I trotted down the halls of the castle, and all I received were respectable nods from those I went past. I passed one window, and halted to see outside world. The country of Equestria stretched out into the distance, villages distant specks in the midst of mountains. Somewhere, Ponyville was unaware of where I was, and what I was due to do in front of crowds. And from what I remember, Blueblood had a large following of mares, and a 'small' contingent of guards to help him. He'd even taken the liberty of taking them to the graveyard of power. So, effectively, Pinkis Cupcake, Brutalight Sparkle, Gentle Thunder Sniper, J.D Fire Trail, RariFruit, Fluttershout, ApplePills, NinjaFernoPan, Skydine, Doktor Noooo, Rainbine, and VagiBlast were fighting Prince BlueSpyper and a group of as-of-then unidentified freaks. It'd be an interesting battle, especially since I already knew what my brother intended to do: He was planning to play most of the tracks that Pendulum released back on Earth. I was happy to know that I might die listening to Propane Nightmares. I turned and looked down the hall.

At the end of this corridor was the door to the courtyard, where it had as much, if not more, of an audience as when there's a Royal Guard Parade, Royal Inspection, or huge promotion/music gig. I then sighed, mentally prepared myself, and began to trot to the doorway. As I made my way towards the end, a set of doors opened to my right. I looked, and saw Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Solar give a smirk and nod, before beginning to come to my side. They were ready to go; bright purple Team Captains equipped, manes in their strange colours, and faces fucked up beyond recognition. We moved in a line, before all of us turned to look at another door that opened. Without any word, Twilight, Inferno, Sky, Fire, Pinkie, and Dok joined the other side of our group, all ready as well. I smiled at them all, halting before the doorway. I stood at the front of the group, and began to speak.

"Guys," I began, "I've pushed myself as hard as I could. You pushed harder. I'm the cause of this year-long adventure, and I think you guys could help me this one last time. I'll get myself out of your manes after this; no more dragging you down, no more forcing you to help me, none of it. This is it, I swear." I heard hooves shifting and quiet collective groaning. Twilight stepped forward slowly, placing a hoof on my shoulder.

"Thunder, listen...OK? We know you...like to help as much as possible. We just don't think we can help you here. Y-You know what we mean?"

"Yes, I understand." I replied, before pointing to her hoof, holding it in my own. "Look. What do you see?" She stared, and looked back.

"My hoof...?"

"Exactly. Your hoof. You agreed to let me help you guys get the Elements all those months ago. You looked after us when we had no clue what we were doing. You slapped sense into me when I snapped. You led the group to the surface when we were almost due to be eaten. You've done all you can to keep things as normal as possible for everypony. Now I think it's time for me to take charge for a while and return the favour."

Proudly, we stood in the arena. Well, coliseum. Erm...parade square? Yeah. That thing. Crowds all around were giving mixed responses; one side with countless mares holding 'I <3 Blueblood' signs were booing at us, while the other side was mostly guards, some members of the clan, and ponies from Ponyville, plus other ponies not carrying signs, but simply cheering. They didn't want to stand out as much as possible, that was a good thing*. I gave them a respectful nod, before noticing that platoon of guards from the day before stood near the front eyeing me with a certain look. I couldn't figure out who at the time, but I was absolutely certain I'd end up knowing them from Earth.

Anyway, we'd been waiting about ten minutes, until the gates leading out to the courtyard were blasted open in a huge blast of heat and smoke. Ponies in the stands gasped as Celestia and Luna were thrown out backwards onto the floor, sliding along and coming to a rest a few feet from us. Immediately we ran over to check they were OK, but we were interuppted by somepony jumping down in front of us. It was a mare in a white cloak, wearing an Assassin's Creed hood, with her mouth covered by some unseen bandana. Her arms had metallic contraptions on them, and that mad wit more obvious what she intended to do as she began to slowly approach. The crowd was silent as we stayed still, watching this daft bitch coming towards us and trying to intimidate us. Slowly, she singled out Fire and caused him to back away from the group.

"Well, well," she chuckled, "If it isn't J.D Aussie...I understand you're Thunder's...right hoof colt, hmm?"

"No. That's Inferno." Fire corrected bluntly. The mare recoiled slightly in surprise, turning away.

"Oh. In that case..." Suddenly, she slammed a hoof out, kicking Fire to the floor in a deft movement. "I'll just go fight him. Toodles, handsome." I could hear some bleeping as Fire's swearing was cut out by a device in his throat. Then, Inferno was slowly lead away in the same manner, and they ended up across the arena within a few seconds. I moved to Fire, and helped him to his hooves.

"You alright?" I asked, dusting the cyborg off.

"Yeah." he responded. "She's got one hell of a kick. But I think Inferno can take care of himself." I nodded, and heard the repeated whacking sound of a frying pan and a woman crying out in pain. I looked back to the source of the explosion and noticed 11 silhouetted figures in the smoke and flames; from what I could gather they were wearing armour, had at least three unicorns with them, and Blueblood at the helm. The group slowly began to approach our group, and I noticed some major giveaways in a few of their members as to who they had the powers of. Blueblood had made himself obvious; brown slouch hat like mine, jacket, and I could see two kukri handles peeking out behind his neck. The stallion next to him had a green face, yellow suit and hat, and dodgy facial expressions, so it was obviously Jim Carrey.

However, the mare on his other side seemed...fair. I recognised her as the tall, cyan earth mare with a brown mane I'd seen Blueblood courting with, but obviously she trusted him quite a bit if she was going to go into a fight normally.

But from all his other teammates, I could only gather a few of them. There was one blue stallion wearing a hood like the mare that Inferno was beating with a pan, only with the addition of a nano-bandana and blue armour. He seemed to have something stashed up his sleeves. Then, there was a red and blue pair of stallions. I couldn't exactly think of who it was, but as with the case of the mare, they were either incredibly stupid or had a brilliant disguise. From there, I couldn't tell who else there was, besides one wooden cut-out of a stallion, since they'd already begun to circle somepony that was helping me. The Assassin that Inferno was wailing on with a cast-iron skillet leapt away after suddenly kicking him to the ground, before starting to approach Pinkie. However, I had Blueblood to deal with, so Inferno being double-teamed by the red and blue stallions was the least of my worries. I had Blueblood coming towards me, determination set on both our faces.

He stepped over Luna's unconcious body, and for the first time in a while, I began to approach him. Finally, when we were only a few feet from each other, we slammed our heads together, and began shoving at each other. The crowd began to cheer, knowing it was finally happening. I could only see his eyes and mouth through his ski-mask, and they had the same stone-cold determination I did. We went on like this for a few more seconds, before I kicked a hoof forward and knocked him to the floor. He grunted, and stumbled, backpedalling and giving his female fans a chance to boo me for dicking him over. This also gave me room to pull out the Horsemann's Headtaker and swing it down violently. I suddenly felt resistance as Blueblood had both of his kukris crossed and blocking my huge steel axe. He smirked.

"I think not." he chuckled, before performing an exact replication of my own kick and delivering it to my back legs. I reacted...moderately well, managing to catch myself using my jaw. The crowd 'ohh'd' at the move, and I could see a few guys and girls from the clan shifting uncomfortably, as though raring to jump in and help. In reply, I rolled out of the way as he brought both kukris down where my head was seconds ago. This gave me the opportunity to get back to my hooves, and check whether my plan would be worth setting in motion. Stood on the grid near the castle entrance was the mare that attacked Inferno, and she was fighting Brutalight. The deep purple alicorn already knew about the C4, and almost read my mind as she pulled out a spear, twirled it with magic, before ramming it into the remote detonator. The C4 exploded loudly, causing a wave of cheers and jeers in the crowd. It all went silent for a moment as all of us stopped fighting for a few seconds to look at what happened. The mare had vanished entirely, leaving behind a few scraps of smoldering fabric. Twilight laughed psychotically, trotting over to Inferno to help him with SeeStallion and Seeldier.

"Take that, ya frilly tart." she said loudly, causing another wave of black guy-styled 'OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' from the crowd.

"Heh." Blueblood chuckled quietly. I looked at him, and he looked at me, before I looked back at the situation, and so did he.

"Heh." I replied. He looked back quizzically at me, kukris ready.

"You want me to cut your bloody tongue out, you-" his neck clicked. "-incompetent coward?" I continued laughing.

"Ahhh," I replied. "Funny thing; you're stood exactly where I concentrated most of the C4." I saw the penny drop in Blueblood's mind as he looked down. Sure enough, he was stood on the centre grid, a 'grand finale', if you will. Without any warning to him, I pulled out the detonator. "Aaaaand fuck you." I said finally, clicking the switch.

Nothing.

I pressed again.

Still nothing.

Blueblood simply laughed, and pointed around to where my friends were. "You thought I was stupid, no?" he spat in my face. "I switched the detonators. I have yours, and you have mine. As if by coincidence, all but one of your friends are standing where I put my time delayed remote bombs. I'd say your team has..." Smugly, he looked up to a clock. "...ohhh, 5 seconds left?" The girls and guys immediately panicked, and Twilight initiated the failsafe; her horn began to glow very brightly, and a machete entered the throat of Seeldier AND Seeman. The crowd audibly aired its blood-thirstiness at the display, before everypony helping me was teleported away. That meant Celestia and Luna as well. Effectively, I was now alone.

However, that's when there was the deafening boom of a shit-load of bombs exploding, and all of us remaining were thrown to the ground. I saw somepony die. One of Blueblood's guys, the MeeM-infected one, simply set alight and was destroyed. I felt myself being thrown into one of the iron grates, and something in my leg audibly twisted.

It hurt like fuck.

I loudly yelled in pain, and through the fire and muffled sounds, I could hear two things being yelled from both sides.

"Get up!"

"Finish him off!"

I could figure which one was aimed at Blueblood. Wincing, I grunted and began to crawl away. Eventually, after what felt like forever, something finally stood on my back, and kicked me onto my side. I felt like I'd lost.

Just a feeling.

Then, I was picked up with magic around my throat, and span around to face Blueblood and his thugs.

"I'd assume I win this." he laughed throatily. "Mate!" That's when I felt both of his kukris plowing into my chest, and my body started spasming violently. I coughed up blood, and my mind went haywire. In seconds, his gang had galloped away to go celebrate and find the girls and guys to do god-knows-what to them. This left Blueblood gloating over me as he slowly paced and adressed 'his new Equestrian order'.

NO! THUNDER, DON'T DIE! SHOOT HIM!

YOU CAN'T JUST DIE! Y-YOU'VE ONLY BEEN HERE A YEAR!

DON'T! HERR THUNDER, DON'T! I CAN GET TO YOU! I-I CAN HEAL YOU! STAY ALIVE!

Woah, woah, what's going on?! Did Thunder LOSE?! NO!

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! THUNDER! NO!

Thunder, listen. This is no time to play dead. This isn't. Fucking. Funny. Stop it, and kill this useless piece of shit that's DARED to come out of its fucking hole.

With...my apologies. I did all I could.

Ahhh, I'm sorry, mates. He was a good bloke.

You two. Get out of here. Right now. You...you pathetic cowards. You didn't even BOTHER to give him any help.

What about that fuckin' axe, Shiela?! He'd be bloody dead otherwise!

Well why didn't you give him something in his left hoof?!

I-It was nopony's fault but mine...

.

.

.

...I should have killed his companions before I Ringer'd.

The crowd gasped as I appeared behind him, slowly tossing his Dead Ringer in the air and catching it. He stopped speaking, and began to pat his jacket down to find his Dead Ringer, but then I spotted him cringe as I dropped it and ground it beneath my hoof.

"Ugh, merde." he muttered. Then, he began to spin, and I could see him about to draw his SMG. Faster than he could react, I propelled myself forwards, grabbed his foreleg, before using it to head-butt him as hard as possible. He was stunned, falling down to a crouch and shaking as he stopped the blood gushing from his nose. Slowly, I trotted forward, picked up his own SMG, and kicked him backwards. He lay there helplessly, before smirking and attempting to charge a spell up. In reply, I shot him in the horn. He screamed in pain.

"You've caused ME too much trouble." I snarled, before putting a few rounds into each of his legs. The crowd was either in tears of anger, if they were a Blueblood Fangirl, or cheering if they supported ~~Capitalism~~ me. "You're an absolute twat, and serve no other purpose than to piss me off." Then, I put the gun inbetween his eyes.

"Cago en tu leche." he spat. Immediately, a small group of ponies in the crowd burst out laughing, and since I understood it, I did too. I turned to the crowd.

"Speak to him in his own language, eh?" I laughed, before looking back at Blueblood. "Mi cabro en ti, cabron." I laughed back. "Pichacorta." Then, I fired, and the crowd roared its approval/rape threats.

Well, I won.

Thunder...

Don't...

You...

EVER...

Do that...

Again. At all. Ever.

No promises. Now can you all leave, please? I have things I need to think about.

Alright. We'll leave you alone for a while.

.

.

.

.

Are they gone?

Aye, they are.

Thank Faust. I owe you, Thunder. This is an escape I've been planning since...forever. If there's ever anything you need, just lemme know.

No problem, Bluey.

You need me, I'll be in San Hoofaco! See ya!

See ya, mate. Have fun with the mares.

Blueblood has left the chat (Disconnect by user).

Well, I'm back.

Oh...hi.

What's wrong?

Um...I need...to ask you something.

Sure, what is it?

Well, it's just...I...thought we should break up.

W-What? Why?

Ah...well, you see, the thing is, I just feel that this has turned into a kind of 'friends with incredible benefits' thing. There isn't the flame and passion we had at the start. It's not personal, I just don't think this is how we're meant to be.

Y-Yeah...I see what you mean...but does this mean we're just friends now?

Well, yeah. I guess so. If we end this, I don't think we'd ever get back together. We'd be friend-zoned forever: We're both immortal.

When did you become immortal?

Dok? Dok is from where I am, and didn't age at all. None of my friends look any older than they did when this started. In fact, I died, and came back a short time later. I think we're invincible, and have to see Everypony else wither and die. This isn't heaven...it's turned into a punishment.

You're right about one thing. We'll never be able to spark the flame again. It'll be done forever. Do you think either of us can live with that?

I'm...not sure. It's why I was asking you: We're no longer the loving couple we once were, and probably can't be again. There's nearly no chance we'd get back together again.

Unless...we started from square one?

What do you mean?

We started out just fine. It took one date. Then, when we started having vigorous sexual intercourse, it collapsed. What if we cut down on the sex between us to a kind of 'once a week/4-5 times a month' thing? Stop inviting mares into it?

Mares seem to like me a lot. I don't know why. They have the choice of any stallion. They could choose any of my friends. Why me? It messed with our relationship. First you didn't want me trying it on with Six Shot, then you didn't care that I slept with Rarity, Octavia, Spitfire, Colgate, and Fleur.

Wait, when did you sleep with Fleu-?

Unimportant. What matters is that we failed our relationship. I don't think there's any chance of a restart.

...

...

So this is it. We're both played out.

...yes. I think...we're through.

I guess so.

Nice being with you...Lulu.

Oh god, I remember the first time you called me that...! I'm crying!

Oh god, so am I.

I'm crying with joy: This story'll get me promoted!

WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU?!

Pen Stroke, editor of Equestria Daily! And you two are the next big story!

Pen Stroke has left the chat (Disconnect by user).

Thunder, I'll pay you 500,000 to kill him. RIGHT NOW.

Don't bother paying: I'm burning their offices myself.

Author's Note

* Says he who wears a Trophy Belt, Tooth-Kickers, Jacket, is a dark shade of blue mixed with yellow, and shouts a lot.