So, yeah, I fucked up with my earlier judgement that I'd have the upper hand.

Against fourteen, maybe.

But not...fourteen thousand.

The bastards were fucking everywhere; there were only a few in the base, but outside? In a densely populated capital city? I could barely see. It was like a rave. But, y'know, full of undead ponies.

All around the city, in streets, buildings, squares, plazas, shops, EVERYWHERE, there were shambling hordes of decaying corpses, all getting back up because they died and Computer Said No. Most, if not all of the stallions in the bunker were fine, but I think the few that got taken...ugh, Christ, not thinking of it. Anyway, we were holed up in the armoury, and we were all arming up. We needed to leave the city. I moved over to Thunderlane. "Dude, can you fucking BELIEVE this shit?" I said excitedly. We were the only two, besides Inferno and Bush, that were actually excited by the premise of an undead apocalypse.

"I know!" Thunderlane replied, stuffing some more BL58 magazines into his bag. Yes, the BL58 is a joke. I mentioned the AK47, and we wanted it to be one up from the AK47, so we went one up in naming. Shit joke, but irrelevant. "We get to fight fuckin' zombies! This shit is goin' on WeBox, later! First-Person Zombie-Killing action!"

"We'll make SO much money from this." I smiled, grabbing a flamethrower. Just then, we were all silenced by something smashing against the iron doors to the armoury. Immediately, we used some magic to set up hasty Reading machine gun posts, and some of us manned them. A howling screech from the other side of the doors signalled what was coming, and the smacking increased in tempo. Finally, the metal doors were smashed down and on the other side, I got my first glimpse of something I never wanted to see again. Standing there, distorted, was a stallion, eyes glowing gold and military-esque uniform with the red band we all hate was showing his exact origins.

Plus, there was a shit load more behind him, so that was NOT good either.

"FIRE!" yelled some stallion from the front, and then the deafening sound of a dozen different mounted guns began going off as zombies poured in through the doors. Who the fuck was I to disagree? Making sure it was primed, I began to march forward with my new toy, spraying flames as much as possible and slightly singing my hoof in the process. That, of course, led to me getting set on fire, and so I dropped the flamethrower and began to pat out the flames on my fur. That was fucking hurting, so I spat on them, and just like that, a massive amount of steam arose and the flames went.

Then I realised now was not the best time to be standing around.

For fuck's sake, Thunder, have a bloody machete! Just stop muckin' about and push them back!

Christ, calm your tits, I'm on it.

With my new Kukri, I began waving it about and hacking at the Nazi Zombie Pony Things that were trundling towards me. The thing is, the gunfire stopped. Pushing back the last few zombies that were near me, I stepped back and realised why.

They were doing literally nothing.

The 'undead' were simply wandering about, doing nothing to attack, and apparently had no hoof-eye coordination due to the number I had seen falling into the Blacksmith's furnace. I looked at the other stallions, and wondered how we had all managed to fit into this room, and why it was so conveniently big.

Finally, we had all arrived on the outskirts of Griffonia, being met by Equestria's army of mares. Most weren't even in the military from what I could tell, but were instead levitating Rolling Pins, and all other manner of unnecessarily feminine objects. And most of them were not looking too pleased with us stallions. There was about a mile between us, and it only took a pair of binoculars to see the displeasure they had for us. I turned to my right hand man, who was named ~~Fegelein~~ Thunderlane. "What's the word, Captain Commander In Murder Thunderlane?" I asked.

"Well, Colonel Dr McThunder Mustang, they look pissed. Any chance of avoiding an argument with Celestia and Luna is impossible." he replied.

"DAMMIT, SKIPPER!" I shouted at Inferno. "Private Twinkletoes, what's the situation on the diplomacy side?"

"They've set up a table and chairs, sir!" he replied in his strangely child-like voice.

"Good! Kowalski McTesticles, follow me!" I ordered, before advancing from our wall of stallions towards the middle of the meeting point. Following shortly behind me was Ebony. I could see a slight ripple effect on the mare's side, as they shifted, anxious for me to make a wrong move so they could tranquilize the stallion army and rape them. It would still be rape, but whatever. In the middle of the area, I could already see Celestia, watching me calmly. When we finally reached the table and chairs, we both halted, staring at the mare at the table. It was sunset, making it seem more ~~cinematic~~ dramatic than it actually was. I turned to Ebony. "Kowalski McTesticles, get back to safety. I got this shit." I said sternly. Ebony saluted, and then wandered off. Celestia and I watched each other for a moment.

"Shall we?" I began.

"Yes, let's." she replied. Then we both sat and got to business.

A few hours later, we had barely advanced in diplomacy. "This is fucking boring." I sighed.

"Agreed." Celestia nodded. "Let's try to figure out a more interesting way of settling this." Just then, I noticed something behind her. Trying to remain calm, I looked her in the eyes.

"Sniper." I said quietly.

"Well, a gunfight won't solve much." she replied.

"No, Sniper." I repeated. "There is a Sniper behind you. I saw his glint. No sudden movements, just let me get my pistol out and when I say, get down."

"Well, that's hardly diplomacy!" Celestia said angrily. By that time, I'd pulled my pistol out, and was pointing it at Celestia quite subtly.

"Ready?" I said quietly.

"What, n-"

"DUCK." I shouted, before pulling Celestia forward with a hoof and firing over her head. The bullet from my revolver disappeared into the darkness, and a male 'nngh!' of pain signalled I'd hit my mark. I then left the table, causing a roar of disapproval from both sides, and I galloped towards the female side of the table. It'd take a few seconds to find the bastard, so I let up my wing lights and began looking for him.

I did not, however, expect to encounter a human.

Author's Note

Updating this less, got shit to do.