Breakfast the next morning was the most impossible meal of my life. Even though I was happy to eat the toast, apples, drinks, things like that, it was mostly the things those involved with the 'escapades' the night before were saying that seriously made me want to punch Braeburn. He had nothing to do with it, but there's only so many times you want to hear Twilight say 'I guess I'm not the only one who can sparkle, Inferno' without needing to utterly obliterate somepony's face with a humongous pneumatic powered hoof to the face. Thankfully, however, that meal ended, and we finally went to our duties in the town.
Ponies were running around everywhere, setting up barricades, boarding up windows, creating cover, and in one reference too awesome to ignore, erectin' a dispenser. The one point that caught my eye about the citizens was the amount of guns they were packing. Revolver rifles, revolvers, a few automatic weapons, even some 'Elephant Guns'. It seemed the gun we had brought with us to Equestria was serving a better use as a template for new weapons over in the peaceful land of Equestria. We followed Braeburn over to Sheriff Silver-Star, who was in the process of pushing a box of munitions over to a nearby barricade.
"Sheriff?" Braeburn asked. "Where did all these weapons come from?"
"Canterlot." grunted the white earth pony in reply. "Train arrived full a' guards, they asked me to sign for a 'delivery', turned out to be 10 large crates full of these fancy guns. 'pparently the original concept of guns was designed by..."
Here comes the credit train...
"...a new company in Canterlot, goes by the name of Control-C Control-V."
"WHAT?!?!?!" my friends and I yelled in unison.
"Motherfucker! Some asshole's taking the credit!" Solar stomped his hoof on the ground.
"PISS! BLOODY SHOWPONIES!" I shouted angrily.
"Start crying, babies!" Ebony roared.
"They stole the frickin' intelligence!" Sky growled.
"Well, goodnight Irene! You done incurred mah WRATH, son!" Inferno yelled.
"Lynch mob! Lynch mob!" Fire chanted.
"What are y'all saying? Somepony stole your designs?" Silver asked. We explained to him where the designs came from. He seemed sceptical of the whole thing, until our very own 'this is not bullshit' machine, Twilight Sparkle, told him it was TRUE, and that she was Celestia's protegé. "Well, if that company's stolen your ideas, they're makin' money from it. Alert the Princesses, maybe they can help."
"Good plan, we can do it later." Rainbow replied, before delving into a nearby crate and removing a large rifle. She looked at the text on the side. "Designed with the ingenuity of Prince Blueblood, and the workmanship of Control-C Control-V. Wow, what a bunch of stuck up pricks."
"Wait, Blueblood?" I cut in.
"Prince fucking Blueblood?!?!" Inferno added. "That asshole stole our designs and took credit!"
"Where's my fucking Deathtrap?" I yelled.
"Marcee's a bitch." Rarity laughed. Such a reference being made, Fire immediately kissed her on the cheek.
"Alright, alright, let's just calm down. We can shove a flash grenade into Blueblood's mouth later. Right now, we need to decide who's taking up what position to kill Buffalo."
"Shotgun...er, shotgun." Sky blurted, reaching into the box and pulling out a sort of cheaply made Force-a-Nature lookalike. Whoever was inventing these things must have a link to Earth.
"Snipin's a good job, mate." I added. "I'll take a rifle. Goes with my hat." I trotted to the box, clambered up the side, reached in, and pulled out a strangely accurate replica of a Dragunov SVD. Except it was blue, and bore the Blueblood crest. "Bloody pikey." I didn't stick around to see who got what. I immediately spread my wings, flew up to the top of the clock tower, and lay down. Suddenly, there was a kick on my back hoof.
"Howdy." came a female voice. "You here to get rid o' these damn Buffalo?"
"Yeah, you?" I asked.
"Same. Name's Six Shot, finest pie thrower in Appaloosa. Ah could throw 6 pies in 3 seconds."
"So this is a big step up, then?"
"Yeah. Ah trained mahself to throw pies, not fire metal at angry buffalo. Nice hat, by the way."
"Thanks. Name's Thunder Mustang, I'm not from around here." I looked to my right. A grey, red maned mare was lying beside me, squinting down the scope of a similar rifle to mine. Had I not been courting the Princess I would have courted her instead. "I hope we can nail these buffalo as they come down the hill. If we do that, there should be carnage."
"Good plan. Say, ain't you the fella who arrived yesterday and got mixed up in all this?"
"Yeah."
"Apologies. The war between Buffalo and Appaloosans isn't somethin' anypony wants t' get mixed up in. Especially one who's tryin' t' flirt with Princess Luna."
"You heard about that?" I asked, turning the dial on the rifle scope to focus the image.
"The whole o' Equestria heard! Ah think ah might be the only one who's recognised y'all."
"Phew, thank god for that. Anyway, how long do you think it'll be before they start arriving? The buffalo, I mean?"
"Ah dunno. All I know is that at the sound of the bell, it'll be face-shooting o'clock."
Oh my gooooood, Face McShooty reference! I don't even know this mare! That's fucking awesome!
Just before I could reply, the hustle below stopped. Six and I stopped too. Just on the ridge outside Appaloosa, a massive line of brown appeared. Instinctively, I looked down the scope for a better look. Hundreds of Buffalo were glaring down at Appaloosa, except this time...they had a child?
"There's a calf up there." I whispered. "There's a fricking calf. Is this some kind of shielding technique? Use children?"
"Ah...ah dunno. Look, she's saying something to the chief." Six was looking down the sights. When I looked, it seemed as though the chief was accepting a fact. Some fact, I don't know. I was insane at the time. Just then, as we expected a charge, something unexpected happened.
They left.
They also left us in shock.
"They...just left?" a stallion shouted.
"I bet they're just frickin' terrified of all these badass weapons." Sky yelled from somewhere else.
"Ha, ragequit!" I laughed. "I wanted to nail the Chief in the head, but then he ran off like a pussy! Wiiiiiiiimps."
"Dag nabbit!" yelled somepony with a Texan accent. "Guess ah just wasted all this metal!"
"All I know, people," Sheriff Silver-Star cut in, heading out into the open territory ahead of the town. "Is that we won."
"Did we?" Pinkie suddenly asked, piercing the air with her voice, "Then why are they coming back?"
"What?" Quickly, I put my eye into the scope again. Sure enough, the tribalmen had come back, except this time they were armed to their whale blubber with spears. "Bollocks."

Author's Note

Ok, this one I wrote over the course of a day in Scotland, and I'm unsatisfied. Extremely unsatisfied. Any ideas for later chapters, lemme know. Otherwise, this tale will go downhill! It's up to YOU people to save this! Please! Help! Me! I! Don't! Know! Why! I! Talk! Like! This! Aaaaaahhhhhhh!