The ground rumbled even worse than it does when your mum walks past (OH SNAP, BEE-YATCH) as hundreds of buffalo took the ground apart as though it were their enemy. I expected the Sheriff to do something badass, like wait until they were right on top of us before firing, but instead...
"OPEN FIRE!" he yelled, drawing his revolver and firing a couple of shots.
"Who am I to disobey?" I muttered, leaning into the rifle scope and seeing who I should hit. The chief was weaving back and forth, occasionally charging forward, so he'd be a tough target. Instead, I picked the one that looked like nobody would miss him and pulled my hoof bang. A loud CRK-CHNK followed by a deafening boom signalled that it had fired. Every sound was muffled for a few moments, but I could clearly make out what Six Shot was yelling.
"Damn, that was loud!" she yelled, covering one of her ears. "Ah'd hate to have been on the receivin' end o' THAT!"
I remembered something all of a sudden; did I hit it? Ignoring the ringing, I put my eye to the scope and looked to where I'd fired previously, racking the charging bolt as I did so. To my surprise, I could see a point where the crowd was parting, and in that point there was a brutally mangled corpse of a Buffalo. Inbetween his eyes, a massive hole let you see aaaaaall the way through his head to his arse.
"Boom, headshot." I growled. Taking my eye from the scope, I looked to the front of Appaloosa. Rapidly approaching the barricades was Chief Thunderhooves, followed by a good twenty of his companions. The residents below, my friends included, were looking pretty worried. Reload speeds tumbled, accuracy, however, increased massively. Every few seconds, a sound reminiscent of Half Life's .357 would ring out, followed by a crumpling sound as a buffalo fell to the ground.
"Damn. Gotta kill the leader; that's the only way!" Sheriff yelled.
"He's weaving, it'll be harder to hit him." I yelled back. "And there's only so far I have to go until I lose my sanity, so I wanted to avoid killing!"
"Tough shit!" Sky yelled, flying forward, pulling the trigger, flying back, and then forward again, much like annoying Scouts. "You've already broken the Geneva Convention, so too late for that now! Just keep firing!"
Another voice caught everypony's attention.
"They're coming around the back!"
Sure enough, they were. We'd used almost all of our resources building the front wall, leaving practically none to build the others. Before anypony could react, 40 Buffalo smashed some crates open and began running down those who vainly tried to flee. Below, a brown stallion was knocked brutally down, a buffalo preparing to stab him with a spear. Just as he raised it, a deafening explosion of noise rang out to my right. I ignored my possible concussion, because that shot saved somepony's life. The Buffalo below didn't exist any more: a huge splatter of blood and limbs went everywhere, leaving behind nothing but an extremely horrified stallion.
"Stay the buck away from him." Six growled.
"Nice shot." I complemented.
"Well, can't have blood on mah hooves, can ah?"
"Bit hypocrit-"
Crk-rk.
"The bell tower's comin' down! Get outta there!"
"Aw, HELL NO!" I yelled in my best black guy voice. Quickly, I spread my wings, tucked my rifle under my leg, and picked up Six. She protested, before realizing that gravity said 'k fuk U bitch lol imma go holiday nao' and grabbed onto my leg. The world was turning sideways now, and we had to get out. So, we prepared to fly down the stai-

"Cover your ears." Six yelled over the groaning of the collapsing tower. Just before I could ask what she was doing, her sniper rifle went into her hooves, she shot the clockface, made it explode, and gestured quickly to it. I knew what she was saying, but just before I could leave I was rudely smacked in the head with a brick and went unconcious.

What the fu-aw, shit. Am I dead? If I am, my mum'll kill me.
No, you're not dead. Every second in here is a minute for those concious.
Hey Luna. You see that? That brick came outta nowhere.
Yes, I did. As we speak now, you're being sent to the best hospital we can get you, which happens to be in Fillydelphia. By my orders, might I add.
Thanks. Might have died out there.
But you killed a Buffalo. You don't have remorse?
...
...Ok, that was a stupid question, you don't need to tell me the definition of insanity.
Eeeeexactly. Can I ask, though: why are you here?
To keep you company. Though every second is a minute, it should take 13 hours for you to reach Fillydelphia. So, that gives us 13 minutes.
What are you implying?
What do you want me to be implying?
Poomph.
Aw, damn you.
Ha! Works every time! I think you have something for me...!
Well, the same applies to you. It only seems to be me you visit when you get 'drunk', 'bored', or 'want to keep me company'. Do you lo-
Don't even say it.
Say what? You mean lo-
I WILL TAZE YOU TO THE GROUND AND BURN YOUR BODY IF YOU SAY IT.
Why can't he say love?
Cadence! Welcome back to Casa del Thunder!
Thunder, good to see you. Sorry about the whole 'brick to the head' thing. Just be glad you ended up a Pegasus; an impact like that would snap a unicorn's horn off.
Ouch. Anyway, how'd you hear about it?
Well, Celestia seems to be rather amused by your daily escapades and tells us of them quite often, especially when we're not in regalia. The moment the crown comes off, she's practically somepony you might meet on the street. Anyway, she had to speak to Blueblood earlier, so decided to see what you were doing as a release. Unfortunately, that was being cracked over the head with a brick.
Heh Heh. Stalker.
Yes, I guess you could call her that. Oh, and according to this letter I just received...hold on...yep. Your friend Ebony Chopper's in jail.
PAHAHAHA! ARE YOU ACTUALLY SERIOUS?
Yep, serious as Sam. Apparently, he's in trouble for...blasphemy against her Majesty Princess Celestia. Really, he wants to date Celestia, so he's in jail. Wonder how Celestia's gonna react.
Guys, you seeing this? He's in jail for having an eye on me? Pfft. Over protective dumbasses.
Speak of the devil.
Who set the charge against him, I wonder? Let's see. Oh look, BlueBitch. What the FUCK does he have against you and your friends, Thunder?
A lost fight against Terramorphus, public insulting, and his jealousy of me, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
Ahhh, that was hilarious. Clearly there is no 'BRO' in 'BLUEBLOOD'.

yolo, #lol.

Cadence, don't make me get the Robolution.
Well, anyway, I guess I'll just have to clear the charges against Ebony.
And, on top of that, it's nearly been 13 minutes. You'll soon be waking up from your coma.
Alright, cool. I'll try not to vomit on the flowers.
Good. Vomit on Twilight instead. Serves her right for not sending me a birthday card.
When was your birthday?
I dunno; I'm well over a thousand years old. Like I'm going to remember one single fucking day every 365 days. I'm an old man, Jimmy. An ooooold man.
Heh. That reference. And you just said you were a dude; Ebony's gonna faint.
Hmmph. Hilarious. Anyway, I think he's coming to Canterlot later this month to give the massage. Implications, wink wink.
My my, Celestia, what are you suggesting? Inconspicuous point towards table with cards.
Yes, yes, we get it. You both know each other. You're both old.
Hey, I'm fucking 24, alright? Fricking cougar...
...what.
Yes, I called you a Cougar. It's a term from my dimension used to describe an older woman who preys on younger men. You're a thousand odd, I'm 24. Hmm. Cougarism? Yes.
Well, I have dated stallions my age! Yes! Back when Alicorns ruled the world!
That was so shocking I fell off your dinosaur. By the way, what was it like when light wasn't invented?
...you know what, shut up. Just wake up.
Trololololololoooooo...