The man was simply sitting there in the palace interrogation room, doing absolutely nothing except staring at the small metal bonds around his wrists. We gave him that jewellery, and compared to his size, they were like those wee little candy wrist bangles and necklaces you get at fucking funfairs. He, however, simply did not care. Being a man of antique weapon collecting back on Earth, I was safely able to identify the rifle he was carrying as the good old fashioned Springfield, almost confirming my thoughts of him working in the US Military. However, his choice of handgun, grenades, and third shooty-gun that he was carrying confused me. He was operating with an American rifle, German Luger, Russian PPSH-41, and a whole shit load of German and Russian Stick Grenades, Oyster Bombs, 'Pineapples', and other such shite. He irked me for his choice of machine gun.

I love the MP40. The PPSH is just overrated like a bag of...overrate. I was stood beside Celestia, some of her recently appointed female guards, and I also had Ebony with me. I didn't feel a guard team was necessary, because they had those shiny ceremonial spears, and I had my beloved 1911 that I totally didn't find hidden in Luna's knicker drawer. Therefore, I had one chance, ONE CHANCE, to come back here and tell our enemies, they may violate my privacy, but they'll never break, my HANDGUUUUUUUUUUUUN!* "So, Celly," I began, not taking my eyes off the man in the room. "What do you say?"

"Ugh, thank you." she muttered. "I'd be dead if it weren't for you. Otherwise, just tell me what you know." I whistled through my teeth.

"Christ, you really need that rutting..." I chuckled. "Right, so, judging by his rifle, I'm gonna guess US Special Forces, or a Sniper."

"OK, so all of your special forces use that?" Celestia asked. "Seems rather...loud."

"Well, not any more. Considering how he reacted to a computer, he's probably from the 1930s, 1940s maybe. When I left Earth, it was 2012, so he's 70 years before my time, maybe more. Only problem with my US Forces theory was that the other weapons he had were inconclusive with his main rifle. For instance, US servicemen were usually issued with a Colt 1911 like mine, but this guy?"

"Wasn't carrying one, I assume?" a guard asked.

"Correct, Missy." I replied. "He was actually carrying a captured German weapon, the Luger P08. Man has good tastes, I'll say. Anyway, making this even more confusing is that he was also carrying Russian explosives and a PPSH, a Russian submachine-gun."

"I know what he was carrying, I personally watched them taking his equipment, and helped myself." Celestia grunted aggressively.

"Calm it, Sunbutt." I cut in. "I'm still thankful you gave him the courtesy of letting him keep his boots and clothes. Humans need that shit. Listen, I'll go in and talk to him, and find out what happened that brought him here." Sighing as I left the room, I felt one of the guardsmares brush her tail beneath my snout and flick it away like a seductive whip. I shot her a glare. "Don't even." I said sharply. Closing the door, I moved to the next door, which was so unnecessarily well-guarded it was almost obnoxious. Guards were carrying extremely heavy weapons, many looking like they were struggling under what might as well have been horse-shaped bomb disposal suits. I rolled my eyes as they saluted. "Why must everybody salute, for God's sa-ah, fuck it. Yeah, whatever, gents." I muttered as I entered the white room. The man looked at me with tired eyes, and he had dark hair. He was wearing a green-khaki uniform with a scarf around it made of that weird fabric that looks like moss, and he had his right hand bandaged. He stayed seated, looking at me from across the table as I sat in front of him. "'sup?" I greeted.

"Evening." he replied in the most generic lone wolf sniper voice ever.

"So." I continued. "Might I ask how you, a human, got to such a place as Equestria?" The sniper's ears pricked up.

"You know my species?" he asked in amazement.

"Yeah, I used to bloody be one of you." I said casually. "You served, or were serving, in World War 2, correct?"

"Yeah. US Military, OSS. Rest's classified."

"To WHO, might I ask?" I shot back. "Believe me, when I first got here, I tried concealing the fact that I, along with my 5 companions, were human at one point, and it drove me nearly crazy, alright? So secrets can't hold here. Plus, a certain Princess here is able to rifle through your mind and find what she wants sooner or later. Might we get your name, though, so I don't have to keep talking about you as 'that guy'?" There was a pause in the white room, and I could almost feel the sexual tension between Ebony and Celestia on the other side of the glass window.

"Fairburne." he finally uttered. "Major Karl Fairburne of the US OSS Service." Immediately, an alarm bell rang. 'Yep, I've 'eard a' you, lad. Yer tha' one bloke from Snoipeh 'Lite, m'I right?'

"You that guy that shot Hitler?" I asked.

"The one and only." he replied. He almost seemed proud, and I could see his smug grin.

"Stopped a V2 launch with a rifle?"

"Mmhmm."

"Has probably killed most of Berlin's military population, plus a bunch of scientists?"

"I was working on the ones here. New orders."

"Where from?"

"What's it to you, Bluey?" A pause.

"Business."

"War ain't a business."

"But society is, and to me, war is literally running a shop. You send in soldiers on one import, they die getting hold of it, you just have to hope the enemy doesn't lower the cost of it."

"You're a war profiteer, then."

"No, I'm not."

"Then why were you leading a small army?"

"Estrus."

"Estrus? That a horse thing?"

"POLITICALLY CORRECT TERM IS PONY." I said suddenly. "Anyway, it's mating season. Mares go crazy and, like, put their horse vaginas in the faces of stallions and we can't do shit about it because politics, so me and some other gents went against it and the army we were leading was made of most of Equestria's men."

"So like when Soldiers go home from war to their homes, families, and television sets?"

"TV? Yeah. Things changed, Fairburne."

"As in? World War Two brought the pinnacle of advancement. The 40s are the years of human advancement, have you not seen all the radar we developed?" I paused.

"You still think it's the forties?" I asked. He seemed genuinely confused.

"Yeah, my watch is tellin' me it's 11th August, 1944." he replied. "Somethin' the matter?"

"I came here in 2012." I said carefully. "You're almost 68 years behind me. Everything...changed since you went. America, England, Weapons, Transport, Leadership, Politics, Entertainment...what you found amazing back then is old-hat by today's standards."

"Even the Nuclear Bomb plans I found...they're old news."

"Yeah, sorry. We took those from the Nazis when they sent them to Japan, and the technology has really developed. We created MIRVs, rockets that go up into space and send out hundreds of nukes. Just one could destroy an entire hemisphere."

"We were gonna destroy Japan. We had the power."

"We did. America nuked Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Millions of innocent people died. You had the power, and your country abused it. Hitler shot himself in 1945, according to history, but...your timeline must be different."

"But I shot him. You know."

"Different universes. Fucked up shit." I sighed. "You want me to explain the really important stuff?"

"Yeah, I never saw the end of your version of the war. Tell me as much as you want, I'll just go back to my cell after."

And so I began to explain to him what humanity did after the war, and I felt like I was doing a good deed.

I headed towards Luna's room to get stuff from my war-drobe. However, something seemed off the moment I began to advance into the doorway. For instance, I walked in and felt a tad more relaxed. There was also the point of the door slamming and locking, and the blinds being drawn. I also got a strong smell of chloroform. It didn't really do much, all it did was make me irritated. I have picked my nose so much in my life I am pretty much immune to most diseases, chemicals, and poisons. So, in response, I grabbed the rag, turned around, and put it on my attacker's face. Then, when I heard an adorable 'mmph?!' noise, I looked down. There, lying on the floor was Princess Luna.

And she was sleeping.

So I didn't wake her up, grabbed my sticky jumper, and went to go launch myself into a wall for pain practice.

Author's Note

* MEL GIBSON MODE ENGAGED