I told you to go right

After a good two hours, I reached lap 4 of the castle run. Of course, every time I ran past Luna's room, she'd chuck a bottle of water at me, throw encouragement in the form of innuendos, etc. Anyway, as I reached the gates, I saw a familiar group of school-children. As it was on the route anyway, I followed them into the statue gardens, and caught up with them.
"Cheerilee!" I called. The purple mare turned her head at my voice, before catching sight of me and smiling.
"Thunder!" she replied, waving. "What are you doing here?"
"Lost a bet with my marefriend," I replied, jogging on the spot beside her, "Have to do five laps of the entire castle. Four down, one to go, at least."
"And who's the lucky mare?" Cheerilee asked, guiding the children towards the statue garden.
"None other than Princess Luna." I blew some mane out of my eyes. "Let's just say she can't handle massages." I chuckled.
"Well, congratulations." Cheerilee beamed, before turning to the children. "Now this place, children, is the Royal Statue Gardens. It's where all of Equestria's villains go when the Elements of Harmony defeat them and turn them to stone. Some statues here are thousands of years old!" The foals all gasped at this. A thousand years? Christ, that's got four bloody digits!
"How cool would it be to have that for a cutie mark?" I heard Scootaloo ask excitedly. Still jogging, I ran past Discord for the fourth time that day, leaving the foals and Cheerilee to go about their buisness. This time, however, I felt compelled to stop.

"Now..." I murmured to myself, changing my facial expression to a serious one. "Let's see how you plan to escape..." I began to circle the statue, checking for cracks, dents, chips, anything that might help him. However, he was still as he was: singing and/or yelling at a piece of paper. I shrugged. "Whatever. My fault for not watching the Discord episode enough times." Waving Cheerilee goodbye, I continued my run.

Half an hour later, I had finished lap 5, just as my energy reserves depleted. I knocked on the Princess' door, and when her smiling face appeared I collapsed onto the floor. After a moment of smelling the carpet's jasmine fragrance, I felt myself being lifted up, and placed onto the cool bed.
"Tired?" Luna asked, smiling as she clambered onto the bed beside me.
"Mmhmm..." I muttered, "What were you planning if I wasn't...?"
"Nothing, actually." she giggled, wrapping both forelegs around me. "I was thinking we could just lie here and hug each other until one of us makes a move on the other?"
"Can't say no to that." Smiling, I wrapped my own forelegs around the Princess, gently caressing her fur. My hoof, however, passed through her mane as though it were but steam. Thus, we simply lay there, occasionally nuzzling, a major tone-down from our usual 'escapades'. Finally, I decided to speak.
"So..." I began, before being cut off by light snoring. I looked down at Luna: she now had her eyes closed, mouth slightly open, and head on my neck. I sighed. Might as well join her. I thought. With nothing else to do, I wrapped the covers over the both of us, before wrapping the Princess in my small wings. They barely even reached her shoulder blades. I thought that would be enough, until the Princess' wings encompassed me, overlapped, and even came back down to her own wing base. I felt rather embarassed to have such small wings in the face of her...duvet sheets. I felt a sudden force tug my head beneath the covers, and into the cocoon, to come snout to snout with the Princess. She had a mischievous grin plastered on her face, and a half lidded look in her teal eyes that pretty much said 'Time to make love'.
"I win." she purred, before kissing me on the snout.
"As usual, Luna." I replied, returning the kiss. "As usual." That one kiss dragged on, against my will, and became snogging when the Princess placed her tongue into my mouth. I returned fire; both of us struggled for dominance in our mouths, exploring every inch of available space. Finally, she pulled out, and taking it as a signal so did I. Both of us were equally out of breath. A single strand of saliva bonded our lips together, even as they were apart. I stared at this for a second, then back at the Princess.
"Equal?" I panted.
"Yeah," she gasped, "Equal."
Silence.
"Hmm...what is there to talk about...?" I asked quietly, pulling a hoof from behind the Princess and tapping my chin.
"Discord?" Luna looked optimistic that I'd say yes, and I did.
"Alright. What do you want to discuss about him?"
"His escape plans. Think they'll work?"
"Probably: he is a God of Chaos. However, we could just camp by his statue with the Elements. When he comes back, turn him to stone. It's an old technique used on Earth by gamers. When someone comes back after they die, shoot them the second they come back and kill them again. It annoyed people, it was unfair, but damn effective."
"Not a bad plan. I doubt the Elements can get up here in time though. And anyway, camping in the gardens means no sex."
"Ah, there's a point. Speaking of sex, how do you think your sister's massage went last night?"
"That's a question." Luna smiled. "Before we leave to check on Discord, we need to see how those two are doing. I bet you they pulled a 69."
"Nah, I'm gonna go with anal."
"I bet you they did 69."
"What are the stakes this time?" I chuckled.
"The loser...hmm...what embarrassing things are there?"
"Errm...has to...fucking hell, um...I dunno?"
"...ahh, we'll figure that out late-no wait! I have it!"
"Really?"
"Yes. Right: if you win, you get to dominate me tonight. I win: you get to be my guinea pig for some spells that I've been practising."
"Sounds good. What kind of spells?"
"Advanced level; gender change, transformation spells, and, if I can nail it, wound regeneration."
"Wow...that actually sounds kinda cool, especially that last part. Why're the outcomes tipped in my favour?"
"I thought you needed to even the odds for the whole 'tiring you out with 5 laps of the castle' thing. Seem fair?"
"Yeah, alright, it's a deal. Shake on it?" I asked. Luna thought for a moment, before smiling.
"Nah." she laughed. "Snog on it."

"Hell yeeeaaaaaahhhh!" I replied, and for the second time in ten minutes we began to make out.

Trotting beside each other, Luna and I made our way to Celestia's quarters. The red carpets sharply contrasted the gleaming marble of the walls and floor, as golden armoured guards casually stood about. Quite a few gave salutes, and nearly all of them made some gesture to me that said 'You really scored this time'. However, the two guards posted outside Celestia's quarters seemed less relaxed. If anything, they were glaring at me as though I'd just insulted their families. Ignoring it, Luna knocked on Celestia's door repeatedly. Finally, after around the fourth or fifth time, Luna sighed and we began to trot away.
"Hmmm..." she mused. "Maybe she's hungover."
"Or they're hiding." I implied.
"Whatever. The bet will have to be put off." Luna groaned. "Shame. I was looking forward to seeing what you'd look like as a mare, never mind sounding like one."
"Pfft. I was looking forward to the wound regeneration thing. What does that spell do when executed properly?" I asked.
"Well, it was written by Starswirl the Bearded, as a way to keep soldiers alive during tough battles. However, him being one of the strongest spellcasters to have ever lived, only he could perform its full effect."
"Which was?"
"Reanimating the dead, repairing their minds and bodies, and sending them on the battlefield again."
"So...necromancy, then?"
"Basically. One or two didn't work, with mind and body repairing, so deeper down in the dungeons there's zombie guards that we can't get rid of and are just waiting for them to disintegrate."
"Hey, if they're still alive, there's always hammers to fall back on. Or guns."
"Oh, OH!" Luna suddenly grabbed my leg. "I've been meaning to show you this! Come on, it's down in the armoury, and I think it might be something you'd recognise! Come come, let's not waste time!" With that, I galloped after the Princess to the armoury, as she had implied.