I told you to go right

Pulling my red shirt back down, I moved forward through the fog, shining my torch into the thick moisture. The day had been exceedingly cold so I brought some gloves. Unfortunately, I didn't know they were fingerless. A few flakes of snow fluttered down from the sky, presumably having some caught on the tree canopy above. Deciding to stop and wait for my friends, I plodded over to a log, parked my arse down there, and waited. I didn't bother doing one of those stupid moments where you think about the events leading up to this moment, because I had picked up on footsteps crunching on leaves. More accurately, several sets of footsteps.
Looking towards the source, I shone the torch through the darkness that the fog was casting to see who would arrive first. My eyes immediately picked up on two figures, one taller than the other, approaching. The unmistakeable voices of Alex and Duncan were heard, conversing as usual. Just behind, another figure with rather shaggy hair was seen, undeniably Felix, trailed by two people whose silhouettes I was very familiar with; Harry and Aidan. All 6 of us went into the Great Park just for the shits and LOLs of it, and now we were lost. I'd been put under the care of my older brother back home, but I really didn't give a fuck and neither did he. My parents left for Vegas 2 weeks ago, and never came back.
So I was abandoned. Ignoring this, I stood and addressed the group. Wiping my hands onto my green faded camo trousers, I cleared my throat.
"Gentlemen." I began, sounding important. "Important question; left or right? I say left." Suddenly, Harry piped up.
"Are we going left because that fic you read said so, so we can go to Equestria?" he asked.
"Mmm..." Felix answered for me. "Yep. I say left."
"No, let's go right." Aidan said. "I want to get out of here and go home. This is boring."
"Ok." I replied to him. "How about this; we end up in Equestria, you can get first crack at Celestia."
"No." Harry laughed. "LUNA IS BEST PONEH!"
"We're going left. End of." Alex cut in, and suddenly began to walk down the left route. A path was intertwining through the trees, a strange darkness in view. Not wanting to be left behind, I jogged after him, and was soon followed by the other 4 guys. Suddenly, something caught unto my ankle, causing me to trip and fall to the dirt. Wincing, and telling god where he could shove his 'physics of falling', I looked down at what I tripped on. My heart almost ripped itself out of my chest when I caught sight of what it was; a soldier in Vietnam uniform, face frozen in a state of shock. The helmet had a hole through it, and I guessed that it was because he'd been shot. But a US soldier from Vietnam? In the UK, looking like he died moments ago? All six of us crowded around the body, not sure of what to do.
"We need to get the police on this." Duncan said, bowing his head slightly.
"FUCK DA POLIEC" I shouted in return, bending down and searching the soldier. My hands grasped something in his ammo belt, which I pulled out. One flash grenade. Perfectly useless. I stuffed it into my pocket, before continuing my search, much to the shock of my friends. I heard slightly confused murmurs, and I turned. "You all play Far Cry 3, right?"
The others nodded.
"Good," I smirked, turning back to the body. "Then you should know that this is allowed. He's fucking dead, guys. He won't be needing this grenade." I suddenly thought where else the corpse may have things. I reached around to the soldier's waist, feeling about until I felt something leather and in an L shape, a small metal lump clipping a gap shut. I excitedly opened it, resisting every urge I had to go nuts with it. An iron pistol with grey finish was pulled out, a wooden grip held to the, er, other grip with 2 screws. The safety was on, and I nonchalantly began to load the weapon and ready it. If this guy had been shot, recently by the looks of it, I had to be ready to defend my friends. I removed everything else the corpse had; ammo, a large combat knife with "From the USA to Vietnam" carved into it, another flash grenade, and a pair of dog tags belonging to a 'Thunder Mustang' from 'Weather Team Alpha'. I turned to the others, standing up as I clipped the corpse's holster to my trousers.
"Guys, this guy was called Thunder Mustang." I said inquisitively. "Weird name, huh?"
"Yeah," Felix replied, "He might have been the first brony, naming himself after his OC." As far as I knew, I had an OC called Thunder Mustang, but I preferred Scorch-Mane, and Thunder Mustang was also in Weather Team Alpha.
"Yes, but this is where it gets weird." I stated, moving my hands for emphasis. "I have an OC called Thunder Mustang. This guy's dig tags say he was also on 'Weather Team Alpha'. So is my OC." We all went silent for a few moments, looking at the dead body that was now lying in a position you might be when you are put in a coffin. Hey, I may be jaded to death and destruction, but that doesn't mean I have no sense of respect!
"...That's creepy." Harry finally said. "Oh, does your OC end up going out with Luna?"

"Fuck yes." I replied. "Either way, let's go onwards. We can tell the cops about the body later." With that made, we made a few respectful gestures to the body, before we marched onwards into the forest.

The floor here seemed cartoony, not even realistic, as well as...everything. The trees, the rocks, even us. I'd noticed a thick red border around the sleeves on my shirt, slightly brighter outlines surrounding my hands, and that I seemed to glow. I heard mumbling behind from the others that they looked like cartoons. But when I did look, the thing that popped out most to me was the fact that their eyes were a brilliant white, pupils illuminated unrealistically as colours were vividly shown.
"Wow," I heard Aidan say, "I look like a drawing."
"Same." all of us said simultaneously. As we trudged on through the dark, we noticed a thick bank of fog arriving in an instant. It reminded me of the Everfree Forest; fog appearing spontaneously, eyes being weird, all that. Suddenly, I realized that the moon was there. Even though we had proceeded through the Great Park, the moon was never that easy to see. Looking up, I almost had a squeegasm at what I saw.
Nightmare Moon, THE Nightmare Moon, was emblazoned on the surface of the orbiting white planetoid. I rapidly pointed this out, gesturing for the others to look up. Felix, Harry, and possibly even Aidan gasped at the same time.
"Does this mean...?" I began, still not taking my eyes off the moon. "...Are we...really here? Before season 1, episode 1?"

"Yep." Felix laughed. "We're in fucking Equestria, bitches."

We may have been in Equestria, but how the FUCK did my beard grow so quickly? Normally, the bastard does fuck all on my face, but it's only in Equestria that it grows. The only bloody time I don't have a razor to shave with...Great. Now I'm talking to my fucking facial hair. Always my fucking beard. I'm losing this shit. All my friends aren't; they're keeping it together as we trudge to what we think is Ponyville. But not me, noooo, why let the author keep his fucking sanity?! ALWAYS THE FUCKING AUTHOR.

Suddenly, I stepped on something. As I lifted my boot to see what it was, a sudden light flew above the horizon. Surprised at how damn quick the sun rises in Equestria, I shielded my eyes and fell. Recovering my footing, I got up, looked about and saw my friends. All had fallen asleep. Duh. It's fucking Equestria. This place hates me. I can't get to sleep. All of a sudden, my ramblings were cut short by something just...switching off. I don't know what, but I just zonked out completely. The last I remembered was a sudden crackling noise along my arm and back, spreading to my legs. My vision dimmed as I thought I saw my arm go blue and furry.

I was awoken by something prodding against my face. It was flat, and very persistent in what it was doing. I grunted, and tried to sleep through it, before I gave up. Opening my eyes a crack, I saw something green pushed against me, it was cartoonish, and furry.
Is that...
"Don't freak out, Jack." came Felix's voice. "Just...try to relax, alright?" I opened my eyes further, and almost screamed. A green Pegasus was stood over me, blue eyed, and with a picture of a skateboard for a cutie mark.
FUCK IT'S A PONY THEY'RE REAL HOLY SHIT
"AAAI'm not freaked out." I said calmly. I realized I had been going insane these past few days, so it wouldn't be a surprise if I was hallucinating that one of my best friends was now a pony.
"Good." Felix said, removing his hoof from my mouth. "Look down, you'll get the feel of your new body pretty fast. I think it's hardwired into us bronies." I saw him turn, and trot off, black tail swishing as he walked.
New body? Oh, cool, do I get to be Scorch-Mane? He's badass. I want to be Scorch, let me be Scorch...
Looking down, and stifling an angry yell, I saw I was a blue Pegasus with blue and gold striped mane and tail, neatly combed into a Scorch-like fashion.
"Thunder Mustang?" I groaned, pushing my forehooves down as I sat up. "Seriously? Well, at least I look cool..." I quickly took in my surroundings. We were still in the Everfree forest, trees looming high as darkness was visible slightly into the trees. The ground was still cartoony, and I saw my friends, listed below by appearance.
Aidan: Buff, grey unicorn with black mane and red eyes. Wood cutting axe mid-swing for a cutie mark.
Harry: Small unicorn, red mane and blue body, with green eyes. 3 chevrons sideways in a speech bubble for a cutie mark.
Duncan: Very small Pegasus, olive-drab with white mane and pink eyes. Flaming wings for a cutie mark.
Alex: Tall earth pony, deep red fur and firey yellow mane with orange eyes. Matchstick for a cutie mark.
Frowning slightly as I stood up, I began to think up names that would help us blend into civilization. All of a sudden, I realized how thirsty I was. I felt around on my back with a forehoof, which felt strangely natural, and grasped a canteen I had no clue I had. However, it was empty. Seeing no other options, I quickly put it between my legs and filled it with...my own urine. I had literally lost all my sanity, what difference would it make to drink piss? I felt slightly refreshed, and trotted up to Felix. The green Pegasus was busily slapping Harry in the face to wake him up when I tapped a blue hoof to his shoulder, canteen in the other hoof.
"Felix," I said clearly. "We've been here for days, we're out of water, and options. There's only one thing for it: better drink my own piss." That phrase awoke all the others, who immediately stood up to see me drink piss. I was slightly worried, but then I realized something odd; my piss tasted like liquid orgasms coated in chocolate and dipped in Scarlet Johannsen's tits, before being lathered in root beer and topped with toffee.
It tasted amazing.
I found myself unable to stop drinking, and when it was finished I was gasping for breath through my tonguasms.
"Oh my god guys," I panted, breathing heavily and sweating, "Pony piss tastes awesome. Try it. NOW. FUCKING NOW." I threw the canteen to Aidan, who nervously looked at it, and us. We all rolled our eyes, and heard tinkling against the metal canteen. Once we were sure he'd finished, we turned back around. He was stood tall, looking at the contents of the container with a nervous expression.
"Put some on your hoof." I grunted. He did just that; putting a tiny drop of piss onto his hoof and shakily putting his tongue onto it. His nervous red eyes went wide as he suddenly slammed the canteen to his...er, snout, swallowing every single drop of piss. Oh my god that sounded so messed up.
"JESUS THAT TASTES FUCKING AWESOME!" he yelled, bouncing up and down slightly.
"I KNOW! I FUCKING CALLED IT!" I replied, using my wings to propel myself into the air. I didn't realize how high I had gone until I opened my eyes.
I was hovering at about 100 metres in the sky, clouds right next to me as I breathed fresh air.
"HOLY FUCK, THIS IS AWESOME!" I shouted down to my friends, before grabbing a cloud and dragging it to the ground. I smiled smugly, bowed, and presented out new source of water.
"Drinks!" Harry yelled, pushing his snout into the cloud and slurping loudly as he swallowed water vapour. The other five of us followed suit, deeply gulping down gallons of water. In turn, that would become more...piss to drink. I'm not joking, the piss in Equestria tastes like I previously described.
I was going to love being Thunder Mustang. I was also going to love trying to mess up the course of Season One.