I told you to go right

The sunlight burned. It burned like it never had before, a testament to-aaah, fuck it. Anyway, as we all squinted, I shielded my eyes from the sun and looked around. We had come out in a storm drain, much like the ones in some US cities, but smaller. Around the sides, there were countless drawings of penises and other things that only teenagers would draw. Above, there was a bridge that had some form of eerie silence upon it. I groaned, facehoofing as we all turned to Thunderlan, because he'd sent us a different way. Except Big Mac: he still had his stoic thousand-yard stare and seemed to be staring through every single wall in Equestria, as he still had his usual neutral expression.
"Where are we?" Inferno asked, shaking his fur and removing the last remnants of shit from it.
"Canterlot's Storm Drain." Thunderlane replied casually. "If we arrived right in the castle, Discord'd kick our flanks. So, arriving through the city centre works better."
"Yes, but why is nothing unusual? The city's the right way up again." Fire noted. He was right: the buildings weren't different, the floor wasn't consisting entirely of piss, and the mountain was the right way up.
"Huh." I murmured. "Think he's been defeated already?"
"Shit no." Berry cut in, kneeling down and handing...hoofing out some Molotov Cocktails. "One does not simply ~~walk into Mordor~~ defeat a god without the Elements of Harmony. And, from what I can remember, Twilight put those in a book, in the library, on the second shelf, under 'E'."
"Bloody hell, that's accurate." Inferno laughed. The improvised firebomb looked quite large in the pegasus' hoof. "But anyway, we're gonna need to meet up with the Elements, and with any luck Celestia, Sky, and Ebony."
"Good luck getting my sister and her lover." Luna rolled her eyes, groaning. "They'll be too busy having fun to listen. And for all we know, the Elements might already have bunked off from corruption, and that Rainbow Dash will be 'bunking' Sky Wheel. So when it turns out they're all corrupted, don't blame me."

"C'mon, I can't blame a face like that." I grinned, before spinning the cocktail in my hoof and placing it into my coat pockets. I seemed to be getting cockier: something that nopony picked up on. My cockiness firmly in place and telling the other parts of my mind to 'fuck off, I've got this shit', I gestured to a broken rail at the top of the storm drain. "Well? Wanna head upstairs and see what's going on?" Once the rest of the group nodded, we began to move upstairs, an assortment of clanking and clopping (no, shut up) echoing through silent city as booted and unbooted hooves began to march up the concrete slope.

"Oh."
"My."
"Fucking."
"God."
"Eeeewhat the fuck?"
Before us was the most shocking sight Discord could possibly have shown. Not even that time I played Slender with those glasses that put things in front of your eyes could have prepared me for this sight. Not even that time a Hunter killed Rochelle and Nick, before turning to me and Coach as he said "CHEEZBURGAH APOCAHLEEYPSE" and left me alone with no ammo was this shockingly abrupt. Not even SCP Containment Breach was this fucking scary. We saw...
Nothing different. As Luna, my clone, and I stood in shock, the others began to head to the castle, leaving us stood jaws agape.
"OH MY GOD SHIT IS GOING TO AND SLASH OR HAS HAPPENED." Other Thunder gasped.
"I KNOW THAT FEEL, BRO." I gasped in reply.
"I'M ABOUT TO PASS OUT FROM ASPHYXATION."
"YOU DO THAT."
-clump-
"Well then," Luna muttered, levitating him onto her back. "This is pathetic.Even more of a coward than you are, Thunder."
"Says the moon goddess who cowered on the moon for 1000 years." I scoffed. "And who's the one here with a severe psychiatric dysfunction so bad he resorts to burning, charring, and blistering enemies to death?"
"Yes, psychiatric dysfunction. You use that excuse every time."
"For good reason." My marefriend and I were butting heads now, glaring into each other's souls.
"Yeah? What might THAT BE?!"
"BECAUSE IT'S TRUE, AND I FIND YOU STRANGELY MORE ATTRACTIVE WHEN WE'RE ARGUING!"
"DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULD. WHY ARE WE ARGUING ANYWAY?"
"I HAVE NO CLUE. WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?"
"BECAUSE ~~THE AUTHOR CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO TURN CAPS OFF~~ IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE A LOVERS QUARREL...I THINK?"
"YOUR TEETH SEEM A LOT WHITER NOW, YOU HAVE A SEDUCTIVE SMILE, AND PERFECT FLANKS!"
"I KNOW, YOU TOO." Suddenly, Luna coughed. "Yeah, let's stop shouting now."
"Too fucking right." I groaned. "We'd best catch up to the othe-"
"THUNDER!" somepony suddenly yelled. We both turned at the voice, and were surprised to see Twilight, the girls, and Sky headed towards us.
"GUYS!" I replied, trotting towards the approaching group. "Am I glad to see the demigod-squad!"
"OOH, we're demigods?" Pinkie squealed, bouncing up and down on the pavement. "Do I get super-cool powers? Where are my minions? Where? Can I throw a HUUUUUGE party?!"
"No." I grunted firmly. "Anyway, have you seen Discord? Anypony at all?"
"No, we haven't, you?" Twilight asked.
"Neither have we. Oh, well, good news for some, shit news for others: Discord created a clone of me that's willing to work with us!" The girls gasped.
"Aww, heck no." Applejack groaned, lowering the brow of her hat. "Y'all'd better be kiddin'. Yer kiddin', right?"
"NOPE." I replied, extending my neck. "He's there, on Luna's back. See?" I pointed to the unconcious replicant of me lying on the Princess' back. Twilight took one glance, and frowned.
"Damn." she sighed. "Now I have to put up with twice the madness."
"Bullshit." I corrected.
"Whatever." she muttered.
"I don't mind: it gives me thr-no, FOUR ponies to race!" Rainbow said excitedly. "My coltfriend, your clone, you, and Inferno!"
"Love how you put me after my clone." I chuckled.
"Well, he looks better than you, and I don't think he's as insane as you are."
"He's a pervert instead." Luna giggled. "First time I gave him a hug, he grabbed my ass. Right now, he's concious, and licking my flank."
"Ugh, nice to know." Fluttershy said, rolling her eyes. Luna just laughed in return, and finally began to frown.
"No. Not down there. Only the original can do that." she grunted, before throwing him off. He yelled in pain, before finally just settling to hold his side and mutter impossible-to-understand things.
"Yep..." Rarity smirked. "At least we know which is which: just look for the one staring at flanks, that's the clone. Look for the one doing something stupid, you've got the original."
"Speaking of stupid, where's Fire and Inferno?" I asked. A sudden stinging force later, and I found myself facing my right. Using my Sherlock Holmes powers of deduction, I figured out I had been slapped twice, but felt one. How do I know this? ~~Elementary, my dear Watson.~~