I told you to go right

The carriages began to roll up at around 7:00. The sun had already set, and snobby pricks were trotting down the path to the building with their heads held high. I stood beside Luna on the balcony above the gates, and could see the entirety of Canterlot and the far off nightlife of Ponyville. I looked to the Princess, then back down the path, then back at the Princess.
"You sure this is the time to be revealing me to the Nobles of Canterlot?" I asked. Luna sighed, and looked down at me with a look of apologeticness.
"Apologies come from the bottom of my heart for having to put you in the field of fire belonging to the Upper Crust of Canterlot," she said firmly, putting a hoof on my shoulder, "but any major relationship by the Princesses has, and always has been by tradition, revealed at the Grand Galloping Gala."
"Aw, dammit." I groaned. "What are you willing to bet that some bad things happen tonight?"
"Hmm..." Luna tapped a hoof to her chin, smiling. "What about, say, the loser has to do 5 laps of the castle by hoof?"
"Wow, harsh, but you're on." I grinned. We shook hooves, sealing the deal, and continued to watch the road to the pathway. Just then, as the show implied, I caught sight of the girls' carriage, being pulled along by my friends. Chuckling, I nudged the Princess and pointed it out. "Poor sods." I laughed.
"And they have to appear presentable." Luna giggled. "Look, I think Solar's about to pass out." She was right; the red unicorn looked as though he were about to collapse from stress. The others, meanwhile, were perfectly fine: they were just staring at Solar confusedly. Finally, after practically dying of laughter at Solar's expense, the carriage halted, before Spike leapt off, and opened the door. As the girls departed, they planted a kiss on their coltfriends. This left Ebony pulling an 'OK fuck you assholes for rubbing this shit in my face' look. As the carriage began to depart towards the carriage parking, I turned to the Princess.
"Wanna go greet the girls, I'll go greet mah bros?" I asked.
"Sounds like a motherfuckin' plan, rubber band." Luna smiled. With that, we each headed our separate ways. As I was now sleeping with/dating Princess Luna, I was given a tour around the palace from her, and so knew the route very well. From the balcony, it was down the corridors, down some stairs, left turn, right turn, down the corridor, up some stairs, onto another balcony, then turn around, go left...no wait...what? Shit, am I already lost? To avoid getting lost further, I went onto the balcony, flew up, and followed the path the carriages below were taking.
I followed the route, and ended up in a field. All of the carriages had ended up there, presumably to keep them out of the way. I looked around for my targets, saw them walking below, and swooped down to meet them. I hovered beside the group, then dropped beside them as they walked.
"Guess who's sleeping with Luna?" I asked rhetorically.
"Really. I didn't know she went for psychopaths that threaten to murder an entire town." Ebony growled, not even looking at me.
"Well, considering how I stopped a fucking plot to release Discord by some cult, shut up." I shot back. "And who's the one who even got you guys invited to this in the first place? Me. You guys rubbed it in my face that you had mares, I'm taking a shit and sellotaping it up your nose that I'm sleeping with a goddess."
"Calm down, Thunder, alright?" Solar groaned. "We're happy for you, just quit being an ass about it."
"Fine. Oh yeah, Ebony, Celestia says she's really looking forward to the massage that she wants you to give her."
"Massage? Oh yeah, that. Maybe this'll help me score with her."
"Worked with me and Luna. I gave her a massage, she received a wing boner, and then turned around and kissed me like a lusting mare in heat. So just remember; try not to yell too loud."
"Hahaha-shut up." By then, we had joined the queue at the foot of the stairs. At the top, towering over everypony and with Twilight by her side, stood Celestia. I knew what to do. "Right, tell us the etiquette here." Ebony said.
"Ok, just walk up, shake her hoof, reply to her greeting, and then trot away. That simple. I don't have to do this shit, seeing as how I'm dating the Princess, but I can give you a one-time demo if need be."
"Alright, do it." Inferno replied. The small Pegasus had elected to wear a monocle, top hat, and somehow managed to put another top hat on top. Kind of weird, but still: 'Etiquette Destroying Pillar of Hats'. Ebony, simply, wore a suit, fedora, and black tie, along with a pair of his reading glasses. Solar didn't bother with any clothing, he simply went to the machine shop, and asked if they could belt sand his horn. They obliged, and now his horn was like a dagger. Anyway, Fire was just wearing his spiked boots and chestpiece from the Terry incident, all polished up to a shine, which also revealed some indestructible blood stains that were originally concealed by rust. He ignored that, and stated it was 'the forefathers' blood' or some shit. Sky did the least possible: he wore contact lenses that had his cutie mark faintly emblazoned onto his pupils. Finally, I had gone for the 'Desert Thunder' look, and wore my hat, as well as my coat, and had a cigar in my top pocket, courtesy of Ebony bringing them.
Soon, though, it was our turn to greet Celestia. I told the others I'd go first, and thus I did. I casually trotted up the stairs, and walked in front of the Princess.
"Celestia." I greeted.
"Thunder." She replied, shaking my hoof. "Try not to break anything tonight."
"No promises." I gave a curt bow, before moving on up the stairs. I turned the corner into the main hall. It had the large statues dotted around, the cake, stuck-up pricks EVERYWHERE, and the band playing in the corner. Promptly, I looked around for Luna, and I have to say that despite being taller than everypony in the room, she was bloody difficult to find. Eventually, however, I found her near the bandstand, speaking with a large group of nobles. I trotted up beside her, and gave her a nudge.
"Hey." I quite casually greeted.
"Oh, for those of you who don't know," The Princess said quite cheerfully, grabbing me and putting me in the centre of the group, "This is my coltfriend! Thunder Mustang! Pick away at him, and I shall see you all later this evening." Then, to my horror, the Princess walked away, leaving me in the middle of a group of rather ravenous looking nobles.
Sorry...I'll make it up to you, I promise.
You'd better. Will you make it up to me in a sexual manner?
Damn right I will. Promise.
I didn't have time to be able to reply, because the rich ponies had begun to surround and circle me.
"So..." one stallion began, narrowing his eyes. "How many millions of bits does your family have?"
"I dunno, I have a Griffonian Cigar in my pocket, and that cost 30 bits. So, not rich at all." I replied.
"Did your mother buy you that hat to protect you from the sun?" another noble scoffed.
"No, I bought it when I was out in the desert. The next two days were spent observing Buffalo attack plans on Appaloosa and defending the town by killing Buffalo. Later in those days, when the sun was beating on my neck, I was thankful to have bought this hat. So no, if my mother bought me this hat to protect me from the sun and she knew I would be going to the desert, she would have been a damned psychic."
"Well, what of this jacket?" a mare asked, baring teeth.
"I dunno, found it in a...charity shop?" I replied.
"Hmm...what do you keep under that hat? Money? Diamonds?"
"A bloody chimpanzee named Balls McScratchy, who has a part-time job as a suicide bomber..." I sarcastically muttered.

"Pfft! He doesn't have a bag of diamonds in his hat!" the mare laughed, prompting the others to join in. I was unfazed. After a few minutes of laughing, they waved me off. I muttered something unintelligible, tipped my hat, and ~~out jumped Balls McScratchy, who promptly exploded~~ calmly trotted off to find Luna.

The next day, I removed my jacket, hat, and cigar, and stood outside the door to Luna's chambers. The night previously, she did make it up to me sexually as promised, but since everything bad happened at the Gala, I had to do 5 laps of the palace, as promised to her. Luna was simply leaning against the doorway, levitating a stopwatch as I did stretches and warm-ups.
"You ready?" she asked.
"Yep." I grunted, preparing to run.
"Alright, 3, 2, 1, go."