I told you to go right

The moment I got home, I barricaded myself, Ebony, and Inferno in the house and sat in a corner wearing a fedora and clutching a sniper rifle with no scope on it. I also had a can of cola labelled 'mOuNtain jEw' because I needed the swag to continue. The other two sat in the kitchen, looking out into the empty streets for any sign of the other three, but I still remained in the corner.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and I immediately stood up, span around quickly, and fired, missing the door completely and instead hitting the window nearby. Nopony went to get the door for a while. Finally, I realised what I was missing. Sighing, I stood up, went over to my drawer of assorted shit, and pulled out my air horn, before beginning to spam it a bunch of times. Smiling in satisfaction, Inferno trotted cheerfully to the door, and I raised an actual rifle at the door. Slowly, he opened it, and the moment it was fully open I was greeted by the sight of Faith and Dok, both stood with small bags of belongings. Knowing Dok, his was probably filled with every single Miscellaneous item and weapon he could get, but Faith? She had a small black and yellow bag similar to those I remember seeing in the game she hailed from. That took some explaining to her.

"Hey guys," Inferno smiled, inviting them in. "What brings you to our humble abode?"

"You mean shithole?" I whistled, looking our house over. "But yeah, what Inferno said: What does bring you to the house equivalent of Glasgow and Detroit's child?" Faith just smirked.

"Well, I need somewhere to stay while they clean the smell from the bunker," she replied. "Smells like blood, gore, and dead bodies. Also pineapple. Because...I don't know."

"That's the smell of oozing kidneys," Dok added smartly as they sat down on the sofa. "A literally broken heart smells like fun." We all looked at him.

"Right," I muttered. "Anyway, surely you're safe in your office, Dok?"

"Some mares tried to spring a trap on me when I got back," he sighed, narrowing his eyes at me. "Including your ex-girlfriend."

"Maybe she's pissed because you stole her panties," I laughed, reclining and rubbing a hoof on my fur casually. "And besides, it just goes to show that you don't leave a hat collection unattended."

"Pfft, good point," Ebony snorted, "I wouldn't think for a second of leaving an Unusual lying about."

"Unless it's a Coupe D'Isaster with Nuts and Bolts," Dok suggested, cringing. "That shieße can burn for all I care."

"Agreed." I nodded, standing. "So, you two want to see where you'll be sleeping?" I asked. Faith nodded politely, and followed after me as I went upstairs. As I went, I gestured for Ebony or Inferno to bring Dok's bags upstairs. Once on the landing, I lead Faith to a door on the other end of the hall and opened the door. She looked in, then at me, then frowned in an adorable way.

"Your room?" she smiled sarcastically. "Nice try, Thunder."

"No, seriously, the only other room is Dok's."

"What about your friend's rooms? They're not here."

"You wanna sleep in crusty blankets?"

"Ew, fuck no."

"Then you'll have to sleep in my bed." Faith attempted to counter, but failed. Sighing with defeat, the white and black mare slowly trudged in and put her bag on the bed. Just then, it felt like somepony or something walked straight through me. Like a ghost. Briefly, I was tempted to go 'hmm?' and look around, but instead, I continued looking ahead. It happened again, and then again, then finally it happened to Faith. She looked as though somepony had just grabbed her well-formed arse and she made a yelp noise, standing upright.

"You feel that?" she whispered.

"Yeah..." I replied quietly, pulling out Flip. I looked around the room, frowning at everything as though my eyebrows would make a difference. It was only then that I noticed a wisp of smoke drifting around the room. "Show yourself." I said loudly. I expected no reply, maybe for the smoke to disappear, but it didn't. Instead, it scared the shit out of me.

"Oh, my dear Thunder," replied what could only be described as the sexiest voice I have ever heard. "Don't you treat ladies with respect? You seem to respect your little outfits and toys enough..." Just as this was said, Inferno and Ebony, ran in followed by Dok.

"OH MY GOD, I HEARD A BAYONETTA," Ebony said loudly, looking around the room.

"Goodness, I feel like a fucking celebrity," the voice mocked, causing me to orgasm on the spit because it was Bayonetta. "Now, are you going to punish me? This is your house, Thunder..."

"Also mine." Inferno added.

"And mine." Ebony nodded.

"Her voice is sexy and I think I'm kind of moist right now." Faith sighed. I realised then that this WAS Bayonetta, because her voice alone made another woman incredibly turned on.

"Fucking show yourself," I demanded. As if on cue, a circle of Satan witch hocus pocus shizzle appeared in mind air, and just as calmly as it appeared, a mare stepped out. Her arse was pretty good, judging by the fact I had a nosebleed and passed out.