twilight turned the pistol over in the air and found the small red button, but before she could press it, Morpheus snatched it away. “Mine,” he shouted as he waddled off. He flapped his wings and rose into the air, but luckily for Twilight, his own weight was slowing him down. Twilight gripped his feet with magic and yanked him onto the ground.

Morpheus roared in anger and engulfed her in flames. As he moved closer, the flames grew more and more intense. When he was done with her, there would be nothing but ashes, and then the shiny gun would be all his! The Princesses would die screaming in agony as their precious Equestria burned! A new day was coming; a day ruled by the Winged Death, the most powerful dragon ever to walk the earth…Or at least that would have happened had the dragon noticed the tree being swung at his head. The trunk splintered against Morpheus’ skull, knocking him out along with a few teeth.

Twilight panted as she whisked the flames away with magic and pressed the button as hard as she could. Instantaneously, a fireball erupted in the night sky with such ferocious power that Twilight was flung off her feet, and for five seconds the Everfree Forest was illuminated in a light as bright as the sun. Twilight watched as the great and terrible Wabberjack toppled to the forest floor with an earth quaking thud.

…They’d done it.

Before Twilight could plop down on the grass and rest, an arc of lightning shot across the sky and expanded. Twilight gasped as space ripped apart above her and open to a tunnel of swirling clouds. At the end of the tunnel was a sea of shimmering galaxies, all spinning gracefully around one star that condensed and expended like a beating heart. From this star shined a rainbow that bathed each cloud in a different color of the visual spectrum. Silhouettes of all shapes and sizes hovered on the clouds, watching patiently as all remnants of the Wabberjack slowly ascended to them. There were humans, massive arachnids, trees with arms and legs, and…ponies!

The sight of earth ponies, pegasi, unicorns, and alicorns gazing down at her brought tears to her eyes. “The girls are never going to believe this,” Twilight muttered to herself.

“Now you know how I feel,” she heard Ian say as the Wabberjack crossed the rift.

Twilight shielded her eyes as the sky erupted in a blinding white light, erasing all traces of the rift. The ocean of stars that had once dazzled Twilight now felt barren and empty. She couldn’t turn away though, just in case the rift came back. It was depressing to think that she’d never witness something so incredible ever again.

“Y-you…you see that every day?” she asked after a long silence.

“I’ve seen better,” Ian shrugged.

She turned to him, baffled. “What could possibly be better than that?”

The moonlight was glistening off Twilight’s eyes, and to Ian they were more beautiful than anything the Angels had ever shown him. Despite the painful void growing in his stomach, he couldn’t help but smile. Why couldn’t he have been born in Equestria?

“You wouldn’t believe me.”

“I do believe you,” she said, pushing closer to him, “I’ve devoted my life to learning and understanding. Please, I need to know what else is out there.”

She was so close that Ian could feel her warm breath on his nose. Twilight’s eyelashes fluttered a little as Ian brushed his index finger under her chin. He directed her to the field before them and whispered, “You’re looking at it.”

Twilight darted her eyes back and forth, frantically searching for whatever Ian had seen. “I don’t see it,” she said worriedly, “where is it?”

“I told you you’re looking at it,” he said, grinning as she glared at him. “Supernovas, Demons, what you just saw- they’re all amazing things but they get old after a while. But sitting here with a good friend,” Ian paused and looked over at Morpheus, “…and an unconscious friend- did you hit him with a tree?”

“Dragons have thick skulls,” she said hastily, “he might have a headache but he’ll be alright.” Twilight fidgeted uneasily and looked down at her hooves. “Now um, what were you saying?”

“I think I said most of it,” he yawned. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, it was getting harder to stay awake by the second; after all, he’d gone almost twenty-four hours without sleep.

“Would you say it anyway?”

He patted the mare on the back and smiled when she looked up at him. “Letting you come with me was the greatest decision I’ve ever been forced to make.”

Ian was hoping for a laugh, but seeing her smile was good enough. “I’m cold,” she said, pushing closer to him. He was so tired, he didn’t mind.

Twilight’s violet irises twinkled like amethysts in the moonlight. Her pupils felt large enough to hold all the wonders of the multiverse, but all Ian could see were two bleary-eyed strangers. Before Ian could figure out who the confused men in her pupils were, Twilight closed her eyes. The poor girl must be exhausted, but after everything she’d been through tonight, who could blame her? They’d both had quite an eventful night, so a victory nap seemed well-deserved.

Now that Ian thought about it, the air was getting colder, and getting a good night’s sleep would be impossible if they got too chilly. It sure was kind of Twilight to keep him warm like this. The body heat from her foreleg was certainly keeping his chest warm, and the fur on the side of her belly felt wonderful against his hand (which had somehow moved away from her back). Twilight’s luxuriously soft fur and the semi-squishiness of her stomach reminded him of the bed in Ponyville. He felt terrible for ruining it. Not only had it belonged to the mare sweet enough to help him, even after damaging her home, but it was also simply a fantastic bed. Its willingness to conform to every curve of his body was infinitely more relaxing than the cold hard ground currently pressing against his back.

He and Twilight had earned a victory nap, and it wasn’t a victory nap without a victory bed. They had earned the right to lie on a mattress of cloudlike softness, bury themselves under a thick blanket, close their eyes, and…

...Ian fell asleep.