A sudden woosh of a carriage flying over the forest immediately stopped us as all 6 ponies darted into nearby bushes and off the path. I landed just next to Aidan, giving a quick brohoof and looking up. The gleaming gold wagon was being towed by two armoured pegasi, galloping with their legs as they flapped powerful wings. In the back, I could see two purple figures; a pony, and a small lizard. The pony was leaning over the side of the carriage with a rather sad expression, from what I could make out. Momentarily going crosseyed as I thought over the series, I suddenly snapped into realization.
"Guys. Err, colts, even?" I said to the bushes on the opposite side. I could see a small red aura surrounding the pistol we had retrieved days ago from the time-misplaced corpse, being levitated in a readied position by one of the others. "I suppose we've arrived just before the first ever episode. You know what that means?" Duncan's head popped out of the bush suddenly.
"No?" He said firmly, before diving his head back in.
"It means that we can be in MLP: FiM. We need a way to be noticed by the main cast, in such a way that it changes the series. But in a possible event, we CAN'T change the series, and we just edit events in a way humans won't notice. Maybe we'll show up on the telly, maybe not. Whatever happens guys, one important thing is to be decided."
"What?" Felix asked, ruffling his wings as we stepped out of the bushes.
"Who's going for what mare?" I asked, and Aidan's hoof immediately shot up.
"I'M GOING FOR CELESTIA." shouted the grey stallion.
"SHOTGUN LUNA!" I yelled right after.
"You guys are battling above your level, eh?" Felix snorted. "I'm going simple; Dashie."
"She's a lesbian." Harry retorted. "I'm going for ERPLEJERHK!"
"...Who is also a lesbian." I snorted, stomping a hoof on the ground. "Rarity, maybe. Depends how drunk we both are. But Luna? I am about to savage that ass." I splayed my sleek wings out proudly, closing my eyes and grinning as I thought of the many ways I could-
"Christ, calm down." Duncan smirked, cutting off my ideas. "Might try and get Twilight. Should be interesting."
Alex simply coughed. "-coughfluttershycough-"

"We're so optimistic." I said after a moment of silence. A simultaneous 'Oh yeah.' came from the others, as Felix and I soared into the sky to watch the carriage's path.

The moment we entered Ponyville, I expected Pinkie to appear with a massive explosion of 'OHAI!'. She didn't and that's when I figured where she must have been; trotting towards Twilight, before gasping and charging off to somewhere. But where would that b-
"HI!" I reeled back in surprise as the mare herself appeared in front of me, smiling and grinning the whole time. She seemed even more crazy than she was on the show. "I'M PINKIE PIE! WHAT'S YOUR NAME? TELL AUNTIE PINKIE YOUR NAMES, PLEEEEASE?!" I moved back to my original stance, coughed quickly, and introduced myself.
"Hi...er, Pinkie Pie. I'm...um, Thunder Mustang...these are my, ahem, companions?" I gestured behind me, desperately trying not to hug her. I suddenly froze in a sudden realization: the other guys had no names. Luckily, Felix swung in to help out.
"I'm Sky Wheel, pleasure to meet you." He stuck his green hoof out to shake, which was promptly shaken. A lot. Once he had recovered from RSI, he continued, pointing to Aidan. "This is...Ebony Chopper. And...uh," he stopped, looking at Duncan with an expression that said 'Oh shit, help me please!'.
"...Inferno Cloud, an honour, Miss Pie." Duncan smoothly added in. I chuckled to myself; the way he acts now is how he's going to have to act the whole time he's here: a posh twat.
"Oooh, nice Cutie Mark!" Pinkie said to him, staring at his flanks. Felix, Aidan, Alex, and Harry, along with me, were trying not to laugh at her breach of privacy. "Mine's PARTYING! What about you?" She yelled, suddenly in my face. I was glad that we didn't have to think up names so suddenly now, but she was asking what my Cutie Mark was. Even I hadn't checked. Looking at my hind-quarters, I saw the image of a small storm cloud, with iron sights set onto it. I wasn't sure, so I guessed what it meant.
"My cutie mark?" I said, trying to sound like I knew what I was saying. "It means, 'No bad cloud shall escape my sights.' I'm really good at spotting bad weather." As it turns out, I was. A black cloud had appeared above a nearby pram, containing a foal. Quickly, I flew up at 200MPH, at least, grabbed the cloud, and flew off with it over the forest boundary nearby. Crisis averted, I could see a mother below, smiling at me and saying thank you, before she dashed inside with her baby. I performed a few loops, before landing smugly. I didn't know I was that good at flying. "As I said; 'No bad weather'."

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie gasped, hovered, and barrelled off down the streets, knocking Harry, Alex, and Duncan over in one swift movement. "Yep." Felix said as he helped Harry to his hooves. "Party planning, but where at?" Shrugging, we all continued to town centre. I knew I was insane, so being in Equestria seemed like the most normal thing I'd done all day.

Felix, Aidan, Harry, Duncan, Alex and I stood in the library for a good 10 minutes, awaiting Pinkie Pie's signal to yell surprise. The bubbly pink mare had found us a few hours after our first encounter, before inviting us to Twilight's surprise party at the Shady Oak library. Felix and I were holding in squeegasms as she told us what time. Partying with Pinkie Pie! The brony dream, mother fuckers! my mind smugly shouted. So here we stood, near the drinks table and a few mares I recognised; Derpy, Vinyl Scratch, and Berry Punch. Duncan, Alex, and Harry immediately leapt at the chance to flirt with them, so they were stood whispering to them.
Suddenly, the door opened, revealing the mare of the hour and her little dragon.
"...I just want to do research without crazy ponies wanting to make friends all the time! Now where are the lights?"
Click.
"SURPRISE!" Everypony yelled, including me and my friends. Twilight leapt back in shock, before lowering her head and groaning loudly. Pinkie Pie ran up, just like in the show, and began questioning Twilight happily. I nudged the other five of my friends, in deep conversation with a group of mares, and jabbed a hoof to Twilight. Feli-I mean, Sky Wheel turned completely, both of us having the same over-excited expression on our faces. We were about to meet Celestia's protege! Us! Dunca-INFERNO CLOUD turned as well, smiling like a madpony.
"Hey, Pinkie!" I shouted over to her. She smiled, looked at us, and turned to Twilight again.
"Oh, OH! Twilight, these are new ponies in Ponyville too! They arrived when you did! That made me sad, because I thought you all didn't have many friends, so I invited EVERYPONY IN PONYVILLE! You'll get along great! Trust your aunt Pinkie! Talk to each other! Be happy! YAY!" And with that, Pinkie darted off at an unreal pace.
Well, that's the course of Season 1 beginning to break. I'll tell her she's right. Moony will come back.
With a few moments of silence between the seven of us, I finally spoke up.
"You're right about it, y'know." I said calmly pouring myself a drink casually, before retuning to see Twilight looking rather worried. "What? Oh, about what? Yeah, your theory that Nightmare Moon's coming back, it's right. She kidnaps Celestia, you panic, hunt down the elements of harmony, and save the day. You're gonna be a hero. I know: awesome, right? Yeah." I sipped the drink I'd poured, as Twilight looked ecstatic. Her smile was huge, and her gaze was hungry for knowledge.
"How do you know I was researching Nightmare Moon? And how do you know I'll be a hero?" She asked, going into my face.

"Well, I know all." I answered. "For instance, the Nightmare will escape moments before Celestia raises the sun. If you'd follow me, quickly." I pointed to a window, before flying over there with my drink in hoof. as soon as I could see I was in her company, I pointed at the moon. "Those four stars, they're moving towards the moon. The moment they touch it, Nightmare Moon will escape. I can help you defeat her, if you like. But it'll probably be only possible with the Elements of Harmony. I think I know where they are, so my friends and I can help you get to them, and face all the dangers along the way." Twilight seemed speechless. She smiled, thanked me for my offer, before leaving to the drinks table. I sighed happily. My friends and I, armed with knowledge of this world, a gun, a knife, and a few grenades, would settle in...rather nicely.

Pretty soon, I was stood next to Felix, as he attempted to get a marefriend by talking to the main 5; Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Applejack. He was telling a fascinating tale of bullshit and lies, but they were buying it. "So, the moment the doors to Tartarus opened, I threw the demon back in there, just as the fiery doors slammed shut. I performed some emergency surgery, and pretty soon I was off adventuring again..." Felix continued. Rainbow was looking pretty amazed. I rolled my eyes, and sipped more of my drink.
"So Mr Mustang," I heard Rarity ask. I looked at her quickly, swallowing my drink. "Is it TRUE that you fought a Manticore with your bare hooves?" I laughed; earlier that day we actually had. On the road through the Everfree, a Manticore managed to sting my friends, paralyzing them temporarily and leaving me to duke it out with a 2 tonne mutant bear thing.
"Oh yeah," I laughed, gesturing to Duncan, Alex, Felix, Harry, and Aidan. "I wouldn't be the extraordinary Gentlecolt I am today if I hadn't. Along with that, I shouted so loud at a dragon that tried attacking me, that it fell over! Ha!" Rarity looked unimpressed.
"Really? Care to demonstrate?" she asked smugly, leaning forwards with a devilish grin. I knew how to reply.
"If you wanted a loss of hearing, your mane to be blasted about into an unrecognisable mess, to be stunned, AND to be thrown across the room, I'd gladly do it. Otherwise, no. I doubt such AWESOME can be withstood by somepony as...elegant, as you."
"Oh, well." Rarity rolled her eyes. "Maybe when you do it, shout at the next Manticore you take on."
"Oh, I bloody will." I looked slightly annoyed as I glared at her over my glass of...wine, I think. "Bet the world would be better off without those beasts." I suddenly felt a strange force causing me to look left. I forcibly ignored it, until it nearly broke my neck. Looking in the direction of Fluttershy, I practically blacked out. A pair of angry looking eyes were piercing my soul. Every time I tried to resist, a stabbing pain was felt in my head. All I could do was weakly gaze into the blue eyes.
The stare...dammit. I should stop dissing animals in front of Fluttershy...
"You stop bullying animals, mister." came the voice. Oh, FUCK, not the voice. It reverberated around my skull, smashing all parts of my Manticore hatred. "Now I'm going to count to three. And when I reach three, you're going to stop insulting my friends. Are we clear?"
"YES MA'AM." I said against my own free will. Oh, balls, she's controlling my life.
"One..."
Break it...come on...
"Two..."
THERE! FREE!
"Thr-"
"You can't destroy what's already broken, Fluttershy." I firmly stated, as insanity took over. "Sanity is not in my mind. Seriously, walking through a forest for 2 and 1/2 weeks REALLY destroyed all the sanity I had, so try to fix me. BUCKING TRY." The girls, Felix, and a few other ponies were shocked at such an outburst. Plus, how did I break the Stare? I shook my head, subduing the insanity, if only for a few days, before speaking again.
"I-I'm sorry...that happens...I can't stop it, i-it's like a million of me arguing all at once...I'm sorry for insulting your animals...I can't help it..." I droned on. I forced a tear to appear in my eye, just for effect. A hoof fell onto my shoulder.
"Ah'm sorry 'bout that. It'll happen, sugarcube. All of us have snapped once or twice in the Apple family, y'all 're not the only one who lost it." Came Applejack's voice in my ear. "And Fluttershy? She's quiet, ah don't know much 'bout her. Ah didn't meet her until she'd been in Ponyville for 7 weeks!"
I faked a laugh. "Yeah, I guess that's a point. Always the quiet ones." I smirked. "Anyway, I believe that we're going to head to the Town Hall to watch Celestia raise the sun. I'll be there early." Just as I turned and headed off out the Library door, I heard Sky Wheel call after me. "Hey Thunder, wait up! I'm coming too!"
Great. I can't go and steal the elements now. To the Hall, I suppose. When Nightmare Moon arrives, I'll fly at her with the knife. That's clearly not the insanity talking...is it?

Author's Note

I bloody told you I could fit 1,000,000 tonnes of shit on one page. Well done for wasting your life on this.